“Mommy! Mooommy!” I opened my eyes to see Brady’s smiling face.

I closed my eyes again, “Hi sweetie.”

He giggled, “Hi. How come you not up? I gotta go to school Mommy!”

“Oh, crap.” I shot up and looked at the clock. I can’t believe I didn’t set my alarm last night.

“You said oh crap! That’s a bad word Mommy!”

“I know hunny, I’m sorry. Let’s get you ready.”

Brady hummed as I got him ready, at least someone’s in a good mood. I just can’t get the look on Justin’s face when I called him obsessed out of my head. I didn’t mean to say obsessed.  But the whole thing is weird; I don’t know how he thinks it’s normal.

“Mommy, memba when Justin said ‘THAT’S A BIG BURGER!’? And then he said it’s bigger than my head” Brady giggled, “Memba Mommy?” I nodded my head. “How about today, after school, he come over and we go swimming?”

“I don’t think so hunny. Come on, eat your breakfast.”

He kept quiet for a second as he ate his cereal, but I could tell the wheels in his brain were turning trying to think of more to say about Justin.  “OR we could go fishin’ he said he’d take me fishin’ cause he’s not scared of da fishies like you.”

“I don’t see you taking them off the hook, you were scared too,” I answered with a smile.

Brady giggled, “That’s cause I little! I’m scared, that’s ok but you’re a big girl.”

I laughed as I put the milk away. At least he’s happy. “Come on Monkey, you’re going to be late.”

“Or we could just go on a dinosaur hunt. What are we going to do today?”

“I don’t know, maybe we can go swimming if it stays nice out.”

“OK. I go to school and you call Justin and then he can pick me up in the Jurassic Park car again and we can go get McDonalds this time, and then go swimming.”

I took a deep breath; I’m already getting sick of him talking about Justin. “No hunny, stop. No Justin today. We are going to go swimming just us. We need some serious Mommy and Monkey time.”

“But I want Justin to come! He’s so cool Mommy, he’s so cool.”

What is going on with him today? “I know sweetie, he’s so cool. Are you ready? Come on.”

It wasn’t until I stood in front of my car that I realized it didn’t work. I looked at my watch to see school started in ten minutes and there is no possible way we can walk there on time, or even call a cab.  I took a deep breath and put Brady in the car seat. Maybe I’m just an idiot and it will work. I closed my eyes tightly and prayed for it to work before turning the key. Surprisingly enough it started. Justin fixed it last night? Is that possible?

First of all, I didn’t know he could fix cars. And if he can, why didn’t he just do that earlier. Ok, I’m being greedy; he didn’t have to fix it. In fact, if someone called me obsessed I sure as hell would not fix her car. I would probably slice the tires instead.

Two days later, and Brady is still talking about Justin as if he’s the president. This is exactly the reason why I didn’t want them spending time together. And now, it’s been two days and I wouldn’t be surprised if Justin never talked to me again. I’m still not sure how I feel about that. I know how I should feel. I should be happy if I never see him again. That’s kind of what I wanted. I don’t even know what I want anymore.

I find myself watching the cell phone Justin got me, waiting for it to ring. He was really upset. I really do feel bad. Soon it was Saturday night, and although I haven’t been to the club in awhile, I feel like I need to go. Justin will be there for sure, and we obviously need to talk.

My stomach still gets knots in it when I walk into the club. I’ve been doing this for months and I’m still not used to it.  The idea of rubbing and grinding up against a stranger is enough to make me sick. Especially when they put their hands on me. I guess it’s all part of the job. The pay is good, but I’ve been spoiled with Justin because not everyone gives me that much. Actually, he’s the only one that gives me that much… or anywhere near that much.

I sat in the back, finishing up my makeup with my heart beating like a drum. For some reason, I feel extra nervous today. I know it probably has something to do with Justin, but I don’t want to admit that, so I’ll just say it’s because I haven’t been here in awhile. I don’t even know what I’m going to say to him when I see him, maybe he’ll just pretend nothing happened.

