I can't believe that just happened.

Justin, the third grade teacher from down the hall just kissed me.

Doesn't he realize what problems this could cause? This can't be good.

What if he wants to start dating or something? I mean yea, we've had some interesting conversations, and some flirty moments but I never expected it to go anywhere.

Okay, maybe I might have, quite possibly, thought a tiny little bit about it.

Let's face it. He's hot. And sweet. And funny. We clearly have a lot in common. I can totally kick his butt at guitar hero.

And he's single.

But we work together, and our boss... well Sherri has made it quite clear how she feels about teachers having anything more then a professional relationship.

This could be very messy.

I can't think about it right now. I just have to push the thought of his unbearably soft lips against mine and get back to work.

As difficult as that may be.

I pull into the parking lot and get out of the car, not even daring to look around the parking lot to see if Justin is right behind me or not. With my luck, he'll want to talk about this right now and I can't do that. I need to get my head on straight first.

I grab my purse and head back into the building, as I reach the door of the building I see Justin pulling in. Even the distance and the windshield in between us doesn't stop me from noticing the concerned look in his deep blue eyes.

I quicken my pace and let the door to the building float closed behind me heading back towards the safety in numbers of the teachers now rejoining their groups to continue planning.

I try to focus as the other two teachers swap ideas but to be honest my mind is understandably elsewhere, and they are pretty much set on following the same old stale curriculum thats been in place for years now. I'm too preoccupied to argue and they don't want my opinion anyway.

Two mindless hours later, I find myself avoiding Justin's gaze as I head out of the cafeteria. It appears that he will be stuck here for a little while longer and I am thankful for that. At least it gives me a chance to get out of here before he traps me in my classroom.

I feel bad for basically plotting out my avoiding him but right now it's probably for the best.

Either way it was surprisingly easy to avoid Justin for the next few days. I know it was childish but I already had so much to deal with, and he didn’t seem to be actively seeking me out either.

In fact it was Thursday before I even saw him at all. I was standing outside during recess with the other second grade teachers when I spotted him out across the field with his students. They were scouring the ground for leaves and dropping them into plastic freezer bags. I watch him interact with them and can't help but be a little mesmerized. Something about a guy with children that just gets to you, ya know?

He must have got the feeling that someone was watching him because he turned his head in my direction and even from across the field I can see the uncertainty in his eyes, but slowly he lifts his hand, waves just slightly and nods his head once. My stomach starts to tighten into knots of guilt because I know the only reason he’s being distant is because of the way I reacted. I really do miss him coming in every morning just to chat. I smile weakly back and then a voice catches my attention.

The always intrusive Harriet Jones has made her way to my side, and she’s standing to my left, arms folded across her chest as she speaks.

“Is that Justin all the way out there?” She asks, when I know she knows it is. I swear she always knows whats going on with everyone.

“Yea.” I reply.

“He must be starting the food chain unit.” She mentions. “I’m sure you’ve met him right?” she prys, when I'm positive she knows he’s in my room almost every morning.

“Yea we’ve met.”

“He’s such sweet boy.” She’s is one of the younger teachers in the building. But I use the term “young” loosely. Half the time she's acting like your best friend, and the other half she acts like an old nosy aunt. I really don’t have any idea what she’s trying to do but I go along with it.

“Yea, he’s been very helpful. He gave me a lot of the stuff he used last year.” I reply, at least trying to keep this all school related.

“Oh. I have to admit, I’ve noticed that he stops in your room from time to time. I’m glad to see he’s opening up again.”

“Again?”

“Yes. When he first started working here, he was the life of the building. Then, from what I’ve heard, his fiancée ran off to California and he hasn’t been the same since.”

I fight to keep my composure. ‘His fiancée?’

“He was engaged?”

“Yes. I believe so. When that girl took off, it really broke his heart.” She nods and watches him calling his kids together, probably to head back inside.

“He took some time off, I think to follow her out there but as far as I know he came back empty handed.”

“Oh.”

“I really shouldn’t have told you any of that, so…”

“Really, I won’t be running off to paint a billboard or anything.”

“No I wouldn’t think you would…” She looks as though she had more to add to her thought, but he’s approaching us now with his line of third graders in tow.

“Good afternoon Justin.” She smiles politely at him.

“Hello Harriet.” He returns her greeting. “Callie.” He doesn’t quite meet my eyes, but does smile.

“Hey.” I say softly, and barely realize that Harriet as already begun to walk away and she blows on the whistle around her neck to call the kids in.

After pausing just briefly, he looks back to make sure all of his students are with him.

“Jamie, go ahead and stop right at the door okay?” The student at the front of the line nods enthusiastically and I can’t help but smile at the sheer joy he has of simply holding that coveted spot as line leader. I look up and see Justin smiling right back at me but when our eyes meet the grins fade slowly. This is so stupid. I… we really need to stop acting like teenagers. And I suppose the balls in my court.

“Hey Justin?”

“Yea?”

“Are you gonna be around after school?”

His eyebrows furrow, and he gives me a questioning look. “Um.. yea.” His hand reaches up to rub over the top of his head through the short hair and down the back of his neck.

“I was thinking I’d come down.” I try to sound as nonchalant as possible. I know what we need to talk about; he knows what we need to talk about, but there’s no reason that Harriet or the other second grade teacher to question any motives.

