The trouble with gravity is that nothing ever stays up. Everything, and I do mean everything, comes down. Especially me. Justin taught me that. In fact, Justin has taught me a lot of things. He taught me about love and right at this moment he is teaching me about despair. He has hurt me before, but nothing has ever felt like this.
“No…no!” I yelled at him. There he was standing there looking like a GQ model, in his black tux and lavender bowtie, with his hands in his pockets, leaned against the door frame. He looks so content. Like nothing is wrong with what he just said to me. “Baby, I just think that-“ he begins to say in a calm voice, before I cut him off. “J, you can’t do this to me!” I yell even louder.
Today was our wedding day. It was everything that I had wanted since that marriage proposal at the opening of “Ray’s”. A small candle lit ceremony, with a total of 20 guests. Everything was simple. The plain white chapel on the beach facing the sunrise, the pastor from my mom’s church that had agreed to marry us after a week of counseling, and the feast that my mom had prepared. Monica was wearing a halter lavender flowing gown with a small flower over her heart and Richy, who was Justin’s MOH, was dressed in a black tux with a lavender flower in his jacket pocket. I had even kept my dress simple, draped in a pure white, off the shoulder gown made from silk. This wedding was supposed to be simple and memorable. Justin and I were supposed to say our vowels just as the sun began to rise over the ocean. This day, this moment was supposed to mean something. But instead it was vastly turning into something differently remember.
And that is where gravity took its effect, when the man that I need more than air told me that he didn’t want to marry me. “Baby, it can’t happen right now.” He says, still in his position by the door. I watch him stand there with the same confidence that he has had since the day that he walked into my life, unaffected by the fact that he is breaking my heart. I let the first tear roll off of my face and land on the huge 8 month pregnancy bump that is attached to my person and then something inside me snaps.
“Fuck you, Justin. You self centered ass hole. How dare you do this to me, to us!” I say to him in a broken voice. “Fuck me?” he repeats as he finally removes his self from his current position and steps closer to me. “You damn right, fuck you! You know what, Justin? You’re weak. You’re weak and you’re tired. Your whole act is getting old and quite frankly you’re acting like a little bitch.” And like a tornado, the cool Justin is gone and Sly has shown his ugly head, with his darkened eyes and his raspy voice.
“You better watch you damn mouth.” He replies. I began to laugh a little. “Or what? What more can you do to me Sly. Every since I let you put your dick in me, all you’ve been is the Ike to my Tina. You spit in my face every damn day. So what else can you do to me? You know, I am sorry, cuz I should have realized that I’m the weak one. I should’ve left your ass a long time ago. I should have taken me and my baby and left you and my mother in that hell you call a home, when I first realized that you weren’t but a dog.” I tell him while watching as he steps closer to me every moment that I’m taking until he was right in front of me. He quickly snatches me by the back of my neck and jerks me to his face so closely that I feel his breath on my face as he begins to talk.
“I told your dumb ass once before that there ain’t no leaving me. Now I understand that you are upset, but you better calm your little ass down before I hurt you and my seed in one damn blow. Now I said that there won’t be a wedding today and that is what I meant. Stop testing me and remember your place.” Then released me and walked across the room. I leered at him intently as I walk backwards to till I hit the couch and my legs came from under me. I plop onto the couch and continued to watch Justin as waterfalls came out of my eyes. His shoulders were rising up and down as if he was trying to control himself and then a moment later He turned around looked and at me deeply.
He then walked over to me and sat next to me. “O, I’m sorry. Babe, I’m sorry. I need you, O. I need you so bad that I’m scaring my self. I know that I should have told you that I wasn’t ready for this, weeks ago. But I loved watching you plan our future, babe. I loved watching you just be you. We been moving so fast O. We jumped to tryin to make a relationship, to having a baby, living together, hell and now we supposed to be getting married. O, you know I’m not in a place where I can really be your husband. I just need a little time baby, I love you and I wanna do atleast something right in this relationship.” He finished. I finally turned my head to look at him and said. ” You don’t have time.” He gets up furiously and yells “Why the hell not, Olivia? Here I am tryin to finally do right and you giving me shit!” “Justin, you don’t have time because my water just broke.” I say as a contraction hits. Justin looks at the wetness that has developed on and around me. And all I hear is “Shit!” before I double over in pain.
