You know I don’t think I realized how busy I would be with having to take care of Logan and myself with the pregnancy that half the time I didn’t even remember I forgot; well my life. I had gone to see some friends and they had told me stories of how JC and I had met and how we started to date, and now all I can do when I have a spare moment, while Logan is taking a nap was, think about either story.
I was told that JC and I had met at book store you see I was a writer, my first two books had been published and my third one had just been released and I was a nervous wreck, my first two where self help books about just being yourself in a world dominated by being like everyone else. The third was my first attempt at some fiction, I had been sitting away from the area I was suppose to sit to sign books, well I was told I was hiding, but I think I was just sitting somewhere where no one could see me for the moment. I heard my name be called and so I went to get up from the area I was in and hid in an isle of books when I ran into him and well split his Starbucks that Barnes and Noble likes to sell in their store all over him.
“Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” I said watching his eyes go wide as the coffee dropped from his hands and all over his white t shirt and him jump back at the hot liquid as it touched his body.
I went and picked up the book he had also dropped stopping dead in my tracks as I saw my name on the cover, it was my first one and that was when I realized the section I had backed up into. When I went to pick my head up my head connected with his and we groaned.
“Rachel, where are you,” I heard my friend call me. Looking up and over my shoulder I went to move away from the man I had just bumped into when I heard him say, “Are you hiding from someone?”
Looking over at him I blushed and this time helped him pick up the book and the empty coffee cup.
When I handed him the book I saw him look at the back than at me.
“You,” he said looking at the book than back at me and just stared.
“I,” I questioned even though I was sure what he was accusing me of, even if he was I don’t think I was sure of.
“Rachel there your are come on you have to go sign and talk about you new book everyone is waiting,” my friend and assistant told me grapping my hand but stopped when she saw who was next to her and across from me.
“You have a new book,” he asked me and it was than I saw a smirk come out.
“Just released today, its different than that one though,” I said pointing towards the one in his hands.
“Oh, yea I...you see I have both of them at home and I was thinking today and I remembered something from your book that I wanted to read but since they’re in California and we’re in New York I decided to come look at this one,” he said moving his hands back and forth as he talked than waved the book when he got to the end
“Right,” I said with a smile.
“Yea,” he said a second later smiling back.
I saw my friend look between us and smile as she than introduced herself and said she hated to break us apart but I had to get to work, he nodded and said He’d see us around.
Finally when I had finished explaining my story to the people who had showed I sat at the table and talked and signed anyone who wanted their books signed.
“I told you I’d see you around,” he said looking at me as he placed the book on the table in front of me.
“That you did,” I said and opening the book I moved it so I could write on it and handed it back to him with a smile, and I thought of him the rest of the night and remembered how I saw him last as he walked towards the door and gave me a smile over his shoulder before he left.
--
What I wrote in the book was staring at me in the face this moment while I moved my hands over the back of the book and traced my fingers over my handwriting.
“Now that you’ve read all my books how bout you give me a call and we talk over some coffee,” I read out loud to myself and than traced my fingers over my signature and the number I left at the end.
How I go the nerve to do that was beyond me right now, since well I could only remember it as a story being told like watching a movie through a screen. To me, even if all the clues pointed to it was reality where in my face ; it was still make believe to me in my mind.
“Are you thinking about what the girls told you again,” JC asked making me turn around.
I nodded as I shut the book and placed it on the arm rest.
“You know that coffee trip we went to after I got the nerve to call your number was when I think I realized I was falling for you,” he said sitting next to me on the couch but not too close.
“I’m sure it was,” I said not looking at him.
“I know this is hard Rach, I know its hard for me too,” He said taking a breath and I saw him run his hands through his hair.
“Its hard to look at you and not see you all at the same time,” he said making me turn around to look at him.
“What,” I questioned and jumped a little when I felt him place his hands on my cheeks.
“I mean to say its hard to look at you, right here and than look into your eyes that’s use to be so bright and.. Its just hard to not see you anymore when I look there and remember what I use to see what I use feel when I looked at you,” he said.
I went to touch his hand but he moved it back and looked at me scared.
“I know your still there, but hidden somewhere and I’m just scared you’ll never come back to me,” he said and I watched the tears fall down his cheeks.
“I’m scared I lost my one shot at love, and never got the chance to say good bye,” he said and this time when I pulled him into my grasp he didn’t fight it but clung to me as much as he could.
I took a breath and looking at the walls of pictures of us and everyone we knew and felt him cling to me my own tears fell.
--
Tapping my fingers against the arm rest I sat and waiting for the doctor to come in. While I had been at my first pregnancy related exam I was told heard that my results for all the test I had done a couple weeks prior had come in and to come wait for my doctor in his office once I was done.
Biting my lip when I heard the door open I turned it into a smile when I saw the doctor come in and smile at me and shake my hand.
“Where’s JC,” he questioned realizing I was alone.
“Taking care of Logan, he got a cold over the weekend,” I explained remembering how I had to pry a sad little boy away from me this morning when I left for my appointment when all he wanted was his mother to take care of him, I bit my lip again.
“Right, well about the test, you see its complicated what we found so bear with me,” he said making me raise my eyebrows but nodded for him to continue.
“You’ve heard of Alzheimer’s before right,” he asked and I nodded.
“Well you don’t have that but you do have a mutated version of it that is far more treatable than its parent,” he said.
“What,” I questioned not sure how I got it out with how dry my throat felt.
“There are some types of Alzheimer’s that effect the whole brain slowly and some that well fix upon the memory,” he said reading over his chart than looking at me.
I nodded still biting my lower lip.
“You said it was treatable,” I questioned.
“Yes, we give you a shot now, and one every two or three weeks along with some medicine and you should recover,” he said.
“Ok, than,” I said but saw him take a breath.
“Now, before you agree to this I must explain that if you go through with it, you will lose the pregnancy,” he said.
This time my mouth went totally dry I couldn’t speak I kept trying to swallow to make my mouth work but nothing would work.
“So, right now here is all our research on what you have and its treatment, and I ask you to take serious thought into this, talk with your husband your family, and even yourself ok, and call me back take as much time as you need,” he said.
Pulling all the papers he gave me I nodded and got up and headed towards the door.
“Thank you,” I said softly but never did turn to look at his reaction as I headed out the door and through the building and out towards my car.
I was in the state of shock and as I drove home I don’t think I remembered a single bit of the drive home nor what song had been on the radio even though I sang along softly to myself to all of them
