“Coffee?” the waitress asked while chewing her gum and sliding two mugs of coffee at us before we could respond, “What do you want?” she looked at Brady. She’s definitely one of those ladies that doesn’t give a shit about her job. This isn’t exactly the nicest restaurant, more like the dirtiest, but we really are in the middle of nowhere. It was this place or 10 miles of desert until we could find another one.

         “Chocolate milk please and thank you!” Brady smiled, he couldn’t be happier now that Justin is here. He’s got everything he needs; me, Justin, chocolate milk, and a big waffle on the way. I really wish I could go back to that, when life was so simple.  “Justin! Can we go fishin again? Memba that time I got that big fish and then we ate it for dinner. We should go fishin again and get another fish!”

         “Yeah man, that was fun.”

         “AAAANNND I still didn’t get to go find da dinosaurs. When are we gonna find da dinosaurs?”

         “Brady, shh. I know you’re excited to see Justin again but please try and keep it down.” I said as the waitress placed the glass of chocolate milk in front of Brady and he took a big sip. We ordered our food and Brady began coloring on the placemat, he’s in his own little world. He’s back to being comfortable now that Justin’s here, he’s got all he needs. “So, what are you doing here?”

         “You just disappeared. You can’t do that. You have to at least say goodbye, I thought something happened.”

         “I’m sorry,” I answered softly before taking a sip of my coffee, “I didn’t mean for you to be worried.”

         “You should have let me know,” he answered simply.

         “You wouldn’t have let us go.”

         He licked his lips and took a sip of his coffee; I don’t know why he’s thinking about it. He would never have let us go. “You’re right but… I think I would have been able to talk you out of it.” he paused and took another sip of his coffee before speaking louder this time, “But enough about that, I’m not here to talk about the past or persuade you to come back. I just wanted a fair goodbye. So what are your plans?”

         I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional but I feel like I’m about to cry. Instead of answering him right away I bring the cup of coffee to my lips pretending to take a sip. “I’m not exactly sure. I figure we’ll just keep driving until we find somewhere that looks good.”

         Justin nodded his head; I know he’s trying hard not to say anything that will get me upset. “You’re going to find somewhere soon right? You don’t want Brady missing that much school.”

         I just nodded my head to hide the fact that I haven’t really thought of that, or anything for that matter. “Yeah, we’ll get him caught up, I’ve been working with him.”

         “And um… your mom?”

         Why does everyone bring that up? I don’t need to answer that question so I’m not going to. “I think he’s doing real good in school already. I mean, his teacher said he’s really learning fast. He’s a smart boy.”

         “He is,” Justin nodded his head. He’s good at getting the hints when I don’t want to talk about my mother; I’ll give him that. “I hope you can find a school you like. Are you going to look into schools before you find a place?”

         Once again that isn’t something I thought about. We had a hard time finding a school for Brady, and there’s no way I’m going to be able to afford an apartment in a nice area, or even a decent area. We’ll definitely not be able to find a school like the one he’s at now. I won’t let him go to a school like the one in our neighborhood.

         Justin continued since I was unable to answer, “I’m sure you’ll find something.  What about work, what are you thinking?” I shrugged but he continued, “You’ll find something.”

         What’s up with him being so optimistic? He’s usually telling me to stop being an idiot and get my act together and now he’s telling me that I should go ahead and move wherever I want and everything will work out.

         “Justin! This is for you. I made you this picture. Now can I have your paper so I can make another one?” Brady said as he held the paper in Justin’s face.

         “Thank you, I will save that for sure. I need a new one for my refrigerator.”

I took a deep breath and looked away from them so I could control myself and not act like a fool and cry here in the middle of the dingy diner.  It’s really sad, but I kind of want Justin to go back to his old asshole ways. It’s like he’s too perfect now and I’m afraid I’ll go back and it won’t be that good. Not only that, but I can’t just stay here and live off him. He’s already done so much for me and I shouldn’t let him.

         The waitress plopped the food in front of us and I cut up Brady’s pancake while they continued talking. I’m trying really hard not to listen. The conversations the two of them have are always so cute and funny, it makes everything harder. How am I going to tell Brady he has to say goodbye to Justin? It would have been better if Justin just let us go. Sure, Brady would have asked about him for a while, but he would have stopped at some point. There has to be a point where Brady will forget about Justin all together.

         “What are you going to do about the court case?”

         I shrugged as I played with the food in front of me, “Well Gabe won’t know where we are.”

         “Yeah,” Justin nodded, “But it’s not going to look good that you just ran away without telling anyone. I mean, it’s kind of going to look good for his case, don’t you think?”

         I did not think about that. Gabe is trying to say how I’m unstable and paranoid. This kind of proves his point. I’m not acting very stable. Would they actually be able to come find us and make us do the case? Gabe could fight for custody and honestly he’d probably get it with all this shit that’s been going on. That can’t happen. I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life on the run.

         “But it’ll work out.” Justin continued.

         “Can you stop being so optimistic?” it’s really driving me crazy. Why is he acting like this? He’s supposed to be mad. It’s like he doesn’t even care that we’re leaving. He called me like twenty times yesterday and he got on a damn plane and came to find us. Obviously he cares, why is he acting like he doesn’t?