As the night went on without any sight of Justin I started to worry. I must have hurt him more than I thought.  He has been like a totally different person, but I can’t get the bad things out of my mind. Maybe he is a good guy. Maybe I need to relax a little and let him in. But what if he’s not? It’s not fair for me to never trust another man because of Brady’s father, but I can’t let that happen again. Especially without my mother to help me get through it, and let’s face it I don’t have many friends that I can turn to in situations like this. it’s not even about me.  It’s Brady, his heart would be broken if something happened between us. Even now, after not seeing Justin for a few days his heart is already close to being broken.

Why do I get myself in situations like this?

“Chloe,” I heard a voice, waking me from my thoughts, “You’re wanted in a private. Room four.”

I nodded my head, standing up and fixing my hair. I pulled the panties out of my butt crack and fixed the corset. As I walked I pulled up my knee-highs and took a deep breath before walking into the room to see Justin.

At least, I was fully expecting to see Justin but I did not. The man sitting in the chair was far from Justin. The older man was balding and wearing a suit. He smiled when he saw me and invited me over to give him a lap dance. As I danced for the middle-aged man, I thought of nothing but Justin. This was very different from when I dance for him.  I hate to say it but I kind of do miss him.

For the rest of the night I hid out in the back. I didn’t make money, but there was no way I was going to just go out there dancing for people. Something hit me suddenly, and I realized I couldn’t do this anymore. What happens when Brady grows up and finds out his mother is a stripper? There’s no excuse for me to be doing this, it’s not even like I’m making a lot of money. I only make a lot when it’s Justin. I’ve been so spoiled because all I had to do was go in the room with him and get enough money to pay months or rent. But now I have to go out and actually work for it, I’m not ok with that.

Justin never showed up. I’m more upset about that than I should be. It’s not like we had plans, I guess now I know how he felt when I didn’t show up.  When I got home I fell right onto my bed.  I should not be feeling this lost without him. There’s no reason for it.

“Mommy?” I heard Brady’s soft voice and looked up to see him leaning against the doorframe in his Spiderman pajamas clutching tightly onto his teddy bear.

“What are you doing up Monkey?”

Brady crawled into bed with me before he answered, “I can’t sleep. I’m sad.”

I wrapped my arms around his small body and kissed the top of his head, “Why are you sad?”

“I miss Justin. How come he don’t come no more?  I’ll eat the whole burger this time Mommy, I promise.”

Great, now Brady thinks it’s his fault. As if this situation could get any worse. “Brady it’s not that. He’s just really busy.”

“Oh,” he answered softly, about to doze off.

“You really like Justin, don’t you?”

“Yeah!” he’s awake now, “Know why Mommy?” I shook my head, but he wasn’t waiting for a response, “Cause he’s nice. He’s real nice and he’s funny. And he helped me with my milkshake. And because he has a Jurassic Park car and cause he’s gonna take me fishing. And cause he calls me Tec,” he paused to giggle, “And he said you was so pretty.”

“He did not say that.”

“Yeah huh,” Brady sat up, “When you was getting your dress. After you left he said: your mommy is beautiful.”

I don’t know what to say about that. “Lay down hunny, it’s late,” I ran my hands through Brady’s hair when he got back on the bed. That’s really sweet of Justin to say that. “What else did he say when I was trying on my dress?”

“Oh! He said how he goes to his old house, with his Mommy, and he’s got a whole jungle outside. And sometimes he sees lions, and tigers, and bears,” Brady paused to giggle, “Just like in The Wizard of Oz. He even said it, Oh my, he said, lions and tigers and bears oh my! And then he said he goes froggin and he catches frogs this big! He says they’re bigger than my head Mommy. And once he caught a fish bigger than me. Do you think he really did Mommy? Are there really fish bigger than me?”

