He kissed me.

Justin Timberlake kissed me.

That fact is still running through my head this morning at an alarming rate.  I have successfully avoided Justin and I know that he’s on his plane flight across the Atlantic, but I still can’t stop thinking about that damn kiss.  I’m currently sitting next to Sadie and she keeps giving me strange looks.  I know she witnessed the kiss that Justin and I shared last night, but I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it yet.

I can’t believe it happened.  It was…well, to be honest it was really hot and I liked it.  But, I was slightly drunk and I know he was too.  I probably shouldn’t read into it, but, then again…I can’t help but read into it.  I mean, first I’m pretty sure he lies to me about how he feels, and then he goes and plants one hell of a kiss on me.  Being up against his hard body and feeling those amazing lips on my own was purely orgasmic and I…

I ran away.

I turned tail and ran until I was holed up in my hotel room and far, far away from the temptation that is Justin Timberlake.  I must be ten different kinds of crazy.

I needed some time to process the whole thing, really.  It was a bit of an overload, all that alcohol and body contact and tongue touching.  I couldn’t believe that it was actually happening, and in front of everyone involved in the tour, too.  I was a little embarrassed and a lot confused.  I still am confused.  I have no idea how I feel about this, or what I should do about it.

“You keep your face like that much longer it’s going to stay that way.”  Sadie’s voice sounds softly next to me and I jump a little, coming out of my thoughts.  “You’ve got one serious look there, Abbey Rhodes.”

“Just thinking.” Shrugging, I sip at my water.

“You wouldn’t have a certain sexy singer on your mind, would you?”  Her eyebrows raise and she smirks.  “Or, perhaps, it was a kiss you shared with that certain sexy pop star that’s got you all serious.” 

“Both.”  I grumble.  I don’t know if I really want to talk about this, but seeing as there are two more hours of being stuck in this seat, I can’t really avoid it, now can I?

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”  She offers me her bag of peanut m&m’s and I gladly take a few.

“I have no idea what to do with all this.”  It’s honest, and I’m hoping that she can offer me some insight.

“Well,” she munches on a green m&m, “How do you feel about the kiss?  Let’s start there.”

That’s the question of the century.  “Well…it was nice.”  I start feebly.  Her eyes widen at me and she lightly smacks my arm.

“Nice?  Abbey, Justin freakin’ Timberlake laid a pretty hot kiss on you last night and all you can say about it was that it was ‘nice’?  Were you experiencing the same kiss that I was watching?  because ‘nice’ is certainly not the word that I would use.  Naughty, possibly, but not nice.”

“All right, it was hot and I enjoyed it a lot.”  There, I admitted it.  “I just don’t know what to do about that.”

“Who says you have to ‘do’ anything?  Justin’s out of the country, isn’t he?  I’m pretty sure you can avoid him for the next couple of weeks and that will be that.”  Why do I know that she doesn’t really mean what she says? My assistant is one tricky gal, I’ll tell you that.

“I have to ‘do’ something because Justin and I have a friendship and a working relationship and there’s no way I can avoid him for the rest of my life.  I can’t face him with this kiss sitting between us; it’ll get way too awkward.”

“Then I suggest you work out how you feel about him.  And then I suggest that the two of you sit down and figure this thing out before it ruins anything.”

That seems to be the last of her advice as she turns back to the magazine in front of her.  I’m still stuck, though.

My hand involuntarily reaches up to my mouth as I relive the kiss in my mind.  I may have been a little drunk, but I certainly remember every second of that moment.  I remember the way he tastes, the way he felt, and how much I enjoyed feeling his hands on me, even if he was grabbing my ass in public.

If I allow myself to be completely honest for just a moment, I have developed some strong feelings toward my boss man over the past couple of weeks, and having him kiss me like that just brought it all to a head.  There’s a very strong chance that he has the same strong feelings and I could just relax and fall into this thing, but I’m too much of a pansy to do that.  I would hate for something to happen between us and then we decide that we just don’t feel the same anymore and suddenly our friendship is damaged.  I’m not a casual relationship type of girl, and I couldn’t just act on my physical attraction without some emotions getting involved, too.

I’ve grown very fond of Justin over the time that I’ve known him, and despite the fact that those feels have grown into something less friend-territory, I am so afraid to risk what we do have.

Although, the desperate and all female side of me is dying to explore these feelings and try some more physical feeling with a few more kisses (and maybe something a little dirtier, but I refuse to think about that because I hate being horny without any outlet.)  It would be interesting to get to know just on a more intimate level than just friends, and I’m sure he’s completely devoted and attentive as a boyfriend.

Good Lord, I can’t believe I’m thinking about Justin Timberlake as a boyfriend, never mind my boyfriend.

I think I’ve gone crazy.

