I think I have a crush.
I feel like a teenager or something, but really, I can’t stop thinking about how it felt to be in his arms. Obviously it was just for the video shoot that I was in his arms, but I certainly won’t complain.
Channing Tatum is one handsome hunk of Man Meat. I never thought that I would enjoy dancing, but with that God leading me across the room, I could dance all night.
We have two more days left of shooting and I’m a little bummed that he’ll be leaving, but Rachel has been pushing me to give the guy my number. We’ll see. I’m really not sure how I feel about him. He hot and I’m VERY attracted, but I’m also really weary of getting into something with someone else in the business.
I’ve been a little worried about Justin lately. He’s been acting strange and he’s become obsessed with this HBO show. I understand the importance to him, really I do, but I don’t think he’s sleeping or eating much anymore. He looks possessed, and every time I try to talk to him about my video he gets pale and suddenly has to run off to do something else. I know he’s stressed…I’ve just never had his stress affect our friendship before.
Things between us were better after the whole Rachel blow up. It almost felt like normal again. I would sense some discomfort when Rachel and Trace were around with us, too, but I expected that. I mean, someone keeps accusing you of having a crush on someone else, it’s going to get a little uncomfortable even if no one’s talking about it anymore.
I’m going to blame all of this on the HBO special (which I’m so excited for, and so is everyone else around here). I hope that after this show is over and we leave New York, things can go back to whatever level or normal they were at before.
Rolling over on the bed I stare at the clock next to me. I should be sleeping right now but my thoughts are keeping me awake. That, and my strange schedule has made it hard to keep a regular sleeping pattern. The bright red lights of the clock mock me, so I roll over and try to ignore them. It doesn’t work.
Grabbing my cell phone off of the night stand, I check to see that Justin has sent me a text message.
I just bought a SHAM WOW! I think I have a problem
I laugh. Justin is addicted to late night infomercials, and I often hear about his purchases. Apparently he can’t sleep either.
I grab the remote and flip to QVC, and the advertisement for the Sham Wow! is still running, so I grab my phone and dial up Justin.
“I got a free mini Sham Wow!” Is his greeting, “You can have it, if you want. This shit looks cool.”
“Thanks, but I think I’m all set.” I laugh lightly into the phone, somehow thinking that our friendship has been reduced to midnight conversations about the Home Shopping Network and it bothers me.
“Why are you still up, Jude? It’s late.” I groan a little, turning down the volume to the TV. This announcer guy has the most grating voice.
“I can’t sleep. I think it’s the crazy schedule. I have to be up in two hours to finish the video, and then I have a show tonight. I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again.”
Justin’s masculine chuckle comes down the line and I sink a little bit deeper into the sheets. I would never admit this to anyone, but I’ve really missed him.
“You’ll figure it out. Once the video is finished you should be able to find some sort of schedule again.” I hear the soft click of changing channels in the background.
“Are you looking for something else to buy, Boss Man?”
“Nah, now I’m just looking for some crappy reality show to put me to sleep.” He yawns a little and I’m reminded of how not tired I am.
“What do you do with all the shit you buy, anyway?” I pull the blanket up to my chin. I like to burrow. It makes me feel safe and cozy.
“Usually give ‘em to my grandma. She loves shit like that.” I laugh a little. I wonder why this conversation isn’t strained and awkward like every other time we’ve talked. I think it’s my lack of sleep that actually allows me to go one step further and pose the question.
“Boss man,”I take a deep breath and question my sanity, “Why can’t we talk anymore?”
“We are talking, Jude, right now, over the phone.”
“Smart ass. I mean at normal times of the day, not at 3am. I just…you’ve been avoiding me.” I sound like a clingy girlfriend or something. I should slap myself, really.
“I don’t know. I’ve pretty much been focused on the HBO gig. I’m sorry if you think I’ve been avoiding you, I haven’t.” I want to call him out on his lie, but I don’t want this conversation to head much farther into ‘it-sounds-like-we’re-in-a-relationship’ territory.
“Are you excited?” I think this is probably safe ground, even thought I’m tempted to push the other issue.
“I can’t fucking wait. I’m so stoked about this concert. I mean…millions of people can watch this show and…and I’m just excited about the idea of getting to people that might not normally make it out to see me. It’s a kick ass thing to think about.”
“I’m excited, too. You’re different on stage, Boss Man, and I can’t wait to see what you do with cameras on, too.” That sounds very close to a compliment. I really need to get some sleep.
“It’s stressing me out a little bit, to be honest.” Well, at least I know he can still be honest about some things, even if it’s not about our friendship.
God, I’m such a girl it’s not even funny.
“You’ll be fine. Once it’s all said and done you’ll look back knowing you kicked ass and so did the rest of the crew. You’re Justin Fucking Timberlake!” Wow, I didn’t realize I had such a pep talk in me.
“Thanks, Jude.” There’s a slightly awkward pause and I sink even farther into the bed sheets. I don’t know why this is bugging me so much. I should be concerned with my show and the video and…well…Channing. I guess I’ve just grown to enjoy the friendship I’ve made with Justin and I don’t like thinking that we’ve grown apart. He’s a tough guy to get in with, especially being female, and I would hate to think that I’d done something to change his mind about our friendship.
“Are you upset about my video?” Yeah, it’s the non-sleep talking still. If I were smart I’d hang up and try to doze off before I said something really stupid.
