Okay, so I know that I was being a little bit of an ass the other night, but in my defense, she’s making a huge deal out of nothing.

I totally understand her concerns, and trust me, there is no one out there more aware of what’s going on with her career than I am.  I just don’t think that the media attention is going to be a bad thing, and even if it gets out that we’re together I can’t see it being bad for her career.  I know she doesn’t want people to think that the only reason she’s got this far is because of me, but I strongly believe that she’s established herself and her music is enough to stand on its own.

I should probably be groveling and attempting to win her back into my good graces, but she won’t answer my phone calls.  I knew she was pissed, I just didn’t realize it was this big of a deal.

Media attention is a strange thing.  As an artist, you want people to know your name.  As a person, it goes against any instincts you might have to want people you don’t know butting into your personal life.  I know that she’s worried about all this, but really, she shouldn’t be.  I would hope that she would trust me and my knowledge of this business.  Instead, she thinks that I’m being insensitive and uncaring because my career won’t be affected by this stuff.

Women.

The only contact I’ve had with Abbey in the past two days has been through Sadie.  It’s a little frustrating, to say the least.  I want to hang out with my girlfriend, damnit.  I don’t often have down time like I do now and I want to take advantage of that by hanging around Abbey.  Her schedule is keeping her in the area and it’s a rare thing to date someone in the business and have time that coordinates like this.

I will get to see her in the studio tomorrow, but I was hoping to have made up by then.

I feel stuck.  I understand her apprehensions, and I know that she’s mostly mad at me because I was drunk and being an ass.  But I just want her to relax.  I want her to forget about what everyone else might think and just enjoy doing what she does.  At the end of the day, it won’t matter what the tabloids say because her music is good enough to speak for it self. 

It would probably benefit me to say that to her, huh?  I know, you’re all screaming at me to talk to her and tell her this, but I can’t do that unless she’s actually talking to me.  Perhaps I’ll have to corner her in the studio tomorrow and make her listen.  Hmm, that could be interesting and perhaps a little fun.

My dirty mind digresses. 

“Hey baby.”  My mom’s sitting at the kitchen table when I enter the room.  Why does it feel like every time I find her here she’s in my kitchen?

“Hey Momma.  What’s up?”  She’s in from Tennessee for a while working on stuff for the production company.  I don’t see her as much as people think I do.  My momma’s a busy woman.

“Not much; I just wanted to stop over and see how you were doing.  Trace told me you were up in the shower so I thought I’d wait for you.”  She folds the paper she was reading and gives me a smile, “Where’s Abbey?”

I refrain from rolling my eyes and settle with a sigh.  “Currently she’s not speaking to me.”  Grabbing a seat across from her I rattle off the tale about the other night at the bar and she listens patiently.  When I finish, she sits back against the chair and thinks over what I just told her.

“That’s a tough one, Justin.  Have you tried talking to her about where you’re coming from?”

“Yeah, but like I said, she’s not taking my calls.  I’ve only been able to talk to Sadie the past two days, and as much as I like the chick, she’s not my girlfriend.”

I get a shrug in response.  “I don’t know what to tell you.  Just be sensitive, Okay?  You remember what it was like to start out in this business.  She’s worried that she’ll get a bad name for herself and you can’t blame the girl.  At least she’s not attempting to use your name.”

She makes a good point, but I’m a little stubborn, “Yeah, she doesn’t even want to be associated with me at all.”

“Justin, this is all new for her.  Give the poor girl a break.  It can’t be easy being attached to you for her career and now her personal life.  She’s probably overwhelmed, and you said that you were being an ass the other night.”  My mother, ever the voice of reason.

“I suppose you’re right.”

She stands from her seat, patting my cheek and giving me a kiss on the forehead.  “I’m your mother, Justin, I’m always right.”

Lady has a point.

“I have to work with her in the studio tomorrow.  I was hoping we could make up before then so it’s not totally awkward.”

She gives me a look, “I thought I raised you be to smarter than this.  You’re a clever boy, Jay, I’m sure you can think of some way to romance the girl before tomorrow.”  Leave it to my mom to make me feel like an idiot.

There seems to be a trend of women in my life making me feel stupid.  I really need to do something about that.

“Maybe I could call Sadie and set something up to surprise Abbey.”

She runs her hands over my hair as she makes her way to the door.  “That’s my boy.  Dinner tomorrow night?  Paul’s in town.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.  Love you, Momma.”

“Love you too.”  I watch as she leaves the room and lean back against my seat with a loud exhale of air. 

It looks like it’s time for me to start wooing. 

~*~

This is not going how I planned.

