Chapter 8

2:26am at a random park

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"So, uhh, what do you want to talk about?"  Justin stumbled.

"Will you just walk with me and be quiet.  I just want to enjoy this time with you.  I have a lot of things going through my mind and I need to figure them out."

"Sure thang.  God, would you look at the stars?  I've never seen them that bright before."  Justin said looking up at the sky.  Meredith turned her gaze to the sky and smiled.  They truly were amazing.

They walked for about 10 minutes of just silence.  Justin had begged Lonnie to let them go off on their own.  And after a lot of begging, Lonnie gave in.

"Let's go sit on that bench over there."  Meredith said pointing.

They sat down and an awkward silence fell over them.  They just sat there listening to the crickets and owls and the flow of rushing water somewhere near them.

"Meredith, I..."

"Justin..."

They started at the same time. 

"Meredith, please let me go first. I need to go ahead and get this out before I explode."

"OK."

Justin sighed and took deep breath.  He was scared but he knew he had to do this.

"You know all the trouble I've had with women.  They use me, abuse me.  The whole works.  I thought you would be the same.  But...Gosh, this is hard."  He looked down and Meredith took his hands.

"Just tell me, Justin."

"OK, I, umm, I uhh, think I'm falling in love with you.  Yeah, I know, it's happened pretty fast.  I just, every time you are around, I have to be right beside you.  And when you are not around I go looking for you.  I've never been this wrapped up with someone before.  And it scares me. Literally, I am terrified that I'm going to give you my heart and you are going to break it. I know you would never, EVER, do that on purpose.  But the terror is still there."  He looked down at his feet and collected his thoughts.

"That day on the beach.  I never gave you an explanation of why I acted the way I did.  Well, here you are.  I'm going to let it all out.  I hope I don't scare you...."  Meredith looked at him confused and he just continued.

"When I kissed you, I started thinking about things I've never thought about before.  I started feeling things I've only heard about.  I started thinking about a future, Meredith.  With you. I started seeing you and me getting married, having kids.  I've NEVER pictured that before.  Now, I don't know what it was.  If it was the beach? If it was the fact that I had dreamed about what it would be like to kiss you from even before I met you?  I don't know.  But when we broke the kiss and I looked down at you.  I could have sworn you were some creature not of this earth.  You stunned me and scared me.  And so being the jackass that I am, I ran away.  And I'm really sorry, I'll be forever sorry that I did."

HE stopped and looked up at her.  Her eyes were watery.  She didn't know whether to kiss him, slap him, and hold him, run away from him.  He was scaring HER now.  But, she had to be strong.

"Meredith, I was falling in love with you.  And it scared me." He finished.

"Oh, Justin..." She choked out.  Meredith was now openly crying and she didn't know what to do.  So she did what came naturally.  She reached out and clung to him. 

He wrapped his arms around her and tried to quiet her, but it was no use.  Finally after a few minutes she pulled away. Justin what did you mean you wanted to kiss me before you met me?"

"I umm, well, when Johnny told us about you he showed us this picture of a little girl in a pink dress."

"Oh no...." Meredith chuckled.

"It was so cute.  I thought the little girl in the picture was gorgeous.  I was in a really weird mood that day so I decided calling the new Intern "little g", meaning gorgeous girl, even though I had never seen you besides in that picture.  I remember looking at the picture and wondering what you would look like now.  Joey and I were playing around and I was like, "I bet the new intern girl can kiss." I remember Joey slapping my hand and saying, "Yeah, I've brainwashed him to think like me." I don't know what my problem was.  But anyway, that's what I mean when I say I wanted to kiss you before I met you.  Yeah, I know, I'm a complete perverted dork.  I was basically wanting to make out with a 10 year old."

"Timberlake, you make me wonder me sometimes." She laughed.

"I know, I know." He shrugged. 

"So, you were the one."  She smiled.

"Huh?"

"You were the one to make up the name G"

"Oh, yeah."  He smiled shyly.

Silence enveloped them again and Meredith finally got up enough courage to speak.