“No, why would I be upset about it?”
“You haven’t come out to see it at all, and I haven’t gotten any feedback from you on the clips I’ve given you. I just don’t want this video to suck.” His opinion means a lot to me, especially concerning my music.
“Jude, the concept is tight. I trust Dave and I trust you, and the song is an awesome song. I’m sorry I’ve been distant, but I swear it’s not you or anything you’ve done. I’ve just been too caught up in my own shit lately. I promise we can have a little party when the final video is ready and I’ll be there with bells on.”
“Now that I would like to see.” I laugh a little, somewhat assuaged by his little speech. Maybe I’m looking too much into all of this. Maybe it really is just HBO that’s got him stressing and he hasn’t been avoiding me. Maybe things will go back to normal Abbey and Justin banter when we’ve left New York and HBO far behind.
“OK, I won’t actually be wearing bells, but I’ll be there to celebrate with you.” He yawns again and I almost feel bad for keeping him up. But then I remember my insomnia and you know what they say, misery loves company.
“I’m really excited about this video, Boss Man. The song has been getting some great reception, and I’m looking forward to getting this video out there and allowing people to see a different side of me.” I’m busy thinking about how dreamy Channing is and I miss Justin’s comment, but I detect a slight bit of grumpiness in it. “What?”
“Nothing. I’m looking forward to seeing the finished product. I didn’t think you’d ever go for the dancing concept, but I think you’ve done a great job with the things I’ve seen so far. Dave is impressed too; I talked to him the other day.”
“Really?” I’m curious. “What did he say?”
“That you’ve got two left feet.” Apparently he gets the reaction he was looking for, because he laughs at me when I gasp into the phone. “Just kidding. He said that you’ve been a lot of fun to work with and he’s excited about the video, too.”
“You’re an ass, Justin Timberlake.”
“Ouch. You need to make up your mind, Jude. One minute you’re giving me compliments and the next you’re calling me a donkey. I’m going to get a complex here.”
“Oh please, like my opinion really matters enough to damage your ego at all.” I say it in jest, but the silence that comes over the line in the following moments is extremely tense and uncomfortable.
“You’re opinion means a hell of a lot to me, Abbey.” I’m not sure what to say, and now I’m really wishing I’d gotten off the phone a long time ago.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s OK,” He tells me and I know he’s lying again. “I’m going to let you go, though, you need to get some sleep and I should try for some myself.”
I manage to slip in a quick goodbye before he’s hung up the phone and I’m left wondering what just happened. This is what I hate about what our friendship has turned into. I feel like there are suddenly more lines that can’t be crossed and more boundaries that have to be avoided. I feel like I can’t joke around with my friend anymore and it’s pissing me off.
I’m really hoping that this ends when we leave New York. And now I’m going to have this crap running through my head so I really won’t be able to get any sleep tonight.
Ugh.
~*~
I hear Dave yell ‘Cut!’ and I about collapse to the floor. I’m so fucking exhausted it’s not even funny. Really, it’s not.
Channing’s hand appears in my line of vision and it takes all of my energy to grab a hold of it and let him pull me up. I about fall into his chest (which I really don’t mind, actually, it’s a very nice chest) and he gently leads me over to the chairs on the side of the set.
“No offense, but you look like shit, Abbey.” I turn my head and he’s smiling at me in a very sympathetic and caring way. Yeah, I’m totally crushing on this man.
“I didn’t sleep at all last night and now it’s catching up with me.” I take advantage of his pity and lean my head on his shoulder, snuggling closer to his body heat when his arm goes around my shoulders.
“We’re almost done. A couple more takes, I should think, and then we can call it a wrap.” I’m excited by the sounds of that, but also a little disappointed because it might mean the end of hanging out with this handsome hunk of man.
“What are you up to after this video?” It’s a start. I think.
“Oh, taking a break. I was actually on a break when I got the call for the video.”
“Really?” I didn’t know this.
“Yeah, my manager passed it by just in case, but when I heard it was a shoot for you I had to take it. I love your music.” I blush from ear to ear and I can’t wipe the stupid smile off my face.
“Thanks.”
“So listen…” My heart starts to thump loudly in my chest and I pray that he can’t hear it as he dips his head a little closer to mine. If I tilted up just a smidge, I could kiss those beautiful pink lips. Ooo, the possibilities. “I was wondering if you’d like to go out for dinner or coffee sometime? If you’re in New York for a little while longer, that it.”
I have to stop myself from jumping out of the chair and doing my happy dance around the room. In fact, I make myself count to five so I can calm down a little bit before I answer.
“I would love to.” I grin as he whips out his cell phone and programs the number I give him into the device. I make sure he calls my phone so I can have his number too. I’m so happy I could dance.
“Great. I look forward to seeing you without so many other people around.” He smiles at me and I about melt into the chair. “When’s a good time?”
“Tonight I have a show,” a thought pops into my head, “You’re more than welcome to come and watch if you want. We can go out afterward, if you’re up for it.”
“Awesome, I was hoping I’d get a chance to check you out.” I blush again and stop myself from telling him that he can check me out any old time he wants to.
Nothing else can really be said because Dave calls us back to finish up the shoot, but I know that I suddenly have a new found energy that wasn’t there before.
Oh yeah, I have a really, really big crush.
