It was just getting dark when Justin pulled into the parking lot of our apartment. I let out a sigh of relief, surprised at how good it feels to be back in Los Angeles. 

         “We’re home! We’re home!” Brady shouted from the backseat, “We’re home! Mommy, that was a loooong special trip and now we’re home!”

         “Yes, we sure are home,” I answered softly as I helped him out of the car. I didn’t realize how tough this has been for Brady to be trapped in a car for pretty much two days straight. The drive home was much better, I wasn’t crying nearly as much. I think I’ve got myself under control now.  I just need to face the facts, that I do need Justin. Is that really a bad thing? He’ll do anything for us and he actually cares. I never thought I’d find anyone that could care as much as he does about both Brady and I. He literally took a cab driving all around looking for my car. That speaks for itself.

         So what if I need him? I think he’s made it pretty clear that he’s not going anywhere. Maybe I need to be all right with that and let him in. He hasn’t done anything but helped us; maybe that’s what I need. I do feel much better knowing he’s around looking out for us. Maybe it’s ok not to be an independent woman, I need to just come to terms with the fact that I’m not. I shouldn’t push this man away just because I feel like I should be independent and be able to take care of Brady by myself. Most single mothers would kill to have someone like Justin willing to help, not even to mention how perfect he is with Brady.

         “Hey Tec, don’t run ahead alright? Wait for us.” Justin shouted out to Brady who stopped halfway up the stairs and came back to the car. “I got it Chloe.” He spoke to me with a smile as he grabbed the suitcase from my hand.

         “Thank you. Brady can you come back here please and get your game?”

         Brady giggled as he climbed back in the car to get his game. “Can we go swimming at Justin’s?”

         “Aren’t you even a little tired?” Justin asked with a chuckle, “Tec, it’s almost bedtime. We’ve been driving all day, how are you not tired?”

         “I slept, ya’know.”

         Justin laughed at Brady’s response, “No you did not. You were up the whole time talking to me.”

         “We’re just going to find something to eat and then head to bed sweetie. We’ve had a busy couple of days and you have to go to school tomorrow.”

         Brady took a deep breath and followed closely behind Justin as we walked up to our apartment. I’m pretty sure Brady thinks he’s Justin’s shadow. It’s a good thing he didn’t know my plan, or lack of plan, in leaving. I don’t think Brady could handle never seeing Justin again. They both waited in silence as I reached in my purse to grab the key and opened the door. Brady was the first inside, running in and jumping on the couch while we followed in. I’m surprised at how good it feels to be home.

         Justin placed the suitcases against the wall and went right to the windows, opening up the curtains to get some light in. He has this weird obsession with having the curtains open. It’s not even like the sun is shining, it’s almost pitch black outside.

         “Just a little light while it’s still out. It’s so dark in here.” Justin gave me a crooked smile. I guess I was staring at him, sometimes I think he can read my mind. “You have nothing to worry about,” he said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my forehead.

         “Eww!” Brady screamed before running to us and squeezing between us, “Stop! I’m hungry. Mommy, I’m hungry. Can we get pizza? Yeah, can we get pizza?”

         I placed an arm around Brady and closed my eyes, taking in the moment. If we could stay like this forever I would be happy.  As for dinner, I hate to have him eat so much junk but I don’t really have any other options at the moment. I’ll have to go grocery shopping tomorrow. “Sure Monkey. We’ll get you all washed up while we’re waiting for it to come.”

         “I’ll order it. Go ahead, get ready for bed.”

         “Thank you,” I smiled as I grabbed onto Brady’s hand and brought him to his room. I feel like Justin and I are on the same wavelength most of the time. It’s like he can tell when I could use a little help and he just steps right up and does it. I would imagine this is what a normal relationship between a man and woman with children would be like. I’ve never witnessed that before. When I was a kid it was just my mother and I, no male in my life whatsoever. I questioned it, but it was never that big of a deal. Seeing Justin with Brady makes me realize how much I’ve missed. Brady is a boy; he needs a man in his life way more than I did. The last thing I want is for Brady to grow up missing out on anything, especially something as big as this.

         After dinner I put Brady to bed and sat on the floor in the living room unpacking the suitcases.  Justin sat on the couch talking to someone on the phone about work. I scooted back and leaned my back against the couch between his legs. “I can’t for the next couple weeks is what I’m saying,” he spoke into the phone and ran his hands through my hair. “Yeah, give me a few weeks. Yeah… Just tell them no comment about that, I don’t want anyone getting involved. Just give me a couple weeks.   I can call them. Yeah man, I’ll call them. All right, thanks. Later.”

         “Everything ok?” I asked as I placed my hand on his knee.  I think that had something to do with Brady and I. People have been asking a lot of questions and are trying to dig up information on us just because of my relationship with Justin. It’s really weird and definitely something I need to get used to.

         “Yeah, everything is fine.”

         “Are you sure? You can do stuff. I don’t want you to change everything around for us.”

         “I’m not, don’t worry. Come up here.” He grabbed onto my arm and pulled me onto the couch with him.

         “So, we should probably talk, huh?”