         “Sorry,” he answered with a chuckle, “I just… I mean obviously you have it all figured out. You wouldn’t just pack up your kid and flee the state without any plan. You’ve gotta have a plan right?” I nodded my head slowly, even though I don’t exactly have a plan, “Of course you do. So it’ll all work out. I know you wouldn’t do anything stupid, especially for Brady’s sake. I’m not worried Chloe, you know what you’re doing.”

         Except I have no idea what I’m doing. He can’t honestly think I have this all figured out. There’s no possible way. Obviously I’m completely lost with life in general. I can’t be that good at faking it. After breakfast we walked awkwardly back to my car. I’m not going to be able to say goodbye, maybe a bolt of lightning will come and make us run in opposite directions. That’s not asking too much, is it?

         “Guess what Justin? You said we could play Hungry Hungry Hippos but then you left before we got to play. But don’t worry cause I brought it with us and we can play now before we go to the water fountains again.” Brady said with a huge smile. I don’t really want to go back to the water fountains, especially because of what happened the last time we were in Vegas. If Justin is with us he will no doubt cause a scene, but I don’t want to go back without him either. I can’t do it myself.

         Justin looked at me before agreeing to play, “Alright man, one game.”

         “Just one game, I promise. Or maybe two. Or maybe seven, but that’s it!” Brady giggled as he crawled in the car and came back a few seconds later with the box in his little hands. “Where can we play Mommy?”

         I looked around for the empty desert when my eyes landed on a picnic table on the other end of the parking lot, “There we go, aren’t we lucky?”

         “We’re so lucky! I’m lucky too Mommy cause I get you AND Justin today!” Why did he have to go and say that? I really hate when he says that stuff, why does he have to be so attached to Justin? I don’t even understand it. “Mommy’s pink and Justin’s yellow and I’m blue and green.”

         “That’s still not fair Tec,” Justin answered with a chuckle as he grabbed yellow hippo, “Why do you always get two?”

         “Because I’m little and you’re big. That’s it! Ready? On your mark, get set, GO!!!!!!” Brady screamed and giggled like he always does as we fought to get our hippos to eat the most while marbles. Brady loves this game more than he loves ice cream, and that’s a big deal. He just giggles the whole time, which is completely contagious and it’s only a matter of seconds before Justin and I are laughing along with him. “I win the first game! Time for game two. On your mark, get set, GO!!!!!” he doesn’t even give us a chance to get ready, that’s why he wins every time. One of these days I’m going to have to teach him how to play the right way and so he’ll stop cheating so much. I can’t bring myself to do that just yet, it’s too cute.

         After about fifteen games, we sat in silence while Brady continued playing by himself. This is awkward; I wish it could all just go away. “So what are you… going to do?” I asked looking out in the desert.

         “I’ll just get a cab and head to the airport I guess. I want to give you some money,” he stood up and grabbed his wallet from his back pocket.

         “No, no. You’ve done plenty, I can’t take your money.”

         “I really would feel a lot better if you’d take some money Chloe.”

         I turned my head away from him so he couldn’t see the tears in my eyes. He still wants to take care of me, of us, even when I’m so completely crazy that I’m about to leave him and cut all contact with him. He’s the one man in my life that I’ve ever trusted, and he’s never done anything to loose my trust. And I’m leaving; I’m getting ready to run away from him. He flew out here and literally drove in a cab from hotel to hotel looking for my car, just so he could get a chance to say goodbye. Then while we’re here he’s so damn optimistic and says he trusts me because I know I’m doing what I have to do. Except I’m not. What am I doing?

         I wiped my eyes and grabbed the money from his hand, stuffing it in my purse. “Thank you.”

         “Your welcome. Call me, all right? If you need anything, I mean it, anything. And just to check in too, let me know you guys are all right. OK Chloe?”

         I nodded my head and stood up, “Brady come on, it’s time to go.” He stood up and followed me, grabbing onto Justin’s hand as we walked through the parking lot. This is absolutely ridiculous.

         “Well, I’ll see you later Brady. I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know you. It’s been real, Tec.” Justin said as he picked Brady up and gave him a real good hug before placing him in he car. Justin looks as white as a ghost. Why is this so hard?

         “Thanks for everything.” I answered softly while Justin walked over to my side of the car.

         “Yeah, make sure you let me know if you need anything else. Be careful, alright?” I nodded my head and he pulled me into a tight hug, giving me a chance to completely break down in his arms. I shouldn’t be crying. I should be acting stronger. “Are you alright?”

         I nodded my head and wiped my eyes before pulling away from him. We both stood there just looking at each other, unable to move for what seemed like hours. “I can… take you to the airport. You’re not going to find a cab out here.”

         Justin nodded his head in agreement, “That would work. Thanks.”

         We got in the car quietly as I drove back towards the highway. No one said anything, not even Brady. I think somehow he knew what was going on, at least to some extent. When I got to the exit of the highway I kept driving. My head wanted me to get off the exit but my heart wouldn’t let me.

         “I think that was the…”

         “I’m just going to take you home,” I broke in before he could finish and turned my gaze to him, letting him completely see my tear stained face, “Is that ok?”

         Justin nodded his head and smiled before placing a hand on my lap. “That’s perfect.” He laughed as I wiped my eyes again, “Are you alright? Do you want me to drive?”

         I nodded my head and pulled over to the side of the road. As we switched sides we stopped in front of my car and Justin gave me the best hug ever. He kissed me gently, making my knees go weak. “It’s alright, you’re doing the right thing.” He said before kissing me one more time and wiping my tears away. For once, I actually feel like I am doing the right thing.