One more day to live:

Kristy waited by the phone for the best part of Saturday, willing the phone to ring afraid of what the news would be if she missed it. Like before her negative thoughts and what ifs plagued her. Every minute the clock reminded her of its presence in the room. Biting her lips she’s not sure how much more of this she can take and she’s never felt so alone in all her life. She mentally barrages herself for feeling alone when she has such a strong support network prepared for the worst case scenario, should push come to shove, but she still can’t push that feeling aside as she’s alone in her huge living room, with only the sound of the grand-father clock’s pendulum and the low buzz of CNN’s reporter commenting on the world’s financial crisis.

“Daddy is mommy on time out?” Whispered their young daughter whilst she climbed the large stool and pushed her tiny legs on the island creating enough force to spin her around. J.C chuckled at his daughter’s reasonable explanation to why her mother was separated from the close group; he looked up from the laptop smiling at his little angel. “Was she naughty daddy? I don’t think she meant it.”

“Mommy isn’t in timeout angel she’s waiting for an important phone call so we have to be quiet so we can hear the phone ring.” He kissed the top of his daughter’s curly brown hair placing her in his arms. He missed holding ‘his baby’ for 3 whole weeks every chance he got he’d seize the opportunity to have her close to him. “How about we go take a walk down to the park and play on the swings?” J.C threw his daughter into the air the trust that Alicia had in her father never wavered for a second knowing that he would catch her in a matter of seconds.

“Ok...but we have to tell mommy that we’re going or else she’d be very upset when she can’t find us.” Alicia gripped his angular chin in her tiny hands and pressed her forehead to his. “Daddy did you ask mommy if I can have a baby broder or sister yet?” She gave a wide smile mimicking her mothers similarly beautiful own. How could he say no to a face like hers?

“Yeah-um we’re going to try no promises though.” The three year-old squealed with delight, confident that she’d get what she asked for. “Licia no promises ok?” How was he supposed to tell his daughter that having a baby brother or sister was all dependent on her mother being healthy? “Go grab your sneakers, and kiss mommy.” He put Alicia down and watched her as her tiny legs dashed up the steps and into her room to pick up her shoes, shovel and bucket and rushed down stairs to the family living room where her mother sat on the huge sofa.

“Mommy daddy and I are going to go to the park so that we’re quiet when the phone comes you can hear.” Kristy pulled her daughter into her lap holding her close to her chest and hugged her.

“Ok Licia be good for daddy ok.” Wrapping Alicia in her arms she kissed her forehead, taking in that moment, the mixture of her baby’s smell and the feel of her daughter’s breath on her skin, she squeezed her eyes tightly trying to savour every second. It was at that moment Kristy could imagine her family without her in it and it scared her. She knew the results, she always had but she was living in hope that the years of living with a doctor for a father and suffering the torture that was med school would be pointless.

“Baby I can stay if you want.” J.C shocked Kristy out of that moment. The look in his eyes was a mixture of love, acknowledgment and fear; He knew she knew. How couldn’t she? She is a paediatrician she should be able to diagnose the symptoms.

“No Josh-I need to do this on my own.”

“Alicia can you go find daddy’s I pod?” The little girl jumped from her mother’s lap and ran in the general direction of the office leaving her parent’s alone in the room. “Kristy don’t shut me out, not now. I need to be here; Let me be here.” J.C slid down the wall by the door connecting the family living room and the kitchen trying his best not to break down and cry in front of his wife. He was supposed to be the strong one in this relationship; He was supposed to be the rock.

“Josh c’mon I’m going to be ok. Chances are we’ve caught it at stage 2 tops, I’ll have chemo and be in remission before Ally even thinks about high school.”

“Oh God oh God oh God please tell me this is just a bad joke.” Kristy could see her husband’s heart drop to his stomach as he absorbed the information. “Kristy you could be wrong, it may not even be malignant, we’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.”

“You’re right Josh.” The telephone ringing pause the couple’s conversation. For a second Kristy didn’t know what to do taking a deep breath she answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Kristy hey, Mace has gone into labour can you guys come down?” Toby panicked on the other end of the phone.

 “Sure Saint Augustine’s right?” Kristy bolted up the stairs changing into a day dress and flip flops in a few minutes she returned to the living room where J.C was still sitting on the floor unaware of the event taking place. “Jace get your butt up Macy has gone into labour.” Picking up her car key and Alicia’s going out bag she walked towards the door, Alicia a few paces behind her mother.

“I took your advice and her water broke 2 hours later. I’m so scared- we’re not ready yet.” Toby paced the floor trying to calm down. He had excused himself from the private delivery room for a moment as the senior doctor prepped his wife checking how far her cervix had dilated.

“Relax Toby you’ll be fine.” She laughed pushing her phone and wallet into her bag. “Has she started pushing yet?”

“No- I think the doctor is saying 3 cm.”

