I didn’t sleep very well that night.  I feel bad that I told Dallas to go on the other bus; she’s been going on my bus since the tour started.  But I know it would cause drama with Jess. It’s like a lose lose situation. I figure I have to take the side of my girlfriend; I don’t want to get her upset already.

            But Dallas was pissed. Things have just been awkward between us and I don’t know why. I felt the bus stop and grabbed my bag quickly so I could talk to Dallas.  Everyone was laughing and fooling around, that is until they saw me. Each one of them stopped laughing and gave me a dirty look before walking into the hotel.

            Dallas wasn’t laughing when she came out.  She was the last one off the bus, all by herself. The hood of her sweatshirt was over her head and she walked right past me.  There is no possible way she didn’t see me standing there waiting, but she sure as hell didn’t look up for a second.

            “Dallas, wait up,” I called after her. She didn’t slow down so I jogged to catch up with her, “Dallas.”

            I feel like I’m talking to a fucking wall. She’s overreacting just a little.  Dallas got on the elevator and I managed to get on with her before she pressed the door close button, although she tried.

            “Were you trying to ignore me?”

            She looked up at me, “What?”

            I took a deep breath, “Are you coming to my room?”

            Dallas laughed at that, full out laughed, “I can’t go on your bus but I can go in your room?”

            I took a deep breath; she’s gone fucking crazy. “What’s your fucking problem?”

            “My problem?” she shouted, “I don’t have a problem. I’m tired, and you’re annoying the hell out of me. So leave me alone.”

            I made the mistake of looking into her eyes. There is obviously something bothering her, I just don’t know what. But she looks hurt, like someone took a knife and stabbed her in the back.  I hope I’m not the cause of all this, but I don’t really know what I’ve done. She can’t be jealous about Jess. I mean, Dallas has made it pretty clear from day one that I didn’t have a chance with her.

            “You’re just tired?” I asked softly, I’m really starting to worry about her.

            “Yes,” she answered, looking away from me. I swear I saw her eyes water up. What is wrong with her? She’s been so emotional recently.

            “Want to go golfing tomorrow? We can go early and be back in time for the show.”

            “I thought Jess was coming,” she answered in a whisper.

            “Oh yeah,” I bit at my lip. I don’t know how I forgot she was coming. “We could still go. I mean, she could stay at the hotel, by the pool or something.”

            Dallas shook her head, as the elevator door opened, “No, it’s ok I’ll see you later.” She opened the door quickly and closed it even faster, leaving me face to face with a door.

            I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair before turning around and walking back to my room. I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing.  The last thing I want to do is hurt Dallas, but I don’t understand why she’s so depressed recently. Maybe there’s something else going on. It’s a little selfish for me to think this is all about me. But maybe it is. Maybe she is just upset that we’re not spending so much time together anymore. I mean, we were pretty much attached at the hip. I’ll have to hang with her more, even with Jess, we can all do stuff together, that could work.

            I fell to the ground as soon as I got into my room and cried. I’ve been holding it in for a while because I couldn’t cry in front of everyone so now it’s coming out pretty much nonstop. I’m not exactly sure why I’m crying.  All I know is I’m not having fun anymore and I want this stupid tour to be over. I want to go home.

            I had fallen asleep on the floor by the door to be woken up by someone knocking.  I stood up, still wearing the clothes I had on the night before, and opened the door to see Rachael who walked right past me and sat on my bed.

            “Did you make your bed at a hotel?”

            “No.”

            She looked at the fully made bed and shook her head to clear her thoughts, “OK, whatever. The pool is like beautiful. It has like a lagoon and a lazy river. Want to go swimming? It’s so nice out.”

            “Not really,” I lay on the bed, covering myself with a blanket.

            “What’s wrong?”

            “Nothing,” I lied, “I’m just not feeling that well.”

            “Do you want me to get you something? Or someone. Some medicine or something?”

