How’s that saying go? Desperate times call for desperate measures?
Yeah, well, you might say I’m feeling a little desperate. In fact, I’m so desperate that I’ve booked more shows and I’m keeping myself away from home even longer just because I need to get away from Abbey.
I’m an ass, I know.
I just arranged it with Johnny, and after this tour I’m heading to Europe for some shows there. It’s crazy, I know, to travel across the Atlantic so I don’t have to be around Abbey, but I really don’t know what else to do. I know that if I get some time away from her I’ll be able to put her out of my mind and forget this…crush…and move on. And hey, maybe I’ll find some nice British girl to keep me company. I’d even settle for Irish. Or Scottish. Or Welsh. Or anything that isn’t my good friend/artist.
The sigh that escapes my mouth is deep and long. I don’t know what I’ve turned into, but I know that I feel so claustrophobic and crazed lately it’s starting to raise some eyebrows.
I can’t seem to escape her, though. Everywhere I go, there she is, laughing at someone’s joke or singing along to her iPod or practicing on the piano. Not that I hate running to Abbey, but really, I feel like every time I see her I find some new reason to be infatuated with the girl. It’s getting harder to hide it, too. A couple of my dancers have mentioned how attractive she is (I’m putting that in nice terms, for your delicate eyes) and I guess I set off some red flags when I growled at them to not talk about her that way.
Luckily, Rachel wasn’t around. I know she still thinks something’s up, but she’s been true to her word and not said anything else. I think that more for Abbey’s sake, but I’ll take what I can get.
I’ve tried to talk to my mom about it. I mean, I tell my mom a lot, but lately I don’t bring up the topic of girls unless I think I want her to meet them. It just saves the earful I know I’ll get. But I’ve been so consumed with this Abbey thing that she’s even noticed. She said something to me on the phone the other day, so I had to half-explain. I told her the scenario; I just didn’t mention it was Abbey. I think she has some idea, though, because now when I talk to her she always asks how Abbey’s doing.
Gah!
What makes my whole dilemma worse is that Abbey and Channing have started up this…thing. I’m not sure I want to put a name to it. It’s nothing disgusting or anything, I mean, I can’t even get mad at her for being mushy because she’s not.
But they’re together a lot, and she’s just…glowing. Jealousy is a bitch, my friends.
Hence the reason why I’ve been avoiding her. We’ve had some awesome phone conversations lately, because that’s the only way I trust myself to talk to her. That’s pretty pathetic, though, and I don’t think she’ll take my “I’m busy” excuse much longer.
Today happens to be her birthday, so I’ve decided that I’ll make up for my absence lately by getting her a little gift and taking her to dinner or something like that. I know she loves Gerber Daisies, so I’ve gotten her a potted one so she can keep it on the bus. She’s always complaining about how dull the busses can be. Maybe this’ll shut her up. (Just kidding).
I’ve made plans with room service too, and they’re going to bring over some food from my restaurant, Southern Hospitality. Since we’re in New York, I figured I’d show her my place, but I really don’t feel up for crowds or fans while we’re trying to eat. Now we can just enjoy our food in the quiet of her hotel room. By ‘we’ I mean the dancers and the band and whoever else. I didn’t want to make it feel really intimate or anything equally cheesy, so I made sure that everyone else was quasi-involved too.
The elevator dings as it stops on my floor. I just spent the morning arranging everything for tonight and now I have to get back to my room so I can really prepare for the HBO show tonight. I spent all day yesterday tapping the interviews and shorts for the show, and now I just need to focus on making it a kick ass performance. I’m surprised I even allowed myself to think about Abbey’s birthday…but then again, I’m not really surprised either since I can’t get the girl off of my brain.
The hallway is almost deserted except for this large, gaudy bouquet of flowers that’s hiding a body. I near the person and want to laugh when I notice it’s Channing and he’s got a scared look on his face.
“Hey man,” He says as I pass him to get to my door. I stop for a second and start to feel bad for the guy. He probably has no idea that Abbey really hates roses and those exotic flower arranges. She told me once that the only flowers she really likes are Gerber Daisies and sun-flowers.
I glance from the gift in my hands to the ones in Channing’s and do something I never imagined I’d be doing.
“Here.” I grab the massive mess from the other man and hand him my small potted plant. “She hates these things, dude, and those are her favorite flowers.”
He looks perplexed but thankful, “Thanks, man, you didn’t have to do that.”
“I know.”
Just then, the elevator dings again and the girl of the hour comes strutting out onto the floor. It looks as though she’s been out shopping with some of the dancers, and her hair has been shortened and layered slightly. She looks beautiful.
“Hey boys.” She calls. “Ooh, Boss man, who sent the unfortunate and disgusting display of gratitude?” She gives a lengthy, repulsed stare at the flowers in my hand and I laugh a little.
“HBO sent them as a thanks.” I easily lie and avoid watching as Abbey notices Channing and my gift in his hands.
“Oh! My favorite flowers! How did you know?” She gushes at him, wrapping her arms around his waste and kissing his cheek. Channing gives me a sheepish look before shrugging and grinning in her direction.
“Dunno, just lucky, I guess.”
I ignore the knot that starts to twist my insides. That was my present and my idea. I really have no clue why I helped the dude out. I mean, I hate watching them together and I hate even knowing that she gives him the attention I so desperately want.
I just sounded like a bad romance novel.
With a roll of my eyes I turn my back on the loving couple and head into my room, shutting out their whispered, giddy exchange.
