After what felt like the longest plane ride in history I finally stepped off the plane and into Dallas. I walked through the airport like a zombie, not exactly sure how I should be feeling. To my surprise, as soon as I got past security my father was standing there smiling. I pretty much ran into his arms and started bawling as soon as I got there. There’s really no reason for me to be crying, but I’ve been crying just about the whole plane ride here, not to mention the past two days, that I feel like this is just another excuse to cry.

            “Hey Lady Bug. Welcome home.”

            I held onto him tightly and laughed to hide the tears. Luckily my father talked the whole ride home, not exactly giving me a chance to speak, so I was able to get myself together before my mother saw me.

            After seeing my mother and sister I managed to head up to my room alone. I did have to tell them I was a little sick from the plane ride. They seemed to buy it, so I fell onto my bed trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. I don’t know why I feel like something’s missing. It’s obvious Justin doesn’t care about me that way. He has a girlfriend, first of all, and he didn’t really care that I wasn’t going. He would have told me if he felt something.

            “Are you sleeping?” I heard Audrey’s voice and quickly closed my eyes. I’m going to pretend I’m sleeping so she’ll go away. I just got home. This is not good. “Veda! Are you up?”

            “I am now,” I answered softly and turned around to face her, “What’s up Audrey?”

            “I missed you! Welcome home!” I sat up and forced a smile as she sat down on the bed and hugged me.

            “Yeah, thanks I missed you too. It’s good to be home. I’m really tired though, I was going to take a quick nap.”

            “Oh, ok, I’ll let you sleep. Do you think that um, you’re going to see Justin again?” here we go.

            “I don’t know Audrey, maybe.”

            “I just was wondering if like he has a new video do you think you’d be in it?”

            “I’m not sure, I’m just really tired,” there better not be these questions the whole time I’m here. I will not be able to deal with it.

            “Alright, I’ll let you sleep. Did you take any pictures? I want to see them.”

            I took a deep breath, “I didn’t Audrey. Please let me sleep and we can talk about it tomorrow.”

            “OK, gosh. You don’t have to be so cranky.”

            Just leave me alone. This is so not going to be something I can deal with. I need a lock on the door.

            When we landed in London it was 9am. I hate overnight flights because I can never get comfortable enough to sleep. Not that I should be complaining, I was in upper class far above everyone else in coach, and my chair went all the way back to a bed. I should have switched with someone though; I knew I wouldn’t get any sleep.

            There’s still that feeling in the pit of my stomach, the feeling telling my I really fucked up. I should have gotten over my pride and just told Dallas that she had to come, not because of the tour but because I want her to come. I can’t even think about what it’s going to be like being away from her for two months. I have fucking issues.

            As I stepped off the plane I met up with Rachael who looks abnormally wide awake. “You look like death,” she laughed when she saw me.

            “I couldn’t sleep. I’m tired and hungry. Please tell me we don’t have to do shit today.”

            “We don’t just tonight. You can sleep as soon as we get to the hotel.”

            I hate London because there are so many fucking people screaming and taking pictures. It seems like it’s worse here than anywhere else, although that may have something to do with the fact I just got off a plane and haven’t slept in what seems like days. Then there’s the whole Dallas thing adding more fuel to the fire.

            Speaking of Dallas, she didn’t call me. I’ll call her when I get in my room so I don’t have to deal with Rachael’s assumptions. I can’t believe before we got on the plane Rach had the audacity to say I should have just told her. What the fuck? How does she know what I should have told Dallas? She doesn’t know. How could she fucking know? I don’t even know.

            I fell right in the bed the second I got to my room. I walked right past the tray of fruit and Danish, fuck it I’m more tired than I am hungry, that’ll be there when I wake up. I grabbed my phone to call Dallas before I fall asleep.

            She answered it after five rings, I was getting worried something had actually happened, “Hello?” She sounds like she’s sleeping, shit I forgot the time differences.

            “Hey, you didn’t call me.”

            “Oh, I forgot, sorry.”

            “It’s ok, sorry to wake you up. I just wanted to make sure you made it home.”

            “I did, thanks. How’s London?"

            “Cold and overcast, same as always,” she laughed and the sound made me smile, “How’s Texas?”

            “Dark,” she paused to yawn, “Lots of stars.”

            “Go back to sleep.”

            “No, it’s ok. I’m up now. Is there a show tonight?”

