I stood in front of the mirror looking myself over carefully. I don’t know what to wear so I settled on a pair of dark blue jeans and a red tank top under a black sweater. I didn’t exactly bring anything fancy and since Justin isn’t giving me any hints as to where we’re going this will have to do. I am nervous, more so than I should be, but this is kind of like a date and we’ve never gone on a date before. Instead of over thinking everything like I always do I’m going to try and just go with it. Overthinking is what makes me so nervous and awkward in the first place.
When I walked downstairs I saw Justin sitting on the couch with Ayden on his lap reading her a book. His mother was cleaning in the kitchen; she’s one of those moms that is always busy doing something. “Don’t you look nice,” she smiled as I made my way into the kitchen.
“Thank you. Do you know where we’re going?” I figure I’ll try his mother, someone’s gotta spill.
“Give it up Sari!” Justin yelled from the other room.
I laughed as Ayden came running into the kitchen and climbed up on the chair, “Granny’s taking me to see the piggy! We’re gonna go pet a piggy and a cow and a… and a horse! Huh Granny?” Ayden asked as he wrapped her arms around my neck and climbed on top of me.
“That’ll be fun. Do you think you’ll see any polar bears?”
“Nooo,” she giggled, “No polar bears in Tennessee silly. Only in California at the zoo. Memba when we saw them? And the teddy bears and the gummy bears. Ooooh Granny, can we get some gummy bears too?”
“You don’t need gummy bears, she doesn’t need gummy bears Ma,” Justin told his mother; I don’t know why he bothers because she will give Ayden anything she wants. He’s not the only one that spoils her rotten. “Ready Sari?” I nodded my head and gave Ayden a hug before Justin grabbed her from me so he could say goodbye. “Be good for Granny, don’t start any trouble.”
“Daddy I’m always good for Granny.”
“Yeah yeah yeah,” Justin laughed, “Bye Ma, thanks.”
“You kids have fun.”
I followed Justin to the car, he’s wearing a pair of jeans and a light blue polo shirt. I guess I’m dressed ok, here I go over thinking again. “So… where are we going?”
Justin laughed and threw his head back instead of answering my question. I don’t understand why everything is so secretive, “What is your problem with surprises? We got… four stops. Try to control yourself.”
“I can control myself, I’m not a child.” He gave me that half smile he has as he pulled into the parking lot of a medical building. “Um… stop number one?”
“Stop number one.” Justin nodded his head and smiled before getting out of the car.
“What are we doing here?”
“You think I’m dirty,” he answered simply, “Now’s the time I’m going to prove to you I’m not. And you’re going to prove to me you’re not.”
“Do you really think I’m dirty?” honestly, I’ve worked with this guy for how many years and I’ve been with just about no one the whole time.
“Nah,” he answered with a quick laugh, “I don’t think you’re dirty. But if I have to get poked and prodded so do you.”
“You’re absolutely ridiculous,” I laughed, “For the record, I never said you had to.”
“Uh… that’s not what you said the other day,” Justin laughed before wrapping his arm around my waist, “If you’re too scared…”
“Shut up, I am not scared. I swear you do this shit just to annoy me.”
“Nah… that’s only part of it. It’s not just to annoy you, it’s a bonus.” He thinks he’s so funny, “Wait for it… wait for it. THERE it is. The eye roll! I was getting worried you weren’t going to do it. It’s like the one constant thing in my life.”
“You are so obnoxious. You know that, right?” he nodded his head as a response and I just laughed, “As long as you know.”
“Oh I know.”
“I can’t believe you took me to the doctors.” I hate the doctors, absolutely hate them. I get nervous bringing Ayden. There’s something seriously wrong with me, but I’ve never been good at doctors. They make me nervous. I know deep down there’s nothing to be afraid of, but I just feel like I shouldn’t have things put where they put things. It’s not natural.
“Oh come on,” Justin threw his head back as he laughed, “It’s just stop number one. We got three more to look forward to.”
“Yeah, starting with a bang. What’s the next stop? Are you going to take me to get a root canal?”
“You’re scared! You’re a little baby! That tough chick shit is all an act, isn’t it? You’re fucking scared of the doctors!”
“I am not scared of the doctors!” I elbowed him in the ribs and managed to get his arm away from me, “It’s just kind of a fucked up place to take a girl on a date.”
He held his hands up in defeat, “Now you’re putting words in my mouth. I never said anything about a date. I said my mom was going to watch Ayden so we could do something. If your mind went straight to date that’s your problem. That has nothing to do with me, sweetheart.” Shit. He’s right. He definitely did not say anything about this being a date and here I am, once again, over thinking everything. Now I look like an idiot, and since he lives to annoy me he’s not going to let me ever live it down. “Look Sari,” he continued softly, standing in front of me and wrapping his arms around my waist, “I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. So if you don’t want to do it, if you’re scared, all you have to do is tell me and we’ll leave.” He stopped for a second and licked his lips before that cocky smile found it’s way to his face, “Just admit that you’re scared and we’ll leave.”
