Chapter 2- numb

            Alex and I staggered into our empty home, laughing hysterically. No, we weren’t completely obliterated but we found it amusing how we could maneuver the car and evade the paparazzi. What the paparazzi cared about an author and a baseball player, we would never understand. Seriously, we were two boring people who went to charity concerts and then McDonalds right after.

            We were the anti-celebrities, we hid from the areas which we knew we would be photographed and most importantly didn’t sell pictures of the kids to the tabloids like some did. Exploiting your children is disgusting. I knew that people loved seeing pictures of the infamous Timberlake twins. I think they expected my babies to have horns or something being that their father was despicable.

            Anyway, whenever I saw a random person with a camera, pointing at my children, I became like the incredible hulk. I was known for shoving photographers and screaming bloody murder. No one messes with my babies.

            “Hey Mio!” I giggled and bent down to pet my little beagle’s head. He was pacing in circles by the front door, much like he always did when he was home alone. That dog hated to be by himself, he demanded constant attention.

            “You spoil that dog way too much.” Alex stated with a loud laugh. He locked the door behind him and walked behind me, his hips grinding into my ass. “Come on, let’s go hurry and eat.”

            I laughed at my Fiancé’s excitement and backed my booty up into him as I slowly stood erect. I felt him chuckling behind me as I feigned coyness and shifted my ass against his hips.

            “Why hurry?”

            “Because I want you,” He kissed my neck and grinned. “Besides, you’re not going to get much of me when I start spring training, so you should stock up now.”

            “Oh, should I?” I giggled and spun around to face Alex. He licked his lips at me sensually, letting me know the amazing things he could do with that tongue of his. “Maybe.”

            “Maybe, huh? I bet I can get you to agree.” Alex smiled broadly at me. Leave it to him to lay down the charm. It was freaky how similar he and Justin were. They both used their charm to get whatever they wanted out of me and 99 percent of the time, it fucking worked.

            Did I just go for the same type of men? The sex crazed, beautiful men that mentally and physically exhausted me? No, Alex was not like Justin in that sense. He would never hurt me or let me down. Whatever, I had to be crazy to even put Alex in the same category as the insane Justin.

            I walked to the kitchen with the bag of greasy McDonalds food in hand. I probably shouldn’t have been eating the oily mess, especially since I rarely allowed the twins to have fast food and because I needed to keep fit. I was on the cover of Maxim and voted on the list of the sexiest women in the world. I truly didn’t see why I was on that list but whatever. It was a fucking honor.

            “Snack wraps are the best,” I plopped down in a kitchen chair and unloaded the food. Alex went about getting drinks and napkins. Bless him for not being one of those men that made the women do all the work.

            “That’s because you’ve never eaten a Big Mac,” Alex stated smugly. I just made a face of disgust and shook my head.

            “I’m sorry but I’m not to eat a burger with secret sauce… okay I don’t even want to know what it is but I have a disgusting notion.”

            “Oh Natty, it’s fucking Hidden Valley sauce. Don’t be retarded,” He replied and sat down across from me. I shrugged my shoulders and took a bite out of my wrap.

            “You’re retarded!” I shot back with a mouthful of food. I giggled at my lack of a come back; leave it to me to laugh at myself.

            I like that Alex and I can laugh at ourselves and be silly. There were rare moments with Justin that I could really just kick back and relax. Most of the time he was stressed out or busy with life. We had fun of course, but he just never gave himself the chance to relax like Alex did. Justin just took himself way too seriously. I think that was his biggest fault.

            Alex knows when to play around and laugh. Our conversations are always very light. I think we’re both each other’s escape. Alex is trying to escape the portrayals of the media and I’m trying to hide from a past that won’t leave me alone. I’m trying to live my life the best that I can.

            “Oh crap,” Alex said midway through his burger. I looked up at him startled. “I forgot to buy condoms.”