I glance over at Sadie and she’s engrossed in whatever she’s doing on her lap top.  It doesn’t look like I’ll be getting much more advice from her on this plane ride, so I pop in my headphones and turn my iPod onto shuffle.  I should try and get some sleep while I can.  I have a couple of days of downtime when I get back, but after that it’s right back into things.  I have some appearances to make, along with the studio time that Justin’s booked for me.

I’m excited to start getting into my sophomore album.  It’s going to be a long time before it’s released, but Justin wants me to have plenty of time to develop a sound, or many sounds.  I probably won’t release this album for another year or so, but it’s good to have no pressure as I head into meet with new producers.  I’m slightly nervous about working with new people, but it’ll be and adventure.  I wrote a lot of songs on my first album, but now that I’m a little more versed in how the studio works, I want to get into some production and stuff, too.  This is my chance to dabble, and I’m pretty damn excited about it.

I let out a sigh and rest my head against the back rest of the seat.  My hood has been pulled up over my head and I have a hat pulled low over my eyes so no one can see how terrible I look.  I didn’t get much sleep last night and I’m nursing a little bit of a hangover.

The song switches on my iPod and I grimace when I hear the familiar chords of one of my own songs start to play.  My mother insisted that I put my album on my iTunes so she could have it and I accidentally uploaded it.  I’m not so vain that I like to listen to my own voice all the time.  I’m about to change the song when the lyrics stop me and they get me thinking.

This is one of those cliché moments, you know?  Where I have an epiphany about how I feel and then I call Justin up and confess my unyielding love and then we live happily ever after.

Only it’s not.  I wrote that song about a friend of mine.  She was moving from bad relationship to bad relationship when finally (finally!) a great guy came along and she pushed him away.  Our group of friends sat back and watched as this poor girl avoided the guy and she was miserable.  We all pushed and pushed until she agreed to go out with him, and, well, they’re still madly in love.  The lyrics came to mind when someone noted that eventually, “real love would come looking” for my friend.  It’s one of my favorite songs.

I quickly switch the song on my iPod and let out a sigh when James Taylor comes on.  This is a little safer territory.

You’re probably sitting there thinking I just relayed this story about my friend and you’re getting frustrated with me because I don’t see the parallel to my own life.  You can save your frustration.  I see it.  I see it very clearly and I’m choosing to ignore it for the time being. 

I know what I feel but I’m too afraid of those feelings to want to act on them just yet.  I have a couple of weeks to get my head straight before I have to see Justin again, so I think I’m just going to sit on this for a while and see what happens when he gets back.

Good idea, right?

~*~

The beat that fills the small studio is funky and fast, something I don’t usually do.  I like it, though, and this producer has been amazing to work with.  He’s managed to discover a new side to my music and I’ve been thoroughly enjoying this studio time.

Of course, today I have had major bouts of butterflies in my stomach because today is the day that Justin comes in to see what we’ve been up to and take a listen to my songs.  I keep telling myself that I’m nervous about his reaction to the music, but I know that that’s not the truth.

I’ve managed to avoid talking to him for the past two weeks.  Anything we’ve needed to discuss has gone through Sadie, and even though she’s not happy with my indecision about the whole Justin thing, she didn’t push it and she let me hide.  I had a couple of appearances in New York on Good Morning America and some radio stations.  It was a fun little trip, but now I’m back in LA and I’ve spent the last five days holed up in the studio letting my creative juices flow. 

I did a pretty good job at not thinking about Justin or my feelings, but with his impending arrival only minutes away, I haven’t been able to get him out of my head.  I still don’t know what I feel, but I know that the majority of these butterflies are from excitement as well as apprehension.

Speak of the devil, or in this case, think of him.  Justin comes strutting through the door, shaking hands with everyone in the room, saving me for last.  I come out of the sound booth slowly, unsure of what to do, but he simply grins at me and waves in my direction.

“Hey Jude.”

“Hey boss man.”  I’m trying to sound casual, but I’m not sure it’s happening.  Luckily, he doesn’t watch me too long before he’s sitting back in one of rolling chairs and asking to hear what we’ve done.

“This is the latest song we’ve been working on,” Bruce, the producer, cues up the music and we sit and listen, bobbing our heads along while the song plays.  Everyone is watching Justin intently, waiting to see what his reaction is.  He stays neutral until the song is over, taking a moment to think before he speaks.

“It’s a little funky for you, Jude, but I like it.”  He doesn’t seem too excited though, but I can’t really dwell on it because the next song has started to play.  “Oh, I like this one.”

“Yeah, me too.”  I pipe up, not sure why I’m feeling so shy all of a sudden.  It’s as if I’ve regressed to the first time Justin and I ever met.

“Not bad, guys, this is some great material.  I think we can definitely make something of this stuff.”  He grins at me and I blush profusely. 

When did I turn into a twelve-year-old girl?

