“So, I have your schedule and the things that should be done within the next couple of weeks.  Here’s my number, my phone will always be on should you need me.”  A slip of paper is passed to me over the table and all I can do is sit back with my mouth open in awe.

“Hey Jude, you’re gonna attract some flies.”  Justin’s finger taps my jaw and I close it with a click.

“Is she for real?” I turn to look at the woman across from me, “Are you for real?”

“I sure hope so,” She smiles at me and I can’t help but grin back.

Sadie Hathaway is my new assistant and she’s absolutely perfect.  She seems like a ton of fun, she’s completely organized, and she came highly recommended by Justin’s old pal, P. Diddy.  Yeah, and I also caught the new Beatles reference to Sexy Sadie, although, Justin’s hasn’t actually pulled that one out yet.  I think he’s a little afraid of her. Ha! Makes me like her even more.

“All right, Jude, I need to head off to an interview and photo shoot back at the hotel, but I’m leaving you in the capable hands of Sadie.  Oh, and Mickey’s staying with you, I’ve got a car full today.”  Justin gives me a peck on the cheek and I wave at him as he leaves the conference room.  I have a sound check to do, but there’s a little more pep in my step because I have a kick ass assistant now, and I know that there won’t be any botched interviews or photo shoots anymore.

I’m so happy I could almost dance.  Almost

Justin worked his butt off to find me some great assistants, and after meeting with them all and getting a feel for them, I decided that Sadie was the best pick.  She’s cute and spunky and I think that between her and Rachel, I’ve got my girl time covered.  She also has an apartment in the same complex as I do back in L.A, which is the best coincidence ever.

I can’t believe that this tour is close to being over.  There are only a couple of shows left, and then Justin’s off to Europe and I’m headed back to L.A to meet with some new producers and talk about what I want for the new album.  It’s a little strange to be thinking about my new album without having Justin to hold my hand through the whole thing, but I’m excited too.  He said that he’d come help when he gets back from Europe.  I’ve gotten used to having him around; I think I’m really going to miss him when he’s gone.

“Good work, Abs, you’re all set.”  Bill gives me the thumbs up and I jump off the stage.  It’s taken most of the tour, but I’ve finally gotten the sound check down to a science.

There’s a couple hours until show time, so I decide to head back to my dressing room and catch up with my TiVO.  One Tree Hill is my secret obsession.  OK, it’s not such a secret, but still…Chad Michael Murray….mmmhmmm.

“I’m going to head back to the hotel, unless you need me?”  Sadie falls in step beside me and I think for a second.

“Nah, I think I’m set for now.  I’ll see you later.”  As much as I’d love to spend a lot of time with her, I need to be alone when I get ready for the show.  I like some quiet so I can get my head straight.  Of course, I’ll have quite a few hours of quiet this afternoon.  Oh well.

My stomach grumbles and I decide that I should probably eat now.  I can’t wait much longer or I’ll feel like puking when I’m on stage.  It’s not pretty.

“Hey Mick.”  The big man gives me a head nod as I pass him in the hallway.  “You look bored.”  He chuckles.

“I know I should be grateful for the downtime when Justin’s not around, but sometimes I just feel useless.”

“Well I’m about to head to catering to grab some grub, you’re more than welcome to join me.”  He thinks on it for a second before coming along.  Being on tour I’ve spent a lot of time with the body guards and I’ve come to enjoy their company.  They add a certain flavor that no one else can bring.

My back pocket starts to buzz and I snatch it up.  A smile stretches across my face as I see Channing’s text on my screen.  He had to go to Australia earlier than he thought, so we can’t talk very often because the time difference is so off and he’s been busy with his new film.

“A grin like that means it has to be a guy.”  Mick’s voice breaks through my girly daze and I blush up at him.

“Yeah, it was Channing.  He’s just…really romantic.”  Mick makes some strange noise and I ignore it, thinking that he’s probably just making fun of me.  “I’m serious.  Look.”  I hold up my wrist and show him the charm that Channing gave me before I left New York.

“What?”

“He got me the treble clef.”  I finger the small charm and my smile stretches more.

“Really now?”  I hear that sound again and I start to wonder if he’s got something stuck in his nose.

“What?  Is it such a huge deal that I’ve finally found a guy that gets me?  I mean, I know John was the asshole of the century, but not all guys are that brain dead.”