"Justin, I have to say a whole lot to you.  And, umm, you aren't going to like some of it.  But I have to tell you.  I don't know why, I just do."  She stopped and looked away from him. And finally continued.

"There are two stories.  The truth and what people think is the truth.  Only two people know the truth, and one of them is dead."  He looked at her in shock and she kept on going.

"But, I, for some weird reason, have decided that I should tell you.  You are my best friend.  You deserve to know." She paused to collect her thoughts.  "You deserve to know why I get depressed.  You deserve to know why I take medicine for depression.  You deserve to know why I hate the name 'Mer-DEATH'.  Well, you basically deserve to know who Dan is."

Justin looked at her shocked and confused, "Dan?" He asked quietly.

"He is my best friend.  Or was.  He died 2 and 1/2 years ago." She looked at Justin and pulled out her purse and rummaged through it.  She pulled out the photo she always kept with her of him with his arms around her and kissing her temple.  She looked at it and handed it to Justin.  While Justin studied it, Meredith closed her eyes and continued with the story.

"Dan and I were inseparable.  We knew each over like the back of our hands.  HE was incredible. I could never asked for someone better to spend my youth with than Dan.  I grew up with him.  We were next-door neighbors.  We spent every minute together.  People would think that we were brother and sister when we were little.  WE were extremely popular, together.  The girls liked me because Dan was a hottie and I would always try to help him get as many girls as possible. And so we made a good team. When we got into high school everyone thought that we were a couple.  We never were.  I never had feelings like that towards him.  He was my best friend.  He was the twin I never had.  I loved him more than life itself.  I would have killed myself to save him if it was possible." She looked at Justin and sighed.

"Dan had problems.  Problems I didn't know about.  People always tried and find something to blame problems like his on, but there was nothing to blame.  Dan was screwed up.  I never knew until the night before he died how screwed up he actually was.  People tried to blame his parents, but his parents were, well are, the sweetest people.  I don't speak to them anymore. I don't speak to many people anymore in my hometown.  People blamed me for strange reasons.  'He spent to much time with that girl...blah blah blah'. I don't really know why people blamed me, but they were right.  They had every right to blame me.  He would still be here if I had done what he asked of me."

"Meredith, I'm so confused right now." Justin whispered.

"Sorry, It's kinda difficult for me to explain. I mean I've gone over and over many times in my head what I would tell someone, but you are the first person I've ever told.  I've kept this locked up inside of me for 2 and 1/2 years.  Its been killing me.  OK, back to Dan. Umm, I never thought much about little things Dan would say to me and stuff.  He would call me Gorgeous.  He was the only other person I've ever known to call me that." She stopped and tried to explain.

"Lance told me that day when you guys sang More than a feeling to me, that when yall called me "G" it stood for gorgeous.  That's why I was so upset when I came to sound check.  I was thinking of Dan. "  She sighed and continued

"Anywys, Dan umm, well one night he called me up and told me that he needed to talk to me about something very important.  It was like 11 at night or so and my parents were out of town for the evening.  So when Dan came over, I brought him upstairs to my room like I had done a million times before.  But I could tell something was bothering him.  I brought him in my room and it happened so fast, and sometimes it just replays in my head in slow motion.  I remember Dan pushing me on the bed and pining me down on it with his body.  HE kissed me and kissed me.  I couldn't breathe.  I didn't know what to do.  I had never been kissed before and Dan, he was like my brother.  He was my sole protector from evil people and here he was being evil, forcing himself on me.  He kept kissing me and tried to pull my shirt off.  I remember fighting with him and kicking and screaming.  I hit him as hard as I could but he kept on going, trying to remove me of my clothes.  Finally I screamed that 'I was Meredith' I asked him 'how could you' and I got really mean and called him names I don't even like to even think about."  She looked at Justin. He was staring at the ground searching to understand. She kept on talking.