I sit back and fade into the couch as the men in the room talk about music and ideas.  Bruce plays Justin a couple of hooks that he was thinking about and Justin offers his input, tweaking things and layering sounds to make things a little less funk and a little more me.  I’m actually really relieved that he’s here because Justin knows me better than anyone when it comes to being in the studio and I know that he would want me to stay true to my sound.

“What do you think, Abbey?”  Bruce’s voice breaks me from my thoughts.

“Huh?” I feel a little like an idiot with all these eyes watching me.  Especially the deep blue pair to my right.

“I asked what you think about this hook.”  He laughs a little, “I think we’ve lost her, boys.  She has been stuck in this studio all day long, I’m not surprised that she’s checked out.”

“I have no checked out!” I defend, “I just get lost when you all start talking technical.  I’m just the singer, here, you guys do the hard stuff.”  My comment earns some chuckles and I relax a tiny bit.

“Well, I think it’s time to call it a day, anyway.”  Justin pipes up and I can feel my heart rate accelerate as he makes his next statement.  “I need to speak with Abbey privately.”

I watch as the group stands up and exchanges goodbyes, staying aware long enough to contribute my own words to everyone before they all exit the room.  Now it’s just me and Justin and I think I might pass out.

“How have you been?”  He leans his butt against the counter behind him, facing me with his arms crossed casually across his chest.  He looks good, a little tired, but still amazing.  I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed looking at him over the past couple of weeks.

“Good.  The appearances in New York were awesome and they went really well.”  He nods, already aware of that information but I’m not sure what to say.  I watch him for a little while longer before the desire to touch him gets too overwhelming and I move before I can over think what I’m about to do.  It’s time to say ‘fuck it’ and follow my heart.

“Listen, Jude, I’m sorry-” I stand up, cutting him off as I cross the room and place my hands on his face, cupping his cheeks.

“Shut up.”  He does as I tell him, licking his lips and watching me with wide eyes.

I close my eyes and will my brain to shut off as I lean in and place my mouth against his.  He tastes like mint and coffee.  His hands tentatively reach out and touch my hips, and when I touch my tongue to his bottom lip his grip tightens and I’m being pulled up against his lean frame.

The kiss is still slow, but things are heating up fast and all I can think is that I should have done this a long, long time ago.  He feels amazing underneath my fingers as I move my hands down over his shoulders and around his back.  I want to have him up against me; I want to feel those hands all over me like they were two weeks ago.  Justin seems to read my desires, and his hands slide down to land on my ass where he gives it a squeeze.  I giggle a little into his mouth, not wanting to break the contact but reeling from the tickle.

I don’t really notice that I’m being guided backwards until the backs of my knees hit the couch behind me and we fall, Justin using his arms to stop himself from landing on top of me.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for a long fucking time, Abbey Rhodes.”  His mouth blazes a hot trail up my neck and back to my lips.  He nibbles at my mouth, teasing me with his teeth and tongue.  I reach up to run my hands over his buzz cut, loving the feeling of his hair between my fingers.  Justin settles his weight in between my legs and I wrap myself around his torso, trying to get as much body contact as possible. 

There are no thoughts that we’re in the middle of a studio and anyone could walk in at any moment.  There aren’t even thoughts that this is my boss and I probably shouldn’t be doing this.  All my brain can think is ‘Yes! More!’ and all my body can think is that I wish we weren’t wearing as many clothes.  Later, when I get a moment to think about all of this, I blush with embarrassment at the dirty thoughts running through my head right now.

I feel Justin’s tongue travel down my neck and chest, moving around the collar of my button down shirt where he then starts to kiss the swell of my breasts.  I fight for air, reacting to the sensations coursing through my body.

“Fuck, Abbey.”  He pants, and I can feel his obvious arousal through his jeans.  It’s a little sick that I’m getting so turned on by his being turned on.  “We need to stop.”

I freeze, afraid that I did something wrong.  He chuckles, taking a moment to give me another lingering kiss before sitting up slightly so he can explain.

“It’s not that I don’t want to do this,” his eyes wander down my body, “I do.  But I’ve waited too damn long for this and I don’t want our first time together to be in a random studio room where anyone could walk in at any moment.”  He trails a finger over my collar bone, down toward the slope of my chest.  “No, I want to be able to seduce you the right way so there’s absolutely no doubt in your mind how I feel about you.”

I’m not sure we’ll even make it to the sex part because I could probably orgasm off of that look he’s giving me right now.  I let out a laugh, fanning myself with my hand as I try to regain some composure.

“You’re not afraid that if we stop now I’m going to over think everything and run away from you?”

He grins and entirely cocky grin and I flush a little bit more.  “No, I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten you wound tight enough that you won’t be able to walk away.  You’re too curious now.”

Well, I can’t say that he’s wrong.  “Then let’s get out of here.”

He grins, and I didn’t think it was possible, but I’m even more turned on now.