Our trip to Tennessee changed everything. It was only the week before I trip that I realized that I might have feelings for Justin, but Thanksgiving just sealed the deal. We got to Tennessee three days before Thanksgiving and spent it with our respected families. We stayed for the whole week and it was nice to get a little TLC from my momma. He was so cute! I had to force him to go back to his mom’s and visit with her. My MOM had to reassure him that I would be fine. My MOM people! What the hell was my mom going to do, but he was just too cute that I couldn’t be annoyed. He came over and called everyday that I was with my mom. I spent the three days before Thanksgiving with my mother, and the days after I stayed with Justin and Lynn. It was during one of those days that I stayed with my mother that I began to question everything.
I heard the doorbell ring, and got up as quick as I could to answer it. “Just a second!” I called as I waddled to the door. I pulled back the curtain and rolled my eyes and smiled when I saw Justin’s face.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?” I asked smiling as I leaned up against the door.
“I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk with me.”
“Right now?”
“No, tomorrow. Yes right now. That is if you’re up to it.”
I shrugged, and ushered him in, “Just let me go get my jacket.” I said as I closed the door behind him.
“Alright. Hey are you and your mom coming over tomorrow?” He asked as he sat down on the all too familiar couch as I walked into my room.
“Yeah. We’re going to go visit grandma first then we’ll be over.” I called from my room.
“Mom’s going all out.”
“So is my mom.” I said coming out of my room. I closed my door and walked toward the couch where he was sitting. “Can you help me?” I asked handing him my coat.
“Sure.” He said grabbing my coat, and standing up.
“I swear she bought out the whole grocery store today. She’s planning on making all her stuff this afternoon and tonight. So my hunger pains are gonna be going crazy.” I said smiling as I put my arms through the sleeves of the coat that he held up.
“You could always stay with us.”
“You’re not sick of me?” I said smiling as I turned around.
“No, I actually miss you.”
“No you don’t.” I said hitting him on the arm.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Justin said. I was about to list all the reasons why, but he stopped me. “Don’t you dare.” He said before I could even speak a word. “Forget I asked.” He said smiling, as he grabbed my hand. “Come on.” He said leading me toward the door.
“Where are we going on this walk?”
“It’s a surprise.” He said letting me close the door behind me. I hate when Justin says he has surprises. You never know what the hell he’s come up with. But I was beginning to think if he led me to the end of the earth, I’d follow him.
“Does this look familiar?” Justin asked as I let go of his hand. I hadn’t seen this place in years.
“I haven’t been here in forever! It all still looks the same.”
The place was a park that we used to play at when we were all kids. The swings, the slides, it all looked the same. It had been so long since I had seen the place I was surprised it was still here.
“Push me?” I asked as I sat down in the swing.
“Who’s going to push me?” He said as he walked behind me and pulled the swing back to give me a start.
I laughed and we fell into a comfortable silence but it was soon broken as he sat in the swing next to me. “We need to talk.”
I saw the look on his face, and I put my feet out to stop. When I finally slowed down, I put a hand on the chain and turned to look at him, “What’s up?”
He grabbed the hand that was on the chain of the swing and took it in his, “I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.”
Immediately I thought the worst. He was having second thoughts on raising the baby, “You have?”
He smiled, “Yes I have and I have come to a conclusion.”
Trying desperately to save myself any devastation I said, “You’re having second thoughts aren’t you?”
“No I…”
“I mean I understand, seriously I do. You have a career you have to think about, millions of girls that you could have, and I understand all that.”
“Lori, will you shut up? You didn’t let me finish.” He said smiling and shaking his head.
“I’m sorry.”
“The conclusion that I have come up with is nothing about me not wanting to have anything to do with the baby or you. I want to do things right.”
“Umm, it’s a little late for that isn’t it?” I said smiling as I placed a hand on my stomach.
“Ok well not by the book right, but right none the less. I want to raise this baby with you, and I want to be apart of this child’s life and I mean every part. I don’t want to miss anything because she’s living with you in a different house. This baby has changed a lot of things for me, and put a lot of things in perspective for me. She’s made me rethink my priorities, and…everything.”
“What are you saying?” I asked. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?
“I’m saying…do you realize how much guts this is taking for me to do this?” He said with a smile.
Oh god I think I’m going to be sick. He’s not for real is he?
“I, I, I’m not sure wha-what you’re doing. So I can’t really say.” I said. Could you tell that I was nervous when I said that? Did he fall on his head earlier? He can’t be doing this.