            “No, tomorrow. I have to go to some dinner tonight.”

            “Sounds like fun, at least they talk cool.”

            “Yeah,” I laughed, “What are your plans? Starting the job hunt?”

            “Yeah, I guess at some point. Did you sleep on the plane?”

            “Nah, not for a minute,” I yawned but somehow talking to her wakes me up.

            “That sucks. Go to sleep, tell everyone I said hi.”

            “I will, call me sometime. Don’t loose touch.”

            “Alright. Bye Justin, goodnight.”

            “Sweet dreams.”

            Come to London. Fuck, we just left not even a day ago and I’m already missing her. That’s fucked up. It’s also fucked up that every time I go on a plane the first thing I do is call my mother. I didn’t even call my mother yet and I called fucking Dallas. What does that say?

            “Are you up? Veda, are you awake?”

            I opened my eyes slowly to see the clock, it’s 9:30, I’m up now.

            “Veda, are you awake?” Audrey kept talking; I swear I’m going to kill her if she keeps this up.

            “Yes Audrey, I’m up. Good Morning, what can I do for you?” I sat up in bed to see she wasn’t alone; she was joined by three of her friends. “Hi,” I said softly, why do I always wake up with an audience watching me?

            “Hi. Did you really go on tour with Justin Timberlake?” the tall brunette asked. I should know their names but they are escaping me right now.

            “What’s he like? Is he as hot in person as he is in magazines?” the short blonde with glasses spoke.

            “Hotter actually,” I answered with a laugh, remembering what he told me to say if that question came up.

            “He is, he’s totally hotter,” Audrey began, “He invited me back to his hotel, didn’t he Veda?”

            “To go swimming Audrey, don’t say it like that. You’re going to get him in trouble, you’re underage.”

            “Whatever, I saw him half naked.”

            “In his bathing suit,” I corrected her, she’s crazy. “I’m going to go get some breakfast, see you guys later.”

            I have a feeling we’re going to be talking about Justin all day every day the whole time I’m home.  I came home so I could be away from him and she’s not making it very easy. My mother was standing by the stove making oatmeal so when I sat down on the counter, “Morning Momma.”

            “Good Morning sweetie, are you well rested?”

            I nodded my head, “I’d be better rested if Audrey didn’t come in and wake me up with her friends. Seriously, I can’t deal with all the questions.”

            My mother laughed, “She’s just excited that you’re home.”

            “No she’s not. She’s just excited because OMG her sister came back from touring with Justin OMG Timberlake.”

            She smiled and handed me a bowl of oatmeal, “How are you doing?”

            “Fine.”

            “Fine? Do you want to talk about it?”

            I stuffed a spoonful in my mouth to give me a minute before answering, “Talk about what?” I decided to play dumb.

            “Veda, sweetie, you’re acting like a girl that’s got her heart broken.”

            I almost choked on my oatmeal, “My heart is not broken.”

            “OK,” she nodded her head, “Why didn’t you go to Europe?”

            “I just didn’t want to, why is it such a big deal? I’m not a dancer; I don’t want dancing to be my life. I want to design, I just finished school and I haven’t even done anything with it yet.”

            “Alright sweetie, calm down. I’m just saying it’s only a few months, it’s not like you to quit.”

            “I didn’t quit, it’s a different tour,” I know I’m getting really defensive and it’s not helping the cause. If she was questioning it before, now she knows for sure “I don’t get why it’s such a big deal with everyone.”

“I’m sorry hunny, I just thought you loved touring.”

“I did, but I wanted to come home, I needed a break.”

“Did you tell him how you feel?”

I looked away from my mother because I felt myself about to cry. How does she know everything? Why did she ask me that? “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I whispered the lie.

“Maybe he needs to hear it. Maybe he feels the same way.”

“He has a girlfriend,” I reminded her.

I was pulled into a hug before my mother spoke again, “It’ll work out hunny. It always does.”

I wiped my eyes before pulling away from her. I wasn’t crying my eyes were just getting a little watery. “I’m going back to bed.”

            As the days passes life in Europe was getting more and more annoying. I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to be doing when I’m not working. Everything is so boring. Without Dallas here, I feel like there’s nothing to do. I have no one to play Wii with, no one to watch movies with, it’s like I’m all alone out here. It sucks.

            I paced around the stage at the venue for the first show. We had a couple days off before we start. Marty’s been spending the days off training this new girl and now I’m here for the first time trying to see how she moves.