His eyes widen just slightly and then he nods. “Yea that would be great.” “Okay.” I smile, I forgot how much I like just talking with him, even if it is the slightest bit awkward right now.

“Okay.” He grins back and turns away to head towards the front of his, somewhat patiently waiting line.

“Okay Jamie, go ahead inside, right into the room and to the rug.” He pulls open the door and holds it open as his students file in.

I look towards the playground. “Miss H’s class.” I call them over and they line up, my student of the week coming right up front and waiting for the okay to lead her classmates inside. When I turn back around again I see the last of Justin’s students heading inside and he winks at me before following them in.

I can't get what Harriet said out of my head. I've had my fair share of horrible endings to relationships but that is horrible. I can't believe someone would leave someone like him. I’d kind of really like to hear the story from him, because I’m sure there’s more to it. I’ve only known him for a short period of time but he’s been so consistent with everything that he does; kissing me was definitely an impulse and if him simply talking with me is shocking to the other teachers, I can’t even imagine what they would think if they knew he did that.

I really need to know what he is thinking.

I lead all my students into my classroom, passing by his door as we walk inside and see him sitting in a chair in the far corner with his students gathered around him on the rug reading from a Shel Silverstein book. He really is something.

Shel Silverstein is my favorite author.

Sooner than expected the day is over and I don't have any idea what I'm going to say to him, but I refuse to delay this any longer. Drama has never set well with me.

As the last bus is called and I smile and wave when the last of my students heads out the door I walk around the room dropping tomorrows morning work onto desks and grabbing stray pencils and erasers off the floor.

I make sure that I have everything ready to take home when I do leave before I actually take the short walk down the hall.

I peek into Justin's room and see him sliding papers into the students mailboxes. His back is to me and I watch him for a moment. He slides the last paper into a slot and then lifts his wrist up to read his watch. I hear him sigh and then he turns and walks towards his desk, stopping midway and walking back towards the mailboxes again. He stops and brings his hand up to his forehead, rubbing at his temples and he turns just slightly so I can see his profile. His eyes a closed and his nose is scrunched up and I can tell he's very stressed.

I feel really bad but at the same time kind of want to laugh a little. He really looks adorable, even in such a state.

"Hey." I step into the room and he jerks his head in my direction, eyes wide, panic spread across his face and I can't stop from laughing.

"Oh my God." his hand grabs his chest and he takes a deep breath before he starts to laugh.

"You should have seen your face." I say after I catch my breath. His blue eyes are sparkling and it really is a beautiful thing. His eyes are definitely one of the the things I've always noticed. For better or worse, they are very expressive.

"Girl... now I know how you feel. Damn." He shakes his head and looks at me with a lopsided grin.

"Yea well at least you weren't holding anything." I add. While he recovers I take a look around the room. He has always come to my room and save a couple instances I haven't really been in here very often. It hasn't changed at all since he set it up three weeks before the beginning of the year. I've already changed the desks around twice and it's only been just over a month.

I've really noticed how much he likes to keep everything so structured and organized, which makes it even more odd that he did what he did. Not sure I'm ready to bring that up yet.

"Whats with that?" I point to an acoustic guitar leaning up against a bookshelf near the rug.

He had settled down tentatively on the edge of his desk but suddenly he stands up and crosses the room.

"Oh... well you know for being so close to Memphis you'd think the school would have an excellent music program, but we're lacking in that department." He sighs and lifts the instrument gently in his hands.

"You know they only get a half a year of it and I think it's a shame so I try to do stuff with them on my own."

'Could he be any more... ugh.' I tilt my head just a little and watch him as he spins it in his hands and slides his fingertips over the strings. "So you know how to play?"

"Yea. I mean, obviously it's not my career or anything. But I can play a song or two." He grins. "Mostly with them I can make up little songs that they can sing to help remember what they've learned. It's simple stuff really, but it works."

Life is really cruel sometimes. Bringing me to a place where I'd seriously meet someone who could be the perfect guy, but making it so theres nothing I could do about it. But there are so many little things that make me want to.

"Justin?"

He sets the guitar back down and looks right at me. "Yea?"

"I think we need to talk about..."

"Yea." He interrupts me. He looks at the door and then back at me. "But, it's probably not a good idea to do that here." His voice is a little softer and I'm sure he's worried about someone hearing just this.

"Okay?" It comes out like more of a question then an agreement but I don't know where else we could go.

"Listen how about..." He starts to speak but then theres a knock at the door and we both turn to see our wonderful principal standing there looking at the two of us like we're two teenagers she caught making out in a closet.

This woman is something. However if that is her suspicion she isn't far from the truth.

"Justin, I wanted to speak with you about that conference you plan on attending later this month." She says.

"Sure Sher, Callie and I were just discussing that actually." He smiles at her and without even trying I understand his creation of what shouldn't be a necessary cover story. It's ridiculous that either of us should feel we need one but I admire his quick thinking.

"I'm going to head out for the day. I'm thinking I will grab an early dinner at that sub shop you told me about Justin. Have a good afternoon Sherri... Justin." I smile at the both of them and walk towards the door.

The nod and smile he returns to me let me know that he understood what I meant and I head down to my room to grab my bag and have to admit I am the slightest bit thankful to have at least a few more minutes to decide exactly what I want to say to him.

I am you and you are me
We are the same mistake packaged differently
Everybody bleeds the same