“He’s lying.”  It’s said out loud to myself, but I jump when I hear a voice behind me.

“Whose lying?”  Sadie steps into my dressing room, a bag in hand.

“What’re you doing here?  I thought you’d gone back to the hotel?”  I stop my pacing and grab a seat on the couch as she sits down next to me.  I’m actually glad that she’s here.  I think I would’ve gone crazy if I’d been left alone to think about the conversation I just had.

“I realized that I didn’t have as much to do as I thought, so I decided to stay and grab something to eat.  I figured that I’d see you down at the cafeteria, but when you didn’t show I grabbed you some food and thought I’d bring it down.”  She offers me a container and I grab it with a thanks.

“You’re a life saver.  I was just about to call you and have you get me something.”  I sit, happy to have some food and something to occupy my mind.  Of course, I should’ve known that I wasn’t going to be able to forget that easily.

“So, whose a liar?”  She sits back against the couch, waiting for an answer.  I guess we’re about to get a crash course in getting to know each other.

“Justin.”

“Uh oh, that’s not good.”  She grabs a bag of carrot sticks that she brought with her and starts to munch.  “He didn’t lie about something important, did he?”

“Oh…just the fact that’s he’s in love with me.”  I laugh a little as she spits out the piece of carrot she was eating and looks at me with wide eyes.  I nod my head at the question on her face.  “Yeah, there’s been a lot of speculation from everyone else on the tour and I got sick of it, so I decided to ask him.  He lied.”

I take a few minutes to fill her in on all that’s happening.  It’s really nice to have a neutral party to talk to, because the only other girl I can talk to is Rachel and…well…she’s in the “Justin and Abbey sittin’ in a tree” party.  She follows along, her eyes looking like they’re ready to pop out of her head.

“So he was giving Channing the gifts that he’d really gotten for you?”  She’s now got the bag of carrots in her lap and she’s watching me as if she were watching some intense movie or something.

“Yeah, he was.  I called Channing and reamed him out for it.  I’m just upset because he lied to me about it, both of them have lied.”

“How do you know Justin was lying when you asked him if he was in love with you?”

“Aside from the fact that he dropped the phone, he never actually answered the question.”  Sadie stands up and I take the opportunity to stretch my legs across the couch.  “He avoided it and then did that thing where he started to say something about how much he cared for me and then he trailed off…”

“So you would finish the sentence.  I hate it when guys do that.”

“Yeah, me too.  But I finished the sentence anyway, pretending that I believed he thinks of me just as a little sister, and now, here I am.”  I grab the bottled water on the table next to me and take a long, soothing sip.  It feels better to have this off of my chest, but now I’m stuck with not knowing what I should do about it.

“How do you feel about Justin?”  I stop, mid-sip, and give Sadie a long stare.  I’m really not sure how to answer that question.  I’ve been avoiding thinking about it since Rachel brought it up all those weeks ago. 

“Uhm…I don’t know.”

“That has to mean something.”  She says, knowingly.  Sadie is a beautiful woman.  She’s a little on the short side, but she has this sandy brown hair and sparkling green eyes that remind me of Spring.  She has an understated elegance about her than draws your attention whenever she’s in the room, but she is quiet most of the time.  I really like her, and I’m really glad that we’re getting along so well, too.  It helps that she’s amazing as a personal assistant, but I think she and I are really going to become good friends.

“Does it?”  I sit back, closing my eyes and trying to relax.  “I was hoping that my lack of decisiveness could be chalked up to having this news to handle and I wouldn’t really have to make a decision on how I felt.  I mean, he’s obviously avoiding it, why shouldn’t I?”

“Because then both of you are being idiots, instead of just Justin.  I mean, if I had a guy like Justin Timberlake pining after me I’d be on that in a heartbeat.  He is one fine piece of man meat, honey.”

I roll my eyes.  “You just wait until you get to know him, then he won’t seem so hunky.”  I laugh a little, remembering stupid things that he’s done, “Like he’s always right, even when he’s wrong.  And then, he has this annoying habit of singing or humming all the time, and if you’re singing a song he has to join in on harmonies.  Oh, and he makes this face when you say something that makes him uncomfortable, like, his nose scrunches up just the tiniest bit and he lets out a puff of air.  It’s annoying.”

“Mmmhmm, I’ll bet.”  The tone with which she speaks has me opening my eyes to look at her, a knowing look covering her features.  “Sounds to me like you’re pretty smitten with Mr. Pop Star.  I mean, who else would know all these tiny details about him?”

“Rachel and Trace would.”  An indignant reply comes out of my mouth and I can feel my heart beating faster at the thought of how much I really do notice about Justin.