"He abruptly stopped.  He hadn't hurt me, physically.  He hadn't raped me or anything.  But I was emotionally ruined.  He just stood up and stared at me lying on the bed trying as hard as I could not to cry. And the last thing I remember was him whispering "I'm sorry" and running out of my house."

Meredith looked at Justin.  He was crying.  He was angry, upset.  He use to never be the crying type, but ever since he met Meredith, his feelings seemed to sharpen.  He had become more sensitive. 

This explained a lot and she knew he was beginning to understand. But it wasn't over yet.

"Justin, that night Dan killed himself." Justin jerked his head towards Meredith who was contently watching the stars.

"He got home and sometime during the night put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.  He used his dads.  His dad was a police officer.  He also wrote a note.  But it was just a notebook sheet of paper with the words "I'm sorry" written over and over and over again.  He signed his name on the bottom but addressed it to no one.  His parents found him the next day.  When police came to look around they found a huge box in his closet.  It had all types of weird poetry and writings in it.  Stuff about death, about Satan, about sex, about being alone. Even about me.  I remember the cops handing me one poem called "Mer-DEATH," asking me if I had ever seen it before.  It said that I was the only person that had the power to destroy him. Perverted, gross, scary stuff was written in the poem.  I still have nightmares about that poem.  The doctors determined that he had some type of psycho-persona inside of him.  He wasn't the guy we all grew up to love.  He wasn't my best friend anymore.  He was a sick guy with a twisted brain, who had killed himself."  She stopped and exhaled a much-needed breath as to breathe out all her misery.

"No one knows that Dan came to my house the night before he died.  No one but Dan, but he is dead.  Of course I know.  But now you know, too.  I know you won't tell anyone.  I trust you." 

She sighed and shrugged. "And THAT'S my story.  THAT'S why I'm depressed.  THAT'S why I take medicine to get me through the day.  And THAT'S why I don't think I could love you the way you want me to." 

She looked at Justin.  Her cheeks were soaked and so were his.  He didn't know why he was crying, he just was.

"Justin, I want to be with you more than anything.  But I don't trust myself with you.  In a week I'm going back to North Carolina.  I might never see you again.  I treasure your friendship.  I need it.  And I'm afraid if we act on our feelings anymore, that I might lose control of myself. I love you.  You are the first person besides my family that I've said that to since Dan has died.  You might not think that's a big deal.  But it is. It's a huge Deal.  You say I frighten you? Well I scare the shit out of myself."

Meredith was finished.  No more questions were in Justin's head.  He knew. He understood. Yeah, he was upset.  He wanted to be with her.  But sometimes things just don't work out that way.

"Meredith, I never knew you had this much going on with you.  If I was in your position I think I would have killed myself by now."  His eyed focused on nothing as he shook his head.

"It's not like I haven't tried before..." She mumbled not really wanting him to hear.

He snapped up to look at her, lovingly.  "Ohh, Meredith, don't say that.  You are amazing. You are beautiful.  I don't know why Dan would ever want to hurt someone as angelic as you are.  You are so strong. I use to wonder why you get nervous when people complimented you.  I thought your innocence and insecurities were because you were naive.  But, damn, you have to be the strongest person I know to have gone through all that and still be standing.  You are breathtaking.  And I love you.  And I will wait for you as long as it takes.  I'll help you. I'll be there for you when you need me.  I will always be there."

"Thank you Justin, you are my angel."  She smiled and he cupped her face with his hands and wiped the tears from her with his thumbs.  She in returned wiped his away with her index finger and whispered:

"Will you kiss me, softly, please.  Just one more time until I hit reality."

He didn't say anything he just brought her face to his and placed his lips on hers.  He wanted more. He wanted to consume her and let her know he would always protect her. But this was what SHE wanted.  And he was willing to do anything to make her happy.  He gently caressed her lips with his and finally pulled away.

Meredith kept her eyes closed and rested her head on Justin's shoulder.  Her feet were pulled up and resting on the bench.  She hugged her knees.  Justin wrapped his strong arms around her and placed his hands on hers in front of her knees.  They stayed like this for who knows how long. 

