Chapter 2- Six Feet Deep
“Mommy why don’t I have a daddy?” a little, five year old Carly asked. Her big blue eyes stared up at her mother, waiting for an answer.
She never realized that not having a dad was not normal. She didn’t even know that most kids had two parents, until her first day of kindergarten. She watched the other kid’s dads pick them up and hold them in their arms, and to her it was the vision of happiness. She was teased about it, kids constantly mocking her father, or lack thereof. She felt lonely and isolated in the playground. It was bad enough she was cursed with rambunctious curly hair, but she had to be burdened by not having a father either.
Alexis, who was folding laundry at the time, came to an abrupt stop, slightly taken aback by this question. But she should’ve known that this day would come soon. She just didn’t know it would come THIS soon. She held back her tears. She couldn’t be weak in front of her daughter, if she were to only know how much pain her father caused. Alexis hadn’t uttered a word for him in five years, and in those five years she had worn a mask of security and self assurance. She had ran away from the truth, from the pain he caused, hoping that maybe if she never talked about him, she would never again have to endure the overwhelming emotions.
No, she tried to forget all the things he had done to her. She tried to forget all the lies he sold to her, telling her that he would love her forever, and that she was the only one he would ever love. She tried to forget the image of him and another woman entangled in the sheets of THEIR bed. She tried to forget the nights she cried herself to sleep, her eyes too tired to produce anymore tears.
She would never want her daughter to experience any pain that she had felt. That’s why she never told Justin about his child. She thought about it once before. But what would be the point? Carly wouldn’t be his first priority, she knew that to Justin, his career was everything, and to have a child would ruin his career. It would’ve been perfect revenge, to sabotage his career, and yell to the paparazzi about how Justin had an illegitimate child that he never cared for. It would have been sensational, why selling that story would surely have caused a dent in his perfect career. But Alexis wasn’t about revenge. She knew better. She knew that if she were to tell him, she would only cause even more drama; drama that Carly didn’t need to be exposed to so early in life.
Ah…it must be so nice to be so innocent. Sometimes Alexis envied her. Alexis tried to make living as comfortable as possible for Carly. Carly didn’t know any emotional pain, she was innocent, pure, uncorrupted., and Alexis vowed to herself that she would do whatever it took to keep it that way.
After a long while of silence, Alexis said as gently as possible, “Well honey, you don’t need a father. You have me.”
Carly looked at her dubiously, doubt filling her round eyes. “But mommy…all the other kids have a daddy, why can’t I have one?”
Despite her efforts, a tear began to slide down Alexis’ porcelain face. “Honey…he’s just a bad, bad man,” was all she could summon herself to say.
“What did he do mommy? Did he hurt you?” she questioned, as her blue eyes widened in dismay.
“Well…yes, I guess you could say that,” Alexis replied, running her fingers through Carly’s blonde hair. It’s crazy how much Carly looked like Justin.
“Where? On your arm?” Carly asked innocently, searching her mother’s arm for any boo-boo.
“No…“ Alexis hesitated, trying to find the right words. Trying to find the words that would explain the grief she felt to a five year old. “He hurt mommy’s heart, darling. He hurt it real bad,” she frowned. .
“Are you better now mommy?” Carly had never seen her mom cry before, and it made her feel like her hero had fallen. Like she had exposed her mother, her own superman, to kryptonite. The sight made Carly want to cry herself.
“Not completely, Carly. It’s healing though. Day by day mommy’s heart gets better and stronger, and soon…as time passes…hopefully mommy’s heart will be all better again,” Alexis sighed, trying to convince herself that what she was saying was the truth..
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~
I stared at the tombstone dully. I barely heard the minister’s words as he lowered my mother’s casket into the seemingly dark, endless hole.
Dead.
My mother was dead.
I felt frozen. I couldn’t move. It felt as if my whole body was paralyzed, and it felt that my heart had stopped.
She’s dead.
I…I’m not supposed to be parentless. I’m 16 and I lost my one rock in life, the only person who ever cared for me. Why does God have to do this? I mean it’s bad enough that I got a jackass for a father, but I have to have a dead mother as well? God is cruel. I used to believe in him so much…but where has that led me? That faith I used to have had now died along with my mother.
The worst part about this is is that it was all my fault. If I weren’t such an insolent, bratty, little sixteen year old none of this would have happened.
She would’ve been alive, instead of buried six feet deep.
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~
Carly glared at her mother. Why won’t she let her go to Jenny’s party? Not going to her party would mean social suicide. It was Carly’s first official “cool” party that she had ever been invited to, and she was not about to let the opportunity pass her.
“Mom, please just let me go!” Carly begged, stomping her foot on the ground.
“Do not raise your voice at me, young lady! You are not going to the party and that’s final!” Alexis said, feet planted firmly on the ground.
How could she let Carly go to a party where there was rumored to be alcoholic beverages? She also happened to know that Carly’s ex-boyfriend, Jason , would be there. Alexis was fine with Carly having boyfriends, but she didn’t trust Jason. Who knows what he might do to her after a couple of drinks?
“You are so unfair mother! You just don’t know what it’s like to be me!” Carly shouted.
“I don’t know what it’s like to be you? What’s that supposed to mean?” Alexis questioned.
“Well….you’re not ugly like me, you never had to worry about your appearance and making friends,” Carly pouted.
“Honey you’re beautiful…you don’t need to go to some stupid party to make friends,” Alexis reasoned.
The reasoning didn’t absorb, because Carly yelled, “FINE. WHATEVER.” and stomped off to her room, shutting the door behind her.
Carly waited for her mother to go to bed, before she silently opened the door to her room, and tiptoed out the house. She stealthily made her way to the car, and drove to the party.
Alexis, however, woke up in the middle of the night, and as she arose to get a midnight snack, she noticed Carly wasn’t in her bed.
Her body lit with fire. She knew Carly had snuck off to the party.
Alexis decided to take action. She would go to that party and pick her up and scold her right in front of her friends. That would teach her a lesson. It would embarrass her so much that she would never do it again.
She, however, never got a chance to do what she planned. She was right about the alcohol all along. As Alexis turned the corner, a drunk teen from the party had collided in her path, and she was taken from this earth forever.
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~
It was all my fault. I never even got to say goodbye. The last words I said to her were, “Fine, whatever.”
If I would’ve never snuck off, I wouldn’t have had all this shit to deal with.
She would’ve been alive.
I was lost in my sorrow and grief, and didn’t even notice my father standing next to me, trying to make me feel better.
There was nothing he could say, however, that would ease my pain.
I glanced at him and felt a cold shudder run down my spine.
I was now unwillingly trapped to live in a world with a bad, bad man.
