Lately I’ve been wishing I had one desire, something
that would make me never want another, something that
would make it so that nothing matters, all would be
clear then.
“So, you know that I love you right?” Justin whispered in Kristen’s ear with his arms wrapped around her waist. They where sitting on his back porch staring at the ocean.
“Yeah…of course.” Her voice was without emotion, as if what he said had no meaning to her. After a moment of silence she glanced at her watch. It read 8:30 pm. “Wow, look at the time. Hun I gotta go.” She stood up and walked into his house toward the entrance.
“What? It’s only 8:30, I thought we where going to spend the night together. Just you and me, no interruptions all night.” He walked over to her and hugged her lightly, kissing her neck.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I just remembered that I have an early morning tomorrow.” She brushed him off with out even acknowledging his attempt.
“But tomorrow is Sunday.” He stood there with his arms across his chest and a questioning look on his face.
Kristen quickly put on her coat and she looked at him, her mind racing for reasons why she has an early morning. “Justin, I’ve told you this before, a Journalist never has a day off.”
“Oh yeah. So what are you getting up so early for?” He opened the door for her and they walked out to his car.
“I forgot I have a dead line for the upcoming paper. So I’m going in early to write it up.” They got into his car and he pulled out of his driveway.
“I can just drive you tomorrow morning, no problem.” He started the drive to her apartment.
“No, tomorrow is your day off and I don’t want you to have to wake up early because of me.”
“I love to do things for you.”
“Since you love to do things for me, I want you to go home, go to sleep and wake up super late tomorrow. For the first time I want you to have an official off day.” She gave him a kiss on the check and he took hold of her hand.
“You’re so good to me. I love you.”
“Me too.” She lightly squeezed his hand.
The rest of the ride was silent. For the first time in a few months is was a comfortable silence.
But I guess I’ll have to settle for a few brief
moments and watch it all dissolve into a single second
and try to write it down into a perfect sonnet or one
foolish line.
He pulled up to her apartment complex. It was nowhere near the luxury of his home or his neighborhood. Kristen lived in a typical 20 something year old apartment, and it was like any regular middle class apartment complex. Justin was never part of anything normal, his whole life
has been many steps above the rest. To him dating Kristen is what kept him grounded. But he still couldn’t bare to see her live here when she could live with him.
“Why don’t you move in with me?” Justin tried to keep his cool and stared her in the eyes; he knew her weakness was his eyes.
“Justin…we’ve discussed this already, the best thing is to keep our lives apart. If we intermingle our lives, a lot of shit could go down. I just don’t want to mess a good thing up.”
“Kristen we’ve been dating for 2 years now, I think it’s time we step it up a bit.”
“Sweetie, it’s late, I’m tired and I have to wake up early. I promise we’ll talk about it soon but right now I just want to go home and sleep.” She lightly kissed his lips. It was another awkward kiss.
“Fine. But you’re now bailing on this. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Bye.”
Justin pulled her in for another kiss, this one lasting longer, with a hope of having some effect on her. He lightly bit her bottom lip and kept it slow and sensual. Reluctantly she responded but not enough to lead him on. She pulled away, timing it right so he didn’t try to continue.
“Justin, I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. Bye. I love you.”
“Me too, bye.” She gave him a light peck and stepped out of the car.
Justin waited till he saw the light in her apartment go on, then he pulled out of the driveway. As he drove away he noticed this white car that always seems to be parked near the entrance. A tall man hidden by the shadows sits there, as if waiting for something.
Because that's all that you'll get, so you'll have to
accept, you are here, then you're gone.
The tall and athletic man watched as Justin’s car drove away. As soon as he was out of site, he pulled up by one of the apartments, pulled out his keys and walked in to the building.
“Honey I’m home!” He tossed his keys onto a near by coffee table and walked into a bedroom.
“Hey hansom. What took you so long?”
“Your boyfriend was staring down my car as he drove away. I’m beginning to think he may be on to us.”
“He’s to busy to even notice I left a damn room. Hell, he even forgot that I quit my job Sun-times and now I work at Spin. Geez.” Kristen wrapped her arms around his neck and began to passionately kiss him. It seems Justin’s good-bye kiss did have an effect on her.
