I'm really going to miss this. Even more so, I'm really going to miss her.
"I love you," she whispers, running her thumb over my cheek. God, what I wouldn't give to work this out.
"I love you too, baby." If only we were in the same place. Her a few years younger or me a few years older. We would have been so good together.
"I can't believe this is it," her voice breaks, those usually bright blue orbs taking on a much darker hue.
"I know," I breathe. I can feel the tears threatening to spill and I choke them back; not because I'm trying to be macho but knowing that they'll only make the situation worse.
"Anything, okay? You call me for anything," she says in small and broken voice as tears start to stream down her face. I nod, gripping her tighter against me. I knew this was coming but Jesus, this is so hard.
"Same goes for you," I whisper, taking in her features one last time. She leans in and I know this is it. The end. Her lips softly touch mine and the wetness of her tears brush against my own. I lean down further, pulling her even tighter towards me as we kiss. After what seems like days, she finally pulls away and I'm surprised to see a smile one her face. My eyes wrinkle in confusion. Is she happy about this? Am I missing something?
"It's been fun," she jokes; and I get it immediately. She wants this to end with a laugh. On a good note. A happy note. And I don't dare disappoint.
"Yeah, it's been alright," I lightly chuckle back, mirroring her same sarcastic tone. She starts to pull away and I fight my urge to pull her back into my chest.
"Bye Justin," she sighs with a sad smile as she gives my hand one last squeeze. I blink and smile back knowing that she doesn't need to hear any words from me. She knows and she understands.
Our hands finally part as she begins to walk away, breaking the invisible string that was still holding our relationship together. I watch her get into her car as I have so many other times, and I feel a tightening in my stomach knowing that this is probably the last time we're ever going to have this connection. As much as Cameron and I love each other, we know the chances of us getting back together are pretty slim. But as optimists we made sure to leave that door open.
And that gives me some comfort.
"This is a joke, right?" I ask from behind the thin Chinese screens serving as a barrier between Dana and me. I hear her laugh and I make my way from behind the screens to stand in front of her.
"It looks good, girl!"
I lift my eyebrows as I look down at myself to scan the outfit once more. "I look like a hooker."
I feel her pull my waist towards her and I stumble to catch my feet. Before I know it, Dana's hands are groping and pushing up on my breasts. Ah, the many perks of being a dancer.
"We just need to pull this corset in a little tighter…"
"What?!" This lady is out of her damn mind. "I can hardly breathe as it is, Dana!"
Dana cocks her head back, finally releasing my breasts and places her hands on her hips. "Hey, if you want your tits falling out while you're on stage, then be my guest!"
I briefly shut my eyes and let out a loud huff before turning around. "Fine. Squeeze the shit out of me."
Dana chuckles and resumes her spot behind me as she begins to pull at the laces of the corset. I feel the air literally being sucked out of me and I now understand why women don't wear these things anymore. It's like a fucking vacuum for the female body. But I'm not gonna lie, there's something about these things that actually make me look and even feel a little sexy.
I close my eyes and try to think about anything else besides the tightening around my body. A small thrill shoots through me as I realize that there's only two days left before the first show. God, it seems like just yesterday I was moving into my new apartment in LA, and now here I am, a dancer on one of the most anticipated tours of the century.
Rehearsals have been pretty intense the past week, but I think everyone's more than ready for this tour to start. When we first started rehearsing on stage, it had been pretty rough. The biggest concern was breaking up the dancers so that everyone in the audience gets a good amount of the show, and no one had a clue as to how Marty was going to make it work. But after a solid four days of full rehearsals, it all came together.
The stage is massive. It's weird because it's big in a different sense. There are two distinct sides and there are a lot of things we have to look out for, like the band and the spaces between the catwalks and the walkways that also serve as a bar for the VIP section. Jesus, I can't even begin to estimate how much money people are spending to score those tickets.
It's actually pretty cool though. Definitely unlike any other stage I've performed on before, which makes it that much more exciting.
"Alright," I hear Dana sigh loudly. Thank God I zoned off while she was tightening my corset because I just realized that I had lost my ability to breathe. I can only pray that I don't pass out on stage. She pats my hip, prompting me to turn back around to face her. Her face scrunches a little as she eyes my boobs. "How does that feel?"
