Prologue

She wondered if this was a good life or not. She wondered if THIS was ALL her life would amount to. Being 19 and a working student wasn't always the easiest of lives. Especially when you are supporting yourself. Especially when your family lives on the other side of the country. Especially when you have 2 DEMANDING jobs so you can pay for tuition, a small yet cozy apartment, clothes, and food. Oh and gas which seems to ALWAYS be on the rise for her old but trusty Chevy truck.

ESPECIALLY when your best friend is 7 years old.

Lately she felt her life was an emotional roller coaster. One day she was happy, giddy, perfectly content with her life, and other days, like this, she wondered if there was more.

She wondered.....too much.

She did it in class, she did it at home, she did it in the car. Work was the only places she found herself not being distracted by her thoughts.

Work.

One work place she loved, one she liked, sometimes.

The work she loved was with her best friend, that 7-year-old.

The work she sometimes liked was very contradictory to her other workplace.

Was it immoral to be a bartender and a baby-sitter?

Her normal week was very odd, at least to her. Friday nights and Saturdays nights she bartended at a local club called Tidal Wave. Sundays she spent going to church and time for herself. Mondays through Fridays she spent from 9:30 to 2:30 at college. From 3:00 to 9:00, was spent baby-sitting. From 9:00 to usually around 12 she spent studying or reading or listening to music.

Music, gosh, she was one of those people who loved EVERYTHING. And not just saying that so you don't have to give a long answer. If it was considered music she listened to it.

She laughed at herself when she would go in to Camelot music and come out with Mozart's 5th symphony, Eminems new record, a George Michael greatest hits, the new single by O-town, D'angelo's record she had been meaning to get for about a year, the old Enya CD she seemed to misplace, and the new Dolly Parton album.

Oh yeah, cant forget Bon Jovi's CD. She would always smile in memory of that "shot down in a blaze of glory song."

-Dammit I forgot Sgt. Pepper's CD. - She would think to herself on the way home. Her old one literally was worn out.

You get the point.

She was one of those people that hated TRL and MTV. Never played any videos and when MTV did, they only played pop, limp bizkit, korn, and eminem.

Not that she didn't like those artists; she just would like to see other videos as well.

VH1 was no better. All they did was marathons. How many times can one person see Behind the Music: Metallica?

The only music she disliked was techno. Probably because that's all she heard at her job. Well, Moby was OK. And Nsync, from her other job. But she did like two of their songs. Only two.

And as she stood there, in the computer section of Best Buy she wondered....is there more to my life than this?

She had spent the whole day contemplating buying what she was staring at. She knew one of her employers would not be happy, while the people at her other work place would cheer her on.

Was this what her life came down to? What her bosses thought?

But you have to admit it, buying a CD burner can be a stressful experience if you are a very moral person. Not saying that if you have one you aren't a nice or good person. But to her, she DID believe the artist should be compensated for their talent. Maybe she was sympathetic because of her job. But she was a poor college student and would much rather pay 1 dollar for a CD than 17.

Decisions, Decisions.

She hated them. Always got in the way of things.

"May I help you ma'am?" A young looking african-american male with a name tag that read 'Darrell' came up to her.

"Yeah, I need help. Majorily." She sighed running a hand through her long, black hair.

"Well, if you are wondering which writer/burner is the best I would recommend the Hewlett packard one." He pointed to the one that she was looking at.

"Well, see I have an HP at home, but that's not my problem."

"What is it? Money? We have some cheaper ones that are almost as good." He pointed over his shoulder.

"No, I need help MORALLY." She mumbled to herself.

"Huh? Ohhh I see, starving college kid that respects music artist."

She tilted her head to the side and widened her ice blue eyes behind her rectangular glasses. "How did-"

"I've been there." He smiled.

"Well, what did you decide?"

"At first I tried to stay moral and not go with the burner. But money became an issue and for a music lover like me, well, it just got easier and cheaper. I use to love metallica for taking Napster to court. Now I'm pretty sure Napster is a gift from above."

She laughed lightly at the comment. "Are you in college now?"

"Graduated from Florida State last year."

"Cool, I'm a sophomore at UCF."

"What are you studying?"