“I don’t know, that sounds kind of big.”

“Yeah,” he giggled, “and he said he gets ta go swimming in a lake and he can jump off a rock into it. And he can go on a boat and fish. On a real boat!”

It’s hard to picture Justin swimming in a lake and catching frogs. He doesn’t strike me as the outdoorsy type. I probably feel that way because he’s a world famous pop star and has like 8 cars and a huge mansion with 9 bathrooms.

Brady kept telling me his favorite things about Justin, and all the different stories he told him. I’m a little surprised Brady remembers everything; I didn’t realize they spent that much time sharing stories. I don’t know where I was during all that time.

One week later and we still hadn’t heard anything from Justin. It was Saturday night, and I decided to give it one ore try.  If Justin doesn’t show up then I need to just get over it and move on. Although I could call him, but I feel like it’s up to him. He’s the one that’s mad at me.

I sat in the back of the club, hiding out for most of the night. I knew if he came in someone would come get me and I can’t pull myself to go out there for anyone other than him.  I watched the minutes pass on my cell phone; it wasn’t until 1:55, when we close at 2, that Brandy came in.

“Hey, you got a private.” She sat down next to me and put her hair up before looking over at me, “fix yourself up Hun, you look like shit.  It’s him,” she finished with a smile.

I nodded my head as I stood up, straightening myself out. My hands are shaking. It’s been more than two weeks since I’ve seen him, maybe he forgot about everything I said.

            The door to our usual room was cracked open. When I walked in he was sitting in the chair, but did not have a drink in his hand like every other night I walk in to see him. Justin wasn’t even looking up at me; he had his head down and was running his hands through his hair.

            “Hey stranger,” I said with a smile as I walked towards him.

            “Hey,” he answered softly, still not looking up at me.  I stood over his lap and placed a hand on each of his shoulders, pushing him back so he wasn’t slouched over.  He put up his hand, “Stop. Don’t. I don’t want that.” I looked at him with surprise and stepped back, “Sit,” he pointed to the chair on the other side of the small room.

            I did as I was told, keeping my eyes glued to him. “What’s wrong?”

            Justin shook his head, “I’m not here for that.” He still won’t look at me, it’s like I killed his cat or something.

            There were a few seconds of silence before he finally spoke, “Alright, I got a letter from Paul McCartney saying he wants me to go to his show Thursday and then he wants to talk to me about doing a song.”

            “That’s great Justin, that’s so cool.”

            “Yeah,” he broke in, he doesn’t sound very excited. He was freaking out about Paul McCartney last time but now he acts like it’s not even a big deal. “He said, in the handwritten note, that I need to make sure I bring my lovely girlfriend or not to bother coming.”

            “He remembered me?” my face lit up, in fact I’m pretty sure my whole life just got brighter. I can’t believe Paul McCartney knows who I am.

            “Apparently.”

            “You don’t sound excited, that’s so awesome Justin. Really, that’s like big time.” I’m aware that Justin is still not looking at me. He’s staring at the floor like it’s one of those magic eye tricks. “I’ll definitely go, if you want me to.” That has to be why he’s here, I doubt he came just to tell me.

            “How’s the kid?” Justin asked quietly, but with real concern.

            “Good, he’s good. He misses you, he talks about you all the time.”

            “Yeah, alright. It’s Thursday, I’ll pick you up at seven. I mean, can I pick you up? Or is that stalking?” he gazed at me now, looking right into my eyes, “Do you want to meet in a parking lot somewhere?” There was not a hint of sarcasm in his voice, he wasn’t joking around he was completely serious.

            “No, pick me up.”

            “You’re sure? I mean, I don’t want you thinking I’m up to something.”

            “I’m really sorry about before. I didn’t mean…”

            Justin stood up and walked to the door, breaking me off before I could finish apologizing. “Yeah, great. I’ll see you Thursday.” The door was slammed and Justin was gone before I could say anything else.