I fight the urge to say something really sassy and twist my body to test out my mobility. At this point, I could care less about not being able to breathe and grow more concerned about how I'm going to dance with my corset so tight.
"It's kind of tight." Okay, it's actually really tight but I don't want to come off as being a complainer.
"You think you can dance in it alright though? I can loosen it back up a smidge if you want." Dana replies. I do a couple stretches and dance moves. Eh', I'll live.
"No, it's good. A little stiff but I'm sure I'll get used to it."
Dana nods and pushes me back behind the Chinese screens to change. After a couple more words with her, I make my way back down to the makeshift cafeteria they have set up for the crew. You would think that after having to squeeze into a corset I'd be put off eating, but I'm not that type of girl. I love food and I love to eat food. So screw you, size two.
As I make my way into one of the many rooms of the large arena, my eyes scan for any familiar faces. Well, I guess I can't really say that because after a week of intense preparation for the first show, everyone's faces are beginning to look familiar. On the first day of stage rehearsals we had a "team meeting", which is a time when basically anyone and everyone who has the slightest part in putting the show together is addressed by either the tour manager or Justin. It's pretty effective when you think about it because it definitely keeps everyone on the same page. After the meetings everyone just kind of hangs out and introduces themselves to other people; and even though there's a shit load of people involved in this tour, its already starting to form that family feel.
I walk over to the buffet table and am met with a plethora of options to satisfy my hunger. Oh, and that's another thing to; whoever is in charge of the food on this tour definitely knows how to please people. I swear, I never anticipated such good tour food. I have to remember to make nice with the food crew at the next team meeting.
"How'd the fitting go?" I hear a voice ask me, suddenly snapping me out of my gaze. I chuckle lightly before grabbing a plate and beginning my journey down the long table of food, Trey in tow.
"Well, aside from being groped by Dana and having the life sucked out of me, pretty good." I place two rolls on my plate and a slab of butter. Gotta love those carbs.
"Damn, lucky you," Trey laughs in response. "Word around town is that you girls are gonna be wearing some pretty skimpy stuff?"
"Slutty is probably a better and more descriptive term," I reply, dropping a piece of chicken onto my almost overflowing plate. Trey whistles and mumbles something along the lines of getting a free show every night, and I smirk at him.
"Tanith!" a voice calls over to me, and my head turns toward the sound. I see Caylee waving her hands frantically and shake my head with a smile before making my way towards the table with Trey.
I settle next to Caylee and pull back my hair while greeting everyone at the table. Since I was the last one to be fitted, mostly all the dancers are finishing up their lunch, and the table soon fills with mindless chatter until a very distinct presence arrives.
"What's up guys," Justin eases out. He leans his hands against the table, a small smile perches itself on his lips and it's almost, I don't know… awkward.
This is another I've learned over the short amount of time I've known Justin. He's got these weird expressions sometimes, like he's lost or confused. Sometimes he'll just zone out with this blank stare and I always wonder what it is that could possibly be running through his head. I guess that always being the public eye kind of makes you appreciate the moments you have to yourself, but sometimes it worries me. And I know that seems weird because I've known him for what? About a month? But I just can't help but wonder.
"So I'm guessing you like the food?" Justin nods towards me. I blink before looking down at my full plate. Damn, I didn't know I grabbed so much food. I smile back up at him with a shrug and take a bite out of the roll in my hand. Justin laughs, and I can't help but notice that it's not as genuine as it usually is. He says a couple more things before heading to another table.
I don't know why, but I've got this feeling that something is off about him. I scan the table to see if anyone else noticed and my curiosity grows when no one seems to be showing any concern. My eyes look for Justin once more and I see him in the corner of the room, his cell phone pressed to his ear. His eyes are creased and even being a significant distance away from him, I notice his shoulders slump with a deep sigh as he hangs up his phone.
Before I had any more time to think about it, laugher erupts at the table bringing me back to my surroundings and I smile along in hopes that no one noticed my mental absence.
I've really gotta stop overanalyzing people.
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