“Are you serious?” She widened her eyes in amazement before bursting out laughing. “No way.”

“Yes way.” Her laughter was contagious, and he chuckled with a grin. “He thinks you’re his soul mate.”

“Who is this again?”

“Justin.” His foot pushed against the ground, sending the bench seat swinging lazily. “You know, the blonde kid from the gorilla skit.”

“Oh, yeah. The gorilla kid. You’re rooming with him and his mom since your dad came home, right?”

“Right.” He sighed. “They’re awesome and all, but he keeps sneaking into my room and going through my stuff to find new pictures of you. I swear, he’s obsessed.”

“And he’s how old?”

“Thirteen.”

“Oh, God.” The groan that escaped was loud in the darkness of the front yard, followed immediately by a soft chuckle. “The first guy who actually thinks I’m it for him and he’s a thirteen-year-old Mouseketeer. Go figure.” An evil tone came to her voice. “I’ll have to meet him someday. Rock his world a little.”

“I don’t know about that.” He shifted, his arm stretching along the top of the swing as he turned to look at her. “You don’t want to traumatize the kid.”

“So now I’m traumatizing?” She crossed her arms in a mock huff, fighting to keep the smile from her lips. “Thanks a lot.”

“Hey, the truth is hard to swallow.” Another push and the swing went a little faster, keeping up with the playful tone of the conversation. “Rocking his world probably isn’t something you want to try, anyway. Knowing him, he’d like it and come back for more.” He grinned as she laughed, straining to see her face as the moonlight dimmed.

“Thanks for tonight.” Her voice was soft, but he could feel her eyes on him. “I really needed this.”

“No problem. Anytime you need to get revenge on somebody, I’m there. Besides, I couldn’t just let you skip your senior prom.”

“It wouldn’t have been right for me to go with anybody else, I don’t think.”

“Mmhmm.” He bit back a yawn. “For a blind date, I’m not all that bad, am I?”

“Nope.” She smiled over at him. “I thought it was pretty much perfect.” Her eyebrow arched questioningly. “This was a date?”

His heart skipped a beat when he met her gaze and he had to force himself to respond. “Yes, this was a date, but we’re not dating.” He paused, thinking over his phrasing. “Did that even make sense?”

“Yeah.” Her head bobbed in response. “It made sense.”

“All right.” There was an audible sigh and he could feel the swing moving as she relaxed back into the seat. “About tonight … are you sure you’re okay with the whole Dingess thing?”

“I don’t really have any choice but to be okay with it.” She tilted her head back, staring at the stars as she talked. “It was just rough. You know?”

“Did he tell you why?” The words were out before he could stop them and he cringed, not wanting to pry. “Sorry. You don’t have to …”

“Of course he did.” He went silent as she answered, surprised at her interruption. “In great detail.”

She sounded stuffy, as though she were fighting not to cry, and his brow furrowed, his eyes narrowing on her when she cleared her throat and sniffled. “Boof … come here.” Reaching out, he pulled her over until she leaned against him, his arm around her shoulders, and he felt her relax. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I just …” She paused, absently reaching up to take his hand while she cleared her throat again. “In the beginning, I was happy with him, Josh. At least, I thought I was. But at the same time, I never really believed that it could actually be true, you know? Him wanting to be with me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something about the whole thing was off. It was ridiculous and weird and amazing and crazy all at the same time.” Her fingers tightened around his. “I think I just wanted so much for somebody to care about me and want me that I talked myself into thinking he would.”

“Jen …”

“I mean, seriously. Could I have been any more wrong?” Without even acknowledging that he’d spoken, she barreled on, needing to get it all out. “I shouldn’t have been surprised how it went down. He cheated on me, I caught him, and it just got messier from there. And he even had the balls to stand there and tell me that it was all my fault we were so wrong for each other.” Her free hand came to rest on his knee, fisting in anger. “I’m not tall enough, or pretty enough, or preppy enough. It’s a sin that I’m not a cheerleader and I spent too much time working on the spring concerts and not enough with him. I need to dye my hair blonde and lose fifteen pounds so that I can squeeze into whatever anorexic size is ‘in’ right now …”

“Okay, I’ve heard enough.” He pulled his hand from hers, tightening his fingers over the back of the swing. “Let me up.”

“What?” She broke out of her tirade when she heard him, her eyes widening when she felt how tense he was. “Why?”

“I’m gonna kill him.”