"Hey you two, it's REAL late. Johnny probably has the FBI out looking for us.  We need to go." Lonnie called out from 20 feet away.  He was trying to look like he wasn't spying on the two but it wasn't working.  The dim light of the lamp above them casted a glow and Meredith laughed when she saw Lonnie's neck stretch to try and see them.

"EY, Lonnie, why don't you just wait until the home video is out.  It will be a lot easier than breaking your neck." Justin yelled to the big man.  Meredith giggled and Lonnie approached them.

"What am I going to do with you two?" Lonnie shook his head at the two.  They were still in their same position with Justin holding her and hadn't even bother to move.

"What time is it L-dawg?" Meredith asked.

"It's past my bedtime AND yours. It's 3:45!" Lonnie exclaimed.

Meredith tilted her head back to look at Justin who shrugged sheepishly and said, "Who knew?"

"All right, come on. Let's get you lovebirds back."

"We aren't lovebirds, are we Justin?" Meredith asked walking hand in hand with Justin to the limo.

"Nope. Just Best friends, always." Justin placed a kiss on her temple and the three people made their way back to the limo.

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A week later in a backstage lounge in Ft. Lauderdale

"Can you believe it's almost over?"  Lance said as he lay down on the couch.

"WHOO HOO! I'm goin HOMMMMMEEEE" Joey yelled.

"I can't WAIT to see Dani."  Chris put his fist in the air triumphantly.

"Guess what?"  JC entered the room putting his cell phone back in his pocket.  He plopped down on the couch and sighed.

"What C?" Justin asked not looking up from the cards he held in his hand.

Meredith smiled smugly at him and placed down her cards.  "Gin."  Justin glared at her.

JC continued. "I just talked to Cindy and told her about the closing show and asked her to come.  You know what she said?"

"She didn't want to..." Meredith said turning to give him a worried look.

"How did you know?" He asked hurtfully.

"She called me 30 minutes ago and told me she was thinking about breaking it off.  She kept asking me what to do.  I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to be put in the middle of you guys."

"What did you tell her?"  JC asked quietly.

"JC, I stuck up for you.  I told her about how much you missed her and how many times you had the chance to go after another girl, but didn't.  And she kept saying that she knew in about two months you would be gone again.  She didn't want to keep having her heart taken away.  I can understand that.  But, she should have at least given you a chance." 

Meredith got up from her place across from Justin on the floor and sat down beside JC.

She looked in his eyes; "She's a fool for doing this to you."

He rested his head down on her shoulder and she wrapped an arm around him. JC quietly said, "What are we going to do when you're gone?"

"Meredith we are going to miss you and your booty so much." Joey said winking.

"Please do not start talking about her booty. Last time she slapped me in the back of my head." Justin glared at her.

"Oh OK, Mr. Timberfake, you want to be like that?  Bring it onnnn..." 

"You don't want a piece of me."  He said grinning evilly.

"Yup, you're right.  I go for more of the quiet, laid back type.  The ones on the rebound.  Right JC?"  She said sweetly, changing her position so that she was in JC's lap.

"YEAHHHH BABY!"  He imitated Austin Powers and began tickling her.

"*Nsync to sound check, *Nsync to sound check..." A voice was heard from a speaker.

"All right boys, get your lazy butts up and go sing." Meredith pointed to the door.

"You coming with us?"  Justin asked sweetly and hopefully.

"Maybe..." She said like it was not a big deal.

"MAYBE?...hey you guys go on, I'll meet you down there." He turned his attention to the rest of the guys.  They left and he turned back towards Meredith.

"You ALWAYS come to sound check."  He said in a fatherly tone.

"I know, it's just.... This is the last one, Justin.  I don't want it to end.  I leave tomorrow."

"I know."  He whispered.

"I don't want to go back."

"Believe me, I don't WANT you to go back either!"  He said gazing at her.

"Come, sit with me..." She patted the space beside her.  He sat down and immediately engulfed her in a hug.

"I said sit, not suffocate."  Meredith laughed against his chest.