            The stage is smaller because the venues over here are smaller. I fucking hate that. It’s like everything is scaled down and it’s not as good as it was back home. In reality, I know it’s not much of a difference but I’m used to it being bigger and I hate having to change everything.

            Running through the show for the first time without Dallas was weird. I don’t like it. The new girl is shorter than Dallas, so at least I don’t have to worry about putting my arm up so high during the song that I had all those issues with. That’s the only good thing about this girl being here, and I’d rather strain my arm out every day if Dallas could come back. There’s just something about this new girl I don’t like, although it’s probably just because she’s here and Dallas isn’t. I shouldn’t hold it against her; it’s obviously not her fault.

            I know I’ve been quiet the past few days. It sucks and I should be able more outgoing and shit but honestly I just want to go crawl in my bed, pull the covers over my head and sleep this whole tour away. Either that or fly to Dallas and drag her on the fucking plane with me. I’m not above that.

            This girl doesn’t even know what she’s doing. She’s literally bumping into people. And now she’s on the ground, screaming, and holding her ankle.

 Fan-fucking-tastic.

“You do know you’ve been in bed for like the past week,” of course it’s Audrey; I swear to god I’m going to kill her.

“You do know you’ve been waking me up every day for like, the past week.”

“Yeah, cause you’re like dead to the world.”

“I’m really tired. And maybe if you didn’t wake me up every day I’d get a good nights sleep and I wouldn’t be sleeping, like, every day” I mimicked.

She took a deep breath, “You’re so boring.”

“You’re so annoying.” I know I’m being so mature.

“Do you miss seeing Justin every day?”

Oh God, help me. “Would you stop?” I screamed, “I swear to GOD Audrey, every fucking day! You ask me about him twenty times a fucking day. Would you get over it? You’re a stalker do you get that? He’s too old for you; he’s not interested in going to jail. And even if you were older, he still wouldn’t be interested because he has a fucking girlfriend. I was on tour with him, I’m not anymore, and it’s over. It’s done. You’re probably never going to see him again, get over it. I swear to god Audrey, every fucking day!”

“God, chill. I just asked a simple question.”

“You ask the same simple question a hundred times a day. Leave me alone, get out of my fucking room.”

My cell phone rang and I took a deep breath to calm myself before answering it, “Is it him? Do you think it’s him? Have you talked to him since you got home? Does he call you?”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Get the fuck out! MOM!!!!!!”

“Alright, alright, I’m going, chill.”

I saw Marty’s number on the caller ID and took a few quick deep breaths. Why did I come home? “Help me.” I answered.

Marty laughed, “Help me. What’s the problem?”

“Audrey is driving me up the fucking wall. I’m going to kill her. I can’t stay here.”

“You still have the key to my place right? Go back to LA for a little.”

“And do what? Everyone I know is in Europe.”

“That works out incredibly well actually.”

“What?”

“We need help Vay, serious help.”

I fell back on the bed and took a deep breath, “What kind of help?”

“The girl that took your spot, number one, can’t dance,” he laughed, “She couldn’t dance from the beginning but now she really can’t dance.”

OK, I’ll bite. “Why can’t she dance?”

“She fell during rehearsals and broke her fucking ankle,” he laughed, “It’s not funny, we’re stuck. We need you Vay, get on the next flight and get your ass over here and help us school Europe.”

“Like it’s broken?”

“Yeah, broken. She’s going back home. We’re stuck.”

“You have backup dancers,” I reminded him.

“That suck,” he reminded me, “Are you really going to make me beg? Audrey is driving you crazy and you know you want to go to fucking Europe. Plus, we need your help with Justin. He’s driving everyone crazy, acting all depressed and shit.”

“He probably misses his girlfriend.”

“Yeah, that’s probably it,” he answered sarcastically with a laugh, “You guys are so fucking stupid it’s unbelievable, but whatever, I don’t care. It’s your life, be fucking stupid. Just come to Europe. Please Veda, we seriously need you to come.”

“I don’t know Marty.” I still feel the same way about going. Sure, I want to go to Europe, but how can I? So, say I do go, and then I’m there with Justin and fucking Jess? I can’t do that. But I can’t take Audrey either. There’s no winning.  “I need to think about it, I’ll call you back, ok?”

“Yeah, hurry up though, if you’re coming you need to get here soon.”