“Brady, I swear, if you do not sit down and relax we are not going swimming for a year!” He’s driving me absolutely crazy, bouncing off the walls. I’m tired enough, it is Sunday morning, but for some reason Brady is super hyper today.

            There was a knock on the door and Brady shot up, running to the door, “I’ll get it! I’ll answer!”

            “No!” I called out to him, the last thing I need is to have my five-year-old son answer the door to a complete stranger. I’m not expecting anyone, and I don’t want him getting kidnapped, I would die. “Relax. Sit. Eat your pancakes and chill. Sometimes you make me think there’s something wrong with you, Monkey.”

            Brady giggled and sat back down, watching the door carefully.

            I opened it slowly, and a man with dirty brown hair stood in front of me. He was wearing a black t-shit, showing off arms full of tattoos and a pair of jeans. “Can I help you?”

            “Chloe?”

            Am I supposed to know this man? “Um…”

            “I’m Trace, a friend of Justin’s,” he held his hand out and I took it, “He wanted me to bring you…”

            “Justin?” Brady shouted and ran to the door before I could stop him, “You’re his friend? How come he’s not coming? Come on, come on,” he grabbed onto Trace’s hand and dragged him inside, “Want some pancakes?”

            “Brady,” I called out giving him a look. Please tell me he did not just invite this man into my house.

            “I’m, I’m all set man, thanks though.”

            “But Mommy, we have extras. You just said you made too many, now Justin’s friend can help us eat them!”

            Trace laughed, “I see what he’s talking about with the lie detector.”

            Brady giggled as a response, “Justin calls me Tec!”

            “OK, Brady, thank you. Would you like some pancakes, Trace?”

            “Uh… sure.”

            “You can come in,” I said as I walked to the kitchen, Brady grabbed onto his hand again and led him inside. I threw some pancakes on a plate, poured him a cup of coffee and sat down at the table next to Brady.

            “How come you’re here? How come Justin’s not here? Tell him I said hi and I miss him and Mommy STILL won’t take me fishin. And then tell him that I’ll eat the whole burger if he comes back, and then we can go on a dinosaur hunt and then we can go back to that park and then we can go swimming.”

            “I might need to write all that down,” Trace said with a chuckle.

            “Brady, hunny. Please.”

            “Please, and thank you,” he smiled before stuffing a forkful of pancakes in his mouth.

            “He’s usually not this hyper, he’s in a rare form,” I felt the need to explain.

            “Nah, it’s cool. I’m sorry to just barge in, Justin wanted me to give you-“

            “Does he fix cars?”

            Brady ran and jumped on the couch when he heard the Sponge Bob theme song and I let out a sigh of relief. This is getting too hectic and I’m about to scream.

            “Does Justin fix cars?” he asked, giving me a strange look when I nodded my head, “He can change tires, he’s no mechanic but he knows his way around somewhat.”

            “Did he fix my car?”

            “Oh, yeah,” he smiled, “I was wondering what that had to do with anything. It was just the battery, I guess you left your lights on.”

            “So he did fix it?”

            Trace nodded his head. Why would Justin fix my car after I said what I did? Why didn’t he just leave and let me deal with it, especially since he won’t even talk to me now. “Can you tell him I said thank you?”

            “I will.”

            “Thanks,” I answered softly, “Can I get you anything else?”

            “No, I’m fine, I shouldn’t even… I just came to give you-“

            “Will you tell him I’m sorry too? And he can stop by sometime, maybe before the concert or something, anytime really. Or call,” I stopped myself when I realized how desperate I was sounding.

            “I will. I’ll try. I’ve been trying. I’m on your side, girl. Believe me, I’ll do anything to get him to stop moping around the house.”

            “He’s been moping around the house?”

            Trace nodded his head and laughed, “He’s weirdly sensitive, and he acts like a chick sometimes.” I don’t know exactly how to react to that. I didn’t know he would take it that way, I didn’t know what kind of a relationship we had.  “I shouldn’t have told you that. Forget I said it.”

            “It’s just really difficult for me.”

            “Yeah, of course,” he broke in before I could finish explaining, “You have a kid, that complicates things. You have to look out for the kid, number one.  I get that. He gets it too.  He’s just really fucking stubborn sometimes.”

            I laughed and nodded my head, “I am too.”

            “Yeah, of course,” Trace smiled and stood up, “he’s going to kill me if I don’t get back soon. So, what I came here for, Justin wanted me to give you this.”

            He handed me an envelope and I opened it to find money, lots of money, “What is this for?”

            “A dress. He said to tell you to get a dress.”