“Josh, no.” With an effort, she loosened her fist, pressing her hand down on his knee in what she hoped was a calming manner. “It’s over and done with. He’s a jerk, everybody knows it. And I’ll get over it.” A thought popped into her head and she couldn’t keep the smile from reaching her voice. “Besides, he’s with Macie. I think that’s punishment enough, don’t you?”

“She’s not exactly all there, is she?” His voice was still slightly harsh, but he leaned back in the swing and she could feel the tension draining out of him by degrees. “I mean, I didn’t get the vibe that she was running on all cylinders.”

“Forget cylinders, she’s lucky if the hamster stays on the wheel.” She sighed when he finally relaxed enough to laugh. “She’s a human toothpick with blonde hair. That’s about as far as it goes.”

“Then what’s the attraction?”

“She’s a cheerleader. She’s popular. And she’s got that vacant look down to a science.” His hand moved down, resting on her shoulder as she shrugged. “She’s happy to stand there and be decoration. I guess that’s what he needs.” A quiet laugh escaped. “Looks beat out brains hands down, I suppose. According to him, I always had an opinion and wouldn’t just blend into the background. It drove him nuts, so he traded me in for a better model.”

“Better model?” His brow arched in surprise. “I seriously doubt it.”

“Maybe so, but most guys would do the exact same thing he did.”

“What?” His eyes narrowed as he looked down at her again. “What makes you say that?”

“I can remember a time when even you were blinded by a cheerleader skirt with blonde hair, Josh. Besides, it’s kind of obvious.” She reached down, her fingers plucking at the material of her dress. “I’m not exactly beauty queen material here. That goes a long way. They say you should look for the ideal package. You know … looks, brains, personality and all that mess. Brains and personality, I’ve got, but those are the minor checks. If you’re missing that major check, then you can pretty much forget about it.”

Silence settled heavily as he studied her, carefully gauging the battle she was having with her insecurity, not quite achieving the indifference she was aiming for. “He really did a number on you, didn’t he?”

“Huh?”

“Since when do you worry about how you look or what some guy thinks of you?”

“Everybody’s self-conscious. Why do you think the people behind M-A-C, Neutrogena and American Eagle are billionaires?” The corner of her mouth quirked slightly. “I’ve always worried about it, just like every other girl our age. There’s just no sense in making a big deal out of it when there’s really not much I can do to improve it.” Her head bobbed back and forth. “Well, except for plastic surgery, but I’m not into that.”

“Don’t ever change yourself, Jen. For anybody.” She looked down when his fingers wrapped around hers, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “You’re gorgeous, inside and out, with or without M-A-C and American Eagle. You’re smart, funny, sarcastic, honest, opinionated and caring. If a guy can’t appreciate you for what you are, then he isn’t worth your time.” His free hand moved up to tuck a few stray curls behind her ear. “Just be patient. Someday, a guy’s going to come along and completely sweep you off your feet, and all those jerks who missed out will be kicking themselves for passing up on one of the best.”

“Thanks. I needed to hear that.” A smile curved her lips as she stretched up to kiss his cheek. “Why can’t I find a guy like you?”

“Because I’m one of a kind.” His arm squeezed around her in half a hug, his silly grin making her laugh. “Come on, Cinderella. It’s late and I should be getting back to the house.” When he heard her groan, he pushed himself up from the seat and reached down to pull her up after him. “Let’s go. I’ll walk you to the door.”

He followed her up the steps and waited on the porch until she was standing on the tiles in the foyer. She dropped her small purse, keys and crown on the table just inside the door, then gave him a bright smile and stepped forward to wrap her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. “Thank you so much, Josh. This was the best night ever.”

“It was my pleasure.” Without a second thought, he leaned down and pressed his lips to her cheek, then pulled away slightly before turning to kiss her softly on the mouth.

The jolt that passed through him was unexpected, a lightning bolt streaking from the top of his head all the way down to his toes, a tingly crawling sensation on the back of his neck, where her fingers were. After only a few seconds of contact, he moved back, unable to keep his eyes from going directly to her lips. There was a moment’s hesitation as he stared at her, making a quick decision to step away completely, ignoring that urge to pull her closer and show her what a real kiss would be like. Instead, he pasted a smile on his face and gestured toward the stairs. “Go on and get some sleep. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Good night.” He could feel how her gaze stayed on him as he turned, watching him until he was almost to the car before he heard the soft thump of the door closing.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the car’s door and slid behind the wheel, only to run his hands over his face, staring hard at her window until he saw the white curtains moving, her shadowy form appearing behind the glass. He sat there for just a second longer, his fingers tapping against his lips, then heaved a sigh and started the car, throwing the gear into reverse and backing out of the driveway.

