He bowed his head as he shut off the engine of his hefty Cadillac SUV.  He felt instantly guilty and Chris was going to read it a mile away. 

Pushing the feeling aside, he marched over to the man he referred to as his brother and gave him a big hug.  “This yours?” he asked.

Chris shook his head no.   “Just for the day,” he said.

“Well, come on.  Let’s see what it’s got.”

Justin slid into the passenger seat as Chris got behind the wheel.  The engine roared and power vibrated through the black leather seats before Chris even touched the gas.  It was like an instant high, being in such a fine piece of machinery.

And all Justin could think about was how much he wanted to show his son this pretty car.

“Turn it off,” Justin commanded.  “Turn off the car.”

Chris shot him the funniest look, but did it anyway.  “What is with you?” Chris immediately asked.  "I haven’t talked to you in weeks.  You don’t return my calls—anyone’s calls, apparently.  And now you’re acting really strange.  You’re not still fucking depressed, are you?  I know it’s been a rough few months, but Justin, you’ll find someone a lot better than Macie.  You were miserable with her, you just didn’t know it.”

“I know,” He said, rolling down the window for some fresh air.  He felt like he needed it with what he was about to say.  “You’re totally right and to answer your question I’m definitely not still depressed over Macie.”

“Well, that’s good… I guess.”  Chris was confused, that much was obvious.

“Look, a lot has been going on over the past couple of weeks and I feel really guilty because I haven’t told you or any of the other guys.  That’s why I’m acting strange, because I feel guilty.”

“Well, what is it?”

“Almost two weeks ago, now, I found out that I have a four year old son.”

Chris grinned widely, mimicking the Cheshire cat in Disney’s Alice in Wonderland.  “Justin, you didn’t actually fall for that, did you?”

Justin shook his head.  “No.  It’s for real.  I’ve already got the results back from the paternity test and everything.”

“Oh.”  The man was flabbergasted.  It was written all over his round face.  And he was probably a little hurt because he was just finding out about it—that made Justin feel even guiltier.  “I always thought it would be Lance or JC that would wind up with the illegitimate child.”

Justin ignored the humor the man was trying to make out of it.  “I know I should have told you guys and I’m sorry.  I feel really, really bad.  You’re my brothers and I’ve totally been ignoring you guys and—”

“J, stop.  It’s okay.  Just tell me more about this little boy of yours.”

They sat in the car, in Justin’s driveway, for a good 30 minutes.  Justin explained everything, ending with the same thing he’d told Trace just a little while earlier—that he was falling in love with Cassidy, and that he’d never been happier.

Chris’ response to it all was that he wanted to meet them both, right away.  Next thing Justin knew, they were on their way to Cassidy’s, driving down the road in Chris’ rented luxury sports car.

“I should call her and let her know we’re on our way,” Justin remarked, more to himself than to Chris.

“Oh, come on, J.  You’re taking away all the fun if you warn her that we’re coming.”

Justin just shook his head.   “They might not even be home.”

“You’re not calling her.”

Justin shot the man a funny look, but he knew Chris was trying to prove a point.

“She won’t be mad at you for just showing up if she’s as crazy about you as you are about her,” he said after a moment.  “Who’d you say she just divorced?”

“I didn’t,” Justin answered.  He hadn’t told Chris who her ex was.  “What makes you ask?”

“Name sounds familiar.   Cassidy Nickel—something?  Hmmm… I think maybe I’ve met her.”

“Really?” Justin asked curiously.  He knew the name wasn’t familiar because of what had happened with her five years ago because Trace was the only one he’d told her name to.  Well, except security, who’d been with him at the time.

“Yeah, so fess up.  Who’s the ex?”

Justin rolled his eyes without even realizing he was doing it.  “Jason Brown, Denver Broncos quarterback.”

That goofy grin was smeared across Chris’ face again.  “Yes…   Cassidy Nickel-Brown.  Tall, brunette, very nice a—”

Justin stopped him.  “Yes, that’s her.  Apparently you have met,” he said, amazed at how protective he felt over her.

Chris chuckled evilly.  “You do like her,” he teased.

“Shut up, man.  Turn here,” he told him.  They were almost there.