“Why don’t you just break up with him and officially date me? I mean you’ve been dating me for about as long as you’ve dated him!” She pulled away a bit frustrated and walked back to her bedroom.
“Way to kill the mood Brad!”
“That’s not answering my question Krist”
“FINE! I guess I still do love him! He’s comfortable, and he loves me! Is that what you wanted to hear!” She threw some articles of clothing down and her brown eyes rimmed with tears.
“I LOVE YOU TOO! I CAN BE COMFOTABLE FOR YOU TOO! WHY CAN’T I BE YOUR OFFICAL BOYFRIEND?”
“Why must you BOTH bring up such difficult topics!”
“What did HE ask you?”
She sat on her bed and buried her face in her hands. “He asked me to move in with him again.”
“What did you say?” He sat down across from her.
“I said that it’ll cause to much problems and we’ll just talk about it later.”
“Do you want to take the next step with him?”
“Brad, I really do love him, it’s just sometimes, he aggravates me. He’s either completely ignoring me or to clingy. Sometimes I feel like he uses me, as if he feels like he needs me to be his girlfriend, not that he truly wants me to be.” Tears dripped out as the thought that he could not truly love her stung.
“How do you feel about him?” Brad hid his face and looked at the wall, he refused to let her seem him cry.
“I love him so much. He does make me happy. But there is just no equilibrium with him. It’s one extreme or another. Yet at the same time, I like that. It’s just a little more difficult with him. Justin adores me and makes me feel like a queen, and I love that. It’s freeing.”
“What about me?”
“BRAD! I love you too. The thought of you makes me smile. Justin is official and set, your free and outrageous. Justin is someone I can see myself marrying, you are someone I can see me self still dating ten years from now but still having fun. I just don’t know.” She laid down on her bed and felt the bed shift as Brad stood up, he was pacing the floor.
“I can be marriage material too. Give me a shoot, a real shoot as boyfriend.”
“I don’t want to lose Justin.”
“Kristen news flash! You are losing Justin by doing shit like this! I love you, please make me happy and be with me.”
“I love you, but I love Justin too, understand that!”
Brad walked into the bathroom and Kristen stared up at the ceiling, letting the blaring of a ringing phone continue.
I believe that lovers should be tied together, and
thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather, left
there to drown in their innocence.
Justin was about half way home when he noticed Kristen left her purse in the front seat.
“Shit. I bet she has her license and crap in there. Dammit.” He pulled out his cell phone and dialed her number, but no one answered.
“Man, she’s probably in the shower. I guess I’ll drive back and drop it off.” He turned around and headed back to her house. At the entrance he noticed the white car was now parked up by Kristen’s entrance.
“Weird.”
Justin pulled up next to the car, walked to the building and buzzed her name.
“Who is it?” The sound of Kristen’s voice always made his stomach do a few leaps.
“Yeah Kris, it’s me Justin. You forgot your purse in my car, I tried calling to see if you needed it but no one answered, so I came by.”
“Uh yeah, that’s cool. Come on up.”
The Buzz of acceptance, as he called it, let him in.
But as for me I’m coming to the final chapter, I read
all of the pages and there's still no answer, only all
that was before I know must soon come after, that is
the only way it can be.
“Shit, he’s here!” Kristen yelled to Brad who was still in the bathroom. Quickly she ran around the apartment removing any traces of Brad that could be seen. She ran into her bedroom and changed into sweat shorts and an oversized shirt.
“What, Justin is here? Why?” Brad walked out of the bathroom to her living room.
“I left my purse in his car.”
“Didn’t he call? Geez!”
“Brad, shut up, go and hide in the spare bedroom.” She pushed him towards the room.
“We’re gonna talk about this when he leaves.”
“Yay, more talking. GO!”
He walked into the room and closed the door, mumbling while he walked in. Just as he closed the door she heard a knock. With a quick ruffle of her hair she answered the door.
“Hey Justin.” She opened the door wider and let him in.
“Hey sweetie. Where you about to go so sleep?”