*********************

Jen slipped her shoes off at the door and ran up the stairs, her dress whispering against her legs as she went. She flew through her bedroom door and jumped on the bed, scooting over to the window. Resting her cheek on her hand, she watched him back out of the driveway and head down the street until he turned at the corner. A dreamy smile formed, and a sigh escaped from her lips. Then she realized exactly what she was doing.

Wait, wait, wait. What’s up with this?

Her eyes widened, her head turning to catch her shocked expression in the reflection of the mirror. She stared at herself, well aware of the softened areas around her eyes, the relaxed places around her mouth, evidence of the things she’d been trying to ignore all night.

What am I doing? He’s my best friend. I can’t fall for him.

She shook her head against the insanity, immediately trying to remind herself of all the reasons why it was impossible that they’d ever be able to make it work. Everyone at the dance had been shocked to see him, even more so to see him there with her. Not that there was anything wrong with her. As he’d said, she was some type of pretty, smart, funny. She’d been voted Prom Queen, for God’s sake.

A fact that hadn’t been appreciated by some, even if it was a joke.

Macie’s words kept echoing in her mind, making her flinch against the thoughts they evoked. At the sink in the women’s restroom: “It’s just a stupid crown, anyway. I knew Luke was getting you nominated, but I didn’t think people would actually vote for you.” And then, as they were walking back out to find their dates: “You know, it’s a total waste that he’s here with you. Maybe he’ll be open to more adult company.”

In a way, she had to concede that the irritating, self-centered blonde was right. He’d grown up a lot over the past couple of years, was making a place for himself in front of those cameras in Florida. Down there in Mickey Mouse land, he’d changed his name and perfected the image they wanted him to portray, while she’d been up here, living an ordinary life and being the everyday average teenager, still holding on to her innocent, naïve view of the world.

And it had been painfully obvious that things were changing when they’d walked into the dance. People who’d never said a word to him before the show stopped him to chat, as if he was their close friend. Everyone had called him JC all night – something she just couldn’t bring herself to do. At least, not yet. Maybe with time, she’d grow accustomed to calling him that. It was only a nickname, anyway. Not such a big deal.

To the world, he was JC but, to her, he was still just Josh.

Josh, her best friend.

Like always.

But tonight … tonight something had been different.

When she’d finally gotten over the shock of seeing him, she hadn’t been able to help noticing how … well, how utterly gorgeous he was in his suit. For the first time, she’d looked at him and hadn’t seen the boy she’d grown up with, but had seen a guy – a good looking guy – standing there, waiting to take her out. She’d never noticed his dark features before. Or how he knew exactly what to wear to accent those blue eyes of his. Or that grin.

Good Lord, that grin.

Shaking her head, a sigh escaped, common sense telling her that the last portion of that thought wasn’t entirely true. Ever since they were kids, she’d been the biggest victim of his smile, letting it sway her even when she had the strongest of resolve. It didn’t matter what he’d done, all he’d had to do was smile and she’d given him the forgiveness she’d always tried to hold back.

That smile of his had always been her weakness, but tonight it’d made her want to go weak in an entirely different way.

Her eyes narrowed, considering her previous train of thought. All of those things were just on the appearance front. The way he’d acted … now that was a completely different story. Finally moving away from the window, she pulled the pins from her hair and thought over the night, picking out the small details.

Some of the things he’d done – putting his hand on the small of her back to lead her through doors, the way he’d held her as they’d danced, the odd looks he’d been giving her since he’d picked her up, draping his jacket around her shoulders as they’d left the country club – had definitely seemed more than friendly.

He’d been openly staring all night, watching her like a hawk. By now, she was well aware of what his stare felt like. She’d grown up with it, and while she was oblivious to any other person’s focus, she was definitely acquainted with his. From time to time, she’d been able to pick it out during class, or when she’d gone shopping with her mother and hadn’t known that he was anywhere around, but he’d never used it as intently as he had tonight. She’d felt his eyes on her, nearly burning her, almost never leaving her whenever she was away from him for any amount of time. If she was honest, she had to admit that, while it’d been a tad bit unnerving, she’d liked being the center of his attention.

He’d acted overly protective – nearly possessive – of her, not allowing anyone to cut in once the entire night. Not that she was going to complain, she’d rather enjoyed having him hold her, breathing in his cologne, but it hadn’t been what she was used to. She wasn’t quite sure what she had expected, but it certainly hadn’t been for him to act like he was …

Stopping her thought short, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, trying to convince herself that she hadn’t been about to compare his behavior to that of a boyfriend.

