I paced around the living room, waiting for Justin to come back. He was really upset. I hate when he gets so mad but I don’t think I did anything wrong. He completely overreacted. I did not even for a second infer that I don’t want to have his children. I am obviously in no position to have another child at this point, that’s all I was saying. There’s no need for him to take it so damn personally.

         Of course if I were to have another kid he would be the perfect person for me to have a child with. He’s amazing with Brady; I know he’ll be a great father one day. Sometimes I think he gets so caught up in his whole fake family thing that he actually thinks he is Brady’s father. That doesn’t even matter though, that’s the least of my problems. I just really wish he wouldn’t have been so upset.

         Sure, maybe I could have been a little nicer with the whole situation but I was stressed out, it caught me off guard. The condom broke and his little sperm could be swimming up to my egg at this very moment. That’s not ok. Honestly, I haven’t ever thought about having more kids. I can’t say I’d be against the idea, but next time I would like to do it with an actual husband. It’s not that I’m worried Justin would be like Gabe and would leave me to take care of the baby and Brady on my own. I know he’d be a huge part of the baby’s life. OK, I’m getting ahead of myself. There is no baby and I sure as hell cannot have one at this point in my life.

         I walked to Brady’s room and stood at the doorway watching him as he slept. He’s getting so big. I remember when he was a tiny baby and couldn’t even talk and now he’s able to hold actual conversations and make jokes. I do kind of miss having a baby around.

         The front door opened and I made my way back into the living room where Justin was now standing with his hood over his head. He held out the bag without saying a word. “Thank you,” I answered softly as I took the bag from his hand. He didn’t answer but fell onto the couch, moving the hood away from his head. “I’m sorry if you were offended, but I really didn’t mean…”

         “OK,” he answered before I could finish.

         I stood in front of him awkwardly while he lay on his back, “Aren’t you going to come to bed?”

         “I’m fine out here.”

         My heart sank; I think it literally stopped beating for a second. He is overreacting. I didn’t mean anything by it. I was freaking out, not exactly thinking and he shouldn’t be so pissed. I turned silently and went in the bedroom, grabbing some blankets and a pillow for him. When I went back out Justin had his arm over his eyes as if he were already sleeping. “Don’t you want some blankets and a pillow? Are you sure you don’t want to come to bed? I’m really sorry.”

         “I’m fine,” he said as he grabbed the pillow and blanket from my hands, “Just go to bed.”

         “Justin…” I whined because I don’t know what else to do.

         “Chloe, I’m fine. Go to bed.” He repeated a little louder this time so I knew he wasn’t fooling around. He’s done with me. I turned around again and grabbed the bag with the pill in it before going to bed. I lay in bed backwards, with my head at the foot of the bed so I could watch Justin on the couch. It’s not fair that we’re sleeping in different rooms because of this stupid fight. We seem to fight more often than not and it’s always over such stupid things. Someone always overreacts, and I admit most times it’s me, but I really can’t see how I’m in the wrong with this one. I just want to sleep with him, like literally sleep with him. It’s been a few nights since I have. Last night at this time I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I may never sleep with him again. Now he’s here, in the next room sleeping on the couch instead of sleeping in bed with me. It’s not really fair.

         I tossed the bag with the pills on the bedside table and turned off the light, drifting off to sleep wishing Justin was next to me instead of sleeping on the couch mad at me.

         The next morning I awoke to Brady giggling. I looked out in the living room and saw him jumping on Justin who was asleep on the couch, well he was asleep a few seconds ago before my lovely son jumped on him and woke him up. “Whoa man, you should not jump on someone like that when they’re sleeping. You’re going to give a man a heart attack,” he said with a chuckle before grabbing onto Brady and pulling him down on the couch with him.

         “How come you’re on the couch Justin? Is the bed broken?”

         “Yeah, it’s crazy it just broke.”

         “Is Mommy ok?”

         “Yeah, Tec don’t worry. Mommy’s fine.”

         I took that as my cue to head out to them. “Mommy!” Brady shouted as I walked out and jumped into my arms.

         “Good Morning Darling, did you sleep ok?” he nodded his head while I tried to kiss his forehead, “We have to get you ready for school.”

         “Oh yeah, yay! Justin, I get to go to school today!” it’s still weird to me that he’s excited to go to school. I know that’s a good thing but I absolutely hated school. I’m not sure where he gets his love of knowledge.

         “I heard, that’s very exciting. You better go get ready.”

         Brady ran off because he does anything Justin suggests he do. Justin might as well be his father; he listens to him more than he listens to me half the time.

         “Good Morning.” I said to Justin as he sat up and stretched his arms over his head.

         “Morning,” he answered quietly.

         “I’m sorry he woke you up.”

         “It’s fine.”

         Well it’s good to know Justin is still just as pissed off at me as he was last night.  I really don’t understand it. “Are you still mad about…”

         “You better go help Brady before he drowns himself in the sink,” Justin spoke before I could finish. I turned around and saw Brady splashing in the sink so I rushed in the bathroom to help him before he made a complete mess. I’m starting to get annoyed.

