“Are you trying to piss me off?”  I drop my phone down onto the bed and turn toward the voice that just barked at me.  John’s leaning against the doorframe into the bathroom with a very sour look on his face.

“Excuse me?”

“I heard your little conversation with Justin.”  The way he spits out the other man’s name makes me want to slap him.  “Are you trying to get me upset by bringing him along on our date?”

“Date?  It’s not a date.”  I was pretty sure that this was supposed to be a group thing, but apparently my boyfriend and I aren’t on the same page.

“Abbey, I wanted to take you out to dinner to spend time with you, I wasn’t expecting you to bring your boss along.  Although, I should have known you wouldn’t be able to stay away from him for long.”  A sneer accompanies his statement and I contemplate taking off my shoe and chucking it at his head.

“First of all, you never told me it was a date, so I’ve been asking people to come along all afternoon.  Even if Justin doesn’t come it isn’t going to be the two of us.”  He face drops a little and strangely enough I don’t feel bad. “Secondly, the comments about me and Justin having something going on are getting real old real fast.  I would appreciate it if you would stop trying to insinuate that I’m sleeping with him.”

“Whatever, Abbey.”  He turns and storms back into the bathroom, slamming the door and making me wonder if perhaps I was dating a six year old. 

This weekend has been horrible.  I was really hoping that John and I would get some alone time and be able to work through our issues, but any time we’ve spent alone has been occupied with his bitchiness.  Truth be told, I knew that he wanted tonight to be a date with the two of us, but I can’t really bear to spend more time with him alone so I started inviting people to tag along. 

I wasn’t trying to piss him off with the Justin thing, but hearing how upset Justin sounded on the phone I wanted to try and cheer him up.  I know that it’s probably a horrible idea to have the two of them in any room together, but I figure there will be others there so both of them should behave. 

I’ve been trying really hard to avoid the thoughts that have been plaguing me lately.  I mean, I really hate to think that John and I can’t make it simply because of my career.  I was hoping that this visit would make it easier for us to talk to each other and things would go back to before I left, but I was starting to see that whatever had crawled its way up my boyfriend’s ass wasn’t going anytime soon.  I was frustrating and I was pretty much at my breaking point.  Being a pushover and a softy for John’s cute ass, I was willing to give him a second chance, but with all the bitching he’d done since he landed I was pretty sure that second chance wouldn’t matter.

Bah, I hate this dating crap.

I really want tonight to be fun and relaxing.  John and I skipped the bars last night, and now I’m regretting that choice too.  I was hoping a romantic evening with room service and each other would help, but he only seemed interested in getting off as fast as possible before he passed out on the bed.  Jerk.  It wasn’t even good for me.  Now I’m just frustrated and really tired of his bitchassness.  Ha, I love that word.

John comes back out of the bathroom and I don’t bother to acknowledge him.  As far as I’m concerned he’s got a lot of ass kissing to do tonight, because I’m really pissed off at him.

I will say that my parents being here helps a lot.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen them, and I was so shocked and excited when Rachel brought them to the venue.  I knew that Justin was surprising me with John, but I had no idea that they were coming too.  Needless to say, I owe my boss one.  I really can’t believe Justin would think to do something like that, and I have to say that I’m feeling pretty fond of him at the moment.  Probably the reason I invited him out tonight, even though I knew it would cause problems with John.

Speaking of my amazing surprise, my mom’s at the door and she couldn’t have better timing.

“Hey Mum,” I give her a hug and welcome her into the room.  I make sure to send John an icy glare so he knows not to start anything while she’s around.  The last thing I want is to have to deal with upset parents at the same time I’m dealing with a bitchass boyfriend.

“Hey Abbey.  Are you up for some lunch?”  Oh, thank God.  I knew I loved my mother, this just solidifies that thought.

“You know what? I am.  In fact, I think we should make a girl’s day of it and do some shopping too.”  John makes a noise and I turn to glare at him.  “Something wrong, Honey buns?”

He holds up his hands in surrender and shoots me a sheepish smile.  “Not at all.  You ladies have a nice afternoon, I’ll see you when we go out to dinner tonight.”  He gives me a peck on the cheek before leaving the room and I let out a sigh.