Sure, he’d been clingy, but he usually was when he came home. For those first few days, he tended to hover, always needing some kind of contact, whether it was a hug or just an arm around her shoulders. It’d been that way since the show started, so it wasn’t anything new.

And he’d always been protective of her, ever since they’d met. It was as if he’d made it his mission to be her hero. Tonight, he’d taken that to an all-new level. The look on his face as he’d sized up Luke had been outright lethal. Josh wasn’t the fighting type – he was too laid back for that – but she truly believed that if Luke had made any kind of move to touch her while they were standing there, he would’ve lost his cool and started swinging.

Again, her brain told her that this wasn’t anything new, he’d always taken the role of older brother, trying to shield her from what he thought would cause her pain. But she’d seen his expression when she’d turned to him for the King-Queen dance, that odd mix of relief and something else softening his eyes, and she’d felt how tightly he’d held her as they’d swayed to what she’d come to think of as ‘their’ song. She’d seen the knowing glances in the crowd over his shoulder, and something in her was screaming that this time, those looks were justified.

Immediately, she shook her head against the thought, common sense leaping in to deny that anything of the sort was even possible.

But even denying it couldn’t change what had happened downstairs only a few minutes ago.

He’d been kissing her on the hand, cheek and forehead for so long, she couldn’t even remember when it had started, but tonight … he’d kissed her on the lips. That was definitely different. She would have expected his typical quick peck, but not what could very well have been a real kiss. And she certainly hadn’t expected to feel the electric sizzle that had coursed through her at the contact. Absently, her fingers touched her mouth, as if trying to remember the soft feeling of his lips against hers, the tightening of his arms around her as contact was made.

Sure, Luke had kissed her several times during their time together, but he’d always acted as though she was sub-par, leaving her with an indifference about the whole thing. With Josh … as soon as it’d been over, she’d had to fight against her instincts, forcing herself not to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him back to her, kissing him in the way that she’d suddenly found herself wanting to be kissed. By him. She couldn’t keep herself from imagining it: the clinging, the contact, the closeness, arms, hands, lips. Everything she’d read about in her mother’s hand-me-down romance novels.

Her mind rejected this idea as well, just as a peculiar melting feeling settled around her stomach, making her groan softly in acceptance.

Okay, so maybe I can fall for him. But there’s no way he feels the same.

There’d been an odd look across his features as he’d pulled away, a mix of surprise and … something else. But it had disappeared almost immediately, his signature smile taking its place.

What had that look meant? Had he felt the same spark she’d felt? Was he as confused as she was? Or had her mind finally taken a long walk off a short pier, leaving her absolutely dim-witted?

The questions remained unanswered, her mind whirling round and round as she thought of how he’d be leaving soon, going back to the Club set and all the ‘beautiful’ people in the cast. No way would he settle for her when he had Nikki and Keri and whoever else hanging around him – all the girls who’d made it clear they weren’t happy to see her when they’d brought her down for his birthday a few years ago. Not that it even mattered. She’d known since the sixth grade that he only saw her as a friend, a confidante. In no way was she girlfriend material. Not for him, anyway.

This wasn’t one of her romance novels. She and Josh definitely weren’t the images she conjured up when she read about people who were meant to be, coming together and building relationships that could only happen in her dreams.

And she wasn’t even positive that she wanted more than the friendship.

But if it meant that he’d kiss her again …

She sighed, trying to banish the confusing feelings and thoughts from her world.

Minutes later, when she laid her head on her pillow, visions of him and that grin leapt behind her closed lids, her lips tingling as if he’d just pulled away from her. Swallowing hard as she stared through the darkness at the ceiling, she allowed the tears to fill her eyes, spilling over to run down her cheeks.

This is going to hurt. A lot.

*********************

He sat at the dining room table, trying his best not to stare at the pictures spread across the tabletop.

For the first time since he’d come home, he was alone in the house, blessed silence hanging all around him. He was grateful for the quiet, but at the same time, he’d give anything for an interruption to the thoughts seeming to fly in circles around him, rapidly driving him to mental dizziness. Forcing his gaze to the window across the room, he focused on the squirrels running through the branches of the tree in the side yard, but couldn’t stop his body from swaying to the beat of the song repeating over and over in his head.

