(6 Months Later) Layla
As bodies move in the night, souls are lost and hearts are combined.
Why is it that one can never have pure happiness? If it’s not one thing it’s another. Right now my life is as hectic as it could get. As soon as my album dropped a fortnight ago it’s been a non-stop promotion tour and getting ready for Justin’s tour. Yes you heard me right; I’m going on touring with Justin. He thought it would be a good idea to get my music out to a wider audience or some shit like that. Too say that the last 6 months have been interesting would be an understatement. I’ve had some of the best and worst times lately and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t have anything to do with Timberlake himself.
Everything changed and I’m more confused now then when I started. Ever since the party at Justin’s and the events of that night he has made it his mission to see me everyday or at least call. Should I be ashamed that I’m the reason he leaves late at night from Jessica’s side to be embroiled in a tangle of sheets with me or that I’m the reason he leaves her side for the so called ‘business’ phone calls he makes when she’s not looking.
I’m not happy. I thought I would be when Justin and I got together, but I’m not. You see, Justin and I are like kids with ADD. One minute were giving each other the highest of highs possible and then the next were screaming and through in things at each other. Whenever where around each other it results in me in a fever of tears due to him not leaving her and Justin responding by storming out of the room. Yet we keep hanging on. I don’t know why he won’t leave her. What’s he hanging onto. To say it does nothing for my self assurance is an understatement. I’m constantly walking on egg shells from the fear of our relationship coming out from the shadows.
You’re probably wondering why I just don’t end it myself, right? It’s because even though we argue the majority of the time those moments of pure ecstasy is enough for me to stay beside a man that has a divided heart. I know he cares about me and that’s why he won’t stop. That’s his problem he cares too much. If he can’t have me then know one can. That’s the one thing I’ve learnt about Justin, his passionate. He’ll love you with all his heart but fight you with just as much power and passion he does to love you.
So right now I’m in Memphis, Tennessee in my hotel room trying to relax and get a good night sleep before the tour kicks off tomorrow. I’m so nervous about touring with Justin. I’m normally nervous enough performing by itself but having Justin there just complicates it a thousand times more. Despite all of that I’m looking forward to it. It’s my first time touring and I can’t wait for everything that comes with it. I told Maz that I’m going to fly her out to join me in a couple of weeks once I get use to the schedule of touring.
For some reason I can’t fall asleep tonight. It’s either one of two things. One: I’m really nervous about tomorrow or Two: it’s because I haven’t seen or heard from Justin today and it’s already 1:00 in the morning. I know why I haven’t heard from him either; he thinks I don’t hear things. I’m not stupid; I heard whispers from people at my sound check today that she’s here. He always does this when she’s around, he ignores me and pretends I’m not alive for the whole day and bam like clock work his at my door letting his hands tell me how much he needs and misses me and I stupidly give in. But not this time.
Once I hear a knock at my door I quickly leap out of my bed and stalk towards the door. I open the door with a harsh glare on my face. You know the one that says ‘I’m pissed boy, you better watch what you say’ look.
“Hey baby, did I wake you?” he says while lifting me up in his arms while entering the room.
“Justin, put me fucking down” I say angrily. Who does he think he is just walking in here like everything fine.
“What’s your problem Lay?” he says arrogantly while proceeding to sit down on my bed.
“What’s my problem Justin? You’re the one prancing in here at one in the morning like you don’t owe shit to me. How do you think it makes me feel knowing you’re out there all day with her hugging, touching, kissing her and that you come straight here after you’ve tucked misses high and mighty into bed. What am I to you, round two?” I say while trying to hold the tears back. You see what I mean, that we always end up in a fight some way or another. I just want to be happy and with each day I get further and further buried into this mess the further away from it I get.
“Layla, what do you want me to do? She’s my girlfriend. When she comes into town I have to spend time with her. What do you want me to say to her? Sorry baby I can’t go to dinner with you cause I’ve got to go handle my other woman. Come on LaLa, can we just not fight for once, this is ridiculous” he says while rubbing his hands up and down my arms. What he doesn’t get is every moment his with her he loses a part of me.
“What so all of a sudden I’m a back thought in your mind, will I ever come first in you mind Justin?” I say while backing away from him.
“Fuck Layla, I showed up didn’t I?” he says with pent up anger. Her we go, his the ‘your lucky I’m even here with you’ speech. What he doesn’t get is I’ve heard it all before. And what hurts more then him actually saying it is that he can’t even bother too think of a better lame ass excuse.
“Oh yes I’m sorry Justin, you’re right I’m so lucky to be graced with you’re presence that I think I should put up with your crap” I say sarcastically while turning away from him.
“You know what Layla, when you’re ready to talk to me like a normal civilized adult you know where to find me” he says while standing up to leave the room.
“You know what; why even bother pretending anymore Justin. We both know where you’re going. You don’t have to worry about having to showing up anymore, you don’t owe me anything. I don’t want to waste your time, we both know how precious it is. Just leave, that’s what you’re good at right?” I say harshly while tears cascade down my cheeks. His just glaring at me now, not moving an inch, just glaring.
“Fuck you Layla, you don’t know shit. You wonder why I won’t leave Jessica for you. You just proved why baby” he said shaking his head.
“And you just demonstrated what a foul I’ve been waiting here, thinking I meant shit to you” I say angrily while pacing my way over to the door frame were he stands.
“You want to know one thing. Right now I want to hate you with every fiber in my body, but I can’t. any other fight we’ve had, I thought you walked out because you cared and didn’t want to say anything that would upset me. But now I realize you leave because you don’t give a shit about me, you only care about you and what benefits yourself” all His doing is looking at me in disbelief.
“You don’t know how fair from the truth you are layla”he says while trying to leave the room.
“Really so you’re the one left behind after ever fight we’ve had, crying you’re eyes out because the one man you love doesn’t love you enough, to stay”
“What?” he says in disbelief.
“I said are you the one left behind…”I open my mouth to speak but Justin’s fingers silence me.
“I heard that part Layla” he says in annoyance. “Did you just say you love me?”
Shit did I say that? Crap. One thing you need too know is those words have never been spoken between us before; in fear of this reason itself.
“What, umm... Yeah but don’t worry about it, I mean you know…..Justin maybe you should umm leave or something” I say while stumbling over my words. I need him to leave before he tells me he doesn’t love me. I’m too broken as it is, I don’t think I could handle that on top of everything else.
“I’m not leaving Layla” he says while stepping as close as he could to me without stepping on me.
“Justin please can you just leave. I’m not going to be able to take the rejection of you not loving me on top of everything else. I get it you don’t feel that way, its ok. I guess I just thought we where something more then a practical fuck. My hopes where way to high for whatever we have going on. You’re right I should be happy with you just showing up. That’s all a girl can hope for right?’ I say tearfully, while never lifting my gaze from the floor.
“Baby I’m sorry, I love you too” he says while caressing my cheek. I lift my gaze to stare at him. “Justin you don’t have to say it because I said it. I get it you don’t feel the same. It’s not you’re fault” I say while trying to back away from Justin unsuccessfully. He grabbed onto my shoulders and brought my forehead to rest against his.
“Layla listen to me. I Justin Randall Timberlake love you Layla Elizabeth Smith with all my heart. Always have, always will baby” He says needlessly while pulling me in for a passionate kiss.
“You Do?” I say breathlessly through our embrace.
“More then you’ll ever know”
In that moment with those words it made all the fighting worth it.
