Life isn’t always fair. It throws you curve balls and tries to knock you on your ass at least once a day. This would be a lesson I am learning the hard way. I had everything I had ever wanted as a little girl growing up in the Memphis suburb of Shelby Forest. My husband and I met when we were sophomores in high school, got married and had a son. After that everything was supposed to be perfect but I am getting a little far ahead of myself, let me start at the beginning.
Since third grade there was three of us, the girls, Tiffani, Kelly and Bernadette, that's me. Tif, as she prefers to be called, was our girly girl but only when it came to her looks. She watched hockey, wrestling, and football and she could have in depth conversations about any of them. Kelly was all tomboy. She never cared about make-up or dresses and boys were there to play sports with. I was stuck somewhere in between. I didn’t care about make-up and wasn’t comfortable enough in my skin to wear the clothes that Tif wore. I wasn’t any good at sports and if I tried something I probably would have hurt myself. Not one of us was exactly the same as the other but we complemented each other amazingly. We were BFFs, Best Friends Forever.
When we started high school boys became an even bigger part of our lives. Tiffani met Justin Timberlake and Trace Ayala. The minute she met them we clicked. Tiffani was their connection to the ‘girl world’, Kelly was just another one of the guys, and I became the little sister none of them had. We all had different views on the boys. I wanted to hit one or more of them at all times, Tiffani was in love with Justin from the moment she met him, and Kelly found them to be a great outlet for her sport aggression that Tiffani and I couldn’t help her with. It seemed that the Getalong Gang was good for us.
If you think Tiffani and Justin got together then you are sadly mistaken, that would have been to easy for them. In fact, I met Bobby Fisher, my future husband, when we were sophomores and Tif and Justin still hadn’t even kissed yet. By the time we were juniors, Bobby and I were seriously dating, and Kelly began dating JCny. This is when Tiffani and Justin kissed for the first time. One minute we were all talking at a party, the next Tif was straddling Justin and their hands were all over each other. They didn’t get together then either though, because again that would be too easy for them.
Senior year rolled around and Bobby and I were still together, Tif and Justin hadn’t done anything after their kiss and Kelly was still with JCny. Tiffani had a boyfriend named Pat Winters. He was captain of the basketball team, ran track, and tried his hand at soccer. She was completely smitten with him; Pat was jealous of Justin. He didn’t like how close they were, how she always went to Justin first with her problems and eventually Pat tried to solve the problem with his fist.
The first time Pat hit Tiffani he gave her a black eye that she quickly explained away with a cheerleading accident. The second time, he broke her nose and sprained her wrist. She couldn’t hide that from anyone, let alone Justin. He told Pat, in no uncertain terms, that if he ever came near Tiffani again he would break his hands. After that Tiffani and Justin were unofficially together.
Which brings me back to why life is so unfair. Bobby and I got together first, Bobby and I were married first, and Bobby and I had Connor first so why am I sitting on my front porch watching Tiffani, Justin and their daughter Molly play in the snow? Why is my husband filing for divorce? Why did one of my best friends decide to sleep with my husband?
A snowball whizzed by my head and smacked into the wall behind my head. I jumped out of my seat and quickly looked towards the girlish giggles to see Justin and Molly trying to hide themselves behind some bushes.
"Daddy we missed" I heard her whisper in her cute three-year-old voice.
"Yes but now we wait and when she’s distracted we strike again, young one," Justin whispered back.
"Umm my name Molly."
"I know hunny," Justin replied.
"You no say Molly, you say young one."
"Code names remember?" he asked her.
"Oh yea! I young one and you old head." Molly replied with a matter of fact tone.
"OLD HEAD!" Justin yelled jumping out from behind his bush.
"Daddy you blowed our cover" Molly yelled jumping out after him.
"I’m eagle fox not old head," he screamed.
"Mommy say you old head," Molly replied shrugging her shoulders.
I couldn’t help but laugh at them. This is the relationship I wanted Connor to have with Bobby. Justin was a pop singer, one of the biggest in the world, so that meant he was always gone but him and Molly were always like two peas in a pod. Bobby was a banker so he was always at home and he acted like Connor was a nuisance.
"Aunt Bern Daddy is a poopie head," Molly said making her way up my porch. I could see Justin chasing Tiffani; he had snow covering his back.
