I had sat there and watched that wedding video and any video I could find of Jc and I or Logan and was surpised at how my mind would add little bits and pieces here and there with the tapes, and what shocked me the most is on the last tape of Logan’s third birthday I said what my video self said three seconds before it did.

“How many times have you watched these,” Jc chuckled as he heard me say the last line with myself.

“That’s the first time I watched that one,” I said trying to look at him without him catching my eye some how.

“You mean, you knew or you just guessed,” he asked as he sat down on the couch next to me, we were alone since he had just dropped Logan off to have a sleep over at his friends house tonight.

“I knew,” I smiled at him.

I saw him bite his lip trying to hide his smile but it cracked anyways.

“Is it ok to be happy about his,” I heard him question looking over at me.

“Why wouldn’t it be,” I asked with a confused face his way till he turned and placed his hand on my stomach.

“Oh,” I said soflty almost forgetting about the whole thing.

“Yea, I mean I can see parts of you coming back daily now, but does that mean the faster you come back the faster this is gone,” JC questioned rubbing my belly.

I shrugged I didn’t know what to say.

“I know the doctor said that because your not on the pills anymore that your risk for losing the pregnancy is less but, he still wasn’t sure you know,” JC said mentioning what I had told him earlier as he helped Logan pack for his sleepover.

I nodded, “No, I know I do and I guess that’s why I try not to think about it as bad as that sounds,” I told him turning to look at the screen played something I never saw before but it was muted at the moment.

“What’s that,” I questioned.

Jc looked at the TV for second but scrunched up his nose in thought and took the remote from the coffee table and rewound it, as he did so I saw the light go on in his head as he smiled and got closer to me and paused it.

“June 5th, 2010,” he mentioned softly.

“Hey isn’t that our one year anniversary,” I asked him and his eyes shot up but than nodded, he was slowly getting use to me knowing certain things without fail like I use to, but he still gave a look of surprise ever now and than.

“Yup, and the same day I propsed to you,” he said hitting play on the remote and placing it on his leg as he brought his other had to rest around my shoulder.

I heard the music on the screen play, Savage Garden’s I knew I loved you before I met you.

The candles everywhere in the patio area of the backyard, making me look up and towards the screen towards the backyard; the very same one.

I smiled as I heard Jc’s voice tremble on the screen and turned to watch it again.

“Rach, I know we’ve only been together a year and I know we’ve had our rough spots and all but with Logan and everything, I know that if we weren’t together if I didn’t do this, I’d regret it for the rest of my life, because I wouldn’t have you by my side,” Jc said as he pulled the ring out of his pocket and kneeled down and looked up at me sitting at the table.

I felt myself watching myself as the tear fell down my cheek there as it did here.

And just the same way JC used his thumb and wiped it a way with a smile at me, I watched as I nodded cause that’s all I could do and I knew than as I knew why now, the words he had said as cheesy as they were the struck a heart string and I could breath enough to tell him yes to tell him.

“I love you,” I whispered as I sat on the couch and JC turned to me with tears in his eyes.

“Are you just saying that,” he questioned, both of us compeletly forgetting the tv even though I knew all we were doing was dancing to the end of that song.

I shook my head as I bit the inside of my bottom lip and looked at him trying not to cry.

I took a breath as he continued to stare at me not sure what to make of what I just said, I’m sure he was scared cause I was and well I could see it in his eyes, just like I always had.

“I remember us,” I whispered almost to soflty for myself to hear.

I saw him touch my face as he continued to stare and than, I saw him smile like a mad man.

“I see you again,” he whispered in almost the same way.

I blinked and the tears came down my cheeks and JC didn’t stop them this time but he took my cheek in his hands and pulled me close.

“I love you too,” he breathed right before he touched my lips with his and softly kissed me, unsure at first with his kisses but when I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his neck he pulled me tighter till he laid on the couch with me on top of him.

We kissed until we couldn’t breath and pulled back our foreheads still touching.

I smiled at him as he smiled at me. Sofly he ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my lips soflty and I felt his lips touch my mine as he whispered. “Were gonna be ok.”

----

As the days went on my memories came back, and just like I had immersed myself in JC and mines realtionship to see it again, I did it with every part of my life, from reading all my work and notes I had written to get back to my writing. I had started to write a story about my life as I remembered things and I went to go see family I went to places I hadn’t been since I was in college, I rediscovered my life, and myself.

But today was different, even with most of my memories back, I still had moments that were a little more than forgetting were you placed your keys. Today was the beginning of the last trimester of my pregnancy, and as I been going to both doctors with every visit today was just the same.

As far as my GNYO could see both me and the baby were healthy and on the path the delivery in a couple of months. Though I though to myself as I walked towards the evelator to go up a floor to the other part of my day I realized it could all be over soon, once I had stopped taking the pills I never gone back to them but as scheduled I took the shots like going to church on Sunday, for most people anyways.

The doctor had said that even though I was basically back to normal he didn’t want to risk the pregnancy more by stopping the shots half way through, even though in the end since no one knew what killed the pregnancy in the other cases the pills or the shots, I was up shit creek without a paddle. I was told till my last month I needed to take the shots like clock work.

“Here I go,” I breathed out as I stepped into the area to be poked again, and just like flying I could only see my chances getting slimmer and slimmer each time I went.