I pick at the lint on the cushions beneath me.  You’d think that in a hotel as expensive as this one, the furniture wouldn’t have lint on it.

 Every now and then I can hear Justin’s tenor float over from the bathroom.  He’s taking a shower, and I’m bored off my ass as I wait for him. 

We don’t have too much time before we have to call into TRL for my phone interview.  I’m pretty pissed that Justin has to be here too, and something in me thinks that my oh-so-capable personal assistant has something to do with it.  I’m not sure if the big wigs at TRL asked if Justin were available too, or if Trish mentioned that he was around.  Whatever it was, neither my boss nor myself are happy campers.

I’m hoping that Justin does away with Trish soon, but I know that it would cause a shit load more work for him.  He’s a busy dude, especially with this huge freakin’ tour we’re on.  I mean, the guy barely has time to piss before he’s being whisked off to do something else, and then every few nights he’s out there shaking his ass in front of thousands of screaming fans.  I’m really not sure how he does it and still manages to smile most of the time.

Big emphasis on Most of the time, too.  Because, let’s be honest, my boss can be a pretty cranky asshole, if you ask me.  But I can forgive him for it.

“Hey!”  Rachel comes bounding into the room, plopping down on the couch next to me.  “What brings you here?  Lover boy said you had a phone interview this afternoon.”

If looks could kill, Rachel would be dead about five times over.  What a bitch.

“I’m not sure who you’re referring to, my friend.  But I do have an interview, I just won’t have one if boss man isn’t there too.”  Her eyes widen at my confession and I nod solemnly.  Yup, pity party over here!

“You’re shitting me!” She whispers, as if saying it any louder might cause a disturbance in the force or something.  Fine, you caught me, I was watching Star Wars last night.  “What’s JT have to say about this one?”

“Oh, he’s thrilled, as usual.  But there’s not much he can do about it.  I kinda need the interview, especially since I’m supposed to be introducing my next single and telling everyone that the video will be out soon.”  Yep, you heard it.  I get to make another video.

I guess the first one did really well, so the Record Execs have decided that another one should come sooner than later, so my face can stay out there.  Plus, my next single got leaked on the internet.  It’s a preemptive strike.  And yes, I would like you to acknowledge that I used a big word.  Go me.

“Hey Jude, you ready?”  Justin’s muffled voice sounds over my head, and I look up to see him rubbing a towel over his head.  “Oh, hey Rach.”  It’s a tense ‘hello’ and I fear that things aren’t so good between the cousins.

“Didn’t take long for you and Abbey to be back together, huh?”  The look on Justin’s face as he freezes in his spot tells me that he’s just as shocked as I am.  I can’t believe she said that.  What I can’t believe even more is that she’s said something to both Justin and I, which means she’s serious about this whole ‘he’s in love with you’ theory.

“Wow, I must have really pissed you off.”  Is his only response.  I hear the soft thud of the towel as it hits the bathroom floor.  Justin reappears a moment later, giving me a glance as he grabs the phone off the side table. 

“Yeah, you might say that.”  Rachel retorts.  I feel like I’m watching an intense tennis match.  Back.  “You can be an insensitive prick sometimes, you know that?”

Fourth.  “How could I not know it, my dear cousin?  You remind me at least once a day.”

Back.  “Good, maybe one day you’ll actually catch on.”

Fourth.  “Honestly, can you just let this shit go, for once?  I yelled at you and I’m sorry, but you keep bringing up shit that isn’t true and I really get tired of hearing it.”

Rachel’s face turns a shade of red that doesn’t seem natural, but her retort is cut off when Justin holds up his finger and starts to talk to someone on the other end of the phone.  It’s like a switch has been hit, but not really.  His voice sounds normal, laced with laughter and a playfulness that he reserves for public appearances.  His body though, is another story.  I can see the tension in his shoulders, and he’s started to pace the living room.  His steps are short and choppy, like he’s stomping his feet against the carpet.

I really wish I didn’t have to be in this room right now. 

His eyes lock on me and I hear him mention my name.  A second later I’m being given the phone.  The interview is pretty short, and I barely have time to register that it’s started before it’s already over.  So much for publicity.

It’s not even a second after I press the off button on the phone before all hell breaks loose.

“You are one self-righteous bastard, Justin Randall.”  Ooh, the middle name.  I’m about ready to duck and cover.  “I’m just trying to look out for you, OK?”

“Look out for me?  Really?  Fuck, Rach, looking out for me means making sure I’m eating right or getting enough sleep.  Bashing some stupid fucking idea over my head every chance you get isn’t looking out for me.”

I didn’t know it was physically possible for a person’s jaw to do that.  I’m tempted to reach out and touch Rachel’s face to see what that feels like, but I’m afraid she’s bite my fingers off.  I need those, you know.

“Some stupid fucking idea??”  I also didn’t know that her voice could reach that octave.  “Justin, you’re miserable and it’s obvious.  Even Trace can see it!  All I was doing was trying to get you to admit your feelings for Abbey before you drove yourself crazy.”

