“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” Rachael said the next morning on the golf course. It’s our last day so of course Justin insisted we all go golfing. I guess this is his last chance to beat me. I am not going to let him win.

            “You’re leaving too Rach, hate to break it to you,” Marty answered with a smile.

            “Shut up, you know what I mean,” she laughed and slapped his arm, “It’s just weird. What am I going to do without you? I’ll be stuck with these two losers by myself.”

            “Rach, you’ll survive, there’s like five hundred other people on the tour.” I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to everyone.

            “Yeah, but no one will give it right back at them like you do.”

            “I’m sure her replacement will be just as good,” Marty stared me down before giving me a smile, “Or even better.”

            “Probably,” I answered softly.

            “You have to come visit at least. Like if you hate being home you can still come back.”

            “Oh, I don’t know about all that,” Marty answered sarcastically, “What, we’re just going to kick the new girl out?”

            “Yeah, obviously,” Rachael’s getting defensive now, “Like this new girl is going to move like Veda moves.”

            “Shut up, you’re so fucking annoying,” Justin came out of nowhere. He was wasn’t talking, or even listening, or so I thought, “Go, it’s your turn.”

            “Cranky,” Rachael said with a soft smile as she walked away.

            “I’m not cranky, you’re just so fucking annoying. Just shut up and play the game.”

            I heard Marty chuckle as he moved to the side and practiced his swing. Justin is acting pretty cranky. I’m not exactly sure why.

            “What time are you leaving?” Justin asked me quietly.

            “When you are, a little earlier I guess.”

            Justin nodded his head, “Who got your ticket?”

            “Expedia.”

            He looked right at me, “You’re flying coach?”

            I nodded my head and laughed, “Yes superstar, I’m flying coach.”

            “You got all your money right? From the tour?”

            “Yeah.”

            Justin nodded his head, and it’s official this whole thing is getting weird.

            Dallas still kicked my ass. It’s the last chance I had to at least get close but I couldn’t.  My mind wasn’t in the game, that’s the excuse I’m using. I really would have liked to kick her ass at least once while she’s here. Who knows when I’ll see her again… if I’ll see her again. Oh, fuck. I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach just thinking about it.

            “Want to get lunch?” I asked her when we got back to the hotel, after Marty and Rachael were already inside. I don’t want us all to go, I just want her to go.

            “I need to pack,” she answered softly. I looked at my watch, we have to leave in an hour, I guess there’s not enough time.

            “Alright,” I nodded my head, “I’ll see you later then.”

            Dallas went to the elevator and I sat down on the couch in the lobby, I took a deep breath and threw my head back, what the fuck am I doing? Why is this bothering me so much? More importantly, why the fuck am I sitting down here in the lobby by myself when we need to go to the airport in an hour and I’m not going to see Dallas for months, if I ever see her again.

            I stood up and went outside, pulling my hat lower on my head and grabbing my sunglasses from my pocket. If someone stops me for an autograph I’m likely to kill them. I noticed a barbeque restaurant down the street and jogged inside.

            “Just one?” the hostess asked.

            I shook my head quickly, “Nah, I just want take-out, do you do take-out?”

            “No sir, we don’t.”

            I took a deep breath, “Can you? I really need you to. Fast, real quick. I’ll give you… mad money, I just really need it, quick.”

            She smiled, as if she understood what I needed it for. I’m sure she just recognized me but whatever, “What can I get you?”

            “Pulled pork, and ribs. And some baked beans and French fries and greens, do you have greens?”

            “Yes sir, anything to drink?”

            “Sweet tea. Two of them.”

            “Sure, I’ll put it right in.”

            “How long?”

            “About ten minutes? Fifteen?”

            “Ten is good,” I answered quickly, my manners are gone, “I’ll be back.”

            I jogged outside; I’m not exactly sure where I’m going.  I ended up finding a store and I bought her some candy and shit for Dallas to have on the plane. I’m an idiot. I need serious help.  By the time I got back to the restaurant the food was ready.

            “Thanks so much,” I said sincerely as I handed her a hundred dollar bill.

            “Oh my god, thank you. Can I get your autograph please? I’m a huge fan, I went to your concert the other night and oh my god, it was amazing.”

