“Dude, are you fucking serious?” Trace gawks while laughing at me. I resist the urge to punch his fucking lights out as I pinch the bridge of my nose to relieve some tension building up in my head.
“Yeah, I am… and it doesn’t fucking help when you’re sitting there laughing at me, asshole.”
“Aw, c’mon man!” he brushes me off, slouching further into the couch and adjusting his jeans. “It’s not that big a deal. Stop stressing.”
“‘Not a big deal’,” I mock at his words, running my hands over my tired face and sighing before I continue. “… this shit’s fucked.”
And it’s been fucked the second we loaded off our buses in Houston. I was hoping that the tension would blow over after a couple days of avoiding each other but no dice. Eight days and four shows have come and gone, each one more awkward than the last.
Shit has officially hit the fan.
I really don’t know how I lasted this long without bitching to Trace or Rachael, but I guess if I’m honest with myself—I’m sort of embarrassed. Not because I couldn’t “close the deal” but because it hurt. I know how much that moment meant to the Tanith and me, how it could have shifted our relationship. And just like that, it got ripped out of our hands. It just felt so unfair.
And the frustration has been eating me alive.
So when Trace called me up to tell me he’d be in town for some William Rast business, I knew I had to spill.
“I don’t know what to tell you, J… maybe your game’s slippin’, man,” he chuckles as I slam my head onto the back of the couch. A few contemplative moments pass between us before Trace breaks the silence. “I would have fucking killed Marty if I were you.”
Leave it to Trace to state the obvious. “Thanks, Captain fucking obvious.”
“Look,” he starts off with a sigh, probably already annoyed by all my whining; but I don’t give a fuck because I’m frustrated as hell. “It seems like that it’s just always bad timing with you guys. If you’re serious about her then you need to set aside a certain time to get it all out there. Stop piddling around, man! Just do the damn thing!”
I raise my eyebrows with a smirk and roll my head toward Trace. “’Piddling’? Dude…”
“Well that’s what you’re fucking doing! And I’m telling you straight up, T may be a patient person but NO girl is that patient.”
I roll my head back towards the ceiling because I know Trace is right and I have to somehow find a way to wrap my head around this whole thing. No doubt, I want to be with Tanith. That’s not a question. But didn’t I say I would just let things happen? That I would just let things take care of themselves when it came to all this relationship shit?
Fuck it.
I know I wanted to take things slow but this has just gone on far too long. It’s time to put this shit in fucking motion.
“Alright, that’s it,” I decide, slapping my hands onto my thighs as I catapult myself into an upright sitting position. “I’m taking this bull by the horns and laying down some solid groundwork.”
“Awww, damn! Shit’s about to get real!” Trace exclaims, a wide smile spreading over his face. And when I see how excited he gets over the fact that I’m about to quit being such a pussy, I start to get excited too.
“Whatddya’ got in mind, bro?”
I really don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I mean, shit—I haven’t had to turn on the Timberlake charm in God knows how long. I don’t even know what I’m about to get myself into, but I do know that I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get this thing between me and Tanith off the goddamn ground.
“Shit man, I don’t know. Dinner?” I squint at Trace, only to see a look of disdain on his face.
“’Dinner’?” he mocks with a look of disgust and I feel myself shrink in my seat a little bit. Man, I must be off my game. “Dude, if that’s the kind of groundwork you’re thinkin’ about laying I gotta tell you straight up… you’re fucked.”
“Ugghh!” I groan loudly, slamming my back against the couch in frustration and throwing my arms over my face. “I know, man. I know its gotta be big. I just—shit, how am I supposed to pull some big shebang off while touring? I haven’t had to figure out shit like this in years!”
“Geez, J,” I hear Trace laugh, “I’m having a goddamn ball right now seeing you struggle with girl problems, son.”
“Fuck you, Trace,” I breathe out, fighting the urge to laugh along with him. In retrospect, this does seem a little ridiculous. It’s usually Trace who’s freaking over the girl shit with me sitting back and having the laughs. Man, how the times have changed.
“But seriously,” I ease out, bringing my arms down and away from my face to give Trace a pleading look. I’m really at a fucking loss here. “You got anything?”
Trace shrugs at me. Great. The one time I really need some damn advice and this kid can’t offer me one good idea. “C’mon man, you don’t need me to figure this out for you. You just gotta brush the dust off your playbook and use that big-ass head of yours. You’ll work it out.”
“Thanks for the pep talk, Trace,” I respond dryly. While I appreciate the faith he has in me, what I could really use are some suggestions. I sigh, realizing it’s time for me to start getting ready for the show. “Alright man, well I gotta get ready.”
Trace hops up off the couch and gives me a slap on the shoulder before making his way toward the door. “Have a good show, man. Try not to jizz all over the stage while you’re dancing with T.”