“When I see you smile, I can face the world …” The words escaped his throat before he could stop them and he groaned, running a hand over his face. “My God. I really have lost it. It was just a dance. That’s all. She’s the same Jen that she’s always been. She’s still Boof. There’s nothing different about her.”

The more he tried not to think about it, the more memories rushed forward to replay yet again. He chewed on his lip and looked at the photos again, sighing heavily when he finally gave in and let his mind roam free.

She may not have changed, but he’d definitely seen her differently the other night. When her eyes had lit up at the sight of him, that smile he knew so well brightening her face, and she’d thrown her arms around him … something had clicked. Maybe it was the light floral scent of her perfume or maybe it had been the way she’d felt against him, her soft curves grabbing his attention and refusing to let go. Whatever it was, he couldn’t explain it. But something had changed.

He just wished he knew what it was.

They’d been to dances together before, had been going as a pair since grade school, but they’d always pretty much gone their own ways, dancing with each other several times, but networking out to other partners as well. This time, he hadn’t wanted to let her go, hadn’t let anyone else dance with her. She hadn’t seemed to mind one bit, but then she hadn’t given any kind of sign that she noticed something felt different, either.

So maybe it was just him. Or maybe she truly was oblivious to the male eyes that always seemed to turn her way. His included.

He hadn’t been able to keep from looking at her, watching her whenever she’d walked away to go talk to someone or to hit the punch bowl, trying to tell himself that he was just trying to figure out if there was something about her appearance that had changed. The heels she’d been wearing had made her a little taller – almost the perfect height to be held against him – and she’d styled her hair differently, but neither of those could be it. It wasn’t something that simple.

For a split second, he wished with everything he had that it was simple, so that he would know what was going on. He wanted to know why he couldn’t get this song out of his head, why it reminded him of her in every way. He wanted to know why he’d kissed her … and why, after he’d pulled away, he’d immediately wanted to do it again, take it further.

The only explanation that he could come up with was that he’d missed her. But that didn’t make sense, because he’d been missing her since he’d moved to Florida and there hadn’t been anything different whenever he’d come home before or when they’d talked on the phone.

Well, except for the little incident last Thanksgiving. And the time she’d called to tell him she was going out with Dingess.

But other than those times, everything had been normal.

Kind of.

“Ugh!” He sat back in the chair and covered his face with his hands. “Maybe I’m just losing my mind. Maybe I need a girlfriend. God only knows.” The shrill ringing of the cordless phone lying beside him made him jump, and he fumbled with it for a minute before hitting the button to answer. “Hello?”

“Hey man, how’d it go?”

“Hey.” His eyes rolled sharply as he shook his head. Justin. Perfect. Just what he needed. “It went fine. It was just a dance.”

“Yeah, right, it was just a dance. You went to the prom with your best friend, who happens to be one of the finest things I’ve ever seen. I’m telling you, she’s the reason why God created women. Can you bring her back with you? I want to meet her.”

“J, she’s staying here. But I will bring some of the pictures with me.”

“Great. Something new for me to drool over. How’d she look?”

“She was … beautiful. Gorgeous.” He cleared his throat quickly, averting his eyes from the photo in front of him, trying to distract himself from the unnerving thoughts the image provoked. “Every guy was staring at her all night, even before she won Prom Queen.”

“That doesn’t tell me much, but tell her congrats from me. That’s awesome.”

“Will do.” His gaze automatically strayed back to the picture and he gave a quiet sigh, flipping it over so he couldn’t see it. “Listen, will you and your mom be going out of town anytime soon?”

“I don’t think so. We’ve only got two weeks in this break, so I think we’re just sticking around here until the show picks back up.”

“Okay.” Agitated, his fingers tapped the table nervously, then flipped the glossy paper over again, revealing their pose. “Great.”

“Why?”

“No reason. I was just thinking about coming back early. Like, maybe tomorrow.”

“Really? I figured you’d want to spend as much time as you could with your family and Jen.”

“It’s great being home, but …” His voice trailed off and he ran a finger over the photo, his fingertip tracing her arm as his stare glued to her smile.

“But what?”

“But …” An odd tingling feeling came to his lips as he studied her mouth and he closed his eyes with a frustrated sigh. “But if I spend much more time with Jenny, I think I might do something stupid.”

“Stupid? What do you …” Justin’s voice faded out as realization dawned. There was a moment of silence, then he burst forth with a laugh. “I knew it!”

“Of course you did.” A raspy groan rattled at the back of JC’s throat as he shook his head. “Go ahead and say it, kid. Here’s your chance.”