“Yeah, and I know that when it comes from Rachel or Trace it won’t sound so dreamy or love-struck.”

“I am not love struck!” I shouldn’t be yelling like this, right before a show, but my assistant is spouting off some serious bullshit at the moment.

“Ok, Abbey, I believe you.” And her tone says the exact opposite.

Of course, now I start thinking.  “It wouldn’t matter, anyway, if I had feelings for him.  He would never go for a girl like me.”  I assure myself, even though I don’t really believe it.

“I thought you told me that he’s in love with you?  Remember, you asked and he avoided?  Classic signs of harboring feelings. There goes your excuse that he wouldn’t go for a girl like you.”  She sits back, her arms crossed against her chest, an infuriatingly smug smile tugging at her mouth.  Well, shit, she’s right.

“There’s just…No…no way.  Whatever I feel is just some lingering teeny-bopper crush brought on by the idea that he might have feelings for me.  My mind is simply wishing and there is no way that anything would work between us.  It would mess up our friendship, for one.” 

There, see?  I’m right, I just know it.

“Or it could make your friendship better.  There’s nothing more satisfying than being in love with your best friend.  In fact, I think it’s the only way to truly be in love.”

At that, I’m pushed into a thoughtful but stunned silence.  She’s right, but I am by no means ready to admit that aloud.  It would be a lie to say that I’ve never entertained the thought of what it might be like to be wooed by Justin Timberlake, but again, I’ve gotten to know him and that school girl crush just seemed to fade.  Or, at least, I thought it did.  I suppose I’ve suppressed any hopes because he had Jill, I was with John, and we were such good friends.  It’s almost like the Justin Timberlake that I’d had a crush on when I was younger is a completely different man than the Justin I call my boss.  Of course, there’s still the same charm and swagger that every girl loves, but he’s just…different than I’d imagined him to be.

It’s not a bad different, it’s just different.  I’d always dreamed that if I ever got to meet him I’d fall head over heels in love and he’d do the same with me.  Then, I got my record contract and actually met him and those sparks never flew.  Apparently things were a slow burn, because it suddenly seems that I’m in the middle of a fire and I have no idea how to get out of it.

I cannot believe that I’m entertaining thoughts about Justin and me.  It just feels…incestuous.  Kinda. 

Sadie makes a noise and I’m brought out of my thoughts.  “What was that?”

“I was just wondering what was going on in that head of yours, you seemed pretty lost in your thoughts.”

I shrug.  “Yeah, I’m just really baffled at this whole situation, and I’m not sure what to do about it.”

She leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees.  “Who says you need to do something about it?  Justin’s obviously avoiding everything, why shouldn’t you?”  She repeats my words with a grin, knowing that she’s managed to plant a thought in my head and now I’m going to be consumed by it.

But, really, who does say that I need to act on any of this knowledge?  I can go on with my life, pretending that everything is the way it always has been and there is no need to get messy with emotions, feelings, and hormones.  None at all.

~*~

Sadie sits on the edge of her seat, loudly screaming along with the crowd around us.  I decided to grab a seat with her after my set.  I’ve grown to like having her around, even thought we haven’t officially known each other for more than a day, but that’s OK.  I also don’t mind sitting back and watching Justin do his thing on stage.

It’s strange, watching his performance after having my little epiphany.  I keep reminding myself that he never said he was in love with me; I’m only going on a hunch.  But then that little voice in my head pipes up and reminds me that I know Justin really well and I know that he was lying on the phone earlier.

Damn Girl starts to play and I find myself in awe of what’s happening on stage.  I never gave much thought to how sexual this show is, but watching Justin gyrate his way through dancers is making the arena seem a little heated and I wonder if I’m the only one thinking it’s hot in here.  He’s got this sexy little grin on his face as he plays with the audience and the people around him and I almost die when he sends a wink in my direction.  Wow, I’ve regressed to a melted mush of teenage hormones.

Damnit!  Why is this happening?  I’ve never watched Justin’s shows with anything more than a mild appreciation for the way the boy can work the stage.  I have never, ever entertained anything other than pg rated thoughts when it’s come to Justin and this is starting to piss me off.  Just because some silly little idea has been planted in my head.

“I’m making myself believe that I have feelings for him because I know he feels something for me.”  I conclude.

“What?”  Sadie yells, obviously in a daze from the spectacle in front of us.  “Did you say something to me?”

“Never mind.  I was talking to myself.”

She leans in close so she doesn’t have to yell, “You know, it’s OK if you have feelings for him, Abbey.  It’s not the end of the world.”  She grins, “If I were you, I’d have a little fun with the whole thing while I had the chance.”