Did you hear that?  Yep…this record just stopped.

Maybe it was the mention of my name, or perhaps the loud gasp for air I just took, but something reminded the two fighting cousins of my presence in this room.

“Fuck.”  It’s Rachel that says it, and she knows that she’s about to get it from me, too.  And if she doesn’t know, she’s about to find out.

“You’ve been doing what?”  I think my nostrils are flaring, I’m so mad.  “You’ve seriously been bothering Justin with this phantom idea you’ve got in your head about the two of us having something between us?  Because I thought I asked you to drop that subject too.”

Justin takes a step back, seeming to enjoy the ass-reaming Rachel is getting.

“I…No, I just…”  She stammers; a sure sign that she’s dug herself into a hole she can’t get out of.

“Rachel, did you even think, for once, that you’re wrong about all of this?  Did you ever stop to think that Justin and I are just friends and by trying to get us to admit some sort of lust for the other you’re just succeeding in making yourself look like an ass?”  I take a breath, my chest is heaving and I’m starting to sweat.  I’m so pissed off right now.

“But I know it’s true!”  She looks to be on the verge of tears.  At this point, I don’t care.

“Even if it is, it’s obvious that we’re both sick of hearing about it.  I’m sure we’ve both asked you a number of times to leave it alone, and I’m pretty sure that this will be the last time.”

My little tirade ends and the three of us are left in a particularly tense silence.  Rachel looks like she’s ready to crawl into a hole and Justin looks like he doesn’t know weather to hug me for saying all that, or take one last parting shot at Rachel.

“I’m sorry.”  She mumbles out, barely audible. 

“Just…just leave it alone, ok?”  Justin’s voice is soft, but the tone is still serious.  “I know you thought you meant well but you’re way off base and I think it’s time we all just moved on.”

I’m not sure what this feeling is that’s settling in my chest as I hear him say “way off base” which means there really are no festering feelings in my direction.  I’m not sure I want to explore it, either.

Rachel says nothing as she leaves the room, a few sniffles fall in her wake.

Justin rubs his hand over the back of his neck and up onto his head.  Yup, I feel nervous too. 

“So she’d told you about her ideas on my uncontrollable lust, huh?”  I attempt to chuckle with him but it gets stuck in my throat.  I’m not sure why I feel so uncomfortable.  Maybe I just feel bad because I just reamed one of my good friends a new ass hole.  Yeah, that has to be it.

“Yeah, she came to me after the whole fiasco with my parents.  She was trying to tell me that you were acting strange because my mom was hitting a little too close to home.”

“Yeah, I heard that one too.”  We stand there in an awkward silence, neither of us really sure what to do.  I return to picking the lint off of the couch, and Justin shifts from one foot to the other.

“Do you think she’ll be OK?”  I’m asking about Rachel, because it seems like neutral ground and it’s helping us avoid the other subject.  You know, the subject about deep, hidden feelings that my boss supposedly holds for me.  Yeah, that one.

“I’ll go talk to her in a little bit.  She probably needs to cool off a bit, and I know I should, too.  I can’t afford to lose another PA.”  He rubs his hands over his head again, and the tension in the room is palpable.

“Justin?”  I have trouble looking up at him, but I’m not sure how to pose this next question, or how he’ll respond to it.  I can feel his stare on me and I know that I should say something before he thinks I’ve gone mute or something.  Oh, I bet he’d love that one.

“Jude?  You still there?”  I chance a look up at him and he’s waiting for me to say what’s on my mind.

“Do you think…”  Damn, I feel tongue tied.  “Is it possible for us to just let all this crap go and go back to being friends?  I’m really tired of all the tension between all of us…” and I really miss you.  That’s the end of the sentence I won’t say.

“I’m sorry, Abs.  I guess I’ve been a little on edge because of everything that’s been going on.  It doesn’t help that my cousin and best friend have to remind me of some supposed crush every time I mention your name.  I just….Yeah, we’ll be fine.  I’ll talk to Rachel and Trace and hopefully we can all go back to annoying each other about other stupid shit.”

I manage a chuckle.  I do feel somewhat better, but there’s something in the way he’s not quite looking at me when he talks that makes me wonder what’s really going on in his head.  I can’t imagine the stress he’s under, so maybe it’s just like he said.  Maybe we’ve all just been a little tense lately.

“We’ll have a little time off when we get to New York, too.”  My head snaps up at those words.  I’d forgotten about New York.  Being in the Big Apple also means HBO will be in town at the Garden show, and I know that Justin is looking forward to that more than anything.  I’m excited for other reasons.

“Do I get to shoot my video??”

“That was the plan.  Do you have an idea for the concept yet?  We’ve hired Dave Meyers and he’s really good about collaboration and all that.”

“I haven’t really thought about it,” Which is only slightly the truth.  My next single is more of a love song and I know that means that I’m probably going to have a love interest in this video.  That makes me a little uncomfortable.