“That was nice of you,” comes a voice to my left and I jump a little. Mickey is sitting on my couch, giving me a knowing look. I ignore him and walk the rest of the way into the room, setting my bag down on the couch and getting rid of the terrible arrangement of flowers.
“Yeah, well…” I really don’t know what to say.
“I’m surprised at you, Justin. I really didn’t think you liked the guy, especially because he’s banging your little Jude.”
I hope the look I give him is as scathing as I want it to be. “Did you have to say ‘banging?’” I whine. Plopping myself down on the couch next to him I wait for whatever he’s going to say next.
“I think it was really big of you to do that. Channing was about to strike out with her and you saved his ass. Not something you would do if you wanted to win Abbey over.”
“I know. I guess I just knew how much she was going to hate those flowers and I didn’t want anything to ruin her day.”
“Ahh, so you weren’t really looking out for the guy, just Abbey.”
“Duh.” I pause for a second, thinking, “How the hell did you know what went on anyway? I didn’t see you in the hallway.”
“I was behind you. I slipped into the room when Abbey showed up, but I saw the whole thing.”
“Damn, you’re stealthy for such a huge as man.” I laugh at the dirty look he throws me.
“I prefer ‘big boned.’”
“Yeah, whatever man, I’m going to go get ready for the show. I would like to be left alone until I head to the arena.” I leave Mickey nodding at me in the living room and head to my bedroom.
A lot of my preparation for shows is just being by myself and getting centered. For something huge like this I need a lot of space and quite so I can think and relax. I always make sure that I have a clear schedule before shows, and for today I even moved the meet and greets to the day before. I don’t want distractions or stresses tonight. I’ve had a run through with the dancers and crew and told them how important it is for them to be relaxed, so I gave them the day off too. The only think I want my crew to have to worry about today is tonight’s show.
I look at the clock and see that I have about three hours before I need to be at the Garden, so I set my alarm clock and settle down to take a little nap. I want to be rested and calm. Funnily enough, though, all I can really seem to do is think about how happy Abbey looked when she saw those daisies.
~*~
The roar of the crowd is still ringing in my ears, even these hours later. I’m on such a natural high that I feel like I’m floating.
That was fucking amazing.
There was an energy and I vibe that just made the show so much more than it has been. Knowing that the cameras were there hyped up the crowd even more, and the show was one of the best we’ve put on. I’m so proud of my crew and my dancers and everyone else that I just want to hug them all. Which, I’ve kinda done.
The booze is flowing and the food is going fast. I opened up one of the larger ball rooms in the hotel for this post-concert bash, and moved Abbey’s party down here too. There’s no way it would’ve fit into the hotel rooms.
“Boss Man!” I catch a streak of strawberry blond hair before I’m being tackled/hugged by the object of my thoughts.
“Hey Jude, Happy Birthday.” I allow myself to kiss her on the forehead before putting a little bit of distance between us. Her scent is intoxicating, and with the adrenaline high I’m already on, I don’t want to do or say anything stupid.
“The food is wonderful, thank you so much.” She beams at me, giving me another tight hug that seems to electrify all of my body parts. “Oh, and not too shabby on the performance tonight, either.”
I laugh a little, happy to see her so excited and content. “You either. I know that your section of the show wasn’t aired on HBO, but I still had the guys tape it so you could have a copy for your collection.” If possible, her expression brightens even more and I wish I could keep this moment forever.
“No way! Thanks so much, Justin, really.” She hugs me again, longer this time, and I find myself closing my eyes against the feelings that are rushing through me. This is very, very dangerous.
“Go on, go find some booze and properly enjoy this birthday. I’ll catch up with you later.” The kiss she places on my cheek lingers long after she’s scurried off to join the rest of the party goers.
I quickly find myself a drink and settle down at a table with Marty and a couple of the other male dancers. I get lost in their banter about which girl in the room looks the easiest to score and let my mind wander around with Abbey. This crush I have is getting really out of control now, and I feel almost desperate. I mean, really, I have a huge population of women ready to throw themselves at my feet and I can’t seem to get my mind off of the one that doesn’t seem to think of me as anything but “Boss man.”
I am really pathetic.
I know I’m pathetic because I can’t seem to watch anyone but her, and I don’t even know what the guys are talking about. I just make a few odd grunts here and there to sound like I’m participating in this conversation. I see quite a few glasses in front of me and realize that I’m sufficiently buzzed. I see Abbey standing on the outskirts of the dancing mass in the middle, and before I can properly think or stop myself I’m at her side asking her to dance.
“Hey birthday girl, care to dance?” She readily accepts my hand and I almost drag her onto the dance floor. The song slows down considerably and I bring Abbey in close. I know this is dangerous, and I know that I’m probably making a HUGE mistake, but I can’t help but hold her tightly as we sway around the room. I just needed to have a little contact. Hopefully it’ll tide me over for a while so I can stop obsessing and move on.
“Are you having a good time?” She asks me, oblivious to the fact that I was just smelling her hair. I am so creepy.
“Yes, I am. Are you?”
“Best birthday ever, Boss man. Thanks.” We sway for a little while longer before I feel a tap on my shoulder and look up to see Channing. He’s politely asked to cut in and I really can’t be an ass to the guy, so I grudgingly let Abbey go and let him take over. I force my eyes away and gladly accept the hand of one of my dancers as she pulls me into a dance of our own.
I am so fucking pathetic.