“Ok I’m going to hang up the phone now, Jace and I are going to drop Alicia at Drake and Steffi’s house we’ll be there in the next 20 minutes tops.” Kristy giggled as J.C tripped trying to pull on his shoes whilst standing, the same action he had done 3 years ago when her waters broke on October 23, she remembered the deer caught in headlights expression over his face as she woke him from his sleep.   “T, Mace is going to be ok trust me she’s still at stage one. Right we’re leaving now, see you soon.” Throwing the car keys at her husband J.C jogged over to the driver’s door while Kristy snapped Alicia into her car seat. “Jace we need to drop Alicia off at...”

“Drake’s yeah I know- my phone is on the dashboard let him know I’m on my way.” They buckled their seat belts as J.C literally sped down the drive and out of the gate, still in the private residential area that they called home. His daughter squealed with delight, loving her sped daemon dad’s driving Kristy rolled her eyes tired of warning her husband about his speed especially when Alicia was in the car. Ending the call she found Drake’s mobile number dialling it. The phone rang 3 times before a female voice answered.

“Steffi Mace has gone into labour so we’re dropping Licia before we go.”

“Yeah sure I’m just about to start dinner but Jade is awake so she’ll keep her occupied.”

“Yeah I’m sure they’ll have fun together.” They were met by Drake and Jade by the door as they pulled up to the front. As soon as Alicia’s feet hit the floor she ran to Jade and straight into the house. “Hey D thanks so much, Toby is about to have kittens.” Kristy laughed handing her big brother Alicia’s bag trying to avoid his critical eye. Drake always knew when something was wrong with his sister even at an early age. He blamed it on being protector after their mother died when Kristy was 12; he left many a bruises on future bullies and boyfriends when it came to his baby sister and her well being.

“Is everything ok Kris? You seem tired.” Wanting to avoid the interrogation likely to take place she dashed to the car, waving her brother off. “You need to go visit dad!” He shouted trying to break the thick glass of the 4x4 with his voice; he knew she heard him when he saw her nodding her head emphatically.

The couple arrived at their friend’s side 15 minutes later, where J.C took over coaching Toby on how to faint without looking ‘like a bitch’ if needs be when the baby crowned. Kristy stayed by Macy reassuring her that the labour was progressing naturally. 2 faints, 5 cups of coffee, 1 bowl of ice chips and 5 hour later Toby and Macy Hawthorn welcomed young Ridley into the world.

Still on a natural high from the experience that they shared with their friends J.C and Kristy walked through their home and just sat for a few moments in silence, when J.C noticed the flashing light on the answering machine, his heart hitched in his throat knowing what the message pertained to. He secretly wanted to throw the machine away and live in that moment forever but knew he was powerless in changing anything. Taking the quick rip of the band-aid approach he pressed the play button drawing Kristy closer to his side.

“This message is for Dr. Chasez um I’m not sure if I should leave this message over the phone.” They both laughed at the young practitioner’s inexperience, it was actually endearing. “Well um the results are back from histology and well the polyps seem to be cancerous um the blood work suggest that there is a high probability of metastasis...um we’d like you to um to um attend the diagnosis session as soon as possible, um you can contact us for further information, but I’ve pre booked you in for a meeting with Dr. Locks at 6 the same time you came on Monday. Oh yeah I knew I forgot something else we went ahead and did a complete blood work because we found a shadow, you’re pregnant- the diameter and amount of protein suggests probably about 8-9 weeks. We’ll find out more at the diagnostics. I’m sorry the news couldn’t be better.”

They didn’t know whether to cry or celebrate.

“We need to go pick up Alicia.” She whispered trying to hold back the tears.

“I’ll call Drake ask him to” pushing away from J.C she got up from the sofa and picked up her keys on the coffee table. “We need to talk about this Kristy this is bigger than we thought.”

“Josh I need my daughter home.”

“Its minutes to 12 Kristy, you cannot wake her up, we’ll pick her up tomorrow together. Right now we need to figure out whether we’re doing chemo or radiation.”

“Jace we already spoke about this I watched my mother fight and how much pain she was in I don’t want to put Alicia through that.” His mouth hung shocked at the defeatist attitude of his wife, in his 10 years together he had never witnessed that side of her, she was always strong, most times he called it stubborn but never did he think the words ‘Kristy quit’ would ever leave his lips.

“Kristy, you’re the glue- we need to do chemo.”

“I told you Joshua we already know the outcome, if it’s somewhere travelling in my lymphatic system I’m dead.”

“Please, let’s just go to diagnostics on Monday and figure it out together. Right now, we’re having a baby. You hid that one from me.” Stretching out his hands he rubbed her flat stomach, she had worked hard after Alicia to get back into her size 6 jeans.

“Yeah I had no idea either 2 months is a long time not to know.”

“I guess the symptoms hid behind the.” He didn’t want to say it; it would mean IT was real.

“Jace we’re going to be ok, I promise.” Sitting in his lap J.C tried to relax but knew that she might not be able to keep that promise.

“If we have to... I know we spoke about this with Alicia but this time it’s different.” Kristy moved turning to face her husband.

“I know you’re not talking about a termination so I’m just going to ignore that last sentence.” Kristy a devout Catholic didn’t want anything pertaining to abortion never went down well with her. When they first found out about Alicia they had a long debate on the hypothetical scenarios that could take place; Kristy loved being prepared and after several hours of arguing had forced J.C to agree to doing everything in his power to put the foetus’ life before her own, should anything happen, they were fortunate Alicia’s birth was unproblematic.