Cassidy was practically knee deep in a pedicure when the obnoxiously loud doorbell rang.  She’d felt like a little pampering after Justin had left earlier in the day so she’d called her manicurist to see if she could make a house call.   Renee had shown up about an hour earlier, started with her nails and was just now working on her feet.  Of course they’d spent the first fifteen minutes chatting, Cassidy trying her best not to mention anything about Cody meeting his father—who just happened to be Justin Timberlake. 

“You want me to get that, sweetie?” she asked.  Renee was typical L.A.  Mid-thirties, long bleached blond hair, fake boobs.  But she was also one of the sweetest women Cassidy knew.  Of course, considering she didn’t really have what could be considered “girlfriends”, that probably didn’t say a whole lot.  Renee was one of the few women Cassidy got along with. 

“Yeah.  I must have hit the button to leave the gate open when I buzzed you in.  I’m not expecting anyone.”

“Well, I’ll shoo them off,” Renee grinned.  “You just keep soaking.”

Cassidy leaned back in the massage chair and closed her eyes.  She’d talked Jason into buying this particular house just because it had it’s own mini salon complete with shampooing sink, styling chair and massaging pedicure seat, which she was reclined in at the moment.  It was also the main reason why she’d wanted to keep the house in the divorce.  The rooms he’d insisted on decorating so horribly could easily be changed.  This was her house and she was glad that she didn’t have to give it up.

Taking in a deep breath, she thought about how relaxing the warm bubbles felt on her toes.  The last thing on her mind was that the person ringing her doorbell was Justin.  Not until she heard Cody shouting, “Daddy Justin!”

“Fuck,” she cursed quietly to herself.  Not that she was unhappy to see him.  But more and more people were finding out and a leak to the press was unavoidable.  She trusted Renee.  She’d been seeing her for almost two years and the woman knew a lot of Cassidy’s history.  But this was going to be a big shocker.

She heard his tranquil voice say, “hey little man,” and she smiled, letting her head fall back and closing her eyes again.  The thought of them together did something amazing to her heart.

“I tried to get rid of them,” Renee’s voice came, clear and close, “But they weren’t going for it.”

“Them?” Cassidy opened her eyes to see Justin, Cody and Chris Kirkpatrick from ‘NSync striding in behind Renee.  “Oh, hi.” She waved one of her freshly manicured hands.

“I’m going to take a short break.  Be back in ten?”  Renee volunteered.

Cassidy nodded, thinking—good idea. 

“Mommy, can I show Daddy Justin the picture I made for him earlier?”  Cody asked eagerly.

“Of course, sweetheart.   You go get it.  Okay?”

The little boy nodded and ran out of the room.  “Don’t run, please!” Cassidy shouted after him.

Justin swooped up on her then, leaning over her chair and kissing her senseless.  She was a little dizzy when he pulled away, but she managed another silly, “Hi,” as she felt a warmth spreading in her cheeks.

He was grinning, watching her as she touched her face with both her hands, like she’d be able to feel if she was red or not.  Her skin was hot—definitely flushed.  Damn.

“That’s a nice shade of red for you,” Justin teased, plopping down on the little stool Renee used.   He winked at her before turning to look back at Chris.  “Come here, dumbass,” he told the man who was still standing in the doorway.

“We met at a Make A Wish benefit,” Chris said to Cassidy, as if he didn’t expect her to remember.

“Of course, I remember.   How have you been?”

“Good,” he grinned.   “Sorry to barge in on you like this.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Cassidy remarked, looking down at herself.  She wasn’t wearing a whole lot, something she hadn’t thought about until just then as she had on a pair of tiny gray sweat shorts and a rather thin white tank.  For some reason she didn’t think either one of them minded a whole lot.

“Chris knows everything,” Justin announced to her.

“Everything?” she asked with a curious grin.

“Everything,” he confirmed.

“Probably more than you,” Chris added.

Justin’s sight shot over to Chris and Cassidy was more curious than ever.  “Interesting,” she smirked.  “So what are you two up to?”

“Chris rented a Ferrari.   Can I take Cody for a spin?”

“Are there enough seatbelts?”

“Chris can stay here,” Justin told her.  “We’ll just go around the block.”