“Yeah, if you came by 20 minutes later you would’ve woken me up.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to keep you. Here’s your purse.” He handed it over.
“Sorry that you had to come all the way back. Thanks.” She gave him a simple kiss.
“No problem. Hey, do you mind if I grab a water bottle?”
“Sure. I’ll, uh, I’ll get it for you.” She walked to her kitchen.
Justin took a quick scan of her apartment, noting how simple yet how perfect it embodied her. He noticed something out of place; there was a leather jacket that obviously didn’t belong to him or her lying on the couch. And he also noticed an extra set of keys on her coffee table. Strange.
Kristen walked in caring two water bottles for him. Her eyes flowed what he seemed to be intently staring at, Brads jacket. Quietly she cursed at her self for being so stupid.
“Justin. Here you go.”
He snapped out of his daze and he took the bottles. “Hey Kris, whose jacket is that?” Justin noticed her soft look of panic.
“Oh, um, remember a few nights ago when it was a little cool at night? Well Mike, my editor let me borrow it cause I didn’t bring one with me. I just keep forgetting to give it back.”
“Oh, okay. Well I better get going cause you have an early morning up at SPIN right?” He gave her a knowing look.
“Yeah Spin. You remembered.” Her heart broke at the pain she could cause him, and her self. But the fact that he did remember made her smile.
“Of course, I remember everything you tell me.” He leaned down for a kiss and she increase the intensity of it. Soon she had him against the wall. This caught him by surprise so he pulled back for a moment, from the corner of his eye he saw the jacket and the keys.
“Hun, as much as I want to continue this in your bedroom. I don’t want you to wake up late tomorrow.”
Her mind quickly raced back to Brad and the fact that he was still in the other room. From her line of sight she could see his jacket, and his keys. Again she cursed at her self for being stupid.
“Right. You better go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah. I love you. Bye.” He quickly kissed her and walked away.
“Bye, I love you too.” Justin turned around and smiled her, with a bit of a surprised look. Those words even shocked her; she hasn’t said that to him in a long time. It was always a simple ‘me too’.
As he stepped out of the house he realized he didn’t question the keys. Maybe because he wasn’t ready to have his heart broken.
So I stand in the sun, and I breathe with my lungs,
trying to spare me the weight of the truth.
Kristen walked over to her couch and sat down. The soft sound of the door echoed through out the apartment.
“To many emotions are involved.” Brad sat down next to her.
“Brad, can we just go to your apartment? I need to get out of here.” She leaned into him and he lightly hugged her.
“I guess. Kristen, you have to decide. I’ve been okay with you the two of you but this is getting out of hand. It’s been over a year.”
“I know. But right now can we just go and I promise to think about this.”
“Okay, where do you want to go?”
“I wanted to go dancing, but right now let’s just head to your apartment and we’ll decide from there.”
“Fine.”
Kristen got up and went to her room to pack and get changed. About a half hour later she was ready.
“Okay, lets head on out.” She grabbed a coat and her keys. They walked out of her apartment, hand in hand and out to his car.
Justin sat in his car and watched them get into the tall, athletic, and leather jacket wearing guy’s car. He decided to wait around for to truth and he got it.
Saying everything you've ever seen was just a mirror,
you've spent your whole life sweating in an endless
fever, now you're laying in a bathtub full of freezing
water, wishing you were a ghost.
Justin followed them to tall and asshole's apartment. “Typical.” He scoffed.
When they got out of the car he saw them laughing and holding hands. That sight nearly drove him insane. It was at that moment he decided he wouldn’t leave them until he found the right time to confront them. To him it didn’t matter if he’d have to wait all night.
But once you knew a girl and you named her lover, and
danced with her in kitchens through the greenest
summers, but autumn came, she disappeared, you can't
remember where she said she was going to.
“So I decided we’ll go out dancing because I need to relieve some stress.” Kristen jumped onto the bed next to him.
“You know there are other methods to taking away stress.” Brad climbed on top of her and nibbled on her earlobe then he kissed his way to her lips. Softly he brushed against her lips and slowly deepened the kiss. She giggled a bit and lightly pushed him off.