            “Thanks sweetheart, sure, but I’m in a rush.” I signed the paper she handed me and thanked her again before I left.

            I ran back to the hotel and caught my breath as I stood in the elevator. I took a deep breath before knocking on Dallas’s room.

            “Hey,” she answered with a slight smile.

            “Hey, I brought food,” I held up the bags.

            “I’m starving, thanks,” she moved in and I followed her, “Are you all packed?”

            I nodded my head.

            “I’m just about done,” she continued looking into the bags, “What’d you get?”

            “Ribs, and barbeque.”

            “Perfect, where’d you find it?”

            “There’s a place down the street.”

            “Thanks J.”

            “Yeah, sure,” I grabbed the containers before realizing that girl didn’t give us any silverware, “No utensils though.”

            Dallas laughed, “Seriously? That’s ok, we’ll manage. I’m starving.” She sat down cross-legged on the bed and I sat with her, placing the food containers around the bed. “Mmm baked beans? How are we going to do that?” she laughed, “Oh, I got it!” she jumped up and went into the bathroom, coming out with two plastic cups, “So gross.”

            I laughed as I grabbed a cup from her hand, “All this for fucking baked beans, they better be good.”

            “They’ll be good, look at them,” she grabbed a rib, “Oh my god, so good.”

            I handed her a cup of baked beans and grabbed a rib myself. It is amazing, almost like I’m back home. She started laughing uncontrollably, making me laugh as well, “What?”

            “This is like one of those things I’m going to remember forever. Touring with Justin Timberlake, world famous, sitting on my bed eating pulled pork with my fingers and baked beans from a cup.”  The laughter turned to tears, then she caught herself and it became some kind of a mixture.

            “Don’t say it like that.”

            “Like what?”

            “World famous Justin Timberlake,” I mimicked, “It’s not like that.”

            “I know. I’m going to miss you Justin,” she said in a whisper.

            I nodded my head and felt my own eyes start to water, “Then don’t leave.”

            “Ridiculous,” she wiped her eyes and laughed, trying to hide the fact that she was crying and pretending like she didn’t hear what I said, “So ridiculous. Ahh,” she took a deep breath, “I’m ok.”

            I nodded my head. She’s not ok. I’m not ok.

            “Thanks for lunch, it’s really good.” I nodded my head again; I need to figure out what the fuck I’m doing, “Do you have to get your bags?”

            “No, I already put them down.”

            She nodded her head, “We should probably head down.”

            I think this is honestly the worst day of my life. I’ve never had such a hard time saying good-bye to people, and I’ve only known them all a couple months. It wasn’t even this bad after college, and I knew most of them for four years.

            When we got to the airport I felt like I was going to throw up. I can’t believe it’s over. We made it through security and I had to get to my gate while everyone else had to go through the extra security to get to international travel.

            I made my way around saying goodbye to everyone. There were only three of them that it was real difficult to say goodbye to. I’ll miss everyone but the four of us were extra close before the tour even started.

            “God Vay, I can’t believe you’re not coming,” Rachael hugged me tightly. We’ve gotten really close while on this tour, and it’s killing me that I’m not going to be able to walk down the hall to her room when I’m having an issue. “You better keep in touch and call me once in a while. And when we get back we’re getting together again. I’m going to miss you, hoe.”

            “I’ll miss you too. Have fun.” I hugged her one more time and then moved on to Marty. He was standing with a smile, his arms crossed over his chest, “Marty,” I called out.

            “Veda,” he hugged me tightly, “Call me if you change your mind.”

            I nodded my head, “Thanks for making me do this,” here comes that whole laughing and crying thing at the same time, “Seriously Marty,”

            “I know,” he nodded his head, “Tell your parents I said hi. And Audrey, have fun with that,” I laughed and wiped my eyes, “Good luck, I’ll see you soon.”

            “K, thanks,” I elbowed him in the side and he grabbed my arm and twisted, “OK, I give.”

            He laughed and pulled me into one last hug, “Bye Vay.”

            I waved goodbye and then stood in front of Justin. I’m crying already. “I’ll walk you over,” Justin said softly.  I nodded my head and waved to everyone as we made our way to my gate.