            No, I was not on the pill anymore. I saw no need to be on it when I was a little afraid to catch something from my fiancé. That sounds so bad, but I was cool with Alex doing what he wanted on his time and I knew he was clean; I just didn’t want to risk something like that. Some of those disease are irreversible and I was pretty cautious now. I looked back at some of the stuff I did when I was younger with Justin and I’m in awe of how stupid I was. I barely knew him and I had sex with him without protection. Talk about completely idiotic.

            “Aww… babe, are you serious?” I pouted at him. “That was the whole reason we left early!”

            “I know, I’m sorry… I’ll run and grab them now.” Alex said and began to stand up. I waved my hand dismissively and stood up, pushing him back down on the cast iron chair.

            “You stay, I’ll get them, okay?” I beamed cheesily at him and leaned down to kiss his mouth. Our kisses are always hot, I feel like I need a cigarette or something after I’m done. Use your imaginations and you can just imagine the sex. ;)

            “You sure?”

            “Yes, now… I want you to go upstairs, get naked and get yourself nice and hard… nice and ready for me.” I said breathily. “Can you do that for me, Alex?”

            He licked his lips and grinned, “You know I can.”

            “Good boy… I’ll be back soon.” I winked at him and placed one last kiss on his lips. I loved driving him crazy. I loved how much he desired me.

**

            I drove to the corner store, probably looking ridiculous in my fuzzy slippers and short, beaded dress. I would have probably laughed if I saw someone dressed like me, walking into a store and looking messy.

            Anyway, this particular store reminded me of the small grocery store my Uncle Eduardo once ran. It had a similar white and red sign; everything down to the flooring was eerily similar. All it was missing was the subway outside.

            I might have been a little obsessed with that store. I always found the smallest, most insignificant excuse to go in and look around. I was clearly fixated with that reminder of my past, it helped me realize that it indeed had all happened. It was inescapable.

            Ricky had even been creeped out by the store. He tried to warn me to stay away, that I would only hurt myself by going there. What he didn’t know was that I wanted to hurt. I had become so unbelievably numb. This numbness was better than dealing with immense amounts of pain, but it still scared me. It wasn’t normal. My inability to deal with my dilemmas had finally scarred me.

            Savannah vaguely knew about my issues; I’d once opened up to her when I had become intoxicated at a party. She claimed that she understood, that her feelings for JC were buried deep inside her. I laughed; I hadn’t buried any feelings for Justin, those feelings were dead, what I was numb to was everything that happened.

            I drive to that store, feeling as if I was going to step foot into my past once again. It was funny; I once went back to the real store, the place where it all began. It was no longer a family owned business; it had been sold to strangers. It gave me the freedom to walk around the store and pretend that nothing had ever happened.

            “Thought that I should let you know, that my heart is damaged, damaged, so damaged, so damaged and you can blame the one before…” My cell phone rang, knocking me out of morose thoughts. I figured that Alex would already be calling impatiently.

            “Yes, sexy?”

            “Can you please pick me up some PowerAde? I’ve got weight training at six am tomorrow. I desperately need it,” Alex begged. I giggled at his pleading tone.

            “Okay okay, you want strawberry lemonade right?”

            “Of course, nothing but the best for the best,” I could hear him smirking through his words. Cocky bastard, I loved it though. He was too much like Justin for his own good.

            “Alright, I’ll be home in a-“ My words were cut off. Two headlights had been speeding towards me as I drove through what I thought was an abandoned intersection. My eyes widened in shock as I swerved, trying to do anything I could to avoid what I knew was going to be a tremendous blow. It was all in vein.

            I involuntarily screamed as the car came into contact with the driver’s side of my vehicle. My phone flew out of my hand and shards of glass from the broken windshield scraped my arms and chest. Another hard force sent my car on its side. I blinked as I heard a car speed away. I was alone now, on the side of a highway, alone, scared and possibly injured.

            Afraid to move and afraid to stay, I made a fast choice to get the fuck out. I slide my sore arm. I knew it was there because Alex had never stopped calling my name.

