Sitting in the bathroom I looked at all the pills I had to take one bottle in particular had gone untouched.

You see the doctor advised me that I should still take my meds for my pregnancy while I did the other, because having a miss carriage while on them could hurt my system on a different level.

I had gotten my first shot yesterday afternoon and I was suppose to take the pills after my other this morning, but as I looked at the bottle and remembered what I read I didn’t know if I could do it.

The shots weren’t the thing that would effect my baby these things were, they made the shots work so to speak. My doctor said without taking these the shots would be more like shooting nothing but water into my system for a couple months.

Licking my lips I took them into my hands and read the prescription with my name and daily times I was suppose to take it.

“Mommy,” I heard Logan say from the door.

Turning I looked at him as he rubbed his tired eyes as he pulled at his power ranger pajama shirt.

“Good morning buddy,” I said with a smile as I watched him shuffle over to me and place his arms up for me to take him up on to my lap.

Getting comfy against me he looked at the table I had been staring at.

“What those for,” he questioned.

“To help keep mommy healthy,” I stated trying not the let the tears I felt in my eyes as I held my son as he rapped his arms around my neck.

“Mommy sick,” he questioned looking at me before placing his hand on my cheek and looking up at me.

“Kind of baby,” I said not really sure what to say.

I felt him kneel in my lap as he went to kiss my forehead.

“All better,” he said making me chuckle.

“Yea all better,” I laughed tickling his sides as he giggled away making me laugh harder.

“What are you two doing,” I heard JC’s voice say as he walked into the room with his coffee.

“I make mommy better,” Logan explained and kissed my forehead again.

I smiled with a bit bottom lip to JC as he cracked a smile himself.

“Really you made her better, thanks bud,” JC said picking him up and pinching his sides.

“Welcome,” he said with a sigh as he laid his head on JC’s shoulder.

Laughing to ourselves at how easy Logan had felt it was but inside we both knew what we had already lost.

--

After a quite lunch later that day I was sitting on the couch with JC as we watch Logan play with his action figures as I was told earlier that day only after I had called them dolls. We were watching another one of Logan’s favorite cartoon’s Tom and Jerry.

“Isnt it werid, this show has been around since we were young,” I asked Jc as he placed his arm around my shoulder and took a drink of his water.

“Its older than that, my mom and dad use to say that when I was I a kid,” he said making me laugh.

“That is old,” I said turning to look at him with a smirk when he eyed me not turning is face to fully look at me.

Kissing his cheek I chuckled a little bit more before I set my head on his shoulder.

“I owe you,” I whispered.

“Nah, I love you and you love me that’s enough,” he said kissing my forehead.

Looking over a Logan as he laughed I smiled as I felt Jc place the arm around my shoulder around my waist.

“Oh, hows it going ya know,” he asked trying not to truly mention the medication and what was going on.

“I feel like a druggie,” I said making him chuckle at me for a moment as he rubbed my side.

“As long as it works out right,” he asked me.

“Yea, the doctor said we should know within a couple weeks if its starting to work,” I said.

“Good, now shh I want to watch this,” he said as Tom tried to get back at Jerry for the thousandth time.

Smiling to myself, as much as I couldn’t remember how this happened I was happy and glad it did.

--

It was werid, how I was still going to my appoinements for my pregnancy even though I knew I’d eventually be faced with the news that I no longer was.

“Well Mrs. Chasez your baby and you look really healthy so just keep it up,” the nurse said after checked her charts and than lead me to lay on the table for the next part of the appoinement.

Pulling my shirt up to show my now small belly she placed the cream on it and spread it around.

“What will we be able to see,” I questioned.

“Not much, its still a little too early to hear an heart beat but we might be lucky,” she mentioned.

I took in a breath as she started up the machine and got to work rolling it over my stomach.

At that moment as much as I wanted to hear the heart beat, I didn’t because it would make it that much harder when it no longer existed.

But as I thought those words I heard what I feared the most, and tears ran down my cheeks as the nurse showed me where my baby was and let me hear the heartbeat.

Thinking about it made me think about Logan, and I gasped when I recalled doing the same thing when I found out I was pregnant with him.

My first memory back, I thought to myself as I wiped my eyes with the tissue the nurse gave me as she wiped up my stomach and helped me sit up.

 I thanked her but I left the office and the building in shock, I didn’t know what to think anymore as I placed my hand on my stomach and got in my car to head home.