Not that I’m opposed to hanging on hot guys and them not being able to push me away (at least while the camera is rolling, anyway).  I just…I went through a hell of a time with John, and it still stings to think about it.  Then there was all this weird, crazy stuff with Justin.  I think I was hoping to avoid the thought of guys as love interests for a while.  Maybe the rest of my life, if possible.

“Well I can ask Dave to send over a treatment and you can tweak whatever you want.  I’ll go over it with you, if you want.”

I nod at him, lost in my thoughts.  Rachel would be a great resource for something like this, but I’m pretty sure that she’s currently pissed at me.  That’s no good.

It’s times like these when I feel that being on tour is a really lonely place.  Most of my friends are back home, probably working because it’s the middle of the day, and they don’t understand that I can’t just call whenever I want to.  It’s busy as fuck around here, and any seconds of down time that I get are spent sleeping.  Sleeping or catching up with my parents, who, by the way, are still asking me how Justin is doing.

Maybe I should have Rachel talk to them for me.  Ha.

“Hey Jude, I’m gonna go find Rachel and talk to her.  I have a meeting with Trace in an hour or so, but I’ll see you sometime tonight.”

“Sure thing Boss man.  I think I’m going to find a piano so I can get my creative juices flowing.  I don’t want a lame video or anything.  I mean, if I don’t think of something creative I might end up just walking through the streets of New York following some girl in cowboy boots that remind me of Footloose.”

The dirty look that Justin sends my way is quite worth the long-windedness of that sentence.  I pass him as I head toward the door and I can’t help but hum a few bars of “I’m Lovin’ It.”  I get a pillow chucked at my head as a response.

Yeah…I’m thinking we shouldn’t have too much trouble getting back to normal. 

~*~

It took me a while to actually find the piano hidden in this damn hotel.  I got a lot of strange looks from people when I asked where their piano was, and when I finally got an answer I also got the third degree because the piano ended up being on Justin’s floor (go figure) and they didn’t believe that I was part of the tour.

I was saved by a lovely tour poster with my mug plastered all over it.  I promptly received an apology and a request for an autograph.  Unfortunately for the hotel worker, Justin wasn’t around to sign her boobs.

I sit down at the bench and let my fingers fall over the keys.  I pluck out a few chords before settling into my song and letting it take over for a second.  Even more than I love writing music, I love playing it.  There’s something so cathartic and therapeutic about sitting down and letting a piano or guitar move the words and melody to another level.  It’s even cooler to do it in front of thousands of people.

Being on this tour has been a huge, life changing experience for me.  Not only am I a part of one of the biggest shows pop culture has seen, people are hearing my music and actually enjoying it.

I have the coolest job ever.

Although, making this music video is part of my job and right now I’m a little worried about it.

I don’t want my video to look like all the other Times Square videos.  Especially since there have been a few done recently.  I don’t want to stand on a subway grate and have my skirt blow up.  I don’t want to follow someone or have someone follow me (yeah, I’m making fun of Justin again.)  I don’t want to just stand on the top of some building and sing.

Well, Hell, there go all my ideas.  Just kidding.  I think.

It might be cool to put a piano on a roof and do some shots with the skyline, but that’s not a story line.  I think I need to be worrying about my story line.

I really liked Coldplay’s video for “The Scientist,” how they did the whole thing backwards.  It might be cool to do something like that.  Maybe start the story at the end and then end up at the beginning.  I also think I want it to be black and white.

Sighing in frustration, I bang on the keys a little and rest my head on the wood of the piano.  I can’t think about this right now.

I hear a faint knock on the door and Rachel pokes her head around the corner.  Her hand follows, and she’s waving a white towel.  “It was the closest thing I could find to a white flag.”

I laugh, a genuine laugh this time, and motion for her to come in.  “You’re a dork, my friend, but I love you anyway.  The surrender wasn’t necessary, I’d forgiven you a while ago.”

“Well thanks for the heads up.  After talking to Justin I figured you were still pretty upset.”  She takes a seat next to me on the bench.  I shrug and let my hands lightly tough the keys.

“I think I was mostly upset because I knew that all of the tension and weirdness following me around was probably due to Justin being upset.  I mean, Justin’s moods often dictate the atmosphere for the rest of the crew, you know?  And when I heard that you’d been bugging him about whatever idea you had…I guess I was upset and a little embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed?  I didn’t accuse you of having a crush.”  She starts to play Chop Sticks and I add a lower octave.

“Yeah, but you put Justin into a pretty awkward position, and he had to admit his lack of feelings for me while I was standing in the room.  It was obvious that he was completely frustrated with the situation and I’m sure he didn’t want to hurt my feelings or anything.”

Rachel lets out a noise and I give her a look.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” She concedes.  “I’ll do my best to just leave it all alone and not mention my hunches anymore.  You’ll just have to do me a favor, too.”

“OK, shoot.”

“Don’t get mad when I say ‘I told you so.”  She grins and I let out a groan.

Really…can’t she just let it die?