“I love you. I really, really, love you. I love you and this baby, and I…” He paused for a minute and got out of this swing and crawled in front of me on one knee. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring. Yeah I’m definitely going to be sick. Holy shit! “I want you to marry me.” He said holding up the ring for me to see. Ok, he did good. He did really good. It was white gold, square cut diamond, and beautiful. It was simple yet elegant enough to catch your eye. How the hell did he know that was the exact ring that I wanted? Yep, just as I suspected. He was for real. Anyone see a place where I could throw up?
“Are you serious?”
He smiled and handed me the ring, “Yes I’m serious.”
“Justin this…you’re really serious?”
“Yes. One hundred and ten percent positive I am serious.”
“Justin you can’t be.” I said.
Do you know how many girlfriends this man has had? I do. I was never one of them. Of course he never got any of them knocked up either. I mean hello if you were me what would you be thinking in this situation? Ok, never mind I know what you would be thinking. You would be thinking he’s Justin Timberlake, hell yes marry him! But what if you were in my shoes, and were knocked up by your best friend, whom you have never had any sort of relationship with besides a kiss on Christmas Eve under the mistle toe that you couldn’t forget even if you tried? Whew, that was a long breath there. Anyway, seriously, if you were me wouldn’t you be thinking he was just wanting to marry you to make things right? Wouldn’t you think he was a little blinded by your ever growing belly carrying his child? Well that’s how I felt. With good reason ya know? He just bombarded me with this thing. I had no idea he was planning this. Although he was acting sort of weird around me during this whole week. Well actually ever since that night I found him in the kitchen. And since then he had been overly touchy, and possessive. But how was I to know he was thinking all this?
“I can’t except it.” I said handing him back the ring.
“What? Lori, why?”
“Because Justin, I don’t want to get married simply because we got pregnant!” I said standing up, and leaving him still down on one knee in front of the swing. I stopped at the edge of the swing set and leaned up against a pole with my back toward him.
“We wouldn’t be getting married just because of the baby. I love you, I really do.”
“Justin, come on! We haven’t even been dating. We can’t…no!”
“Who cares if we haven’t dated? I’ve known you ever since I can remember. There is not a memory that I have that doesn’t have you in it somewhere. I know you, you know me. You know me better than any girl that I’ve ever dated. That’s all that counts. Plus the fact that I love you.”
“So what if I do? You don’t know all my little quirks. What if you marry me and that turns you off?”
I was serious, but the dufus laughed at me. He really freaking laughed at me. I thought it was a serious question. I mean come on everyone knows that had to be the reason that Jessica and Nick broke up. They had never lived together before, and didn’t realize how much they really clashed. The classic divorce case of the neat freak and the slob. The Smart one versus the not so smart one.
”Quirks? Lori, if any one knows them it’s me. Some of the guys that you’ve dated for a year didn’t even know that your name was Lorelei.”
“You know all my quirks? Name one.” I demanded as I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Alright,” He said as he crossed his arms also. “When you’re nervous you bite the inside of your cheek. Like you’re doing now.”
I immediately stopped, and he smiled noticing that I stopped. He continued, “On New Year’s Eve you always seclude yourself from everyone and go outside for at least ten minutes. I never know what you wish, but I know you do.”
“How did you know that?”
“Come on I pay attention more than you think. Plus you’ve been doing it ever since we were teenagers.”
“So? That’s nothing. What if I leave my dirty clothes all over the place, and you can’t stand that?”
“I leave my dirty clothes all over the place, and you’re the one who can’t stand that.”
Ok he was good. “What if I leave the cap of the toothpaste?”
“You don’t do that either. You throw it away even if it the littlest bit crusty.”
Damn him! What did he do stalk me? “Ok you’re good. But still that doesn’t over rule the fact that we would be doing this for all the wrong reasons.”
“Lori, I love you. What part of that don’t you understand?”
“I do know you love me, but not the way that matters. Not the way I imagined it all for me.”
“Lori I do love you!” He said grabbing me by the shoulders, “I think the question is do you love me?”
The question that I so hoping to avoid. I was still trying to get all my thoughts in order, and he asks me what I already thought. Great. But I was NOT about to lie to him though.
“I…I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“Yes! I don’t know! I know I have feelings for you, but I’m still trying to get them all in check.”
He looked at me again, “You don’t know?”
Ok now I was starting to get annoyed, “What else do you want me to say, Justin? That’s just it! I do…not…know!”
“It’s a simple yes or no question Lori.”
“No it’s not that simple Justin. I want to be one hundred percent sure that I love you. Those are words that I don’t throw around easily.”
“So I do?”