“You can take him, but don’t be upset if he’s not impressed.  He’s not really into cars yet.  Unless they’re made by Tonka or Hot Wheels,” she smirked.

Standing up, he leaned over her again, bracing both of his hands on the arm rests of the chair.  “Damn you’re sexy,” he whispered close to her ear before pressing his lips to her skin.

When he pulled back she could tell she was flushed again.  “Would you stop,” she grinned with embarrassment.  “You’re making me all warm.”

“Okay, that’s my cue to leave,” Chris remarked.

“We’re going to go hang out with Cody while you finish up here,” Justin told her, obviously ignoring Chris’ comment. 

She nodded and watched the two strut out of the room, feeling completely dazed, like she’d just woke up from the best daydream in the world.  Only the best part—it hadn’t been a dream at all.

Renee came back a few minutes later with a huge grin on her face.  “Okay, let’s get this done so you can go play,” she said.

Cassidy chuckled softly as Renee sat down on her stool and pulled one of her feet out of the sudsy water.  “I’m not going to mention the fact that I’ve never seen you look so happy ever.  Not to mention the fact that you’re glowing like a fourth of July fireworks display.”

“Thanks for not mentioning it,” Cassidy smirked, her smile deepening.  She closed her eyes, the smile clinging to her lips as her mind filled with thoughts of Justin and how crazy he made her feel.

A few quiet minutes passed before Renee brought it up again.  Cassidy was surprised she’d been able to hold back for that long.  “Okay, you’re going to tell me at least a little bit, right?” the woman asked.

Cassidy dropped her chin, looking down at Renee.  “Justin is Cody’s father.”

“I kind of got that when they stormed in here and Cody charged him the way he did.  How did you manage to keep that secret all this time?”

“It’s a long story, but he didn’t know until recently.  No one did.”

“Oh, well that’s one way to handle it.”

“Yeah, and we’re trying to keep it out of the press for as long as possible…”

“You don’t have to even say it to me, girl.  Your secret’s safe, you know that.”

Cassidy nodded.  With the number of high profile clients that Renee had, she couldn’t afford to spread gossip—even though it wouldn’t exactly be gossip since it was true.  But either way, if something like that happened Renee would lose her credibility and a lot of clients.

“So are you going to not tell me the part about how you’re completely gaga over him?  I take it you guys had a relationship before, obviously.”

“It’s kind of a long story, but yeah, something like that.”  There was no way she wanted to get into the details of all that had happened five years before. 

“And now you’re both newly single and falling in love again.  How perfect!  Hey, has this been going on for awhile?”  The coincidences never even occurred to Cassidy, but as Renee asked the question, a million scenarios popped into her head.  The media could spin this in a horrible direction, saying that she and Justin had both left their spouses for each other, and who knows what the hell else! 

Her haze cleared.  Stress took over.

Forty minutes later, after Cassidy saw Renee out, she carefully made way up the stairs to Cody’s bedroom. Making sure not to scuff her freshly painted toes, even though Renee had assured her they were dry.  The picture she stumbled onto nearly knocked her off her feet.  Two grown men and one little boy sprawled out on the floor, playing with a rather intricate train set that was only half put together.

It was one of Cody’s favorite’s, but he couldn’t assemble it all by himself.  She was sure that he’d talked Justin and Chris into helping him, but it didn’t look like they were doing much better than the four year old could alone.

With a chuckle, she stepped inside the room, letting her presence be known. 

Justin looked up first.  “All through?” he asked.

Cassidy nodded.

“Mommy, can Daddy Justin and Uncle Chris stay for dinner?” Cody asked, his bright blue eyes staring up at her eagerly.

“Of course,” she plopped down, in the extra space on the floor between Cody and Chris.  “Why don’t we just order pizza, though?”

Cody was instantly excited.   “Mmmm!  Okay!”

Cassidy looked across at Justin, who was laying with his stomach down and propped up on his elbows.  “Can I talk to you for a sec?” she asked.

He nodded and rose to his feet.  

“You stay here and play with Uncle Chris,” Cassidy told her son.  “Daddy and I will be right back.”

“Okay, mommy,” the little boy agreed, paying more attention to his bright red train.