“I am not scared.” I looked straight in his eyes; giving him my most serious look possible. Sure, I may be scared… a little… but there’s no way in hell I’m going to admit it to him, especially when he’s acting like he’s got me all figured out. I’d rather sit through all the poking and prodding than admit that he’s right. Fine, I’m stubborn.
“Then let’s do it.” He answered back as he moved away from me and grabbed onto my hand before leading me into the office. I really want to kill him, I really should kill him. No one would know. Ugh, I hate that he’s someone that everyone would notice if he were to just disappear. Not that I’d kill him, but seriously he just needs to be locked up somewhere for a little while so he could leave me alone.
When we walked into the office the nurse met us right away and led us to two different rooms. “Good luck Sari, make me proud.” Justin winked as we went into rooms right next to each other.
“You really are so obnoxious.”
“You love it,” he smiled before waving at me and heading into his room.
I took a deep breath and sat down while the nurse closed the door behind me. She can tell I’m nervous and honestly I don’t really care if she knows as long as Justin doesn’t. “OK, so I haven’t had sex in a very long time so I’m not really at high risk for anything. So like, the least intrusive tests are really all I need.”
“Of course. Why don’t you go ahead and take off your clothes and put the robe on. The doctor will be in in a minute.”
I did as I was told after the nurse left me and took a few deep breaths to try and calm myself down. I know there’s nothing to be nervous about, but I just don’t do well in these situations. It took me a long time to be comfortable with my own doctor. I’m still not completely comfortable, but at least I’m able to go when I need to. I have serious anxiety issues with doctors.
I took a deep breath as I sat back on the cot trying to work on some deep breathing meditation tricks. There’s really no need for me to be here, and I never even said Justin had to. I trust him, for the most part. No, I do totally trust him with something like this. There was some tapping on the side of the wall where Justin’s room was so I tapped back. He continued tapping different rhythms and I copied them. He really does make me feel like I’m a kid again. I’m not sure yet if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
The door opened and I jumped like I was in elementary school and just got caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing. The doctor came in and explained what she was going to do. I really wish she didn’t explain it to me; I’d much rather her just do it. I placed my feet in the stirrups and she disappeared. I need to take deep breaths and try to calm myself down. This is a normal occurrence. It’s nothing bad; people go through this every day. Chill Sari, chill.
I felt like I fell asleep and I just woke up. The doctor was standing over me nervously, but I felt like I should apologize for falling asleep. “Are you alright Sari? Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.” I answered softly, ok I feel a little warm and dizzy too.
Turns out, I passed out. It was only for like a second but I guess it still counts. I feel fine but they seem to think this is kind of a big deal. They won’t let me get changed yet and they’re putting all this stuff on me to check my heartbeat and all that jazz. This is wonderful. Once they realized I wasn’t dying they took everything off but made me lay down.
The door opened and in walked Justin. Dammit. “You’re not allowed in here, thank you.”
“Oh, stop” he said as he sat down in the chair and rolled close to me, “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine I just… pass out sometimes.”
“You just pass out sometimes?” he asked with a chuckle, “You don’t think that’s something you should warn people about?”
“No,” I laughed, “I’m fine. Can we leave now?”
“Noo, we can’t leave now,” he mimicked, “Roll reversal here, I’m not used to having to take care of you. I don’t know how I fell about it.”
“You’re not taking care of me,” I laughed again, “I’m fine, this is stupid. Let me get up.”
“Stay down, we can’t have you fucking pass out again. We’ll be here all night and we still have three more stops.” He’s enjoying this way too much, although I wouldn’t expect anything different. “So you just faint sometimes? Like those fainting goats?”
I mimicked his stupid laugh and rolled my eyes, “I just don’t like doctors and I don’t like… things being stuffed up there.”
Justin laughed at that, full out threw his head back and laughed like it was the funniest thing he’s ever heard. “Well now, obviously you like some stuff going up there or we wouldn’t be here in the first place.”
“That is SO uncalled for and obnoxious and just plain old…”
“Ohhhh come on,” he broke in and grabbed onto my hand, “I’m joking. You had me worried kid; I need to use humor, that’s how I deal. Are you alright?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I just want to leave. Can’t you go work your magic and tell them I’m fine?”
“Yeah, I’d rather wait a little longer though.” I’m definitely surprised at the way he’s acting, almost as a normal human being that is actually worried about me. He’s almost being sweet. I know he’s been amazing with Ayden, but this is like a whole new level of the new Justin. “What if you do it again and I’m not there to catch you?” he laughed at his joke, “I don’t want you to go cracking your head open when you hit the pavement. It’d be dangerous.”
“You just ruin everything,” I laughed, “It’s like you’re so close to being a normal human being and then you just keep talking and talking and dig yourself deeper and deeper and ruin it all. You really need to learn when to shut up and let it go.”
Justin laughed again and grabbed onto my hand, pulling it to his lips and kissing it gently, “You’re so hard on me. I’m trying.”
“Yeah, you’re trying.”
He is trying; it’s kind of cute. But the truth is I kind of like this weird messed up relationship we’re starting to have. It would be boring any other way. I know he has fun annoying me, but I have fun to so it all works out.