            Neither of us said anything, but I had to sit down because I felt like I was going to fall over. Justin sat down next to me, neither of us able to speak. This shouldn’t be this hard. I shouldn’t be so upset. It’s my choice; I’m the one making the decision that I don’t want to go.

            “Isn’t your car in LA?” Justin spoke. I nodded my head, “But you’re going to Dallas? So what, you’re just going to go home without a car?”

            “I guess I’ll just use my parents, I haven’t really thought about it.”

            He leaned forward and ran his hands through his hair, “I just don’t get it Dallas, I don’t get why you’re not coming.”

            I wiped my eyes, I really wish I could stop crying, “I just need to go home for a little.”

            Justin took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat, “It’s only a couple months. It’s not too late to change your mind.”

            I don’t understand why he’s taking it so personally. “I don’t want to.”

            Why doesn’t she want to? Why the fuck is she fine with leaving on that plane and going back to Dallas? If she was fine with it and she wanted to go back home then she wouldn’t be crying like she is. It doesn’t make any sense. None of this shit makes sense.

            The announcement came over the speakers that it was her last boarding call. She stood up, and I stood up quickly, “I got you some stuff,” I handed her the bag.

            “Thanks,” she said softly and stuffed it into her backpack, “You didn’t have to…”

            “I know,” I broke in, “Have a safe flight,” I heard my voice crack as I spoke. God, I need to be a man and stop this bullshit. She’s leaving, that’s it.

            “Can I get a hug quick?” She asked and fell into my arms before I could answer. Now she’s really crying, harder than she was before. I rubbed her back as if to comfort her, but I need some fucking comforting me. “Thanks so much J, for everything. This has been an amazing opportunity,” she paused to catch her breath and tried to compose herself enough to continue, “Seriously. I had so much fun, and I’ll remember everything forever. We’ve been through a lot kid.”

            “Then don’t go,” I said again before catching my breath. It doesn’t have to be the end. I held onto her longer than I should have, but she wasn’t letting go either.

            Dallas ignored what I said; again, “You’re a good kid, even though sometimes you’re a cocky bastard and a shitty golf player,” she finished with a laugh.

            “Yeah, alright,” I laughed, “I’m still going to kick your ass someday. You’re going to be surprised.”

            “I hope so,” she smiled and pulled away from me, “Have fun in Europe, school them.”

            I nodded my head; “Call me when you get home.”

            “You’re going to be on the plane.”

            “I got airplane mode.”

            She nodded her head, “Bye Justin.”

            “Later Dallas.”

            I watched her walk away; she waved before going through the terminal. I sat down and took a deep breath. What the fuck am I doing? How the fuck am I letting her just go back home? What is wrong with me that I can’t swallow my fucking pride for a minute and tell her how I really feel? I stood up and jogged to the terminal, pulling at the closed door.

            “Sir”

            “Dude, I need to get on that fucking plane.”

            “They’re taking off sir,” the man answered softly and I took a deep breath. I slid down to the ground because I can’t stand anymore. Is she really gone? She can’t really be gone. What the fuck am I going to do? “Can I book you another flight?”

            I shook my head and pulled my hood over my face and my sunglasses down. I had to wait a few minutes to compose myself before I went back to everyone else. I’ve gone fucking crazy.

            I took a deep breath before standing up and walking back to everyone. Luckily, it was a little ways away so I had some time to check my shit. When I got back, most of the dancers were sitting on the ground in a circle playing some dirty game I’m sure. Marty was sitting in one of the uncomfortable chairs all by himself. He looked at me when I sat down next to him, “You alright man?”

            I nodded my head even though it’s pretty obvious I’m not.

            “You’ll see her again, when we get back.”

            I nodded my head again, still unable to talk.  Rachael came over and grabbed onto my arms, pulling me up, “Come with me.” I stood up and followed her through the airport. “I don’t know why you didn’t just tell her.”

            “Rach, shut up.” I can’t deal with her shit right now.

            “I’m just saying you should have told her.”

            “And I’m telling you to shut the fuck up.”

            She didn’t have a smart remark, instead she pulled me into a tight hug, “I’m going to miss her too.”

            I shook my head and pulled my glasses up so I could wipe my eyes. “Come on, we’re boarding.”