“Abbey, I hate to be the one to burst you little bubble, but I’m getting pretty tired of watching this whole soap opera.”

I know the look on my face must spell my confusion because I have no idea what he’s talking about.  “Huh?”

“Do you really think that Channing just happened to know your favorite kind of flowers and that you had a charm bracelet in need of a matching charm?”

“Well…yeah.”  I have a feeling that I’m about to feel stupid.  I hate feeling stupid.

“Abbey, Justin was the one that got you the daisies, and Channing had bought you that stupid looking boquet.  He saw Channing was about to have a disaster and he switched so you wouldn’t get stuck with an ugly gift.”

“But…Justin got me the party.”  I’m playing dumb, I know, but I’m not sure I want to hear this.  In fact, I know I don’t want to hear this.

“Yeah, and the daisies.  And I was with him the day he went to Tiffany’s to buy you that charm.  He felt that since he’d given Channing the flowers he needed to get you something else.  He just happened to catch your lover boy in the gift shop trying to decide between a glass fairy and a stuffed bunny.”

My face scrunches up.  In part from the idea that I’d been duped, and the other half is because I hate stuffed animals and trinkets.  Good save, Boss man. 

Oh God.  This is a big deal.

“Why would Justin do something like that?  And why would Channing not tell me the truth?”

“Perhaps it was because Justin wanted you to be happy and he didn’t have the balls to step up and tell you how he really felt about you, and perhaps because Channing wanted you to be happy and he was afraid that telling you the truth would mess things up.”

“You are not supposed to sound so right.”  I pout.  My stomach is churning and I can’t get my head around all of this.  It can’t be true.  And I can’t handle…wait…did he say Justin couldn’t ‘tell me how me really feels??’

“Abbey, I’m just telling you how I see things.  It’s up to you to take it as you will.”  He picks up his step and walks into the dining room.  I’m left standing in the door way with what I’m sure is a stupid look on my face and one hell of a headache.  My phone buzzes again, it’s Channing.  I text him back, asking if he has a chance to talk, and a minute later my phone rings.

I turn on my heels and head back down the hallway, away from Mick’s knowing stare.  My dressing room is a welcome sanctuary and I brace myself for this conversation.

“Hey!”  His cheery voice comes over the line.  I want to smile, but it comes out more as a grimace.

“Hey.  How’s the land down under?”  I’m not sure how to approach this conversation, so I’ll start by pretending that everything is just fine.

“It’s beautiful down here, the weather’s been amazing.  I miss you, though.”  He sounds sincere, and I want to believe him.  I’m just not sure about anything anymore since I know that he hasn’t really been wooing me.  Justin has.  I think.  Ugh.

“Yeah.”  That was lame and I know it.

“Is everything OK?  You sound upset.”  Well, at least I know he can read the tone of my voice, if nothing else.

“Channing, did Justin give you those gifts to give to me?”

There’s a slightly strangled sound at the end of the line and I know it’s true without even being told.  “Abbey…”  He starts, but I’m not sure I can hear excuses at this point.

“Why?  Why did you just tell me the truth?  Why didn’t you just say that you were terrible at picking out gifts, or you didn’t know what to get me?”  I really can’t understand why there had to be lying and deceiving involved in all of this. 

“Because I saw how you and Justin were together and I was afraid that if you knew he’d really picked those gifts out for you that you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.”  At least it’s honest.  Even though I feel like I’ve been knocked on my ass, at least he’s being honest.

“How Justin and I are together?  Why the hell is everyone always going on about me and Justin?  He’s my boss, I’m his artist.”  I swear I’m only trying to convince Channing.  Really.

“That’s not how it looks to us outsiders.”  He sounds a little scornful and I’m pissed because that’s not his emotion to feel right now, it’s mine.  “Abbey, I really like you and I was afraid of fucking things up.  I know it was a mistake, but he offered to help and I didn’t know how to approach the topic.”

“So you lied.”

“I never told you that I bought those things for you, you just assumed.”  I laugh, but it’s not a pretty sound.

“Oh, so it’s my fault then?  It’s my fault that you kept things from me and didn’t correct my assumptions.  Was this all a ploy to get me into bed or something?”