They stepped out into the hall and Cassidy brought a hand up over her heart.  “That was the first time I’ve said that and it felt—” 

“Good?” Justin asked.

She was thinking weird, but she didn’t let him know.  Weird in a good way, of course.  Moving on, she pulled Justin into her bedroom and shut the door behind them.  Of course he was automatically thinking she’d pulled him in there for different reasons than for what she had.

“You just had to sneak me away to your bedroom?” He asked with a devilish grin.

“I wish it were for what you’re thinking,” she told him.  “Sit down.”

He looked at her kind of funny and plopped down on the bed.  She sat down with him.  “What’s up?” he asked.

“I thought of something while Renee was here that I hadn’t thought about before.”

“Okay…”

“When the press gets a hold of this they’re going to paint it like you and I both left our exes for each other.   Have you thought about that?”

Justin had vaguely thought about that scenario, but honestly he was trying not to think about any of it at all.  “I am going to talk to my people tomorrow,” he told her.   “Trace thinks I should make a statement now, before it comes out like it was a big secret.”

“You mean about Cody?” she asked.

He nodded, trying to not think about how much he wanted to push her down and ravish her.  She was about the sexist damn thing he’d ever seen.  “Would that be okay with you?”

“I trust your judgment.   Whatever you think is best,” she said.

The fact that she was trusting him with something so important only made him feel for her even more, and before he even realized what he was doing, he had grabbed her hand, squeezed it and said, “I love you,” rather sappily.

“Justin.”

He instantly snapped out of the daze, realizing what he’d just admitted.  Now he was the one embarrassed.  There were two ways to play this out.  He could pretend he meant it in a different kind of way, or he could be honest and tell her the truth.  “I just said that out loud, didn’t I?”  he said instead.

She grinned and nodded, and since he still had hold of her hand, she used it to pull him close—close enough to kiss him sweetly.  “I think I might love you too,” she told him.  “But I’m not going to be as bold as you and just say it outright.  Not yet.”

He could handle that.

Letting go of her hand, he scratched the back of his head.  “I didn’t mean to.”  He must have looked completely confused, because he wanted to hit himself for letting those three little words slip out already.

She giggled and he knew everything was okay between them.  “I know.”

He just shook his head and pointed to the door.  “I’m gonna go back and play with the boys.”  Why was he acting like a bumbling idiot all the sudden?

With a laugh, she said, “I’m going to go order the pizza.”

He nodded, standing up and walking backwards.  “Sounds good.”  He let himself out, smacking himself in the forehead over his stupidity.  Jesus, he never acted that goofy! 

It was a couple hours later, after killing an extra large pizza and hanging out for awhile, that Chris left, leaving Justin to catch his own ride.  Well, not really. Cassidy told him he could take one of her cars or that she could give him a ride when he was ready.  But they both knew he’d end up staying the night again, so it didn’t really matter.

Justin came back in after walking Chris out.  Cassidy was sitting on the couch with Cody, helping him with a puzzle.  Justin sat down on the other side of Cody and didn’t say a word.  He just had this goofy, misty-eyed look on his face and Cassidy could just imagine the thoughts going through his mind.

What he’d said to her earlier in the bedroom didn’t scare her.  Maybe it should have, but instead it had actually felt really good to hear it.  Even if she’d known instantly that he hadn’t meant to say it.  It had been so adorably cute seeing him all tied up like that. 

She realized things were moving incredibly fast between them and after all they’d both been through, it would probably be smart to slow things down.  Did that mean she was going to tell him he couldn’t stay the night for the third night in a row? 

Definitely not.

Because as much as her head was telling her one thing, the rest of her was in complete disagreement and seemed to outweigh the more logic part of her.  She’d played it safe her entire life, always steering away from relationships because she didn’t want to get hurt.  The one time she did let herself actually get involved with someone, he turned out to be a total asshole.   And that had been something more in her head than in her heart, which is a totally backwards way of doing things.

She wasn’t going to listen to her head anymore.  Not when it came to love.  She was going to go with her instincts.  And her instincts were telling her that she didn’t have anything to be afraid of when it came to Justin.

So she was just going to go with it and that was that.

