The sound of Justin’s alarm woke me up at six o’clock in the morning. Surprisingly, I’m not tired. I think we went to bed early last night since we were so busy all day. Justin got out of bed and struggled to get dressed in the dark, since the sun wasn’t up yet.
“You can turn on the light,” I whispered and heard Justin chuckle.
“I’m fine. What are you guys doing today?”
“Well,” I pulled the sheets over my naked body and sat up before turning the light on so I could see him, “Brady has this open house thing for his new school, so we can meet the teacher and get to see the school and everything before he starts. Kindergarten, I can’t believe he’s going into kindergarten.”
Justin smiled as he pulled his shirt over his head, “I’ll call you later?”
“OK,” I stood up and pulled my sweat pants and sweatshirt back on. “Thanks for yesterday; fishing and dinner and the dinosaur hunt. Brady had a lot of fun.”
“Did you have fun Chloe?”
“I did,” I smiled, “Thank you.”
“Stop thanking me.”
“You’re right, get out of my house.” I answered with a smile.
Justin laughed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder as he walked out of my room. “I’m going,” he kissed my lips gently before leaving.
I made myself some coffee and sat down in front of the television. I wasn’t really watching television; my brain was working overtime trying to figure out exactly what is going on in my life. Maybe I’m just overanalyzing everything, but good things like this don’t happen to me. It’s only a matter of time until something happens to ruin everything.
“Mommy’s watching Sponge Bob?” I heard Brady giggle as he climbed on my lap. Why am I watching Sponge Bob?
“Good Morning Monkey,” I hugged him tightly and kissed his forehead, “Did you sleep ok?”
“Yeah, uh huh. Good Morning Mommy, I slept so good. You know why? Cause I was tired cause I caught a fish! Memba? And we ate it too and it was yum yum.”
“I remember Darling, it was yummy.”
“Yeah, uh huh. What are we doing today? I know we can go fishing again. Cause I needa to get another one. I’m gonna get another one.”
“I know hunny, not today though. We’re going to go see your new school. Are you excited?”
He scrunched his nose up, trying to decide if he should be excited or not. He’s a little nervous about going to the big school, but I know he’s going to be ready. He’s definitely smart enough. That’s another one of those things that every parent thinks their child is the smartest. He is though.
“OK, yeah. Then can we go see Justin?”
“Well, he’s busy today but maybe later. I was thinking we could go see Nana?”
“Yeah, uh huh, that’s fun too. Let’s get her flowers too. I wanna tell her all about my fishin trip!”
“She would love to hear about that,” I smiled and hugged him tightly. I’m still not sure if it’s ok for us to talk to a gravestone as if it’s a person. I guess it’s ok, but I’m afraid Brady is going to start thinking his grandmother is a gravestone. Or honestly, I’m afraid I’m going to start thinking that.
“We can play Hungry Hungry Hippos! Wanna Mommy? Wanna?”
“Sure Monkey, go get it.”
As he ran off I grabbed myself another cup of coffee. We’ll have plenty of time especially since that game lasts about twelve seconds. It is a little exciting to me that he plays the same games I played as a kid. It brings back memories, and a part of me gets more into it than he does. But I have to let him win, because he’s five, even though sometimes that’s really hard for me to do.
“I get two, you get one,” Brady said as he pulled it out of the box and placed it on the coffee table. He’s a little cheater.
“Brady, that’s not fair.”
“Yeah huh, cause I’m little and you’re big.”
I laughed at his reasoning, “OK, fine. Cheater.”
“Not uh,” he giggled, “Ready, on your mark, get set go!” he screamed quickly, starting before I could even sit up and reach the pink hippo. This is by far his favorite game, and he laughs the whole time he’s playing.
The whole table is shaking because he’s pumping those little hippos too hard. “Easy Monkey, you’re going to break it.”
He didn’t answer, just continued trying to get every one of those damn marbles. “It’s broken!” he screamed throwing his hands in the air, “It stopped, Mommy STOP! It’s not fair, I can’t do it anymore it won’t open.”
I stopped and tried to fix the hippo, but instead of doing that the red hippo’s head popped right off. “Oh no.”
“Mommy! His head fell off!”
“I know,” I laughed but stopped when I got the death glare, “It’s ok, relax. We’ll get you a new one. We can go to the toy store after the new school.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the look on his face. It is funny though. The hippo’s head popped off.
“It’s not funny Mommy. It’s my favorite game.”
“I know sweetie, I’m sorry. We’re going to get you a new one. Let’s get ready.”
Brady pouted his way to his room and I followed closely behind. He’s mad at me like I purposely took the red hippos head off. Luckily he got over it before we left to see his new school.
I stopped in front of the school and couldn’t even breathe. This isn’t a school. It can’t be his school. It’s a jail, not a school. There are bars on the windows. I felt my heart thumping in my throat. Brady didn’t speak. I looked over at him and he looked back at me. I can’t believe this is where I’m supposed to send my five-year-old son.
“Mommy?” Brady asked in a whisper.
I turned again to face my son, plastering a smile on my face, “I guess this is it sweetie. Let’s go see inside. I bet it’s way nicer in there.”
He looks very worried; I hope I’m hiding my fear because I don’t need to get him more scared. I held onto his hand very tightly as we walked to the door. The sirens going off may have been my imagination, but I highly doubt it. Brady walked faster and I sure as hell didn’t complain. I feel like we need to get inside quick before there’s a drive-by shooting or something.