"What did he do now sweetie?" I asked.
"He mad because I say he old head. Mommy hitted him with a snowball to make him not scream no more." She explained.
Both of our heads turned when we heard Tiffani let out a shriek. Our eyes fell upon Tiffani lying in the snow with Justin on top of her tickling her. Jealousy filled my veins because I wanted that feeling. I wanted to be so comfortable with someone and know some ten years after getting together my significant other still loved me. Life isn’t fair.
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Three days later, I sat in my living room watching Connor play with his blocks. Bobby was supposed to be coming to pick him up so they could spend some time together; I was going to go Christmas shopping with Tiffani. There was two weeks left until Christmas Day and with everything going on I still had so much left to do. Usually Tif, Kelly, and I go shopping together but when I found Kelly in bed with Bobby everything usual went out the window.
"Daddy’s here," Connor yelled when we heard a car pull up in the driveway.
"Put your blocks away," I told him starting towards the door to let Bobby in.
When I opened the door I saw Bobby and Kelly. He was helping her up the driveway because some of the snow had turned to ice. I secretly hoped she fell and busted her ass. She made it to my front door unharmed because nothing seems to be going my way these days. She gave me a shit-eating smile that made me want to knock her teeth out.
"Hi Bern. How are you?’ Kelly asked me like we were still best friends.
"I’m good but you can stay out here," I said blocking the doorway so neither of them could get in my house.
"Excuse me?" Kelly asked.
"Did I stutter? I said that while Bobby comes in to get Connor you can sit on the porch swing." I said letting Bobby by. "Remember to wipe the snow off the swing or your butt will get wet," I added before slamming the door in her face.
"That was uncalled for." Bobby said.
"Umm she stole my husband. I don’t have to be nice." I said.
"We had problems before Bernie" He replied.
"Don’t call me that," I snapped.
"Please no more fighting," a little voice said almost in tears.
I turned quickly to find Connor standing behind us. My heart broke seeing my child crying because of something I did, something I could fix. I walked over to Connor and bent down to his level. I quickly pulled him into my arms.
"We’re sorry Connor. We’re done now so go with Daddy baby," I said moving to kiss his forehead before I stood up.
"C’mon little man, we’re going to have so much fun today," Bobby said.
I watched as my whole life walked over to the man who was ripping out my heart. Bobby took Connor’s hand and led him outside. I couldn’t help the tears that began falling down my cheeks.
"He brought her to your house?" Tiffani asked totally outraged.
"And she thought that I was going to let her in my house," I replied.
"I totally would have punched the bitch," she said.
We were driving through the mall parking lot looking for a spot. It was two hours after Bobby had picked up Connor and I still had to fight back the tears. More than losing my husband, the fact that one of my best friends was the cause, was killing me. I don’t know whom I could trust.
"Justin thinks Santa should bring Molly a Wii. I keep telling him that he wants the Wii from Santa not her," Tiffani said as we pulled into a spot.
"And his reaction?" I asked.
"That Molly put it on her list."
"Oh she did?"
She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope. Justin’s handwriting was on the front sending the letter to Santa Claus at the North Pole. She pulled out the letter, also in Justin’s handwriting, and handed it to me.
"Read the end," she told me.
I quickly read the different toys Molly wanted until this passage made me laugh.
‘P.S. Santa the Wii is really cool could you please bring one so we can play with it? It’s for me and my Daddy, he’s my best friend.’
"That’s cute Tif," I said.
"He put her up to it," she replied.
I was once again reminded of how much I wanted Connor and Bobby to have that kind of relationship. I knew they would never ever have it but a girl could hope.
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"You’re still coming to our Christmas party right?" Tiffani asked while we were grabbing a quick bite at Chik-fi-la. "And before you say anything Kelly and Bobby are uninvited."
"Tif you don’t have to do that. She is your best friend too," I said.
"Umm…Yea she’s not coming. She isn’t welcome anywhere near my house after what she did to you. I’m not even going to tell you again how much I want to hit her but you won’t let me," she explained.
"I don’t want you to stop being her friend. She didn’t do anything to you," I tried to explain to her for the fiftieth time.