“Loser, I really wanna go dancing, so let’s get ready.” Kristen got up and took out an outfit she
brought with her.
“Fine. We’ll go out dancing.”
Within an hour they where ready to leave. Again they left the apartment complex hand-in-hand, stopping mid-step to give quick kisses. Justin’s anger rose but decided the timing still wasn’t right.
But you know that she's gone, because she left you a
song, that you don't wanna sing.
Maybe at this point you could call Justin insane, but he didn’t care. The girl he was ready to ask to marry him was with another man. In his mind this vouched for reason to be insane. Again he followed them; they went to a club. And again he waited till they came out, it didn’t matter the time, he wanted to wait. Or maybe he’d go in.
“Tired my ass. But apparently you’re fine to go clubbing.” He wanted to shoot them.
Singing I believe that lovers should be chained
together, and thrown into a fire with their songs and
letters, and left there to burn in their arrogance.
Kristen savored every moment of the night with him. She knew this would be their last night together. When she gave Justin the kiss good-bye, she knew the choice was clear. Justin was her love, the person she was meant to be with. It was unfortunate that she had to find out through the means of Brad but the point is she found out. Tomorrow she made plans to break it off with Brad, and later that day she plans to accept Justin’s proposal to move in. Until that moment she decided to enjoy her last few moments with him.
But as for me I’m coming to my final failure, I’ve
killed myself with changes trying to make things
better, but I still ended up becoming something other,
that what I had planned to be.
Justin figured that they would be in there till about three so he decided to take a bit of a detour to a pawnshop. As he pulled up he quickly searched for something worth value in his car.
“How can I help you man?”
“Hey, I need to get some protection if you know what I mean.” Justin leaned into the fence staring the clerk in the eye.
“There’s a drug store about four blocks down. We don’t sell that kind of stuff here.”
“Not that kind of protection, the kind you need I someone attacks you.”
“Oh. Well then. How much you got and I’ll tell you want I can get you.”
“I have credit cards and this.” Justin pulled out a diamond engagement ring.
“Man, I’m not one to pass up a good deal but this is insane, I can’t accept this.” The clerk gave back the ring.
“It’s not enough?”
“Try too much. You seem like a good guy. Keep that and give it to the girl it belongs to. If you got something else I’ll take a look at it.”
Justin sighed. This night just wasn’t going his way. “Listen fucker, show me what you got, I’ll decide if I want to give this up, or if I have something else.” Justin slammed his fist on the counter and the clerk complied.
'ALLRIGHT!'
Crowds shuffled out of the club and Justin still sat in his car watching intently. His eyes searched for the face that makes him feel complete. After a few moments he spotted her. Kristen and the asshole walked contently to his car, her eyes looked a dead, as if the end of something was approaching.
Justin figured they where going back to his apartment so he sped off ahead of them and waited by the entrance. As if he was waiting for the sun to come up, Justin simply watched the sky until he heard the familiar sound of a car.
“Justin, what are you doing here?” Kristen had a face of disbelief.
“Oh nice to see you too Kristen, and friend.” Brads stance seemed ready for attack.
“Justin, answer my question!”
“Okay, well see these past few months I’ve noticed you acting different and I’ve notice this white car with this guy ALWAYS sitting there. Well he was there today, and when I dropped off your purse the car was moved up and I saw a new leather jacket and an extra set of keys on your coffee table. Now see the Kristen I know would never cheat on me, but this Kristen that has been acting really cold towards me would, so I thought maybe I’ll hang about and see what would become of this white car. Low and behold the white car belongs to the leather jacket and keys. AND GUESS WHAT? Apparently so does my girlfriend. So I follow them all night and this is where I end up!”
“Oh my god. Justin, please let me explain.”
“NO! This is bullshit Kris! I’m Justin FUCKIN Timberlake, I don’t need this shit!”
“Wait-“
“NO! I’m not done with my story! So while you guys are out having the time of your life, I decide to take a little trip of my own. Wanna see what I picked up?” Justin pulled out a gun. “Like my little gift? I bought it just for you and your lover there.”