Mom has the courtesy to wait for him to be out of ear shot before she starts in on me.

“Abbey?  Is there something you would like to tell me?”  She cocks and eyebrow and crosses her arms across her chest.  Perhaps I should retract my previous statement of excitement.  See, the thing about my mom is that she never really butts into my life, or at least not in such a direct manner that you could call her on it.  She usually does something like she’s doing right now, which is give me a look that guilts me into spilling my thoughts.

“Over lunch, Mom.”  I grab her by the arm and lead her down the hall of the hotel.  I can’t have a conversation like this one without something to distract me from my feelings.  Or, more directly, I need to be stuffing my face so thinking about the pending doom of my relationship won’t make me cry.

After we’ve been seated in the hotel’s restaurant and the waitress has taken our order, my mom settles back in her booth seat and gives me that look again.  “Abbey?”

I run a hand through my hair and let out a breath.  Here it goes.

“I guess you could say that John and I are having some issues.”  I start, and I’m not surprised to see the knowing nod my mother unconsciously does.  She often acts like she’s seen everything coming for miles, and more often than not she’s right.  It makes me a little sick, to be honest.

“Problems?”  She twists the straw in her water and I somehow feel like I’m in an interrogation.  She’d play the ‘good cop’.

“I thought it was the distance at first, you know?  I knew that John had been upset at how busy I was before I left for the tour, so I just chalked it up to distance.  But lately he’s been really pissy with me.”  She makes a noise when I say ‘pissy’ and I almost laugh at how prudish my mom can be.  She hates it when I curse.

“Has he been mean to you?”  My mom is asking if he’s hurt me physically, but like I said: prude.  I love her for it, though.  She was extremely entertaining when I was growing up.  Sometimes I think she would have been better off as a housewife in the 50s. 

“No, nothing unforgivable.  He’s just been saying some hurtful things, especially about me and Justin.  John seems to think that the only reason I even have my record deal is because I’ve been sleeping with my boss.”  She raises an eyebrow, “which is ridiculous and completely untrue.”  The brow relaxes.

We’re interrupted for a moment as the waitress brings us our drinks, and I’m thankful for the slight distraction.  It’s one thing to think about all of these things, it’s another to actually voice them to someone.  Somehow it makes more real.

“How do you feel about everything?”  She asks me and I grin.  Sometimes I think she should’ve  been a psychologist.

“I feel tired and frustrated and fed up with it all.  I hate fighting with him, and I hate it even more that he can say such nasty things to me.”  I take a long sip of my soda and close my eyes.  I do not want to cry right now.  “John was so amazing when we started dating, and I never imagined that he would be capable of hurting me so much.”

My mom sits back in her booth and stares at me as if she’s trying to read me.  Perhaps she is.  She’s always been really good at getting to the heart of things just by gauging my body language.

“Maybe you’re so upset because what John’s been saying has a hint of the truth.  Maybe you feel guilty.”

I have to stop myself from spitting my soda out my nose.  I take that last statement back, Mom is way off the mark.

“That’s crazy.  There’s nothing going on with Justin and I.  He’s a friend and my boss and I happen to be on tour with him at the moment.  It’s only natural that we’d be together a lot.  But seriously, he’s like a brother and I know he sees me like a sister.  That’s just gross.”

She gives me a wry smile.  “I don’t know, Abbey.  Justin certainly has a soft spot for you, I mean, he did fly us all out here to see you.”

“Including John, too.”  I add, because I refuse to think anything else.  Not that I don’t find Justin attractive, or that I’d never entertained thoughts of what it would be like to be with him…but that was way before I actually knew him as a person.  Now I just see Justin, and there are no fuzzy feelings on my end.  And I pray to whoever resides over those fuzzy feelings that he isn’t sending any my way, either.

“Well, none of that really matters anyway,” She concedes, “It’s really about what you’re going to do with these issues with John.”  I nod in agreement. 

“What do you think I should do?”  I ask, watching as she takes a tentative sip of her water.

“I think you should make yourself happy, Abbey.  Trust your instincts and do what you need to do in order to be happy.  The rest will fall into place.”

If only it were really that simple, right?