         “If you want to talk, we can talk.” Justin chuckled quickly and placed his arm around me before pulling my legs to his lap, “If you don’t want to talk, we won’t talk.”

         “I just want to… apologize for everything, and I’m not good at the whole apologizing thing so like...”

         “Then don’t apologize,” Justin broke in with a smile, “You don’t need to apologize for anything, we’re good Chloe. Everything is good.”

         I rested my head against him and took a deep breath. “I just don’t think sometimes, and I know that’s not good and it’s horrible actually but it’s just the way I am. I just act on impulse and something comes up and I freak out. But like, you always come around and have to swoop in and make me realize what a huge mistake I’m making. That’s not really fair for you to have to do that all the time. So, I’m sorry.”

         He laughed quietly and my apology and pulled me onto his lap, “Apology accepted. I can’t just sit back and watch you leave without knowing what you’re doing. If you really needed to leave you need to do it the right way and have a plan.”

         “I know,” I nodded my head, “I’m going to work on that.”

         “Perfect then, work on it.”

         “I will.”

         “You will.”

         I smiled and moved my legs around his waist before looking down at the couch. I’m not good at the whole telling people how I feel thing. “I did miss you though,” I said very quietly, it wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t even hear me.

         Justin placed his finger under my chin and lifted it so I was looking at him. “I missed you too,” he whispered.

         “Thinking that I’d never see you again was really… scary.”

         “Then don’t think it,” he answered louder this time, “Don’t leave and you don’t have to worry about that.”

         “I know,” I nodded my head. I’m getting emotional now. I have seriously cried more in the past few days than I have in my whole life. This is absolutely insane. “Just really… thank you for everything. You have no idea how much you’ve saved us…”

         “Saved you?” Justin asked with a chuckle, “Come on now Chloe, I didn’t save you. You’d be fine.”

         I don’t know if he realizes how not fine I am. At times I think he gets it, but I manage to fight with him about it so much that he starts to believe that I know what I’m doing. Or at least he pretends he does. It’s only a matter of time before he figures it out.

         “Well, I really am thankful for everything. At some point I’m going to pay you back. I don’t know how or when, but I’ll figure something out.”

         Justin nodded his head and bit at his bottom lip as the corner of his lips started to form a smile, “You’ll figure something out.”

         He’s not taking it nearly as seriously as I am. I really do want to pay him back and I need to think of a way to do that. I know he doesn’t really expect anything from me, but maybe that’s not a good thing.

         “We can start by going to bed,” he continued with a smile.

         “Yeah, let’s go to bed,” I answered with a smile before placing my lips against his. It’s been a while since we’ve even kissed, never mind how long it’s been since we’ve actually had sex. Justin picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, kissing me passionately before placing me on the bed. He climbed on top of me and pulled my t-shirt off, kissing down my chest slowly. I definitely missed this.

         I pulled his shirt off and ran my hands down his chest before unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants down his body. He went into my dresser draw and grabbed a condom as I kissed his shoulder. I felt him tug at my sweatpants and let out a sigh as he kissed my stomach before pulling my panties off. I crawled to the foot of the bed as Justin sat with his back against the headboard and played with the strap of my bra. I should try and be sexier and give him a little striptease, he does like that.

         “I don’t need that, come here.”

         I smiled and crawled on his lap, pressing my lips against his. I moaned softly as I felt him enter me. It’s been so long since I’ve felt him inside me like this; I didn’t realize how much I missed it. Justin moved his hands to my back so he could unhook my bra and gently massaged my breast as we moved together. I felt myself getting close and threw my head back as I dug my nails into his back.

         We both sat in silence, trying to even out our breathing. I kissed his shoulder and crawled off him so I could lay down with him. I ran my hands over his back that was now red from where I clawed him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

         “You didn’t, I’m fine,” he kissed my forehead and pulled me to his chest. “I’d say you’re starting up your payback with a bang,” he laughed.

         I laughed and slapped his chest, “I’m working on it.”

         “You sure are.”

         I could stay like this in his arms forever. I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. I feel like when I’m here in his arms I’m safe from everything and there is nothing possible that could hurt me.

         “Shit.” I heard his voice and felt my heart stop beating for a second.

         “Shit? Shit, what?” I asked. Who says shit after sex? Why would he possibly say shit?

         “It broke.”

         “What broke?” I don’t know why I asked the question. What else could he possibly be referring to after we just had sex? There’s only one thing that would cause a man to say “shit” after having sex.

         “The condom,” he answered almost in a whisper.

         “Like… just now it broke? Or like it broke…”

         “Why would I tell you it just broke now? How would that be something newsworthy?” this is not a good sign, not at all. He’s freaking out too, it’s not just me. That’s how I know it really is a big deal, because he’s freaking out right along with me.

         “Shit. Shit, fuck, no” I shouted softly, trying to keep my voice down so I don’t wake up Brady. That’s all we need. “No. That can’t happen. Are you sure?”

         “Yes Chloe, I’m fucking sure.” Justin said before taking a deep breath and rubbing his forehead. “It’s ok,” he continued as if to assure himself, “It’s not a big deal. You’re on the pill so…”

         “I’m not on the pill,” I answered quickly. I am definitely not on any pills, so now he’s back to freaking out.