“You’re fucking sick, dude,” I cringe out with a laugh. Trace holds his hands up in mock defense as he skips out the room and I’m suddenly left alone with my thoughts; and it only takes a second until my mind starts churning about my big “date” with Tanith.
I really have no clue where to even start. I feel like I should go the formal route and plan out some extravagant night out—flowers, candlelit dinner, maybe a little dancing. But then again knowing Tanith, a simple and casual night in is something that she’d probably be more comfortable with. I mean, it’d sure as hell be easier.
Then it hits me… Nashville. Home. With all the shit that’s been going on and my head all tied up in this drama, I completely forgot about the fact that our next show is in Tennessee.
And just like that, I have a plan.
Another show, another day.
That’s all it’s been for the past week. No Justin. I mean, don’t get me wrong—I haven’t neglected my job or have been unprofessional in any way; but we’ve managed to keep our distance.
What happened last week… it was too much.
I should have expected it though. Of course something like that would have happened. So now it's... whatever. I'm doing my best to shake it all off; and knowing me, it's working. Only downside is that while my brain is convincing me that I'm fine, there's something else nagging at me. And that something is everyone else on this damn tour.
I might be emotionally unavailable but I’m sure as hell not stupid; and I know that everyone is well aware of the fact that something is going on. I mean, nobody’s giving me weird stares or murmuring to each other when I walk by or anything like that; but the vibe is definitely there. Luckily, a lot of the crew has worked for Justin in the past and are good people. They respect Justin enough to know that while they might not have to cover their ears, they will cover their mouths.
The other dancers have been pretty good about avoiding the subject matter as well. Shit, even Morgan has managed to keep her big-ass mouth shut. And Caylee’s been really sweet about it. I tried to brush it off when I got back on the bus that night, but by the look she was giving me I knew she’d seen the whole thing. She didn’t push or prod, but simply gave me a hug and said, “Fuck Marty”. I smiled.
So here we are in Chicago another week later and chugging along. I actually caught Trace on his way in earlier in the morning and we had a quick conversation. Judging from the way he was acting, I don’t think he knew a thing about what had happened. Then again, he could just be a great fucking actor. Either way, I’m not really caring at the moment because we’ve just finished another show and that means a good seven to eight hours’ bus ride worth of rest into the next city.
“Jesus, did you guys see that girl in VIP tonight?! I swear I could see her vulva through that short ass skirt she had on!” I cringe with a smile as the guys roll with laughter.
“You are nasty, Trey,” I give him a slight push as we maneuver our way back to the dancers bus.
“What?! You know she was askin’ for it!” he pushes back and I just shake my head. As the boys continue their perverted banter, I slow my stride a little for some peace and quiet. I feel an arm loop into mine and turn my head to find Caylee smiling cheerily at me. I let out a breathy giggle and smile back at her.
“What’s with the smile, Cay?” I watch as she purses her lips and tilts her head in playful thought.
“Oh, ya’ know—I was just thinking…” I raise an eyebrow at her vagueness and decide to bite.
“…about?”
“The next show.” Her statement catches me off guard and I’m instantly curious.
“Next show? What about the next show?” Caylee stops in her tracks and the pause causes me to stumble back a little. “Whoa-! Caylee, what’re you doing?!”
Before I know it, I’m being spun around to face her as she grabs my upper-arms. She lifts her eyebrows at me and gives me a look like I’m already supposed to know what she’s about to tell me. “Uhm, HELLO? Nashville?!”
I glance my eyes to the left and try to think why that would be of any significance to me. With nothing coming to mind, I meet Caylee’s bug eyed face once more. “Okayyy… what about Nashville?”
I watch as she releases my arms and holds her hands up in disbelief. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
“Caylee, what the hell are you talking about?! What about Nashville?! WHAT?!” I yell out a little louder than I intended. Caylee harshly shushes me and leans in like we’re about to do a drug deal or something.
“Tennessee. Nashville, Tennessee? …Justin’s hometown?”
I watch as Caylee stares at me expectantly and I stare back for a moment before reacting.
“So?” She lets out a loud growl and I have to laugh at her annoyance and how big a deal she’s making this out to be.
Of course I know that our next show is in Nashville. And yes, it is sort of this thrill-filled event considering that we’ll be in Justin’s hometown. Sure his old friends will probably be there, some of his family-- but that’s all it is. Just another show in another town. Nothing more.
“Alright, fine Tan-Tan,” Caylee lets out unwillingly, "…if you wanna act like it’s nothing, fine. But just remember that when your stone cold heart starts to defrost and you finally realize that some things are worth a having a reaction over—I better be the FIRST person you call.”
I let out a loud laugh and swing my arm around her tightly. “Done.”