I laugh a little as she lets out a whistle and fans herself.  The screams filling the arena increase as Justin goes into his next song and I find my eyes following his every move.

I don’t want to ruin my friendship, and if I know Justin, he’s worried about the same thing and that’s the reason he’s never mentioned this crush before.  And I think our friendship is a damn good reason to keep it platonic.  We work really well together in the studio, he’s a blast to be around on tour, and he is probably my best guy friend.  Or course, I can’t help but replay Sadie’s words from before about being in love with your best friend being a completely satisfying experience.  In most other situations I would agree, but most other situations don’t include Justin Timberlake as said best friend.

I excuse myself from Sadie, stopping to sign a few autographs as I leave the seating area.  I’ve had such a great response from these fans, it’s been amazing.  I’m a little sad to think about it ending in only a few days, but it will be very nice to sleep in my own bed again.

I spot Trace and Rachel hanging out back stage, so I take a quick corner and hope that they don’t see me.  I really can’t handle a conversation with the two of them right now.  I might say something to tip them off about this whole situation and I don’t want to have to dissect my feelings anymore.  I just want to let it go and have everything be normal.

I wander down the hallway that leads to the dressing rooms.  I love it when it’s quiet and empty.  The soft pat-pat of my flip-slops echos quietly and I smile at the sound; it’s one of my favorites.  I stop in front of Justin’s door, staring at it as if the solid piece of wood might offer me some insight into what I should do.

Obviously I could go on pretending that everything between us is normal, but that’s going to be much more difficult now that I know he’s got feelings for me.  It was easier for us to keep our friendship normal when I was in the dark about everything.  Although things were pretty awkward for a while.  I just…I don’t know if I should call him out on it, or if I should pretend that I believed his lie and move on.  He is leaving for three weeks as soon as the tour is over.  It’ll give us plenty of space and time so that we won’t be in each other’s faces.

Maybe that’s it.  Maybe all of these non-platonic feelings are coming from our constant and forced closeness.  There were never signs of crushes while we were making my album, but then again, he was with Jill and I was with John and I was still a little intimidated by the guy.

There’s noise at the end of the hall and a swarm of people start walking in my direction.  The show is over.  Justin’s grinning face comes into my view and I wait by his door, unsure of what I’m going to say but feeling like I need to see him.

“Jude!”  His excited yell comes down the hallway and I can’t help but smile at him.  He makes his way toward me, and before I know it I’m being pulled into his arms and swept off my feet.  We spin in circles a few times before he sets me down with a laugh.

“Hey, Boss man.”  He plants a loud kiss on my cheek and against my wishes, my stomach flutters.

“Did you enjoy the show?”  He asks, ushering me into his dressing room.  The noise behind us lowers considerably as the door closes and I suddenly feel nervous.  The last time I was nervous around this man was the very first time I met him.

“You were great, as always.”  I catch his grin again and those butterflies are back, tenfold. 

I stand awkwardly by the door as he moves around the room, shedding clothing as he goes.  First, it’s the shoes and socks.  Justin hates wearing sweaty socks.  Then it’s the t-shirt and I about choke as a full view of those amazing abs is afforded to me.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m suddenly aware of any chemistry between us, or what, but I can’t take my eyes off of him and I’m getting a little hot.

“Jude?”  He’s got a grin on his face and I know it’s because I’ve been caught checking him out.  “See something you like?” 

“You wish.”  I retort, hoping my cheeks will turn back to their normal color.

He steps into the adjoining bathroom and I can hear the rest of his clothes fall to the tile floor and the shower turn on.  I take a second to fan myself, not believing how uncomfortably hot I am after witnessing all that.  And now I have the thought of him in the shower next to me and it’s about all I can take.

“Boss man?”  I inch closer to the bathroom, afraid that getting too close will make these crazy thoughts take over my body and I might do something stupid, like jump in the shower with him.

Oh God, I can’t believe I just thought that.  I can’t believe that any of these thoughts are entering my head at all.  This is my BOSS I’m thinking about.  This is Justin! The guy I’ve had to put up with for weeks on end and…and…I need to get out of this room.

“What’s up?”  His question comes from behind the bathroom door and I make my goodbye a quick one.

“I’ll see you back at the hotel.”  I don’t give him time to say anything else as I rush out the door and back to my own dressing room. 

I really have to stop lusting after Justin.  I don’t want a relationship with him and I don’t want to mess up our friendship because my body is hormonal and I’ve suddenly started lusting after him.  This can’t happen.  Not at all.  I don’t care if I know that he’s got feelings for me, and I don’t care that I’ve always wondered what it would be like.