         “What do you mean you’re not on the pill?”

         “I mean, I’m not taking any pills.”

         “What?” he shouted now, “You don’t think that’s something you should have fucking told me?”

         “I didn’t know I had to tell you I was NOT taking something. Did you think they give me health insurance at the club? I can’t just go buy the pill, I can’t even buy food.”

         Justin took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair as he paced around the room, “Well, chances are Chloe that I would have given you a couple bucks to get the fucking pill. How are you not on the fucking pill? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

         “Yeah, you’re right I’m joking, this is all an evil joke.” I answered sarcastically and wiped my eyes that were now opening up to let the tears fall down my face. This can’t be happening.

         “Alright, alright stop. Don’t cry it’s all right. It’s not that big of a deal. I mean, what are the chances?”

         “Pretty high, I’d say it’s pretty possible. Especially when I think about what happened last time I had sex without a condom and nine months later, congratulations it’s a boy!”

         “So, that was different,” he’s trying to calm me down now, that’s the only reason why he’s brought his voice down and he’s not freaking out anymore. I know on the inside he’s going absolutely crazy. “Would it even be so bad if you were to get pregnant?”

         I looked at him for a second. He’s gone absolutely fucking crazy. “Yes! Are you serious? Would it be so bad? Yes, it would be so fucking bad. I can not have another kid when I can’t even take care of the one I have.”

         “How can you say you don’t take care of the one you have? And the difference would be that I’m the father so it’s not like you’ll go through all that shit.”

         “And you’d just be fine being a father? That’s it? Because I’m so sure your publicist would love that, not even to mention how much I’d be attacked. They all followed Brady and I and he’s not even your son. They’re trying to dig up shit and get our pictures.  It would be complete madness with your actual child.”

         Justin was quiet for a second, letting everything sink in. I don’t know what he’s getting upset about, it’s absolutely ridiculous that he thinks it wouldn’t be a big deal if I were to have another kid. “All I’m saying is you’re older now, you have experience. And you already have a kid, you’re already a mother.”

         “I don’t need every man that I have sex with to get me pregnant Justin! It is a big deal, it’s a fucking huge deal and you’re out of your fucking mind if you don’t think it is.”

         “Would you relax? Fuck Chloe.” He took a deep breath and sat down at the foot of the bed, “So basically, what your saying is you don’t want to have a baby with me.”

         Is he serious? “Basically, what I’m saying is right now in this moment I don’t want to have a baby with anyone. I would like to get my life straightened out a little first.”

         “But that’s not what you said. You said my publicist would freak out and everyone would attack you. If you think about all the attention you’ve gotten so far, forget it. You’ll get a million times more if you were to have my child. Not even to mention how crazy it would be if we were to god forbid get married.”

         “What are you even talking about?” I shouted. He’s freaking out about something completely different than what we should be freaking out about.

         “I’m talking about us Chloe. If you can’t deal with the slight possibility that you could get pregnant with my kid then what the fuck are we doing? It would be the end of the world if you were to have my kid, not any other guy’s fucking kid because then you wouldn’t be followed around or people wouldn’t talk shit about you.  But if you had my kid, because of who I am, your life would be over.”

         I took a deep breath, “Look, I did not say that. You need to stop being so touchy and putting things in my mouth. All I said is that I don’t want a fucking baby right now, and the condom broke!”

         “You don’t want my fucking baby right now.”

         “Oh my god!” I screamed, he’s driving me crazy. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

         “Yeah, sure. Let’s not talk about it right now,” he answered quietly and fell back onto the bed. He’s taking this to a different level. We need to focus on the problem at hand. I started jumping up and down because I remember reading about people jumping up and down after sex so they don’t get pregnant. I don’t remember if the paper said that it works or it doesn’t work but I’m going to try whatever it is I can. “What are you doing?”

         “Jumping. What does it look like I’m doing?’

         “OK, why are you jumping?”

         “So like... they don’t meet.”

         “They?”

         “Your sperm and my egg, so they don’t get fertilized.”

         Justin laughed, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

         “Well I don’t see you coming up with any better ideas.”

         He took a deep breath and placed his arm over his head, “Just go to sleep. We’ll get the Morning After Pill tomorrow and everything will be fine. Calm down.”

         “Yeah, ok no. I don’t want to wait until the morning, I want it now.”

         “Chloe, it’s called the Morning After Pill, you take it the morning after you have sex.”

         “You can take it anytime after. What if we go tomorrow and they’re all out?”

         “Then we go somewhere else,” he answered calmly. I’m surprised he’s managed to calm himself down so much.

         “What if everywhere is out of them?”

         “Yeah, what if there’s a huge outcry of people having unprotected sex on the same night?” he asked sarcastically.

         “Well, what if there’s a defect with all the condoms and they’re all breaking? Then we’ll go in the morning and they’ll be all out all over the country.”

         Justin took a deep breath, sat up, and pulled his clothes on. He didn’t say anything else; he just grabbed his keys and his wallet and slammed the door on his way out. This is not a good sign.