“Good,” she beams back at me. As we start to walk again, I suddenly hear my name echoing in the hallway.
“Tanith! Hold up!” For a second I think about ignoring it altogether but I know that with Caylee there it would be impossible.
Fuck.
“Please help me?” With a bored look, Caylee tsk’s at me with a wicked smile before jogging away.
“Karma’s a bitch, Tan-Tan!” I listen as her laugh fades away quickly and is replaced by a much deeper voice.
“T!” I close my eyes and let out a quick, deep breath to brace myself before turning around toward the voice that’s calling out to me. I open my eyes just in time to see Justin jog a couple steps up to me.
“Hey,” I let out easily, “—what’s up?”
Justin’s eyes crash into mine and he lets out a breath of air. “Uh, I’m glad I caught you. I was sprinting down those hallways hoping your bus hadn’t left yet. This place is like a fucking maze…”
“Yeah…” I ease out. This awkwardness is almost unbearable and for a minute, I wish I was in goddamn maze just so I wouldn’t have to endure what I know will be a very uncomfortable conversation. I watch Justin clear his throat.
“So Trace told me you guys ran into each other this morning?” he asks meekly and I lower my eyes at him a little bit in confusion. Seriously? After a week of silence, this kid is trying to make small talk with me in the middle of some random arena in Chicago?
“Uhm, yeah. For like, a minute or two.”
“Oh, okay. Cool.” A couple moments of silence pass and I can’t bear it any longer.
“Alright, well is that it?” I ask quickly and even a little harshly. This is fucking ridiculous. “…cause the bus is probably about to leave so I shou-”
“Ride with me.”
As soon as the words leave his lips, my mind goes blank and a wave of shock jars my body. I don’t even know how long we stand there in silence before I recover.
“What?” I rasp out. Justin’s eyes nervously shift from my face to the floor as he brings a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.
“I’m sorry,” he shakes his head, more at himself than at me. “I, uh… I didn’t mean to- I didn’t mean to just spit it out like that. I don’t know- I’m just, I…”
I watch as he stumbles over his words, more amused than I probably should be. I feel bad. “It’s okay. You just, caught me a little off guard.”
“We gotta talk about this, T,” his tone suddenly turns serious and the discomfort starts to creep up as quickly as it faded. I reach somewhere within me to shrug it all off.
“You know what…I really don’t want to do this, okay? So please, jus-” I try to reason, taking a step forward to move around him and trying my best to make a quick getaway from this precarious situation.
“No,” he forcefully lets out, taking a step as well to block my path. “I’m not letting you walk away this time, Tanith.”
His firmness stuns me. But the thought of spending eight hours alone with Justin on a bus gives me the courage to push back. “Justin, just let it go, alright? What’s done is done. So please, let’s jus-”
“Stop doing that!” he interjects and I jump in surprise. Justin clenches his jaw and I know he’s frustrated as fuck with me and I feel a part of me sink. “…look, I know that what happened that night was really shitty. I know it fucked with stuff but I want us to get back on track, T. So please—will you just get on the bus and at least try?”
With the way he's looking at me and the sincerity in his voice, it’s taking all of my will power not to bolt. This is just too much. I take a deep breath in futile hopes of calming my wracked nerves. And while it kills me to admit this… I’m scared shitless right now.
I hate myself for being this affected by him.
I feel Justin take a step forward closing whatever little distance we had between us to begin with, and it’s so quiet that I’m almost sure I can hear my own heart beating out of my fucking chest. I want so badly to just run from the fear and discomfort; but then I feel his index finger hook onto my pinky and his lips suddenly graze the side of my forehead, just above my brow as he quietly whispers, “Please, Tanith.”
I let out a deep sigh and squeeze my eyes shut in pain because I know he’s begging. Begging me to let him in. Begging me to just fucking try.
I know that if I get on that bus, I have to talk. I mean, really talk. And I’m terrified of what I might say—because I know that the second I open up, there’s no turning back. But before I can even think twice, I feel the one word my entire body is fighting not to say fall out between my lips.
“Okay.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Well, hello! So uhm, I know it's been quite some time... not really sure how to go about this, but-- I updated. Long story short: I was cleaning out some old files, came across this, started writing and just couldn't stop. Hence, the update.
I don't know if anyone even remembers this story or is interested, but here it is! Oh and PS: it's been a while since I've written. So I apologize for any errors and/or if it's not particularly up to par. It's taking me a second to get my groove back
Enjoy
I don't know if anyone even remembers this story or is interested, but here it is! Oh and PS: it's been a while since I've written. So I apologize for any errors and/or if it's not particularly up to par. It's taking me a second to get my groove back
Enjoy
Incomplete
smooches01 is the author of 2 other stories.
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