His eyes met with hers, looking up and over Cody’s head.  That huge goofy grin was still plastered on his face and it was extremely catching as she felt her lips curl as well.  “What’cha got there?” he finally asked Cody, looking down at him.

“Cody, can you show Justin the stegosaurus?”

His pale blue eyes peered up at her.  “Daddy Justin,” her little boy corrected her.

“Yes, Daddy Justin.”   She was still getting used to the whole daddy thing.  She looked across at Justin and whispered, “Sorry.”

He just grinned and looked down as Cody was showing him the stegosaurus.  Then he pointed to the puzzle piece of the tyrannosauruses rex, telling Justin, “That’s the T. rex.  He’s a carnival.”

“Carnivore.”  Cassidy held back a chuckle as she corrected him.  He was pretty good with most of his pronunciations, but there were a few big words he had problems with.

“Yeah,” Cody agreed.   “That means he’s a meat-eater.”

Justin pointed to another dinosaur piece and Cody immediately spouted off, “Triceratops.  Plant eater.”

“Wow, you sure know a lot about dinosaurs,” Justin said.  “Who taught you all that?”

“I dunno,” the little boy answered nonchalantly.  “Mommy and Grandpa, I guess.”

“We read books together.   Huh, baby.”

“Yeah,” Cody agreed.   “We do.”

Cassidy brushed a hand over his soft curls.  “You ‘bout ready to get your jammies on?” she asked her little boy.

“Yeah,” he said with a hesitant sigh.  “Can Daddy Justin help me?”

“Of course.”

Cody hopped up with an eager grin.  “Come on,” he said to Justin, grabbing his hand and trying to pull him off the couch.  Cassidy had never seen Cody so anxious to get ready for bed—ever!

They both put Cody to bed together that night and he went down without any problems.  Cassidy went upstairs to check on him shortly after they’d tucked him in and he was out like a light.  Smiling to herself, she headed back down to where Justin was on the couch, flipping through the channels on the TV.

They’d made sure to keep their distance until Cody was sleeping, and now that he was, she had every intention of pouncing on him when she got back. 

His neck craned, his inviting blue eyes catching sight of her and that fabulous crooked grin easing over his lips.   It was a look that fit him very well and attracted her very much.  She made way around the couch, noticing how he’d kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable, with his feet up and a couple of pillows propped up behind his back.

He looked completely inviting and she was planning on taking full advantage of it.  She climbed over him, letting her knees settle into the cushion in between his legs before collapsing on top of him.  Instantly his arms curled around her, a pleased hum sounding from his voice as he welcomed her against him.  Closing her eyes, she let her face sink into the crook of his neck and took a big breath of him—feeling absolutely, one hundred percent content.

It was a great feeling.

“I like having you here,” she told him, not hiding how much she enjoyed him.

“I like being here,” he replied.

She took in another deep breath and simply relaxed.  She felt so comfortable, she almost could have fallen asleep.  If it weren’t for the fact that there were other things she wanted to do to him first!

But they did lay that way for quite sometime.  Cassidy hated to compare, but she was experiencing something she’d never felt with Jason—something she’d never felt with anyone.  And she couldn’t help but think that whatever was happing between them was something very special.

“I’m not looking forward to tomorrow,” he stated softly, after several long quiet moments.

“Because of the calls you need to make?” she asked, running circles with her fingertip over the cotton shirt that covered his chest.

He nodded.  She didn’t see it, but she felt it.  “Yeah,” he sighed.  “I hate talking on the phone all day.”

She imagined he especially hated it when the calls he had to make regarded reporting his personal life to the rest of the world, but he didn’t expand on it.  “When do you start working again?” She wasn’t sure where it came from, but the words popped out of her mouth before she’d had any second thoughts.

“Depends,” he said.

“On what?”

“On me,” he answered simply.  “I’m kind of enjoying my time off right now.”

She grinned, knowing that it had everything to do with her and with Cody. 

“Hey, I wanna ask you something,” he told her.  “Don’t think this is completely off the wall, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed, her cheek still nestled against his chest.  It rumbled every time he spoke and she was enjoying very much the feel of it.

“Was Cody very attached to Jason?  Did he have a hard time with the divorce?”