"I'm going to miss you little g."

"I'm going to miss you, too..." She paused for effect and screamed "...TIMBERFAKE!"  She then jumped up and ran down towards the stage area with Justin sprinting behind her.

"OH that's it missy.  You are going DOWNNNNNNN."  He yelled.  She just laughed and kept running, but Justin's long legs soon caught up to her.  He picked her up and swung her around finally throwing her over his shoulder.  She could have protested, she could have fought him.  But she just went limp on his shoulder and enjoyed being carried into the huge coliseum.

"Wowweeeee.  This is a NICCCCCEEEEE view!" She exclaimed sarcastically as she was staring at his butt, not like she really had a choice to look anywhere else.

"You can touch it if you want..." Justin said sexily.

"Ewww, gross."  She made a face but reached and grabbed a cheek.

"WHOA NOW!! Meredith we have officially corrupted you." He said flipping her over and standing her straight.

"Wow, we are on stage."  She said looking around. 

"Yup, it looks a lot different without the lights and everything."

"Yeah, last time I was up here I wasn't paying much attention to the crowd." Meredith blushed, remembering last week when they had sang to her and the other women.  Justin laughed nervously and they walked to where the other guys were getting their microphones on.

"Bout time you got here, J.  We thought G might have killed you or something." Chris said.

"Or screwed you..." Joey winked at them. 

JC, Lance, and Chris fell silent in shock and Justin glared at Joey.  All the guys had bothered Justin about Meredith and their date. And even though he confirmed that they were just friends, Joey kept picking on him about it.  Justin was extremely tired of Joey's remarks.  But Meredith laughed and knew exactly what to do.

"Joey, was it THAT obvious? Opps.  Oh, Justin I forgot to zip up your pants." Everyone's eyes fell towards Justin's crotch, but Meredith stood in front of him before anyone could see that he actually did have his pants zipped up.  She nudged Justin and he just pretended to zip up his fly.  He then placed his arms around Meredith and said, "I guess we should tell them, huh M?"

"Guess so Justin..." She glanced at him and back to the rest of the guys.

"Tell us what?" Chris said cluelessly.

"We're a couple."  They said at the same time.  The guys all hung their mouths open and just stood there in shock as the two 'lovebirds' shrugged.

"I fell for this last time...prove it!" Lance said.

"Come here, babes..." Justin said leaning towards her.  Meredith stood up on her tiptoes and they both closed their eyes.  They rest of the guys stood their wide-eyed.  When Meredith and Justin were inches apart they both erupted into giggles. 

"You...guys.... Should have...seen...the look on...your...faces..." Justin said between laughs.

"OK, guys, enough goofing off.  Get to work."  Johnny said walking towards the stage.

"Sure thang boss."  Chris saluted him and they began their sound check.

"Meredith, can I see you for a moment?"  Johnny asked.

"Awww, you're in trouble!"  Justin teased.  She just stuck her tongue out at him.

"Sure."  Meredith hopped off stage and she and Johnny walked to about the 15th row and sat down.  They watched the sound check and laughed at the guys singing various songs and doing stupid dances. After about 10 minutes Johnny spoke.

"Meredith, have you thought any more about the job?"

"Yeah, actually I have."

"Well..." Johnny turned and looked at her. She looked straight ahead and stared at the guys on stage that she had grown to love.

"I think I should go back home for about a while.  But...." She paused for effect and smiled at the guys on stage and waved to them.  They waved back and she knew her decision was final.

"I've been accepted to FSU.  Classes start in about a month. My parents have already found an apartment for me in Orlando. And...I'm accepting your job offer."

"GREAT!"  Johnny exclaimed.  "I can't wait to tell the guys, they'll be thrilled."

"Wait, Johnny, don't tell them.  I want it to be a surprise."

"Well when are you going to tell them?"

"The first day on the job.  None of them know I'm going to Florida State.  They all think I'm going back to NC.  Yeah, I know, it's rude to make them miss me.  But I deserve some love, right?"  She asked laughing.