            “Alex…” I whispered. “Alex, someone hit me… get here… get help…I’m on Pantigo Road… please hurry.” He assured me that he was on his way. There was not a doubt in my mind that he’d be there. Alex had never let me down.

            “Miss Natalia?” There was a voice I hadn’t heard in years. The crushed door that was practically crushing me was being yanked open and Ruben, the man who was once mine and Justin’s bodyguard was staring at me with concern. “Are you alright?”

            “My arm…” I replied quietly. I had banged my arm against the middle console of the car and now I could barely feel it.

            “I’m going to get you out, okay?” He asked. I merely nodded my head and Ruben swooped into the destroyed car, unbuckling my seat belt and pulling me out of the wreck. I was still shaking as Ruben held me. I didn’t want to ask how he had found me or why. I mean why question a miracle? But of course, my inquisitiveness got the best of me.

            “What are you doing here?”

            “Tommy has had me watching you for the last three years. Thank the Lord he has because this… this is big.” The big teddy bear of a man stated. His usual smile was gone and anger was painted on his face. “I thought it was finally over too…”

            “Wait… what?” I asked stupidly. It didn’t take a brain surgeon or a gynecologist like my brother (yes I give him shit for that) to realize that Ruben meant that this was all Mafia related. “Why me? Why now?”

            “Isn’t it obvious, Natalia? You are the key to hurting him. This was all to get his attention.”

            I could have screamed again, not because of shock or pain but because of pure aggravation. We weren’t even fucking married anymore! He didn’t even love me! These idiotic people needed to realize that Justin couldn’t give two shits about me. I’d tell them myself if that meant that they’d leave me alone for good.

            I could not go through this fucked up cycle again. I didn’t have it in me to fight another round. That girl that faced it all was no more. She ran from the slightest insinuation of danger.

            “But we’re divorced… I’m engaged to someone else, I have a new life. Why can’t they just let me be?”

            “Miss Natalia, you signed onto this for life when you got involved with him. It will never end, not until they’re all dead and six feet under.”

            I closed my eyes as Ruben lead me to his automobile. I was so disoriented and dejected that I would have up and left with him. Thankfully Alex arrived and knocked me out of my trance. He jumped out of his car and ran over to me. I don’t think I had ever seen him look so upset or concerned.

            “Baby, oh my God, baby. I’m so sorry, I should have went to the store, I shouldn’t have made you go.” Alex held me in his arms, slowly rocking me back and forth. I winced as he squeezed my bruised arm. “You okay?”

            “I hurt my arm,” I stated, motioning to my limp right arm. Alex sympathetically kissed my cheek and slung an arm around my waist. “But I’ll live.”

“I was so scared,” Alex looked down at me quickly and then back up at Ruben who had been awkwardly shifting his weight from foot to foot. “Do you know who hit her?”

“No, I didn’t catch the license plate.” He answered quickly. I wasn’t an idiot; I knew that Ruben knew every detail of the accident. That was his job. “I called the police, they should be here any minute.”

I bit my lip and looked at Ruben. This moment wasn’t going to last much longer. This assurance of my past was going to slip away as quickly as he came in. It was going to be another devastation that I was going to have to quietly swallow. Why was I even getting upset? I didn’t understand! My life was perfect, why did the images of the past have to haunt me?

“Good… we’re going to get whoever did this,” Alex squeezed me waist gently, in an effort to be comforting. God bless him for the gesture, but I don’t think anything was going to make me feel comfortable after almost being killed. I was taking it surprisingly well though, but that was only because the shock hadn’t worn off.

I nodded my head and leaned my head into Alex’s chest. Fuck, who would have thought that a trip to buy condoms would turn into something this fucked up? I closed my eyes and inhaled Alex’s soothing masculine scent. I couldn’t drag him into this mess, I couldn’t allow my children or his daughter to get involved with this, but what could I do? How could I fix this?

Maybe I couldn’t…but I would still try as hard as I could. With my last breath, I would protect the people in my life. That part of me had never changed and would never.