Sighing in frustration he slammed his phone down, if he got that damn recording saying the caller wasn't available one more time he was going to throw his phone. He'd been trying to call Amber for the past two hours and, still had not been able to get a hold of her. This wasn't like her; she always answered his call no matter what, even if she was mad at him, even if it was just to hang up on him.

So here he sat waiting impatiently for her to decide to show up, and hopefully when she did, he hoped she was okay.  He dialed her number once more and put it to his ear in hopes that maybe she would answer. As the third ring sounded in his ear, the front door to his house creaked open and he could hear her tennis shoes squeak on hardwood floor.  Hanging up the phone he walked swiftly into the living room where she was sitting on the couch bent at the waist with her hands covering her eyes.

"Amber?" he voiced coming to stand in front of her. He bent down on his knees where he brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ears. Then he wrapped his long fingers around her wrist and pulled it away from her face. The first thing he noticed was the dried tear streaks on her cheeks, and the sadness that haunted her eyes. "What's wrong baby?" he asked softly,

"Nothing" she sniffled pulling her wrist from his grasp wiping at her cheeks. This was what she wanted to avoid. The questioning gaze, the worry, and just plain having to explain what was wrong, after the day she had, all she wanted to do was curl up in her bed, bury her head under covers and just hide there for eternity.

"Bull." Justin snorted in disbelief cupping her cheek he stared into her sad brown eyes "Baby I know that something is wrong, you don't cry for nothing." He reasoned brushing his thumb over her cheek.

"This is about the guy in the coffee shop isn't it?" he asked softly when she only stared at him.

She just stared at him, the thought of it alone bringing on a million different memories, and finally the memory that she had locked up so tight to never be visited again surfaced and she could feel her blood run cold, and breathing become erratic from the nightmare she once lived through.

Flashback
July 2003

A young girl walked solemnly up a flight of concrete stairs, dreading even taking the next step that would only bring her closer to her destination and a situation that she knew in the back of her mind that wouldn't end well at all. As the door came nearer her heart began to beat faster and faster feeling as if it would beat out of her chest. Her palms broke out in a sweat she rubbed them against her jeans hoping to dry most of the sweat. She took a deep breath then raised her fist to knock softly on his door.

Raising a closed fist she knocked softly then she began ringing her hands in front of her stomach, she could hear the audible click of locks and the  creak of the door could be heard as it swung open she was soon met with the face of her boyfriend of 3 years, his lips spread in a wide grin as soon as he saw who was at his door, she could tell he was genuinely happy to see her, which only made the news she had to tell him that much harder.

He instantly pulled her to him where he wrapped his strong arms around her back squeezing her affectionately. "Hey Baby." He cooed kissing the top of her head. It'd been two months since he had seen her; the military had shipped him off to Kentucky for boot camp and all he had been able to think about for those three months was getting home so he could wrap her up in his arms. He tilted her head up and laid his lips across hers, and when she barely returned the kiss he knew something wasn't right. "What's wrong baby?"

Sighing softly Amber pulled away from him and hugged her stomach. "We need to talk." she mumbled, nervously staring down at her feet. The urge to look up into his brown eyes was so strong but she knew if she caught one glimpse she would lose all the courage she had built up in the car.

"Okay." he drawled raising a single brow in her direction. "Let's sit down." He motioned towards the single sofa sitting in his living room. He didn't like the feeling of dread that was settling in the pit of his stomach, and it didn't help that she wouldn't even look up at him.

She nibbled on her bottom lip as she followed him into the living room.

Nervously he sat down on the couch pulling her down next to him, only to have her stand right back up. The previously lifted brow soared higher at her coldness.

"You can, I'd rather stand." She said; taking a deep breath in hopes of calming her racing heart she then rested her hands on her slight bump and raised her brown eyes till they connected with his. "Remember that party?" when he nodded softly she continued "well you know how we got so messed up and ended up in bed. Which was nice don't get me wrong. Well uh were kind of uh." She stuttered. He watched as her hands nervously fidgeted in front of her belly, and it began to click inside his head.

"Are you pregnant Amber?" John asked, her head flew up and her eyes grew as big as saucers, from her reaction he really didn't need her to speak and confirm what he already knew but for her sake she needed to say it, and when she only stood there staring at him like he had three heads. He had to remind himself that she was just nervous. "Are you?"