“This is awesome!” The glee in his voice was obvious. “I told you it would happen sooner or later.”

“I didn’t believe you then and I’m really not sure that I believe it now.”

“What?” Justin’s tone was tinged with confusion. “Man, that totally made no sense.”

“Maybe not to you …”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. One minute I’m waiting for her to come downstairs so I can surprise her.” He paused, swallowing as he remembered. “The next, she’s hugging me, all decked out in this amazing dress, and I can smell her perfume and …”

“And what?”

“I think …” His fingers rubbed against his closed eyelids, trying to avert the headache he felt coming on. “I think it finally sank in that she’s a girl.”

“Right.” A short laugh carried over the line. “Well, Jace, I hate to break it to you, but she’s always been a girl.”

“Okay, that sounded stupid.” Another groan reverberated through his chest. “It’s just … I’ve never thought of her as anything but Jen. You know, my buddy, my friend, the person who knows me better than anybody else.”

“Save that load of bull for someone else. I know what happened at Thanksgiving, remember? You and Steve were talking about it.”

“Yeah, I know.” The answer was growled into the receiver. “And I remember Lynn catching you listening in on that conversation, too.”

“That’s not the point. The point is that you’ve seen her as a girl for a while. It’s nothing new.”

“Well, yeah. I guess you’re right. But it’s not the same as that now.”

“What’s different about it?”

“Before, it was kind of like I was just seeing pieces of it, but not putting it together. Now, it’s slapping me in the face. It’s like … I can’t stop looking at her. No … I don’t want to stop looking at her.” For a moment, he only stuttered as he tried to put it into words. “And I keep noticing … stuff.”

“Stuff, huh?” The grin was evident in Justin’s tone. “What kind of stuff are we talking about?”

“Like how pretty she looks with her hair pulled up, and how nice it felt to dance with her, and how hearing her laugh makes me want to smile, and … and …”

“So, back in November you finally started seeing her as something other than the person who was always there. Now, you’re realizing that she is definitely a female – a very fine female – and you’re noticing all the things that come along with that. Right?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“That’s perfectly normal, Jace.”

“No, it’s not. This is anything but normal.” He slapped his open palm against the table. “Good God, Justin. I kissed her!”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, how was it?”

“Um, right.” Blue eyes rolled to the ceiling, an exasperated laugh bouncing off the walls. “Like I’m gonna give you details.”

“Fine, keep quiet. But just so you know, that gives me a pretty good idea, C. What did she do after?”

“She … she smiled.”

“And then what did you do?”

“I said good night and went and sat in the car for a few minutes. At least, I think I said good night. It’s kinda fuzzy. But that doesn’t really matter, I don’t guess.” He sighed. “Anyway, I just sat there and stared at her window, like some kind of psycho stalker.”

“You just sat there? Why?”

“Because I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go back and kiss her again.” His hand ran over his face. “My God. This can’t be happening.”

“Okay, so you kiss her, she doesn’t punch you and you’re acting like the gates of hell have opened and Satan himself is about to push you in.” The younger voice rang with confusion. “What kind of crack are you smoking? When you make a move like that on a girl like Jen and she smiles at you, it’s always a good thing, Jace.”

“You’re joking, right? I kissed my best friend!”

“Yeah, I got that part. I also get that she wasn’t complaining.”

“But … ugh!” His groan was so loud that it echoed through the house and he stood, moving around the table to burn off some nervous energy. “This is the worst thing that could happen.” There was a rustling in the bushes outside as the squirrels began playing underneath the window.

“Why?”

“Because this could ruin everything. Everything, J.” He tapped his fingers over the photo yet again. “She’s such a big part of my life …” His voice trailed off.

“Exactly. That’s why it’s so perfect. You’re already pretty much joined at the hip, so why don’t you just go with it?”

“Because I don’t want to do anything that’ll hurt us. I don’t want to screw up our friendship.”

“Just think, Jace. This … this could be so much better than the friendship. Go with it and see what happens. Trust me on this.”

“Yeah, like I’m going to take the advice of a kid who still thinks Ariel is one of the hottest women he’s ever seen.” He rolled his eyes and laughed dryly. “I’m leaving soon, Justin. The last thing I want is to start up something and have to make it a long distance thing right at the start.” A deep sigh escaped and he plopped back down in the chair. “She doesn’t do long distance, anyway. That’s why she didn’t give Tony more of a chance.” His stare focused on the wall across the room, his brain moving at warp speed. “Besides, what if I’m going through withdrawals? I haven’t dated anybody in months. What if I’m just looking for that, and she’s the first person I’ve seen? I can’t do that to her. I can’t wreck what we’ve got just because I’m looking for the next available girl to come along.”

