I love performing, it’s like for the hour that my set takes my mind is truly clear of all my problems. Clear of Justin, clear of my anger but most of all clear of hurt. What I love most is the audience. They have the most honest reaction to your music. They either love it or hate it. I wish I could say the same for my relationship with Justin. Where up then down. Left then right but I love him. Ever since our argument last night everything’s been different. He stayed with me last night, for the first time ever. He didn’t leave at four in the morning after coming down from ecstasy. He stayed there all night with his lips slightly parted against the back of my neck, his hot breath causing goose bumps down my entire back. I’ll have to admit I didn’t get one wink of sleep but it was truly the most relaxed I have been in ages. But with all dreams they must come to an end. As morning peered into the room through slightly open curtains, Justin’s phone began to ring. He slightly shifted behind me while placing a kiss on my temple, I’m glad my back was turned from him to hide the pure delight on my face.

“Hello” Justin said in a hoarsely tone.

“I’m just umm…down at the gym babe” those words where enough too wipe the smile of my face. It’s her, it’s always her. I was trying so hard not to make any movement so Justin thought I was still asleep, but the tears building at the back of my eyes were treating to spill down.

“I’ll be there soon, I have a couple of things to do first” he said while turning back towards me. The only reason my tears didn’t fall down is the thought of how it felt to just have him lying next to me, even for the slightest of moments. “Yeah, I’ll see you soon babe...yeah…I um I love you to” he said wearily while closing his phone and reclaiming his spot next to me. This is all I want, him and me together with out anything or anyone interrupting.

I can feel him thinking behind me. His just waiting for the right moment to tell me that he has to leave me to return to her side.

“You have to go?”  I say while never lifting or turning my head from its fixed position. He sighs in defeat while bringing me closer in an embrace. “Not yet, I have some time” he says while kissing my bear shoulder. This is why him staying makes it worse when he leaves. “Baby, just go I’ll see you at sound check. Big night remember” I say with all my power to stop the tears that are flittering at the opening of my eyes.

“You sure?” he asks in a lightened tone. I finally sit up and look over at him.

“Yeah, I have to do something’s before the show tonight anyway. Go and enjoy your last day of freedom baby because as soon as the tour starts you won’t have a moment to yourself” I say with a half smile.

“Ok, well I’ll see you at the sound check” he says while standing up to gather his clothes. I sit up from the bed and wrap the sheet around my body tightly while making my way over to Justin. I must say one thing; the man looks absolutely delicious in the morning. His hair is all disheveled and his stubble is slightly noticeable, if he didn’t have to go I’d be going for him right about now.

Once I reach him I link my arms around his naked torso and rest my head on his bare back. I feel him sigh and his body relaxes against mine while entwining his finger with mine.

This is why I love him. It’s just me and him standing together in a room of silence. No out side interruption just two people away from the rest of the world, alone.

(Justin)

The only thing worse then being hurt, is knowing you’ve hurt someone else. When I left layla’s room I had to subside the guilt. I want her, god I need her but I don’t know what to do. Before Jess rang we where just lying there in her bed both wide awake but not wanting to admit it to the other because it felt so good, god her skin on mine fells so good. Your all probably thinking it’s my fault. You probably think I’m playing both of them but I’m not. Haven’t you ever been in love with to people at the same time. Have you ever thought am I with the wrong one? Ever questioned your true feelings but push it aside just to regret it later? If you have then you know how I feel. Yeah call me selfish or an asshole but I’m just not ready to decide which ones right for me, Jess and Layla are two completely different people. Two beautiful but extremely confusing people and until I know what to do, I’m not changing anything.

So I’m at the stadium about to do my sound check and I’m nervous. Hell I never get nervous from performing anymore and I just don’t get why now? I haven’t seen Layla since I left this morning and I’m starting to worry. I know she said she had to do stuff but usually I would have heard from her by now. You know like a text message or something saying I know you miss me you dork, be there soon <3 LaLa. But nope not even one of those. I know she’s upset that Jess is here and that she’s trying to make it easier on me not having to deal with everything , but man I never realized how use to her face I am.

‘Hey, Marty I think I’m done with the sound check, I’m gonna go head back to my dressing room…holla if you need me”

‘Yeah no problem man’ Marty yells back as I make my way off the stage.