“I just feel like you’re ignoring my feelings,” Abbey sits across from me at her kitchen table.  I snuck over here and set up the whole apartment with candles and flowers and some soft music.  Really, I think it’s rather romantic.  It worked for about half an hour, and then I tried to explain myself and now here we are.  Fighting.

“I’m not ignoring your feelings, Jude, I’m trying to get you to relax a little and stop worrying.”  There must be a broken record playing somewhere.  I’m positive I’ve heard this one before.

“Easy for you to say, you don’t have to worry about your career being affected by headlines.”  Pouting does not look good on my girlfriend.

“And neither does yours.  Trust me, Jude, there is no one on this planet more aware of what’s going on with your career than me.  I am fully invested in your image and I would never do anything to compromise that.  John is a nobody, his ranting has gone largely unnoticed by the media, and if you do watch the stories they’re reporting, they’re all on your side!”  I cross my arms over my chest and hold myself back from huffing.  “Is it really that bad having your name attached to mine?”

She scowls at me.  “It is if I don’t want everyone thinking that you’re the only reason I’ve made it in this business.”

“Obviously that’s not the case.  Abbey, if I was the only reason you’d gotten any attention your album wouldn’t have taken off the way it did.  Trust me, your music speaks for itself.  You’re talented, you’re an amazing musician, and you’ve established yourself as an artist enough that any relationship your in shouldn’t have an affect on the music.”  She watches me carefully, like she doesn’t want to really believe me.

“You were being an ass the other night.”  Her statement almost makes me laugh.  It’s like she’s bound and determined to stay mad at me.

“I know that, and I’m sorry.  I wasn’t looking at things from your perspective and I fully apologize for that.”  I lean over the table and wait for her to come to me.  It takes a minute, but she finally gives in and lets me kiss her.  I can still feel the tension in her, though, and it’s bothering me.  “Are we OK, Jude?”

She hesitates.  The look on her face worries me and I’m trying really hard to keep calm.  “Yeah, I guess so.”  I don’t believe her, but I don’t want to fight anymore so I leave it alone.  I’m hoping that it’s just residual fear left over and things will be back to normal soon enough.

“I brought some movies over.  I was thinking we could just cuddle and hang out.”  Her eyebrow raises in my direction.

“Cuddle?” I can hear the mocking tone in her voice and I relax a little bit.  This sounds much more like my Jude.

“Yeah, cuddle.  Are you opposed to my terminology?”

She gives me a devilish grin.  “No, I’m worried because I know that when you say ‘cuddle’ that’s what you really mean.  Most guys would be saying cuddle when they actually mean to say ‘let’s have hot, sweaty sex all night.’”

“We could certainly arrange that,” I let out a chuckle.  This is more like it.

“In your dreams, Boss man.”  She swallows the last of the wine in her glass and takes the hand I’ve offered to her.  I lead her into the living room and after she’s sitting on the couch I pop in the first DVD and join her.

There’s still something lingering between us but I refuse to acknowledge it at the moment.  I don’t want to start another fight and I don’t want to ruin the calm between us.  I’m trying to be as understanding as I possibly can, but she’s making it difficult.  I just want her to trust me on this one.  I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure that fourteen years in this industry has made me somewhat of an expert.  I’m just sayin’.

Abbey settled underneath my arm and rested her head in the nook of my shoulder.  I’m glad that she’d seemingly forgave me, because I really hated thinking that I’d done something to upset her.  I don’t handle stuff like that well.

“So, I’ve been thinking…” She started, and I watched as she grabbed the remote and adjusted the volume so we could hear each other.  “Maybe it would be better if you didn’t join me in the studio tomorrow.”

The shock must have registered on my face because she sits back a little and starts to fidget.  “What?”  I must be hearing things.

“Well, I was thinking that it might get the media off my back a little if we weren’t always seen together, and I don’t really need you in the studio.  I’ve got the other producers there for these new songs.”

I can’t help the hurt that spreads through me.  I never imagined that she would go so far as to kick me out of the studio, and I can’t believe that she thinks this would even be a good idea.  “You inviting photographers into the studio?” 

“No,” she looks a little unsure as to where I’m taking this.

“Then you don’t have to worry about being seen with me.  It’s the studio, Jude.  I’m your producer and your manager and you’re on my record label.  If we’re going to be spotted anywhere together the studio is the best place.”

She shrugs and I don’t like the look on her face, “Yeah, but they always say not to mix business with pleasure.”

I stand from the couch, starting to pace her living room.  I really can’t believe she’s saying this to me right now.  “You should have thought of that before you slept with me, Abbey.”  She sits back against the couch looking like I just slapped her across the face.

“I’m sorry, I thought you understood…”  I hold up a hand to stop her.  I don’t want to hear this right now.