“Alicia and I need you Kristy, you cannot deny us of that right we can always adopt have another child but you have to come first.”

“This conversation is over Joshua Scott.” She got up from her position placing her hands on her hips. “As far as we’re concerned the baby is our primary concern.”

“Oh right! Correct me if I’m wrong but I thought it was that thing invading your body that took precedence!” He shouted wanting to shake some sense into his holier that thou wife.

“Josh!” Tears threatened to spill but she quickly bushed them away. J.C quickly stood to his feet squeezing Kristy.

The couple brushed their conversation under the imaginary carpet, waiting until Monday for the diagnostic meeting trying to prevent a massive argument from developing over something they had no further information about the situation faced them.

At 6 o’clock Monday, the couple sat patiently in the doctor’s waiting room, J.C holding Kristy’s hand like he had done on so many poignant occasions, their 2nd date, which of all things was his aunts funeral, when he proposed, when they bought their house together even when she was in labour, their hands had been together for years he silently prayed that their hands would be together for a lot longer.

“Dr. Chasez, Dr. Locks will see you now.” Said the young administrator with her brown clip board tucked under her arm.

 “Have a sit Kristy, Joshua.” The elderly man reacquainted himself with his patient’s history. “Right, it seems the cancer has spread really fast.”

“We caught it in time though right?” J. C tried putting a positive spin on the doctor’s gloomy mood.

“I’m afraid not- the cancer has hit the lymphatic system we can put you on suppressants and vitamin K but other than that I don’t think chemo would be advisable it cannot target that amount.”

“Oh dear God” J.C let out a soft cry biting his lips blood about to trickle. “No look at the file again.”

“Jace-calm down” Kristy rubbed his leg. “Ok so how long do we have?”

“Ball park figure 2 years tops. Your pregnancy won’t be easy, that baby is going to put an additional strain on your body. I would advise you to terminate the pregnancy from now before 24 weeks but.”

“I’m still going to die.”

“What the hell! Am I the only one that is freaking out Kristy say something damn it, do something.” His entire being was exploding wanting to get a reaction from his wife but she was just too calm; he knew she had already prepared herself for this news but he was lacking the composure.”Kristy we can get a second opinion.”

“Jace this is my second opinion Dr. Ramono already diagnosed it.”

“Oh right and you just happened to forget that piece of information.” She hated sarcastic J.C he always got on her wrong side with that bitter tone.

“Jace relax, you were on tour I couldn’t tell you over the phone.”

“I’ve been back for 5 days Kristy.”

“This isn’t the time to discuss this.” Stopping their conversation for when they got home, or at least the car. “So I’m guessing vitamin supplements possible immunoglobulin treatment.”

“Correct-we’ll start as soon as possible. Right now let’s take a scan of this baby.” Taking Kristy to the ultrasound section of his huge office, he placed the cold jelly on her stomach in a less than 3 minutes the foetus’ heartbeat was the loudest thing in the room. “Ah this one isn’t going anywhere fast, it’s got a strong heartbeat can you hear it?”

“It’s kind of hard not to- is there are there any.”

“Nope womb looks clear.”

“But for how long Kristy I hate to bring this up but you’ve just got a death sentence and you’re acting like it’s the happiest day of your fucking life!” Not even acknowledging the scan of his unborn child. “You might not even be around to deliver it! What the hell is wrong with you! Has this shit gone to your brain too?”

“Joshua stop just stop ok. Please, let’s just enjoy this I’m dead baby we just have to get through this together.” She stretched her hands to call him to her side. J.C throwing his head to the floor reluctantly moved from his seat and held his wife’s hand. “See that’s its heartbeat can we get a picture of it?”

“Already ahead of you I just need to go to the print room, give me 2 minutes.”

Once they were alone in the room J.C let the tears he had been holding back slide unto his cheeks. Pulling her hand up to his lips he kissed her ring finger and then once more. Taking a few deep breaths Kristy too shed a few tears- not afraid of death’s sting but afraid of what she’d leave behind. How would her husband cope with 2 children on his own? Would he be on his own? What would Alicia be like on her first day of high school? Or even when she left for college or when she got married, what would she want to be? At the moment her daughter’s dream was to be a vet but would she still want that when it came time for application forms to colleges? How was J.C going to handle being on tour, studio sessions and being a father? When would he get married if ever?

The questions seemed to pour in from different directions and it was at that moment she thought that maybe just maybe the termination wouldn’t be such a bad idea for the family’s benefit.

“Jace are you going to be able to manage 2 children, your career and the house on your own?”

“Course that’s our baby right there Kris sides we have Steffi and Drake, and Toby and Macy, my mom and dad Kristy I can more than manage. This is us, we can do this remember? I’m here I’m right here.”

“Ok- this is it.”

That night when their friends and family had left the house; Drake and Jared (Kristy’s father) had not taken the news well. J.C watched his wife sleep subconsciously rubbing her expanding stomach and for a second he felt at peace, he whispered a silent prayer asking God for wisdom, strength, courage and most importantly one more day for his wife and unborn child to live.