“So what are you gonna do about it?”

“Do about it?” He looked back down and flipped the picture over, hiding the image once again. “Nothing.”

“Jace, you can’t just do nothing. Come on, man. What are you so scared of?”

“I’m more than scared, man. I’m terrified … terrified of what something like this could do to me. To us. I just can’t risk it.” A lump began to form in his throat, and he swallowed hard to fight it down. “We’re friends, J. The best of friends. She’s the only person I can go to with absolutely anything, who won’t judge me unless I ask her to, who I can trust to give me a totally honest opinion. I can’t take the chance of screwing that up. I can’t risk hurting her.”

There was a brief pause, then Justin spoke quietly. “You can’t risk hurting her, or you can’t risk hurting yourself?”

“I think … both.” His teeth worked on his lip. “I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t want to get hurt, either. I’ve seen her hurt before, I know exactly how it feels to see her going through it. If I had to see that look on her face and know it was because of me … it’d kill me, J. It’d kill me.” He sighed. “And if I take the chance on it, there’s a huge possibility she’s going to laugh in my face …”

“She wouldn’t do that, Jace.”

“No, I know.” He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the table top. “But if she gave me the look I’ve seen her give before, to other guys … I couldn’t handle that.”

“So you do nothing.”

“Right.”

“And when she calls to tell you about how she’s going out with one guy or another?”

“Then I’ll deal with it.” Just the idea made him flinch. “I’ve dealt with it before, so … I’ll have to deal with it, because I can’t take the risk of my other choice.” His forehead tapped painfully against the wood of the table. “This has to be a phase. It has to be. I’ll get back to the set, ask one of the girls out, and everything will go back to normal. The way it’s supposed to be.”

“And what if it’s not a phase? What if it just gets worse the next time you see her or talk to her?”

“That’s not going to happen.” He sat up, running his fingers through his hair roughly. “I’ll get over this, whatever it is. I will.”

I have to.

*********************

“I kissed my best friend! Ugh, this is the worst thing that could happen.”

She heard him moving toward the window and turned to race back up the path that joined their houses, her legs catching in some of the bushes as she ran. Stumbling, she fought to right herself, then put her head down and made her way home as fast as her feet would carry her, never even realizing that tears were streaming down her cheeks until she was up the stairs and back in the safety of her bedroom.

“Well, I guess that answers that question.” A watery laugh escaped as she reached out for the teddy bear he’d brought her from Disney World last year, cuddling it to her chest as her shaky knees gave out and she dropped down to sit on the floor by the bed. Burying her face in the bear’s fur, she felt the dam – and her heart – shatter into pieces, sobs wracking her entire body as her tears soaked into the stuffed animal.

For what seemed like hours, she cried out her pain, curling onto her side on the carpet, the bear abandoned as she wrapped her arms around her midsection in a weak attempt to keep herself from flying apart.

Finally, there wasn’t enough energy left for another sob or sniffle, and she pushed herself up from the floor, picking the bear up and returning him to the bed. Turning toward the door, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Moving closer to her reflection, she couldn’t fight back the wry, self-admonishing smile she’d been giving herself since February.

“Seriously, Jen?” Her fingers combed through her tangled hair before her hands came down to scrub at her tear-stained cheeks. “You really thought there was a chance he could want you?” Brown eyes trailed over the image of her small frame, her curved figure draped in the old shirt he’d given her. She was a far cry from fat – or even thick, for that matter – but she certainly wasn’t blessed with the figure and stature that most of his girlfriends were equipped with. “Look at yourself, stupid. Sure, he tried to make you feel better about everything, but he pretty much came straight out and said you couldn’t have him.”

“He’s one of a kind, remember?” She glared at the mirror. “As idiotic as he is, Luke was right about a few things. You’re a dime a dozen, girl. Nothing special. Totally unremarkable. You haven’t grown an inch since eighth grade, pasta is one of your favorite foods and you had to do your own makeup and hair.” Her eyelids squeezed shut as she tried to imagine what she must have looked like coming down those stairs. “A juvenile, brunette Miss Piggy, less a bit of bacon. Why would he ever want you?”

“This was a date, but we’re not dating.”