“I know I was an ass the other night, Abbey, but that doesn’t mean you have to pretend that we mean nothing to each other.  I know you’re concerned about things, but keeping me away from the studio isn’t going to solve or fix anything.  I have the final say in your musical selections anyway, and the process will be a hell of a lot easier if I’m there for everything so you don’t have to go back over and over again to change things I don’t like.”

She stares at me for a moment, slowly searching for her words.  “I don’t want people to know we’re together, Justin.”  Her words punch me in the gut but I keep quiet as she continues.  “I want our relationship to stay separate from my career and I think that it would be better if you weren’t in the studio with me tomorrow.”

I stalk to the door, the hurt and disbelieve radiating off of my body. 

“Then maybe we shouldn’t be together, if you think our relationship is that much of a risk.”  I don’t give her time to respond as I slam the door behind me.

I cannot believe she just pulled that.  Of all the things she could do, this one has to be the worst.  She’s overreacting and being slightly selfish and I don’t know what more I can do.  I was all for keeping our relationship quiet.  It’s not like I was out broadcasting everything to the whole world.  I was totally all right with keeping my mouth shut and letting people think what they wanted.  I guess it wasn’t enough for her, though, and I’m not sure what else she wants from me.

I’ll be damned if I’m not in the studio with her tomorrow, though.  Her music is important to me and I don’t trust it with anyone else at this point.  This might be the end of our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, but I refuse to compromise my artistic vision for her music because she’s too paranoid to relax.

Women.

~*~

I arrived early at the studio today because I needed to collect myself.  I knew that Abbey would probably be upset with me for being here today, but I really don’t give a fuck at this point.  She’s being ridiculous and I intend on letting her know that.

It’s probably going to be tense in here today, but there are other people working with us and I know that I’m adult enough to keep my private problems out of the studio.  I’m hoping that Abbey can, too.

“Hey, Justin.”  Steve steps into the studio and takes his place at the boards.  He’s an old friend of mine and he’s been behind some of the biggest songs on the radio today.  I know that he can do amazing things with a sound like Abbey’s.  I’m looking forward to seeing what we can come up with today.

“What’s up, man?”  I shake hands with him, grabbing a spot next to him as we start to mess around with beats.

“So, what are we thinking about doing today?”

“Well she’s got some riffs that I wanted you to listen to today and see what we could add to them.  I was thinking maybe a bit more of a rock, hip-hop sound for this song.  I know it seems slightly left-field, but I think that her sound can handle something like that.”  He nods at me, pushing some buttons on the sound board and letting beats filter through the studio.

A moment later, the door opens and Abbey enters with Sadie at her side.  Her eyes widen as she sees me, but she doesn’t say anything.

“Hey Steve,” She hugs the man and kisses his cheek, avoiding my eyes.  I can’t tell if she’s mad or ashamed, but at this point I really don’t care.  I grab the guitar that’s next to me and hand in to her, letting her know that I’m all business today.

“I want you to play some of you’re new riffs for Steve.  I’m thinking we can mess around with those today and see what we get.”

She nods at me, strumming on the guitar and tuning it before she starts to show Steve the things she’d been working on.  So far it’s just some simple chord progressions and some picking, but it’s enough of an idea to work off of and I can already see the wheels turning in Steve’s head.

We spend the next few hours working through song ideas and getting things recorded so we can build off of them later.  Abbey tries to catch my attention a couple of times but I’m still pretty sore over last night and I don’t want to hear what she has to say yet.  I know that I’ve fallen head over heels for the girl, but I’m her producer and manager first.  I’m not about to step back from my duties as a producer because she’s afraid of us being seen together. 

I’m probably being petty, but she’s going a little too far and I’m not going to put up with it.

I say my goodbyes to Steve as he packs up his stuff and exits the studio.  Sadie stepped out a little while ago to make some phone calls, and Abbey and I are alone for the first time all day.  She looks uncomfortable, and call me an ass, but I don’t really care at this moment in time.

“Justin,” She starts but I stop her with a look.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Abbey.  We should be able to finish up this song with Steve with another couple of hours of work.”  I stand, making my way to the door but her voice stops me.

“I’m sorry.”  She sounds upset and I can’t bring myself to look at her because I know I’ll crumble if I do.  “I know that what I said last night was insensitive and I’m sorry.”

I shrug, still not looking at her.  “Whatever.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

“What are you doing, Justin?  Why won’t you look at me?”  I can hear the tears clinging to her words and I have to get out of this room or I’ll lose my resolve.

“I’m just giving you what you want.”

I can hear her sobs as I close the door behind me and I feel like the world’s biggest ass.  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.