~*~

After the initial boy-talk with my mom, lunch went smoothly and we managed to spend a fair amount of money around town.  There are a ton of cute little shops in Memphis, a lot of handcrafted stuff which my mom loves.  It was nice to get out and spend some quality time with her, too.  Since I’ve started this whole music thing, I don’t get to see my parents all that much, which bums me out, so having them there with me was a great thing.

Right now, Me, John, Trace, Marcy, Marty, Jen (one of Justin’s dancers) and Justin are all at the bowling alley and despite the death glares John keeps sending Justin, I’m having a really good time.  I was relieved to see so many people out with us.  I really don’t think I’d be able to spend the evening alone with John.

I thought about the advice my mom and I’m pretty sure that this is the end of the road for John and me.  I just…I’m not happy anymore, and if I hear another comment about my boss I’m going to have to kill John.  It hurts because I feel like John doesn’t know me at all, especially if he’s accusing me of something as horrible as cheating.  It’s not helping his case that he’s well on his way to shit faced right now, which is making me hate him even more.

“Baby, come sit on my lap,” He tries to grab me by the waist as I walk by, but I turn so he can’t.  “What’s your problem?”  He slurs.  I try not to roll my eyes, but I don’t try very hard.

“My problem is that you’re causing a scene and making yourself look like a huge prick.”  I stalk away and find a seat near Trace and Justin, both of whom send me apologetic glances.

“Yeah?  Well at least I’m not a slut like you.”  I hear John’s voice but it takes me a second to comprehend what he just said.  Before I can even get out of my seat to answer back, Justin, Trace and Marty have stood to defend my honor.

“You little piece of shit,” It’s Marty that speaks first and I’m a little surprised.  I consider the guy a friend but I didn’t know he was that protective over me.  I step in front of them before anything escalates and I send everyone a looks that says ‘back off’.

“John, can I talk to you for a minute, please?”  He sits back in his seat and sends me a steely glare, “In private?”  My jaw tightens and I have to take a deep breath so I don’t snap.  This is really not my idea of a good night anymore.

John and I step over to the side so I can give him the lecture that’s brewing, but the guys aren’t too far away.  Apparently they don’t trust John to be civil.

“What is your problem tonight?”  I ask him, trying really hard to remember the guy that I used to be in love with.

“You’re being a whore, Abbey.  You’re all over every fucking guy in this place and I’m sick of being second place.  I fly all the way out here to see you and you’ve spent the whole weekend with Justin.”

I laugh out loud.  He really is delusional.

“You flew out here because Justin bought your ticket and guilted you into coming.  It certainly wasn’t because you missed me.  And just so we’re clear, I haven’t been hanging on anyone.  You’re just to busy getting drunk off your ass to notice that I’ve been trying to have a fun night out with everyone.”

“Whatever.  I’m so sick of your shit, Abbey.”  His eyes are red and he’s swaying a little, so I’m not sure he knows what he’s saying but it doesn’t make the hurt any less.

“My shit?  You’re sick of my shit?”  I’m almost at a loss for words at this point.  “You’re the one that can’t seem to realize that I’m in the middle of building my dreams here.  Yeah, I’ve been away from home and pretty damn busy lately, but if you’d take your head out of your ass for a second you’d see that it’s because I’m working really hard at making this tour the best experience possible.”

I stop to take a breath and make sure he’s still paying attention.

“Do you realize how big of a deal this is?  I was so sure that you supported me in this and that you knew that in order for me to make my dreams come true I was going to have to work at it.  I can’t believe you’re giving me shit when you were the one pushing me to go through with it in the first place.  I’m sorry I can’t be at your beck and call all the time, but maybe that’s partly your fault too.”

“I’ve got a business to run, too, you know.  It took me a lot of organizing just to be able to come out here this weekend.”

“Oh, I’m so touched by your sacrifice.  Seriously, John, you’re so fucking ridiculous.  I’ve never really asked you to give me anything, and I’ve always tried to support you in the things you did.  I thought you felt the same, but I’m starting to see that you don’t.”

I’ve had enough with this conversation and I start to walk away when I hear him mumble something under his breath.

“That’s right, go back to your pop star.  He’ll make it all better.”  I stop dead in my tracks and count to ten silently in my head.  I really, really can’t believe I’m dealing with this right now.