"Yes." She answered softly bowing her head her hair falling to cover her face. "I'm sorry John, I found out a couple weeks after you left."

He didn't quite know why the idea just didn't sit well with him. "Are you positive?"

"Yes." She nodded then began frantically digging into her purse coming up with a plastic baggy and a sheet of paper handing it over to him. "Here's the pregnancy test I took. I just came from Planned Parenthood to have it confirmed."

"Oh." He mumbled silently studying the piece of paper confirming the she was indeed pregnant. Well from the look of her you'd know. "Are you sure it's mine?" he questioned softly looking over the top of the paper with a raised brow.

"Of course it's yours John, check the timing if you want. I haven't had sex since that night of the party with you." She scoffed; offended he would even ask such a thing. Cheating wasn't even in her vocabulary let alone something she would do.

He began shaking his head vigorously. "No I don't believe it's mine. Sorry" he gritted out flinging the papers at her.

"What do you mean?" she asked bending down to scoop up the papers.

"What do you mean? Are you honestly asking me that after what you did?" He hollered standing up from the couch; he grabbed her forearm digging his short nails into her sensitive flesh.

"Ow John, you're hurting me. What did I do?" she asked with a shaky voice, pulling at his fingers with her other hand trying to desperately to get him to release her arm.

"Oh don't play so innocent Amber. I'm not as stupid as you think I am."He scoffed harshly throwing her arm back at her then wiping his hands across his jeans as if to rid himself of the filth he saw in her. "You disgust me, running around with that prick while I'm away. Then getting knocked up with his kid and trying to push it on me."

"What are you talking about?" she asked rubbing the sore spot on her arm where dark red marks were beginning to appear in the shape of his fingers. She started to back up when he advanced towards her. All while wondering what the hell his problem was.

And suddenly it clicked, as she parted her lips to explain, she felt the stinging sensation of a slap radiate across her cheek. Her hand automatically flew to her cheek; she stared up at him with her mouth gaping open. "It's not what you think." she whispered cringing softly when he took a step towards her and raised his hand

"BULLSHIT" he yelled sending another slap across her face. "DON'T fucking lie to me Amber."

"I'm not lying." She cried covering her face with her hands while the tears fell down in waves. Soon she felt him lift her up off the ground only to meet the wall a second later. She curled herself in a ball to protect her stomach; all she could think about was protecting the growing baby inside of her. "Please stop." She cried weakly.

He couldn't stop himself he was too far gone to even think about listening to reasoning. All he could do was feel his hand or foot deliver blow after blow to her tiny body, and when she uncurled herself and just stared up at him, with those innocent eyes he lost all sense of reality and delivered the final blow to the cause of his anger.

Justin watched as she got lost in the memory that she was currently reliving, and couldn't' help but wonder what she was seeing, He grabbed her hand lacing his fingers in hers, he reached up with his free hand and  wiped the silent tears from her cheek. "Amber will you please tell me what is going on?"

She sat there silently staring at him, working out the pros and cons of telling him. It would feel so good to release this evil demon in side of her, but on the other hand she didn't quite know how he would react and that scared her. It scared her so much that she was willing to brush it off and promise to tell him later.

And even if she decided not to do it would just come out sooner rather than later with the way things were going. The more sensible side of her argued.

If she wanted to be completely honest with herself she knew how and what he would do. It was her own stupid insecurities that were holding her back. She wanted to just mentally slap herself and blurt the whole thing out to just get it over with. So going against her own insecurities she cleared her throat and began to speak.

"I was 16 when I met my first love, his name was john. He was I believe 18 at the time, and we dated around for about a year, and then he informed me that he wanted to go into the military. And I supported him, so the night before he left we said our good byes. And I lost my virginity that night; well little did I know in the heat of the moment we forgot the most important thing, a condom. ." she paused diverting her eyes down to where her fingers were plucking a loose string on the hem of her shirt.

"Well a couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant. So when he came home I did the right thing and went to tell him. Well I guess before I could get to him one of his friends had told him that I was hanging around with this other guy. And when I told him I was pregnant he accused me of cheating on him with that said guy."

She stopped completely and looked away to wipe away a few stray tears that escaped her eyes.