         After I finished getting Brady we sat down at the kitchen table and each had a bowl of cereal. Justin talked to Brady but didn’t show me very much attention unless it was necessary. I wish I knew what the hell was going on. It’s annoying that he can be so happy and goofy with Brady but with me he’s like totally different. It’s so fake. He’s not an actor he doesn’t need to act around Brady. I mean, I guess it’s a good thing that’s he’s not acting like an ass around Brady but I’d rather him not act like an ass at all.

         We dropped Brady off and school and then drove back to my apartment in silence. He parked the car and didn’t move, making me wonder if he was even going to come inside. “So, we should probably talk. Or are we just going to ignore each other? Because that works too.”

         Justin waited a few seconds before answering. He kept his hands on the steering wheel and his eyes fixed on the parking lot in front of him. “Yeah, we should talk.”

         I didn’t know how to respond, or if I should even respond so I waited until he got out of the car before I did. He didn’t wait for me; instead he walked a few feet ahead of me all the way up to the door. This is going great.

         I sat down on the couch as Justin stood by the kitchen with his arms crossed looking at the ground. He is definitely upset still, over what I’m still not sure. “OK,” I spoke up first because the silence was killing me.  “So can you explain to me what exactly it is that you’re so pissed about because I really don’t get it? I was stressed out Justin, I was freaking out. You took it the wrong way…”

         He broke in once again. For some reason he won’t let me finish anything I want to say. He cleared his throat and spoke quietly, looking me right in the eye. “I think some of your shit is coming back and you need to get it straightened out.”

         Well that caught me off guard. He’s the one that needs to get his shit straightened out; he’s the one that’s mad at me. “Well you know what I think? I think that you need to get your shit straightened out. I think that I have enough to worry about right now that I don’t need to worry about hurting your feelings when shit happens and I freak out a little bit. Just because I got a little crazy last night does not mean that my shit is coming back. Anybody would have freaked out, it’s not that abnormal.” I’m fuming now; I’m going fucking crazy. How dare he go there.

         “I can’t do it anymore Chloe, I can’t.” he looked down at the ground and shook his head as he spoke quietly.

         “Can’t… do what?”

“I can’t live like I’m walking on eggshells with you all the time. I can’t live my life being afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing and you’re going to take Brady and run away. It’s dangerous, and I think I’m hurting more than I’m helping.”

“What?” what is happening? “You’re not hurting, what are you saying?”

He ran his hands though his hair and fell down to the couch before finally speaking again. “I’m not helping. I’m like a crutch when I do the right thing but when I do something wrong, or something differently from the way you think I should do it you freak out. I can’t go on afraid that I’m going to say something or do something wrong and you’re going to do something stupid. I can’t just sit here and know that I can cause that.”

“What are you even talking about?” I sat down next to him and placed my hands on his cheeks so he would look at me. His eyes were red and watery. Just seeing him like that made me realize how serious this was. “You’re helping, are you kidding? You’re helping so much and I’m so sorry if you think that you’re not, but you are.”

He reached his hands to mine. “I can’t Chloe, I just can’t do it anymore. So I’m going to go. I’ll be here as much as I can without actually being here. I’m going to leave Tiny, he’ll look out for you guys as long as you need him. I want you to call me if you need anything, anything Chloe. But I’ll go and… leave you guys alone.” He kissed my hand before standing up and heading to the door.

“Wait. Justin wait, please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” This can’t be happening, it has to be a nightmare. I’m crying and Justin’s crying and if everyone is fucking crying then why the hell is this happening?

“I know you are, it’s not about that. It’s what’s best, it’s what we have to do.”

“But Brady…”

“Brady will be fine. He’s a tough kid, don’t worry about him.”

“How can I not worry about him? Justin he needs you. I need you. We need you.”

“You don’t need me. You’ve made it this far without me. You’ll be fine. I’m not helping you Chloe, I’m hurting you.”

“Stop saying that! It’s not true and you know it’s not true.”

“It is!” he shouted back and then spoke in almost a whisper, “It is. You need to get your stuff figured out and so do I. You need to focus on Brady and the court case and Gabe. You need to worry about the important things.”

“Like you!” he’s way too calm and I’m freaking the fuck out. I’m crying like I haven’t cried every in my life except when my mom died and I can’t even see straight. “You’re important to me. You’re important to us.  Please don’t do this.”

“I have to,” he spoke quietly as he pulled me into a hug. “You’ll be alright. You’ll be fine Chloe. Just do what you need to do. Focus on what you need to focus on.” He pulled away from me a kissed me quickly before heading to the door, “Bye Chloe.”

“No!” I shouted. If he thinks I’m just going to sit back and watch him leave he’s got another thing coming. “I don’t get why this is happening? Why are you doing this? Don’t go! Please Justin, I’ll do anything you want, please!”

“Just stop, you’re making it harder.”

“I’m making it harder? Fuck you! I’m not making it harder, it’s hard. It’s fucking hard because it doesn’t make any fucking sense!”

“It does make sense, its makes perfect sense. I’m not helping you.”

“Yes you are!” I screamed louder than I’ve ever screamed before in my life. This is complete bullshit.

“Stop Chloe, just stop!” now he’s back to being pissed. I swear there are so many changes in feelings I can’t keep up. “It’s over, alright? It’s over.” He moved my hands off him and walked out the door.

I fell to the floor, crying so hard my knees went weak. “Justin no,” I shouted out to the closed door, “I love you!”