"But she hurt you Bern and she hurt you really bad. No matter who she was to me, she hurt my best friend and I don’t like that."
Every time I brought up my side she brought up that. I didn’t want her to lose Kelly. Tiffani is hard headed though and wouldn’t hear a word that I said.
"Plus if she could do this to you then how can I trust her?" Tiffani added.
"Ok. So I’m going to come to your party."
"Good because Justin is bringing all his singing buddies and I don’t want to be stuck with all those guys again. I like wrestling but damn they can ruin it for you," she said laughing.
"What about Denise?" I asked referring to Trace’s wife.
"She’s cool but you’re better," she said.
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This time last year Bobby and I were getting ready to go to the Timberlake’s party together. As far as I knew we were a finely tuned machine, a unit, we moved as one. He took care of Connor while I showered. Connor sat with me while I did my make-up so that Bobby could shower and get ready. Then together we would dress Connor. I was five minutes from calling them and letting them know I wasn’t coming when there was a knock at my door. I walked to the door and took a calming breath before I opened it to reveal Trace and Denise.
"We’re early for once and wanted to know if you wanted to walk over with us," Denise asked.
"Ok," I said feeling like I had been ambushed.
I let them in and walked over to the closet to get my coat. I smoothed out my black skirt and put my jacket over my red shirt. I put the strap of my purse on my shoulder. I made sure all the lights were out then walked to the door. Trace held open the door so Denise and I could walk out first. When we were all out of the door, I turned back to make sure that it was completely shut and locked and then we headed across the lawn to Justin and Tiffani’s. We walked up the porch and Trace never even bothered to knock, he just opened the door and we walked in.
When we reached the living room we found Molly sitting on the couch in a little red dress with fur around the neck and the bottom, clapping her hands as Justin danced and sung ‘Dominic the Donkey’ in front of her. He was dressed in black slacks and a red button down shirt, and I knew that wherever Tif was, she matched him perfectly.
"UNCA Trace!" Molly yelled jumping off the couch towards Trace when she caught sight of us in the doorway.
"I guess we are chop liver Bern," Denise commented "Let’s go find Tiffani."
"Munchkin is in the kitchen," Justin told us as he began fiddling with the radio. We walked away to Molly chanting "chipunks, chipunks"
"Chipmunks Molly," Trace corrected her.
"Only Trace would try and correct a three-year-old," I said.
"That’s because Trace himself may still be three," Denise replied.
We entered the kitchen to find Tiffani fixing a plate of cookies. It looked like someone had reached onto the plate and tried to grab as many cookies as they could before running, meaning they crushed a lot of the other cookies.
"What happened to your cookies?" I asked.
"The Timberlake children," Tiffani replied.
"Children?" I asked.
"Molly and Justin. He’s evil and she does anything that he tells her to do."
"Justin sent me in to tell you that people are arriving," a man said from the door.
I quickly turned my head towards the sound. One of the most perfect men I have ever seen was standing in the doorway. He had his hair buzzed close to his head. He was dressed very causal but well put together. His khaki pants clung to his muscular thighs and his button down shirt was tight to his biceps. The top button of his shirt was undone but he had a tie with a Rudolph with a blinking nose on.
"Well JC you can tell Justin I am still fixing his handiwork" she replied never taking her eyes off the plate of cookies she was fixing.
"Can I get a cookie?" JC asked reaching for one before she answered.
Tiffani slapped his hand away. He reached for another one and she smacked him again. When JC reached for a cookie for a third time Tiffani leaned down and bit him. JC quickly pulled his hand back again.
"You bit me," JC stated.
"Reach for another cookie and I will do a lot more then bite you," she warned.
"Are you threatening me?"
"No JC that was a promise."
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Two hours into the party and I was ready to go home. Seeing Tif and Justin dance around and give each other little kisses, Trace and Denise "fight" with each other was making me miss what I had. I can’t say I missed Bobby as much as I missed having somebody there. I mean right now Tif was dancing with Molly and Justin was entertaining the guests. Trace was fielding all the questions directed towards him and Denise so Denise could eat. I didn’t have the anymore, my buffer was now diddling my best friend.
"Bernadette right?" I heard from my left. I turned my head and locked eyes with the man from the kitchen.
"Yea and you’re JC," I replied.