“Holy shit, Justin put that away!” Kristen face panicked and Brad’s attack mode was in place, only he was frozen.
“KRISTEN! I LOVED YOU! I STILL LOVE YOU! Right now just staring at you, looking terrified makes me want to drop this gun and just hold you.”
“Then you do it, drop it and come here. I’m sorry. Just come here, please.” She held her arms out and tried to lure him over.
“STOP! You’re cheating on me. I remember that you are cheating on me and I want to just kill you both. You have no clue how much you are hurting me. I was ready to ask for your hand in marriage and you do this to me! I EVEN HAD THE RING!”
“You want to marry me?”
“YES! But now look what you’ve done! Do you even love me?”
“I do, I do love you. You have no idea how much it pains me to see that I’ve caused you pain. I love you so much, please just come here.” She held out her arms again.
“Then why did you do this? Why are you giving your self to someone else? What did I do wrong?” Justin’s voice cracked and tears began to roll down.
“Nothing, it’s me. I’m a stupid girl who has realized her mistake. Please, just put the gun down and come here. Justin I love you so much, I want to be with you, I just want you and only you.” Kristen slowly walked over to him and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her, dropped the gun on the floor, and cried onto her neck.
“Why? I’m sorry I pushed you to him, I’m so sorry.” Justin continued to cry.
“I’m sorry I ever even thought to do this to you. You mean so much to me.”
They head a loud click of the gun and they separated only to see Brad holding the gun pointed toward Kristen.
“You fuckin’ whore.”
“Brad. What are you doing?” Kristen instinctively slid behind Justin.
“Hey man, put that shit down.” Justin held his hand out ready to jump at any minute.
“Kristen, you fuckin lead me on. I thought we would last. I Love you too, why not me? WHY!?” Brad’s eyes where glazed over and he had a determined look on his face.
“I’m sorry. I was gonna tell you this morning that I choose Justin.”
“I thought you loved me too.”
“I do, it’s just not the same thing that I feel for Justin. Please understand. If you truly love me you would let me go to be happy.” Kristen stepped out behind Justin and tried to move her way up but Justin’s hand stopped her.
“Fuck that. I love you. And if I can’t have you then no one can.” Brad pulled the trigger and Justin attempted to pull her away but it happened to quick.
Brad hit a somewhere in her chest. From the way she was reacting it seemed to be a lung.
“OH my god. Kris, are you okay. Hun, answer me.”
“It’s hard to breath.” Kristen’s eyes where closed as she spoke.
“Don’t talk. I’ll call 911.” Justin reached in his pocket for his phone but he remembered that he pawned the phone, all he found was the ring. “Shit. I pawned the phone for the gun. Ironic huh?”
She lightly laughed.
“Justin, I truly do love you, please remember that.”
“Sweetie, don’t talk.”
“I know I’m not gonna make it, I can feel it. Trust me it sucks to know you’re about to die.”
Justin realized this would be the last he’d talk to her. His eyes welled up with tears and he reached into his pocket.
“Kristen, I need to know this before you go. Will you marry me?” He pulled out the beautiful engagement ring.
She was able to softly smile and nodded. “Of course.” She made out in a whisper.
Justin put the ring on her finger and lightly kissed her lips.
“I love you so much, please forgive me.”
“I will if you forgive me.” Her voice was dieing out.
“Of course I do.”
He was able to faintly see her smile. And then her body went limp. Softly Justin set her body down and he saw Brad still standing there holding the gun, pointed towards Justin.
“YOU KILLED HER! Look what you did to the girl you claimed to love!” Justin yelled at Brad and started to make his way to him. Brad still had the glazed over look.
“Want me to kill you to!? I’ll do it. So you can be with you’re lover!” All Justin could do was stand there and stare him down.
“You son of a bitch, you’re a coward.” Justin turned around and knelt by Kristen, staring at how beautiful she still looked. The sound of the gun blaring was that last thing Justin heard before everything went black.
Now I believe that lovers should be draped in
flowers, and laid entwined together on a bed of
clover, and left there to sleep, left there to dream,
of their happiness.
Chapter End Notes:
Bright Eyes "A Perfect Sonnet"
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