“My God.” She froze as another part of their conversation from the other night came rushing back to her, dropping down into the chair she’d used while applying her makeup. “He practically told me so, tried to let me down easy. And that was before he gave me the pep talk.” Covering her face in embarrassment, she groaned to herself. “Mom called him, he came home a few days early and took me to a dance. I was a damn pity date.”

Suddenly, everything that had seemed so special about going to the prom with him lost its sparkle, common sense casting a dark shadow over the entire night. He hadn’t been staring at her because he’d been seeing her differently, but because he was her friend and wanted to make sure she was okay. The odd looks were probably because it’d been the prom, so she’d dressed accordingly – far more formal than any other dance they’d ever gone to. He’d given her his jacket because it was cool outside, and her dress had been completely lacking in coverage. The knowing glances from the crowd hadn’t been because they thought there was more between them than friendship, but rather an expression of how she was delusional if she believed that were the case.

He hadn’t held her closely while they danced or refrained from other dance partners for any other reason than Luke being there, watching the entire thing. Her gaze jumped around the room, taking in all the photos of them growing up together. He was her best, closest friend and – as he’d said – he would always be there to help dish out a little revenge. It was her mistake in assuming he’d been referring to just the King-Queen dance, rather than the night as a whole.

And never mind how easily hearts got tangled up when revenge was involved.

But what about that kiss? Why would he have kissed her at the front door? There was no one there to watch, so unless he knew something she didn’t, revenge hadn’t carried all the way home. Unless …

What if he’d been legitimately curious?

Her eyes widened as she looked once again at her reflection in the mirror, swallowing hard at the inevitable conclusion. They’d been a fixture in each other’s lives for so long, it wasn’t a stretch to consider that maybe he’d held a bit of wonder about how it’d be to kiss her. He hadn’t had a girlfriend in a while, and – as far as she knew – it didn’t seem that he’d been dating recently, either.

“Ugh, this is the worst thing that could happen.”

She hadn’t been able to hear the other side of his conversation, and it didn’t take much to imagine that not only had the kiss been his worst, but the very fact that he’d kissed her could potentially be one of the worst things he’d experienced.

“You really need to work on the ‘hands on’ part of a relationship, Jen. You barely moved me at all.”

Luke’s cruel words rang in her ears and she cringed, hugging her arms around herself again as – impossibly – a fresh wave of tears began building. “Okay, Luke. Score two for you.” Getting up from the chair, she retrieved her journal and a pen from the desk, then sprawled across the bed, flipping to the next fresh page, jotting down the hurtful words from today. Once she had those down, she turned to the next page, paying no attention to the tears staining the paper as they fell from her chin, scrawling quickly through line after line, some making up small poems, some becoming phrases or choruses that would eventually grow into songs.

Some time later, her writing slowed until she felt a numbness in her fingers, and she knew that she couldn’t put another word to the paper. The pen fell to the comforter, her journal flipping closed as she pushed it aside and rolled onto her back to stare at the ceiling.

“Luke is a waste of space, but Josh … I can’t be without Josh.” She spoke to the empty room, working out the situation in her cluttered mind. Getting past the whole incident and retaining a sense of normalcy in their friendship was necessary, because she knew that she couldn’t lose him. It didn’t matter that she was likely connected to one of his worst experiences. He was the bright spot that kept life bearable, the other half of her sanity, and he was essential to her sense of self.

Despite what she’d heard him say, she had no doubt that he would never intentionally hurt her. If he knew that she’d heard his conversation, that he’d crushed her … it would turn his world upside down. Things would never be the same between them again.

And that was unacceptable.

“Get over it, Jen.” Sitting up on the bed, she sent a determined glare toward her reflection. “You’ll get over it, or you’ll lose him. He’s your best friend. You can still love him, but it’ll never be what you were stupid enough to hope for. Accept that you’ll never be enough for him and move on. Be normal. Be happy. Smile around him. Just keep it up for another week, then he’ll be back in Florida and you can fall apart. By the time he comes home again, it’ll all be okay.” A quick nod at herself closed the pep talk and she rolled off the mattress and strode out of the room.

It turned out that she needn’t have worried herself, as he was gone the next day, the light blinking on her answering machine alerting her to the only parting words she would get out of him. The message ended, a few tears fell, and she felt a bit of her spirit beginning to shrivel as she reached for her journal again, wondering if things were already beyond repair.

But it wasn’t until two weeks later – when Ty let it slip about his latest girlfriend, Andrea – that Jen realized the lingering effects of falling for him. The news ripped her heart to shreds … and part of her soul lost its joy.