            I shook my head, “I just need to rest.”           

            “OK, well I’ll be at the pool… by myself… with all the hot guys. I swear, there’s like a hot guy convention down there.”

            I smiled, “thanks Rach.”

            She left me alone and I pulled the covers over my head. I think I just need to catch up on some sleep.

            I woke up again to someone banging on my door. I looked at the clock, 2:49, shit. How did I sleep that late? Marty stood at the door smiling when I opened it. “Just wake up?”

            “Yeah,” I nodded my head and walked back in my room, “I was so tired.”

            “And sick?”

            “No, not really. Just tired, I’m fine now. We have to go huh?”

            Marty nodded his head, “You sure you’re alright?”

            “Yes, everyone’s so worried about me,” I laughed and grabbed onto my bag, figuring I could just take a shower at the venue. There’s always so much downtime but we have to be there by 3. I don’t understand why, but Justin is kind of OCD about those things so I don’t want to make him any more annoying. Plus now that his girlfriend is here he’ll probably be even crankier.

            Marty and I walked to the venue down the street; there were already a lot of kids outside. Some of them recognized Marty, it’s really cute because he’s so quiet and he doesn’t like the attention. He signed autographs and took some pictures and then we walked into the venue, showing our passes before being let in. I’m really glad people don’t ask me for pictures or autographs, I’d feel really stupid signing a piece of paper.

            When we got inside there seemed to be something going on. Everyone was walking around and looked annoyed or pissed. No one was talking or fooling around like usual. “What’s going on?”

            “Ask the fucking superstar,” Kenny spoke up, “He wants us all out there to do a run-through in ten. Apparently he got a tape of last night’s show and someone was off. He said we haven’t gotten the show right since the break and now we need to practice.”

            Marty took a deep breath. It annoys him when Justin takes charge like that without even discussing it with him. Marty is the chorographer, so he should be the one Justin talks to if he has any problems. But who knows, maybe now that the girlfriend is here he has to pretend like he’s the one in charge of everything.

            “I’ll be back,” he told me as he went searching for Justin.

            I followed Kenny to get a bottle of water, “He’s gone fucking crazy.”

            “As if we need more practice,” someone else joined in, “I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that we’ve been doing this shit for so long and we’re tired.”

            I kept my mouth closed as everyone else talked about their problems. I followed everyone to the stage and saw Princess Jess sitting at the bar while Justin was already on stage. Rachael sat down at the bar, but on the opposite side. I laughed to myself at how blatantly obvious she is about her dislike for the girl.

            “We’re just going to do the whole show.” Justin spoke up. No one said anything to complain now; they just went under the stage. I followed while people whined underneath, until Justin came down.

            We ran through the whole show, just as Hollywood wanted. It was really awkward for the two of us, especially with his girlfriend in the front there watching Justin put his hands all over me.  He totally fucked up one of the moves, elbowing me in the eye, “Ugh, what the fuck?”

            “Sorry, you were in the way. Don’t stop.”

            “Don’t stop? I can’t see out of my fucking eye!” I rubbed my eye, it’s stinging and I see stars.

            “You’re fine,” he answered, “I hardly touched you.”

            “Justin, you elbowed me in the eye. How many times have we been through it that you need to move your arm up more? We’ve been on tour for fucking months.” I know I’m probably screaming a little too much, but I’m letting all my anger out. My eye is killing me and he’s acting like it’s my fault he can’t life up his arm enough. Everyone else was quiet, surprised that I was actually talking back to the superstar. “If I get a black eye, I swear to god.”

            “You’re not going to get a black eye, calm down,” he answered calmly, “I hardly touched you.”

            “Then why the fuck can’t I see out of my eye?” I screamed. My eyes were watering now, I’m not sure if it was because of the pain or for other reasons.

            I felt Marty’s hand on my arm, “Come on Vay, let’s get that checked out.”