            I feel kind of guilty taking his money. I know that’s what out relationship is based on, but it’s weird now.  Obviously, at the beginning it was expected but now I feel like I’m being a gold digger. “I have a dress. I don’t need his money,” I held the envelope out but Trace held his hands up.

            “Girl, you’re going to get me in trouble. Just take the money, he’s got enough to spare,” he smiled, “It was nice meeting you Chloe. I’ll try talking to him, I’ll keep working on it.”

            “Thanks Trace, it’s nice to meet you too,” he pulled me into a hug and then I led him to the door.

            “WAIT!” Brady screamed and ran to the door, “Wait! Can you give this to Justin?” he handed Trace a picture he drew.

            “Yeah man, no problem.”

            “And this too, come here, come here,” Brady said as he motioned for Trace to get down to his level. Trace squatted down and Brady gave him a hug. Not just a hug, a real hug, the kind of hug a little boy gives someone he really loves.  He even closed his eyes real tight like he was making a wish and pretending that Trace was actually Justin.   My heart broke a little; I’ve never seen Brady hug anyone like that before. Trace was just about as speechless as I was. He stood up and looked right at me and I quickly wiped the tear that I found it’s way down my cheek.

            Trace hugged me quickly and whispered, “That was intense.” I nodded my head and he laughed, “I’ll see you guys later. Bye Brady.”

            “Bye Justin’s friend! Don’t forget!”

            As soon as Trace left Brady kept talking and talking all about Justin and now Trace too and how Trace was going to tell Justin everything. I couldn’t really speak I need to think. I grabbed onto Brady and managed to tell him we were going to go to the playground. At least there he’ll be running around on his own, although it will probably be loud enough that I won’t get any thinking done.

            Brady ran right to the jungle gym and I sat on a bench. The main reason why I don’t want to get close to Justin is because I’m afraid he’s going to get too close to Justin. Based on today, I’d say it’s too late to worry about that.  But now the question is if he would hurt more if we don’t see Justin again starting now or if something were to happen later when they’re even closer.

            I’m just so scared that Justin is going to hurt Brady. I can deal with him hurting me, I’m used to being hurt like that, but I can’t watch Brady finally have a male in his life and then it all just goes away.  I still don’t know if I can trust Justin. He seems genuine, and for some reason the fact that Trace came over makes me trust Justin even more. Trace seems like he’s someone that’s not for bullshit, and he’s really looking out for his friend. Plus the fact that he said Justin was moping around all the time. I believe if because of how he acted last night.

            If he is moping around that means there’s more to it. That means he’s more into the relationship, if that’s even what we have. I just really need to talk to him, like real talk. I need to have him sit down with me and we can both scream and get our points across until we figure everything out. We can’t do that though. We can’t because he won’t even talk to me and we obviously can’t fight in front of Brady. I’m just worried about what it’s going to be like on Thursday. Things are going to still be weird and I really don’t want to ruin his chance of recording with Paul McCartney. That would be horrible.

            I honestly have no idea what to do. And it’s not like I have anyone to go to for advice. God, I miss my mother. I know I need to get over the fact that she’s gone, but every single day something happens and I need her. I hate that it’s not getting easier. It’s not fair, it’s supposed to get easier. It doesn’t. 

            It was Tuesday when I realized I should probably suck it up and go find a dress.  I doubt I need a gown or something so I just went to the mall.  “OK, now Brady, if you’re good the whole time Mommy’s looking for a dress you can pick out any toy, but only if you’re good. That means no running around, no hiding in the clothing racks, and no whining. Can you handle it, Monkey?”

            Brady nodded his head and smiled, grabbing onto my hand as we walked through the parking lot, “I’m gonna be real good so I can get a bat and a ball so I can play baseball.”

            “That’s a good idea hunny. Did you know I used to play baseball when I was a kid?”

            He giggled, “Did you know that blue is my favorite color?”

            Seriously, I am too lucky. I laughed and picked him up in my arms, kissing his forehead, “I did know that Monkey, you’re too cute.” Every time I start thinking my life sucks or there’s too much stress Brady does something adorable that brings me back to reality and let’s me realize how good I have it. It never fails.

            Brady really wanted that bat and ball so he was trying his hardest to be good.  He was doing great, but I felt like he was ready to crack any second, “OK, let me just try these on quick then we’ll pick one and go. You’re being so good Brady.”

            “I know, I’m trying real bad,” he smiled and sat down on the stool in the fitting room.

            “I can tell. Thank you,” I smiled as I pulled the dress on. It was a slinky black one-shoulder dress with twisted detail. I’m kind of in love with it, even though it’s a little shorter and slinkier than my usual taste. But it is really cute, and it makes my legs look real good, “What do you think?”