“That’s not what I’m saying! You, of all people, know that those are words that I can’t say very easy. They’re hard. They’re especially hard to say to a man.” I said as a stray tear fell down my cheek. I could tell that he remembered why those words were so hard to say. He knew my fear of having a relationship that would end up like my mother and father. I was so afraid to love a man for fear that I would love a man like my father. I was stupid enough to let that guard down once, and regretted it ever since. He hurt me more than any of the three hundred assholes I dated. Like mom and…we’ll call him “sperm donor” from now on. Anyway, like mom and sperm donor, Adam and I were high school sweethearts. We started dating our junior year, and lasted well into my sophomore year of college. We were engaged actually, but all of that came to a screeching halt when I found him at home with another woman. He wasn’t with her like you’re thinking. Apparently this woman was pregnant with his baby, and it was a result of a fling that he had before we got engaged. He of course ordered a test and the girl was telling the truth. I in turn threw the ring that he gave me at his head, and a number of other things along with it. In the end I had a broken heart, and he was supposedly happily married and had a kid. All the things that was supposed to have been for me.
“Lori, I know. But I’m not your father and I’m not Adam. I would never hurt you.”
“You say that but you can’t promise me that.”
“Have I ever lied to you before?” He said wiping away my tears that fell down my face.
“Yes.”
“When?”
“When we were eight. You broke my New Kids on the Block CD and threw it away, but told me that I lost it.”
“That was on accident in my defense, but completely different in this situation.”
“Can I at least think about it?”
“Yeah. Yeah you can think about it.”
I smiled, and pulled my hand out of his grasp, “Thank you. Listen, my mom should be home by now. I need to get back and help her with all her cooking.”
“Can I walk you back?”
“I’ll be ok. I think I need a little time to myself.”
Boy, did I need time to myself.
“Will you at least keep this? Maybe it’ll help you make the decision.” He said grabbing my left hand and placing the ring on my ring finger. “That alone is worth marrying me.”
“Justin, you know that would be the last reason why I marry you.”
“Ah, but a reason none the less.”
“Not even a reason.”
“Ok then think of it as an added bonus. Along with my sexy bod.” He said wiggling his eyebrows.
“Shut up!” I said laughing. I looked at my hand with the ring on it. It really was a beautiful ring.
I started to walk away, and turned back to him, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yep.” He said waving at me. I waved back catching how my ring caught the sun light. Well I might as well forget about sleep tonight.
I think it was the next afternoon when mom and I were celebrating Thanksgiving with Justin and his family. It was a tradition that we had done over the years since it was usually just me and momma. Anyway, it was that afternoon sitting around the table with Justin sitting beside me that I realized everything. The way he would occasionally grab my hand under the table, and hold it for a while. The way that when everyone had to say what they were thankful for this year he said me and the baby. Then I started thinking about everything before us at this moment. I thought about how when no one else is there for me he’s always there. He knows everything about me. He’s never done anything to deliberately hurt me. Then I thought that if let myself love anyone, I wouldn’t want it to be anyone other than Justin. For the millionth time since Justin confessed his love for me, my mind returned to that kiss we had that one Christmas Eve, and I wondered if the reason I couldn’t ever get that moment out of my head was because I felt something for him then and just didn’t realize it. I had to see if it was still there.
We were clearing the dishes off the table for Lynn. Mom and Lynn had already put the food away, and Justin and I were left to do the dishes. He placed a dish in the sink, and he went to walk around me to grab more, but I stopped him with my hand. I stood there for a moment staring up at him, then I stood on my tip toes and pulled his face to mine, and I kissed him. I kissed him with everything that I had in me. I could feel…something rush threw me like fire, and he pulled me closer to him. Feeling as if I couldn’t breathe I pulled away. It was then that I realized…I’m in love with my best friend.
“Wow. That was…wow.” He said touching his lips and smiling at me.
“I have my answer.”
“To what?”
Was he really as dense as I thought he was? Seriously!
“The question you asked me yesterday, dumb ass!”
“Oh, OH! Wait which one?”
I sighed, smiled, and rolled my eyes, “Both.”
He smiled that cocky smile that’s sometimes permanently planted on his face, “Really? And what are your answers?”
I returned the smile, and did it better if I do say so myself, and wrapped my arms around his neck, “Yes, I’ll marry you. And yes, I do love you.”
“See that wasn’t so hard was it?”
Of all the men that I could have fell in love with it had to be this one. The one that has that sort of response to my declaration of love. Oh well, I guess I just have to take one for the team. God knows no one else would if they knew HALF the things I knew about him.
I was in love with Justin Timberlake.
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