            Justin didn’t say anything as we walked away, but as soon as we left I heard him telling everyone that they weren’t done and had to finish the show.

            “Are you alright?” Marty asked, putting his arm around my shoulder. I knew he wasn’t asking only about my eye. He knew there was more to my crying than that pain, but he didn’t have to say anything else.

            I nodded my head and sniffled the tears back, “Seriously, if I get a black eye…”

            “You should be fine.”

            “Why can’t he raise his fucking arm? It’s not rocket science. And then he says we’re all the ones that don’t know what we’re doing.”

            Marty nodded his head, “He’s gone mad,” he laughed as he brought me into the first aid room.

            I feel like I’m back in high school, not that I went to high school, but I feel like I am in high school for the first time. Everyone has their clicks, and right now it seems like it’s me against everyone else. I don’t understand why everyone is so moody and I don’t appreciate everyone talking about me behind my back.  They think they’re being sneaky, but I’m not a complete idiot.

            After we ran through the show I went back to my room with Jess. She just came out here; I hate to be in such a bad mood, but honestly, I kind of wish she wasn’t here. It’s hard enough dealing with all this stress but now I feel like I have to keep her entertained as well. As I walked to the room I heard the whispers, everyone worried about Dallas, like I purposely punched her in the eye. I hardly even touched her; she’s being a drama queen.

            I left Jess alone in the room and had Rachael spread the word that I wanted to talk to everyone. They all met in the locker room area and I took a deep breath before walking in myself. I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do or say, but I hope the words will just come out. I didn’t start right away because Dallas and Marty weren’t there so I sat down waiting. Everyone else was quiet, I’m sure you could hear a pin if it were to drop.

            Marty walked in first, followed by Dallas who had her hood up over her face and a bag of ice over her eye. My heart sank a little; it looks like I really hurt her. It was an accident, but I sure as hell didn’t want to hurt her or give her a black eye.  Everyone looked at Dallas, and then back at me. Well they looked at Dallas with sympathy but glared at me like I did it on purpose.

            “Alright, everyone’s here,” I began, running my hands through my hair nervously, “I just… don’t understand what’s going on with everyone. We’re getting really fucking clicky. Everyone’s talking behind everyone else’s backs. Me mostly, behind my back. If you got something to say just say it to my face. I’m sick of all this high school bullshit.”

            No one spoke up, everyone kind of looked at each other. My gaze fell to Dallas, but she was just looking at the wall keeping the ice on her eye.

            There was awhile of silence before Kenny spoke up, “You’ve been acting like a douchebag recently, treating everyone like shit.”

            “We’ve all been doing our best, we’re tired from everything, we make mistakes,” someone else added.

            “You act like we don’t want the show to be kick ass, like we’re not even trying. We’ve all put our heart and soul in this show.”

            Now everyone’s talking at once. I guess I asked for it, but damn I didn’t think so many people would have so many problems. It seems like everyone has something to say, that is everyone except Dallas.

            “And you’re treating Veda like shit,” Marty spoke up; I didn’t expect him to say anything, although Dallas is like a sister to him. Everyone else got quiet as he spoke, “You’re treating everyone like shit, but especially her. You went from spending every minute with her to cutting her off completely.”

            Dallas stood up and walked out of the room before he finished.

            “I’m not cutting anyone off. You don’t know shit, don’t act like ya’ll know everything.”

            Everyone was quiet after she left, but no one moved. I didn’t know what else to say. “Look… everyone just put all this shit aside while we’re out there. We’ll talk about everything later.” I stood up, leaving them all in the room so they could talk about me some more.

            I’m so sick of all this bullshit; I’m about to bring in a counselor. Everyone’s taking Dallas’ side, not that there’s really sides to be taken.  Everyone is just stressed out and taking it all out on me since it’s my tour. I’m ready for this shit to be over. They sure as hell better be able to focus through the show, or I will find a whole new crop of dancers for the next tour.