The school was very old, and smelt like old gym socks. We followed the signs that said “Kinergarten This Way” spelt completely wrong. I wanted to walk out, or actually run out and never look back. But instead, I held onto Brady’s hand tighter and followed the signs. When we found the room the teacher was sitting at her desk talking to one other parent. I checked the clock on the door to see we were five minutes late, so I don’t know where the rest of the people are.
“Hi,” she smiled brightly and stood up. She was wearing a long black skirt with pink flowers and a blue top. “I’m Mrs. Baker, how are you?”
“Hi, we’re good, thank you. I’m Chloe… Young and this is uh, the big guy, ready for Kindergarten, Brady. Say hi hunny.”
“Well hi, nice to meet you,” she seems nice at least, “Welcome. Why don’t you go play with those blocks while I talk to Mom.”
Brady shook his head and hugged my leg as if he were being pulled away.
“OK, it’s alright,” she smiled, “You can sit with Mommy if you want.”
“Come on Monkey, sit with me,” he’s scared to death. I admit I’m scared to death as well. This can’t seriously be his school. I feel like there are drug dealers selling speed in the playground. I sat down and Brady climbed on my lap, he’s usually not like this. The teacher explained everything to us about the class. She’s nice enough; it’s not her I don’t trust. It’s just the fact that there are metal bars on the windows, I’m not sure if it’s to keep the kids in or crazy people out. Either way, it’s creepy. Then there’s the fact that there’s only one other mother in the class on the “Meet Your Teacher Day”. And it’s kindergarten; there should be more parents that care. And then, of course, I swear I saw bullet holes in the front door of the school. Maybe I’m just paranoid. I hope I’m just paranoid.
As we walked out of the school five kids were sitting on the step, just watching us. I walked really fast but they scared the hell out of me. I heard one of them say something about being in fifth grade. FIFTH GRADE? They look like they are 18. I can’t deal with this.
“Come on Brady, come on,” I put him in his seat quickly and sped off. I’m not going to be able to have him wear blue or red because we’re probably in gang territory. “Well, you’re teacher seems real nice.” I couldn’t even look back at him. I cannot send him there. I need to look into private schools or something. I can’t take him there.
I drove right to the toy store, one that was very far from that school. How am I supposed to send him there? This is like a nightmare.
“Why don’t you pick out a new game too Brady? There’s Guess Who? Or Trouble. Mouse Trap is a fun one too, which one do you want?”
“The Mouse one,” he answered quietly. I don’t like that he’s being so quiet and shy now, not that I really blame him.
“Alright,” I grabbed the boxes and walked to the register. At least I don’t have to worry about him wandering away; I don’t think he’ll leave my side for a very long time.
“Thirty-two seventy-five,” the cashier said and I handed her my debit card.
“Do you want to get some ice cream Monkey? Are you doing alright?” Brady leaned his head against my legs and I rubbed his back, “Tired?” I wish I could tell him to stop worrying about the school and he didn’t have to go there. But I don’t know anything about schools and where he could go so I can’t promise him anything until I do some research.
“It’s not going through,” the cashier said softly.
“What do you mean?”
“It says insufficient funds.”
“That’s not possible. There’s plenty of money in there.”
“I’m sorry, it’s not taking it.”
“OK, I’ll call the bank. I can pay with cash,” I opened my walled and handed her two twenties, my last two twenties. How can I not have money in my bank account? Something has to be wrong. I pulled my checkbook out of my purse and checked the log, I haven’t written anything down in months. Shit.
Could I possibly have used all that money? Why did I not write anything down? Oh my god, I’m going to have a panic attack. Please tell me I do not have only seven dollars and twenty-five cents to my name. I swallowed hard and tried to catch my breath as I grabbed the change, “Thanks you, can you grab the bag Monkey?”
Alright, let’s think about this. I definitely haven’t been at the club for a month. At least a month. And I had to pay off all my mother’s bills and the funeral and stuff. And then there was rent and Brady’s preschool. Oh my god, I seriously have seven dollars and twenty-five cents to my name.
“Mommy, you said we can get some ice cream.”
“Yeah, sure hunny, let’s go.” Breathe, oh my god, breathe. There goes another $3.29. Oh my gosh. What am I doing? How could I be so fucking stupid and irresponsible? I fucked up. Big time.
We went to the cemetery on the way home and Brady told my mother all about his fishing trip. I told her, in my head, about how fucked we are and hopefully she’ll send her angels down to help me because honestly I have no idea what to do.
After the cemetery we went back home and played the new games. I couldn’t focus on anything other than money, and how I was going to get money to pay for anything. We don’t even have a lot off food. Justin will have to take us fishing again and we’ll survive on what we catch.
My phone rang while we were playing Hungry Hippos for the tenth time. “I’ll be right back sweetie, keep playing,” I grabbed my cell phone and went into my room. I saw it was Justin and was a little scared to answer it, “hey.”
“Hey Chloe, what are you guys up to?”
“We’re just uh… playing games.”
“Fun. How was the school?”
“Fine. I have to go though, I’m sorry. Brady’s getting a little rambunctious with the hippos.”
“Alright,” he laughed, “Can I take you guys out to dinner in a little while?”
“Oh uh, no,” I answered quickly, “Thanks, but um, I’m not feeling that great.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Just like, upset stomach and stuff,” I lied although my stomach is all messed up from worrying so much.
“Can I bring you something?”
“No, I’ll be fine.”
“I can come get Brady, take him off your hands for awhile.” Gosh, why does he have to be so perfect?
“No, really I’m fine. I’ll call you tomorrow ok? Bye.”
I hung up on him because I know what I have to do tonight. I know the only way I can make money quick. I also know Justin wouldn’t exactly be excited about that. But I have to do what I have to do to put food on that table.
I need to call Kelly.