            “I like it!”

            “Me too!” I added with a laugh. He’s much too excited, probably because he thinks that means we’re done.  I feel bad dragging him along and I do like this dress so I don’t think I’m even going to bother trying on the other ones.  Although I did realize I didn’t have shoes to go with it.  Brady was ready so I looked really quickly and found a pair of pink pumps. I didn’t even bother trying them on, I just asked for the size then found a bag the same color and was ready to go.

            As we walked through the mall we passed a newsstand and a cover of a magazine caught my eye. I pulled Brady over with me and grabbed onto the latest issue of People Magazine. On the cover was a big picture of Brady holding onto Justin’s hand and the words “Daddy Justin?” were big and bold.

            “Come on Mommy! I wanna go get it.”

            It took me a second to answer him; I was in too much shock. My son’s picture is on the cover of a magazine sold across the world. I heard his voice calling my name again, “OK, yeah. Sorry, Mommy got a little distracted. Let’s go.”

            “Um… excuse me, ma’am?”

            “Oh, sorry,” I was really going to steal that magazine. I handed him a five-dollar bill and stuck the magazine in my purse as Brady dragged me to the toy store. I don’t want his picture in magazines. The last thing I need is for his father to see that and want to be part of his life. I know he wouldn’t even recognize Brady, but it worries me.  Everything seems to be worrying me recently; I don’t know what is wrong with me.

Brady found a wiffleball and bat right away and was ready to leave. I was surprised because he usually likes to spend a lot of time looking around the store, but for some reason he knew what he wanted. I wonder where he even learned about baseball. I’ve never played it with him or even watched it on television.  As we walked through the mall I noticed a few men that looked like they were following us. At first, I thought I was just being paranoid, but when we crossed to the other side of the mall they did too. I turned around to look at them and saw them holding a camera up to their faces. I looked around to see if there was someone that these paparazzi would be interested in taking pictures of. But then it clicked. The picture of Brady on the cover of that magazine, and now they’re taking pictures of us.

            I held onto Brady’s hand tightly and could feel a cold sweat coming along. I have absolutely no idea what to do. All I know is that there is no reason for them to take our picture. I can’t have Brady’s picture in all these magazines, I just can’t.

            “Mommy, how come those guys are taking our pictures?”

            “I don’t know sweetie, just keep walking ok?”

            “OK. It’s kinda like that time when we was out with Justin. Memba Mommy? When we got them big burgers?” I nodded my head, what the hell am I going to do? Justin said I don’t want them knowing where I live, so what am I supposed to do? Ride around all night. I can’t drive in and out of lanes like he does. “ ‘Cuse me Mista,” Brady waved his hand at the man that was now in front of us, “How come you taking our picture?”

            “Brady hunny, don’t talk to strangers. Some people are just rude, and don’t have any manners,” I glared at the man that was literally three feet in front of us walking backwards and taking pictures, “That’s why I want you to listen and be a good boy or you’ll turn out like him. And we don’t want that, do we?”

            Brady giggled and shook his head, “No way!”

            I had to laugh at his response and pulled him into a store with me. We went right to the back and into the fitting room. I’m not exactly sure if I should be scared or not. I’m not really scared, I just feel uncomfortable and I’ve had no training in how to deal with this.  I grabbed my cell phone and called Justin. If he answers he’ll be able to tell me what I should do, that is of course if he answers. I’m not exactly his favorite person right now. I should have got Trace’s number.

            “Hello?”

            “Hey. It’s Chloe.”

            “Yeah, I know.” He sounds pissed off still, “You didn’t block your number.”

            That’s kind of the last thing on my mind. “That’s OK. I’m um, at the mall with Brady so I could get a dress for the concert, and there is this guy following us around with a camera. I’m not exactly sure what I should be doing, because I know you said I don’t want them knowing where I live. So should I just like drive around and hope they get bored? Or should I not even worry about it. They probably won’t even follow us right? I mean they already got some pictures.”

            “Stop. Slow down. Where are you?” I guess I was talking too quickly, but now he sounds worried. I wasn’t really worried but hearing him sound worried makes me worry.

            “Westside Pavilion.”

            “Where are you right now?”

            “In the fitting room at BCBG Dresses.”

            “OK, stay there. I’m on my way.”

            “I don’t think you really need to come out, I mean there’s only two or three guys.”

            “Two or three? You said there was one.” Now his voice is even more concerned, “How many are there?”

            “I guess like two or three.”

            “You guess. Stay where you are, I’m coming.”