Clearing her dry throat she continued. "He beat me up, and wouldn't let me explain that nothing happened with that guy. He beat me so bad that I lost the baby." As the last syllable passed her lips, she let the sobs she had held back for so long take over.

He sat next to her. The girl he watched grow up. She seemed so broken. On the outside she portrayed herself as a strong girl, but underneath all that she was shattered. Just sitting there hunched over while the sobs tortured her body she looked so small, her tender 18 years ringing true. All he could do was sit there completely stunned, not knowing how to process what she'd just told him, he could feel the anger bubble inside him but not at her; at the jerk who decided it was okay to beat her and rip her child away.

He reached out as her sobs increased but just before his fingertips could touch her, he faltered. What could he possibly say to make her feel better? He didn't want to use some lame line that would sound patronizing but he wanted to no needed to...comfort her somehow.

With a tentative hand he reached out and lightly put his hand on her shoulder.

"I don't know what to say, to make you feel better baby. I want to say something comforting but I don't want it to be something you've heard a million times." He paused finally pulling her into his arms, sighing internally at the feeling of her tiny body meshed with his. He placed a soft kiss to the top of her head while running his hand up and down her back while she cried.

"It's okay Justin you don't have to say anything." Amber sniffled burrowing her head further into his chest till her face was completely hidden in the fabric of his shirt. "What you're doing now is just what I need." She said his shirt muffling her voice.

"Okay."

They sat there for what felt like hours both taking comfort in each other.

When her crying subsided she pulled back and wiped at her eyes. "Thank you, I probably needed that."

"No problem."  He mused looking down at the wet spot on his chest. "Feel better?"

"Yeah I actually do. I've held onto that for so long, that it had been eating at me for so long, and it feels really good to finally release it. I feel like a million pounds of weight have been lifted off my chest." Amber smiled softly up at him, gazing into the depths of his dark blue eyes, she could feel herself being pulled towards him, and it was like a magnet to metal the force so strong. She only stopped a breath away from his lips, watching as his eyes glanced quickly towards her lips then back up.

"I'm glad." Justin breathed softly god all he wanted to do was close the space between them and kiss her, he wanted to kiss all her pain away, and show her how someone should really be loved. So when she licked her lips and closed the space between them laying her perfect heart-shaped lips across his, he felt like his whole world exploded into a big ball of light. Bringing his hand up he cupped the back of her neck pulling her so she was straddling his lap, his other arm wrapping tightly around her waist pressing their bodies against each other.

When her lips parted on his he took as a sign to deepen the kiss and tentatively touched the tip of his tongue to hers, and they both moaned loudly, shocks of electricity shooting through their body all the way down to the center. And when he felt her hands slide underneath his t-shirt and touch the smooth skin of his back he all but lost his control.

Before they knew it, she was on her back and he was positioned between her legs, going to places they just weren't ready for yet. He pulled back amongst her cries of protest and sat back on his ankles. "I think we should stop. Or we are going to go to a place that neither of us are ready for at this moment."

"Oh." She said one side of her brain was screaming at her to just throw all caution to the wind and give in to her deepest desire and the more logical side was agreeing with him, knowing that they weren't ready for this level of intimacy; they had barely been dating a month.

"I mean, I want this so bad. But I don't want it to be when you're so vulnerable and looking for a way to make yourself feel better."

"I understand Justin."  Amber replied pulling herself into a sitting position then began picking at the hem of her shirt. "It would just be another mistake to add to my long list of them." She mumbled

"And that's what I don't want baby." Justin said softly hooking his finger under her chin to bring her eyes level with his. "When we do make love, I want it to be with both of us having a clear head, and it will mean something else entirely."

"I agree." Amber replied smiling softly for him.

"I love you too much to mess this up Amber."

"I love you to." Amber replied leaning forward to place a soft peck to his lips.  Pushing herself back she tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ear then stood up. "I'm going to go take a shower, and then maybe we could watch a movie?"

"That sounds wonderful."

"Okay."

After giving him one last kiss he watched as she walked out of the room, and wondered if she had really told him everything or if there really was more to this story with John. He knew she wouldn't lie to him, but the whole scene when she came home still played in his head. She didn't exactly elaborate on why she was so late coming home and why she had been crying.

He made a mental note to ask her later. But for now he would leave it be, from the crying jag earlier he knew she had had enough for the night and decided to just sit down and watch a movie with his girl.