"Good question." They both laughed.

"Well, I hope you have luck in whatever you do. Now, decision time...." He looked at her hopefully.

She grabbed her hair in frustration. "NOOOOO!"

"Get it. Believe me, you'll be glad you did."

She exhaled loudly and looked at him with a pout. "All right, but if I don't like this then I'm coming back here and demanding a refund."

"Yes ma'am."

She watched as the man carried the rather heavy box for her to a cash register. He started typing up paper work, needing to see her driver's license, credit card, ect.

As Darrell worked on ringing up her purchase something, or rather someone caught her eye. It was no one she knew, but it made her smile. A couple, around her age were giggling and contemplating over cell phones. The woman pick up the phone and held it to her ear as the man walked a few phones down and picked up another phone pretending to answer it. The two were acting silly and childish for their age, but she would give anything to have that. She watched with a sigh as the man put his arms around the woman and kissed her temple, then cheek, then the girl pushed him away with a whisper that told him to stop. He laughed in return.

"Hello? Ya there?" A hand was waved in front of her face.

"Ohh sorry." She looked at Darrell. Most people would be embarrassed by getting caught staring off into space, but not her. It happened too frequently with her.

He handed her credit card back and she signed the receipt. He handed her the box, carrying the burner. "Here you are, thanks. And don't worry about all them musicians, they get enough money as it is."

-I could have told you that- "Thank you."

As she exited the doors of Best Buy she mouthed 'please don't go off, please don't go off' referring to the alarms. She always had a phobia that she would walk between the sensors and the alarm would go off. Then everyone's attention would be put on her.

It wasn't that she was afraid she would get caught stealing, that wouldn't go over well with her morals. But she didn't like a lot of attention to be placed on her. She wasn't one to be scared or embarrassed easily. But this was a big one. She was an observer instead of an entertainer.

She let out a breath as she walked towards the parking lot. She walked to her beat up pick-up truck. She hated the red color, she hated the coffee stains and lingering smoke smell from the previous owner, and she hated how the passenger door was broken and rattled while she drove.

But she loved that truck.

She opened up her passenger door and placed the box inside on the seat. She shut the door with a slam to make sure it would latch right, or the door might fly open while she was driving like it HAD done before. Walking to the driver's side she bent down to pick a penny, heads up.

Heads was good luck, tails was bad. Her father always told her, "Alex, don't ever pick up a penny on tails. It brings you bad luck."

She smiled at the memory. She missed her family. But she liked Florida a whole lot better than Alaska. And of the few things she was stubborn about, this was one of them. She wouldn't go back to live in Alaska for anything.

She never liked the place. And never had a reason not to. But, it was just one of those things. She didn't like it.

She cranked her truck and put in the tape that connected her portable CD player to her stereo. Putting the Beatles CD she had forgot to get the other day in the player.

She immediately flipped to "When I'm 64."

That one song that could depress her and make her day as bright as the sun in the same moment.

It was such a cute song, but made her wonder if she would ever have someone to sing that to.

Men, boys, males, whatever.....she didn't have the best of luck with them.

They always found her as distant, too deep, and kinda moody.

She always found them as.....imperfect.

Your daddy always tells you to never set your standards low. That it was GOOD to be picky when it came to guys.

But there is such a thing as too picky, and well, Alexandria was TOO PICKY.

She had had serious relationships with about 3 guys, but in the end realized she didn't love them or they just weren't perfect enough. She didn't date much. She rarely had time, and when she did she would rather be by herself.

She knew it. The people she had classes with knew it. Both her bosses knew it. Her family knew it.

And the only one that seemed not to know was her friend, her only friend, her 7-year-old best friend. The only person that could make her smile in the worst of her moods. The only one she thought really understood.

He yet he was the only one that didn't know she was alone. And I don't mean lonely. I mean A LONE!

He was the only one that thought Alexandria was it. The cream of the crop. He was the only one that seemed to really, and I mean REALLY TRUELY care, who she was, and what she was about.

But then again, that 7-year-old, was her best friend. Jonathan Harless was Alexandria's best friend, and probably the only one that could make her smile and make her see that her life was more than this.

Her life was more than this.