She’s has to be here somewhere. I know Layla and she is never late for anything. She goes on about it all the time about how it’s rude and shit to be half an hour late.

As I make my way around the corner..I can make out her long tan legs dangling while she’s propped on top of a speaker. Damn how can she make the most simplest of actions so hot. My sudden need for her is halted when I see a tall dark haired man push her back against the wall, while he places his lips softly on top of hers. My need quickly turned in to anger as he roughly traced his hand up her thigh. What is he doing?  He can’t touch her like that. I’m the only one that can do that to her. But my inner outburst is only crushed by the mere fact in front of me. Is she kissing him back?

I’ve seen all I can take. If she wants to play like this, she doesn’t know what she’s got herself into. As my legs start to work again, I reclaim my decent to my room. The only problem was to get there I had to pass them. As I reach my room, I look back to see if my sudden appearance had brought Layla out of her trance with the fuck face she was kissing. When I see that there confrontation had only gotten hotter, I do the only thing that comes to mind.

“Bang”

(Layla)

I know, I know I’m a bitch. You don’t have to tell me, I already know. Your probably thinking what the fuck are you doing? How can you go from the highest of mornings to practically fucking this random guy in the hall directly in front of Justin’s dressing room?

Well after he left this morning, I decided I had to end it. Even though I love him, I know he loves someone else at the same time. I know he won’t make the decision himself, he cares to much. So I decided to take things into my own hands, Hence me kissing matt, my back up dancer. I knew it would piss Justin off and he wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me.

“Thanks for that Matt” I said while hopping of the speaker.

“No problem girl, anytime” he said whilst laughing.

“haha, yeah I’m sure that would go down great with Derek” I said to him whilst walking to Justin’s door. See If Justin new anything, he would know that Matt and Derek had been in a committed relationship for 3 years and no matter how hot Justin thinks I am, it would never be enough to turn Matt. So yes I may have used my powers for bad instead of good. But it worked right??? He is pissed off at me and thinks I’m using him. Well good he can see how it feels for once.

So here I am infront of Justins dressing room, considering entering..

“Knock, knock”

“Come in” I hear muffled through the door.

“Hey Babe, sorry I’m late I was held up with something, How was your sound check” I say dumbly.

“Close the Fucking door L” He says as I walk through the door whilst closing it.

“What’s the problem babe?”

“You’re my fucking problem”

“ME, what the fuck did I do?”

“Don’t give me that shit I saw you out there with that guy, you where practically fucking him in the hallway”

“So?” I say dryly.

“SO, you’re my fucking girl L, what the fuck is your problem. Going around this place kissing fucking random’s like that. You’re meant to be in this shit with me. I see how it is though, you’re aloud to hook up with other people but when I’m with Jess it’s like world war fucking three. You’re so full of shit sweetheart”

“Fuck you, your such an ass, So what if I kissed someone else, you do it everyday Justin. So how do you think I feel, huh?”

“Layla, we’ve been over this she’s my girlfriend and I can’t….”

“BUT YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME….” I say at the top of my lungs

“I know L and I do it’s just complicated” he says while placing my hand in his.

“How is it complicated you love me, I love you….that’s all there is to it”

“It’s not that easy”

“Do you love her??”

“LaLa…” He says while walking closer to me.

“No, Justin. Do you love her more then me???? Because if you do I think the solution to all this is real easy” I say while the tears start to fall.

“L don’t do this….” He says begging

“There’s the answer…” I say while walking toward the door.

“ Look L just give me more time, I have the show tonight and I can’t think straight, can we talk about this later???”

“It’s always later with you Justin, guess what I’m giving you the altermatem now, you either pick me or her, so whats it going to be?”

“Fine….if you want it to be that way I pick her”

“So that’s how its gonna be after everything we’ve gone through?”

“ You’re the one that wouldn’t give me more time!!!”

“Because I thought you would man up and leave her”I say wearily.

All he does is stand there, like I just killed his grandmother or something.

“I’m sorry”

“ Don’t be it’s your decision, have a good show tonight….”

That’s all his got. I’m sorry, two simple words that at any other time I would have accepted.

But love means never having to say you sorry.