“No!”  It’s emphatic, but at least I know that he’s not lying about this one.  “No.  I certainly wanted to show you how much I liked you, Justin just pointed out how wrong I was in the gifts I’d bought.  I wasn’t trying to just get you into bed.”

“I just can’t understand why you had to lie.”  He starts to talk again, but I cut him off.  “I know your reasons, Channing, I just can’t accept them.  You had a choice.  You could’ve told me the truth.  You could’ve even given me your own gifts and I would’ve told you what I really like so you wouldn’t make the mistake again.”

I can’t believe I’m getting into a fight with a guy, again.  I can’t believe that this is over Justin, again.  I mean…what is it that everyone else is seeing that I’m not?  I know that we spend huge amounts of time together, but we’re on tour and I’m his artist and we’re good friends.  I know that we know each other like the back of our hands, but again, we’re around each other all the time.  Why does everyone assume that just because we care about each other that there’s this secret longing going on between us.  I mean, if you push me I’ll admit that Justin is very, very attractive and in a different world I’d take any chance I could with the guy…but this is this world and there are no chances like that.

Right?

“Look, Abbey,”  That’s the breakup sound.  That is the beginning of a breakup delivery and it should not be coming out of his mouth.  This is my upset here, not his.  “I’m sorry for everything and I wish I could change it but I don’t think that there’s any way I’ll ever know you like Justin does.  I just can’t compete with that.”

“Are you giving me the brush off?  Are you really trying to tell me that because you didn’t take the time to try and get to know me that I’m to blame and you’re giving me the brush off?”  I’m so pissed at this moment that I consider throwing my phone, but I really like my phone so I don’t.

“I…yeah, I guess that’s what this is.”  He sounds upset, and I can’t seem to bring myself to care.  “Listen, I’m getting called back to the set, I have to go.”

He hangs up without another word and I let out a scream that brings Mick and Todd running into my room.

“What’s going on, are you OK?”  They both look worried and ready to pounce on the thing attacking me, but I wave them off and usher them toward the door.  Mick gives me a knowing look and I glare at him.

“I’m fine, I swear.  Things in Abbey’s world are just peachy and no one needs to worry.  I was just screaming because I’d gotten a text telling me that I’d won an online contest and I’m now the proud owner of a Magic Bullet food processor.  Woo.”  I shove them out the door and close it tight behind me.

What the hell am I going to do now? 

I have a show in two hours and I’m so on edge that my hands are shaking.  I know I can’t play if my hands are this unsteady, and I certainly can’t sing when I feel like my stomach is in my throat.

Why is everything always coming back to me and Justin?  Really.  I mean, there’s no way in hell that he could have anything but brotherly feelings toward me.  I know it, I just do.  We’ve been friends from the beginning and there’s no way that a man like Justin could ever fall for a girl like me.  I’m too plain and certainly not like his other celebrity conquests.  There’s just no possible way that Justin is harboring some unrequited love that he’s too scared to tell me about.  He tells me everything.  He tells me when my breath is rank, he tells me when I look like shit, he even tells me when he can’t stand to be around me anymore. 

Of course, he also tells me when I look beautiful and when I’ve done something to make him so proud that he can’t stop beaming.

But that’s not love.  No siree bob.  That’s not love at all.

That’s…that’s just…oh shit.  It’s just not love.

In fact, I’m going to call him right now and get some answers and everything will be settled.  He’ll tell me that he doesn’t love me and I’ll tell him that there’s no chance at all that I could have even the tiniest, slightest crush on him (I swear) and that will be that.  We’ll go back to be Hey Jude and Boss man and everything will be just as it was.

I mean, just because John thought something was going on, and my Mom thought that something was up, and Rachel and Trace thought something was going on, and Channing thought there were feelings there, and Mick thinks he seems something...none of that means that there are any secret feelings between my Boss and me.  None at all.

Really.

None.

I grab the phone I was thinking of throwing and punch in the speed dial for Justin’s phone.  I’m going to put an end to this and get my life back on track and start dating someone that doesn’t think my boss and I have a relationship going on.

“Hey Jude, what’s up?”  His smooth voice comes over the line and I calm down a little at the sound of it.  Of course, my nerves are jumping all over the place and I can’t believe I’m about to ask him this next question.

“Justin, are you in love with me?”