"Yes. Justin tells me that you have put up with him and Trace since high school? I was wondering how you did it?" he asked laughing.
"Well if you get them one on one then they’re ok but when you throw them into a mix with Nick, they are unbearable," I said.
"I met Nick and I’m going to have to agree with you," JC said.
"You gotta love them though"
"If you say so," JC said laughing. He gently laid his hand on my arm creating butterflies like I hadn’t felt in years.
"Ok I put up with them for Tiffani," I relented.
"Well you must really love Tiffani if you willing put up with them two," JC said laughing.
"She’s my best friend, has been since third grade. So what’s your excuse?" I asked.
I felt at ease with him. We had only been talking for a few minutes but in that time he took my mind off my problems. I forgot about my impending divorce, about my best friend screwing me over. It felt good, really good.
"My excuse? I’m a glutton for punishment I guess," he replied causing me to laugh.
"Those two could probably drive anyone insane."
"I think it’s great that you all have been friends since high school," he commented.
And just like that I was reminded of everything. It was not his fault, I don’t think he even know that I had been married or that I was the reason Kelly wasn’t invited.
"Yea, I guess but you can never forget your past that way," I commented making him look at me weird.
We talked for a little while longer and then as the party was breaking up we exchanged numbers. We talked to each other constantly, about everything. He became my sounding board for my problems with Bobby and he listened without complaint. He told me about his frustrations about getting hurt. I looked forward to our phone calls everyday and never wanted to hang up. It made me feel like a teenager again.
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After one month of talking, Connor and I were going to L.A. for Tiffani’s party. I was really excited because I wanted to see how Connor felt about JC and how JC would treat Connor. We spent our days at the beach, by Justin’s pool, and we even went to Disney Land. The best part was JC and Connor got along really well.
Justin had rented a hall for Tiffani’s party. According to Molly, her mommy was going to be twelve. Trace had taken to trying to inform Molly that she was wrong. Connor soon took Molly’s side, defending her. JC sat beside me laughing at them.
"My mommy is eleven being twelve," Molly said stomping her little foot.
"No your mom is going to be twenty-five," Trace argued.
"Unca Trace Mommy is always right," Molly said shaking her head at him.
"Yea Trace Tiffani is always right ask Justin," I said laughing causing Justin to scowl at me.
"Bern can I ask you something?" JC whispered in my ear.
"Shoot," I said
"Will you be my date to Tiffani’s party?" JC asked.
My face flushed and my hands started to shake. It had been over ten years since I had been asked out, a year and a half since I felt like a man wanted to touch me and here, sitting right in front of me was a gorgeous man asking me to go out with him.
"I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you. I need to learn that I can’t expect other people to be as forward as I am."
"You didn’t offend me," I said. "I just have issues with my ummm I don’t know what to call him."
Tiffani walked over quickly and grabbed my arm. She excused me from JC and pulled me towards the bathroom. She pushed open the door and walked in and tried to pull the door closed behind her. Molly put her hand in front of the door and refused to let go until Tif let her in. I sat on the toilet looking up at the Timberlake women like a child about to get in trouble.
"Say yes," Tiffani said to me.
"Him’s nice and cute," Molly added.
"What about Bobby?" I asked.
That was my biggest problem, what if I was the reason Bobby strayed? How can I trust any other man after what Bobby did to me? My heart hurt because of Bobby, and I was still healing. How could I put myself in a position to get hurt again?
"What about the douche bag?" Tiffani asked.
"Mommy! That a bad bad word, member?" Molly reprimanded her causing me to laugh and Tif to shoot her a look. "Him a mean man Aunt Bern. JC not mean, him brings me candy."
"But how can I think that I can trust someone else after what they did to me? How will I be ok if something like that happens again?" I asked.
"No think just kiss," Molly said. "Him is nice."
Molly is adorable and she sees everything through the eyes of a child, innocent and perfect. As funny as it sounds, I actually listened to the three-year-old. I walked out of the bathroom and said yes to JC. Something about a three-year-old practically begging me to give someone a chance made me feel stupid for even thinking that this could be wrong. With one ‘kiss him’ I went to JC and met my real soul mate. Three years later as I stood in my bridal gown all I could think was life isn’t fair though it eventually works itself out.