She didn’t question what he was asking.  Instead she found herself answering openly and honestly.  “Not really.  I was afraid he would, because Jason and I started dating when he was just a baby.  But I think because Jason was away from us so much that it made it a lot easier.”

“How come Cody doesn’t call him daddy?”  She smiled against him.  Of course he would want to know that.  “I mean, for a kid to grow up with someone like that.  I’m sure if you’d wanted him to, he could have easily adopted Cody and considered him his.”

She pressed both palms into his chest and sat up, situating herself on his lap even though he was still laying down.   With a shrug, she tried her best to explain.   “I don’t know.  I guess I could have gone that route.  Obviously I’m extremely glad that I didn’t.  I never referred to Jason as daddy to Cody.  I honestly don’t think Jason wanted that role, which, like I said, is really a blessing in disguise because it would have made things so much harder.  But I also feel like that’s part of the reason why Cody doesn’t understand what a daddy is.”

Justin grabbed both her hands and tangled his fingers with hers.  “Quit guilting yourself.  You’ve done enough of that already.”

“I know, but I’m sure it’s all very confusing to him.”  Her head fell back, her eyes shot to the ceiling.  “I don’t know what to do.”

He pushed his torso up from the sofa and sat up.  She slipped, her butt sliding from him to the couch cushion between his thighs.  He reached out to steady her and she found herself smiling again.   Then he leaned forward and kissed her gently and sweetly, as her legs automatically curled around his hips.  “I think we’ve had enough serious talk,” he said, as he pulled back just barely.

Her grin widened.

Then he placed another delicate kiss to her lips, both of his hands braced against her cheeks.  He pulled back again after a lengthy exchange, his touch falling away, the back of his left hand skimming purposely down the side of her breast.  It sparked an instant fire deep inside her.  “And just for the record,” he said, kissing her again, quickly but thoroughly, “Jason is the biggest fucking idiot in the world for screwing around on a woman that’s so fucking hot she can invade a man’s thoughts for five years straight without hearing a single word from her.”

“You have not been thinking about me for the past five years,” she said with a silly smirk.

But the look he shot her in return was completely serious.  “I don’t think one day passed when I didn’t.”

She closed her eyes, feeling guilty again because the cards had totally been in her hands.  But she’d been so different back then and she’d had no idea.   “I wanted to call.  I should’ve called—”

He put a finger to her lips to shush her.  “Stop.  We’re past that now.  Let go of your guilt.  Please.”   When he finished his breath was on her jaw, right before she felt his mouth against her flesh. 

She nodded, agreeing with what he’d said although it was still on her mind.  His fingertips trailed down the front of her neck as he pressed his lips just underneath her ear.  More than anything she wanted to clear her mind and simply enjoy him and the way that he made her feel.   But she was having a difficult time.  “Do you think that if I would’ve called—“   She was filled with thoughts of “what if”, even though it was the last thing she wanted to be thinking about.  She just couldn’t help but wonder if the past five years would have been great if she'd been with him.

“That we would’ve been happy together for the past five years?”  He kissed the corner of her mouth before drawing up enough to look her in the eye.   “I don’t know, but it doesn’t do any good to think about what might have been.  You know that.  Let’s just enjoy what’s happening to us right now.”

And she wanted to.  She wanted to so badly.  “You’re right.  I know.”   Her hands were joined with his.  “And if it wasn’t for Cody and the fact that—”  

“Stop,” he told her.   “Just stop.”  His voice lowered.  “I know you feel like you hid from me and that you kept us apart, kept me away from my son—but seriously, I don’t know what I would have done if you would’ve called me up back then and told me you were pregnant.  I mean, come on.  Things could have been totally different then how we feel it would have been—thinking about it now.   I could have been a total ass and maybe I wouldn’t know Cody any better than I do now and maybe we’d hate each other because of it.”  He tipped her chin up with his finger.  “You know, instead of falling in love with each other, like we are now.”

She grinned, amazed that he could say something so right.  And amazed that he could be so open after all he’d been through.  Amazed that he wasn’t afraid to admit how he was feeling—and this time it wasn’t an accident, at all.

© BrandyRae 2005