Turning on my heel to face John, I take a deep breath.  “I’m going to say this once and I’m going to say it slowly so you understand.  There is nothing going on between me and Justin, and if I hear you make some stupid fucking comment one more time I will seriously have to punch you in the face.”

John’s face turns red and he starts to step towards me but Todd steps closer and John backs off.  “Whatever, I’m going out for a smoke.”  He brushes past me forcefully and makes his way outside.  I hope he gets mugged or something.

I make my way back over to everyone and apologize for ruining the evening.  I feel bad that most everyone stopped playing because of John and I, and I know that there’s really no way to salvage the night.  Men suck.  Well…just John.

Todd goes out to get the car we came in, and I try and tell everyone to stay and keep having fun, but I think my little tiff has officially ruined the night.

“It’s OK, Abs, we’ll come back with you.”  Marcy comes over and gives me a hug.

“Thanks, guys.”

When John comes back from outside he looks a little calmer.  He comes over and grabs my arm, pulling me to the side, but everyone’s listening anyway.

“Will you come back to the hotel with me?”  His voice is hoarse and strained.

“We’re all going back.”  I tell him, hoping he realizes just how much of an ass he’s been.  “The night is ruined and I don’t feel like being alone with you right now.”  He looks wounded but I don’t care.

“What?  You can’t even have a conversation with me right now?  Fuck, Abbey, we’re two adults here.  We can figure this shit out without your little posse over there butting there noses in.”  He sends a glare at Justin and I’ve just about had it, but I guess John’s not quite done yet.  “I mean, I’ll bet Justin is just itching for us to break up so he’s got a reason to fuck you.”

I’m not sure I even know what I’m doing until I feel the sting in my palm as it hits John’s cheek.  A look of shock registers on his face but Todd steps in before anything else can happen.

“I think we should all start heading outside.”  He states firmly.

I finally start to notice that there’s a small crowd gathering around us.  We had a section of the alley to ourselves, but other people were still there, and I guess our little show is more entertaining than their games.

We all make our way outside and I notice how pissed the other men in the group look.  Trace keeps sending glances in my direction and he mimes kicking John.  I laugh.

It takes a second for Todd to go get the car, so we all stand off in a dark corner of the lot with Mick, Justin’s guard, and wait.  John stalks over to me and tries to talk but I really don’t want to hear it.

“Abbey, can you just fucking look at me for a second?”  I turn away from him slightly and let out a yell when he roughly grabs my arm and yanks me toward him.

It doesn’t even take a second before Justin, Trace, Marty and Mick are all over John and I cringe when I hear the distinct sounds of fists hitting face.  The scuffle ensues for a minute before Mick has John tightly in his grasp and Trace and Marty are both holding Justin back.  From the blood on his knuckles, I would venture a guess that Justin was the one that hit John.

“You piece of shit.  Don’t you ever lay a hand on her again.”  Justin’s face is red with anger and the color deepens when John spits blood on his shoes.

“Fuck you.”  He seethes.  I think Justin knocked a tooth out.

Trace and Marty strain to hold Justin back as he lunges forward and I decide that I really have had enough for the evening.

“STOP!”  I scream, standing in between the two men.  “Grow the fuck up, both of you.”  I turn to Justin and give him a small smile, “Thanks for defending me, but you really don’t need to get in trouble for kicking the shit out of John, even though I would love to sit here and watch it.”

Justin steps back a little and I make sure he’s not going to move before I turn back to John.  “You make me sick.  I can’t believe I ever thought you were someone worth being with.  I’m sorry you wasted your precious time coming out here, and I’m even sorrier that I’m not letting Justin kick the shit out of you right now.  Do us all a favor and get the fuck out of my sight before I ask Mick to hold you down so we can all take a turn.”

“I called a taxi,” Marcy tells me and I thank her.

“Go back to the hotel, get your shit, and get gone.  I don’t want to hear from you, see you, or think about you ever again.”

By now the car has pulled up and I turn and jump in without saying another word.  Everyone else gets in and I see Mick shove John away before he gets into the car too, and we start back to the hotel.  No one says anything, and for that I’m thankful, but I’m sure that the next time I open my mouth all that will come out are the sobs that are building in my chest.

This has to have been the worst night ever.