JC gasped for air as he jerked awake, his chest heaving. It didn’t help that his heart was fiercely pounding. A tear fell down his cheek when he closed his eyes and tried to focus on taking deep breaths. He reached his right hand up to wipe the tear away only to realize that his face was wet from many more tears.

As his breathing returned to normal, JC noticed that Justin wasn’t sitting beside him like he had with the previous nightmares. JC glanced to his right and saw that the desk chair was facing the bed instead of pushed under the desk like it should be. It made him wonder if Justin could hear when he was having a nightmare, or if Justin knew he was having a nightmare because he was already in the room. JC hoped it was the former.

Not that he wanted Justin to know that he was having nightmares because he didn’t. He didn’t want any of the guys to know because there was no point in worrying them about something so stupid. Though, he had to admit that it was kind of nice waking up to Justin being there. It helped to pull him out of his nightmare quicker and made it easier to fall back asleep.

But JC didn’t want any of that if it meant that Justin was watching him. Justin needed sleep just as much as he did, if not more. JC had a sneaking suspicion that Justin wasn’t sleeping like he should. And it was all because of him.

JC sighed and ran a hand through his hair only to grimace when he felt that it was wet. Glancing down at himself, he realized that his t-shirt was soaked in sweat. Disgusted, he got up to grab some clean clothes before walking out of his room and towards the bathroom.

He turned on the water, sticking a hand under it to feel for the right temperature. Once he was satisfied, he pulled the lever up and the showerhead suddenly sprayed warm water. JC stripped, leaving his dirty clothes on the floor before he stepped into the shower.

The warm water beat against his chest and cascaded down the rest of his body. It was supposed to make him feel better and forget about his nightmare, but JC couldn’t stop his mind from wandering to the bad dreams he’d been having.

Unlike the last time he’d had nightmares regularly, these ones weren’t always the same. They were usually about the same thing, but there wasn’t a particular one that was recurring. And JC couldn’t decide if that was good or bad.

The first nightmare he’d had was about what could’ve happened at the cabin, which made sense since it was the thought that plagued his mind the most. That one most resembled the one that he’d had over a month ago because he was forced to watch the guys die by the demons’ hands. It’d played off what he’d seen before the devil had dragged him to the lake, and even in remembrance, JC winced as if he could still hear his friends’ bones breaking.

But that wasn’t even the worst part. Once they were dead, their spirits appeared and told him that it was his fault they were dead. That he should’ve done something to protect them. JC had begged for their forgiveness, but they’d just continued to blame him. When he’d finally woken up, he’d been such a mess that it’d taken Justin longer to calm him down.

JC had thought that nightmare would be the worst and nothing else would come close to being as bad, but he was proven wrong every time he had another one. A couple were similar to his first one, but even when they were different, they hurt just as bad.

One was the media’s reaction to all of them dying at the cabin. It was one of the few dreams where he hadn’t outlived the guys, but it’d still been horrible just the same. His body had been pulled from the lake, while the guys had been found just yards away with broken necks in addition to other injuries they’d sustained.

The world had been in shock because it’d seemed so sudden since no one besides the five of them knew about what’d been happening. But the thing that’d hurt most was seeing their families grieve. In all of his attempts to sacrifice himself, JC had never once thought about how his family or the guys’ families would react if he and the guys hadn’t made it out of the whole demon thing alive.

JC sagged against the cool tiled wall of the shower as he remembered how many tears had been shed in that dream. Their fathers had been upset, but it’d been obvious they were trying to hold it together because their mothers were bawling their eyes out. He’d never seen any of them so upset, and it killed him that there was a good chance that it could’ve happened. And he would’ve been the cause of it.

That reminded JC of the all those horrible memories that he’d been forced to relive after the devil had thrown him into the lake. To make it even worse, that’d been what one of his nightmares had been about. The agony he’d felt came back full force as he’d watched the memories play again in his nightmare.

Caught up in recalling the horrible memories he’d seen, JC was barely aware that he’d slid down the wall and was now sitting in the tub, crying as the water continued to hit him. JC was a perfectionist, which made watching his mistakes over and over again that much harder. Some of those memories he’d pushed to the back of his mind to try not to dwell on it and move on. But now that they were brought back to the surface, all of the guilt he’d felt came rushing back.

And it just increased when he thought about how he’d put the guys in danger and how it could’ve ended disastrous. It was his fault they’d even been involved, and JC knew they’d been lucky to make it out alive, especially with injuries that weren’t life threatening. Despite that fact, he wasn’t sure that it was over.

For some reason he had a feeling in his gut that the demons would return and continue to torture him by trying to kill the guys. JC knew that the guys believed that it was over, but it wasn’t as concrete for him. The devil had been after him for so long that it was hard believe that it would stop just because JC had survived the third attempt on being drowned in the lake.

It was ridiculous to think that a devil and a bunch of demons would stop torturing people just because some contract told them to. They were evil, and didn’t evil things break rules just because they could? If anything, you’d think their attack would intensify since JC had managed to escape spending an eternity in Hell.

That was something that terrified JC. The devil had to be pissed that he’d gotten away and would send even more demons after the guys as a way to punish him for escaping. And that was something JC wanted to avoid at all costs. They’d already gone through too much for everything to start back up again.

JC’s body shivered and he realized that the warm water had now turned cold. He slowly pushed himself to his feet, bracing a hand against the wall to help. Reaching out, JC turned off the water and opened the shower curtain to grab a towel from the bar. Another shiver wracked his body, and JC hurriedly dried off before he got dressed.

He’d just pulled a clean t-shirt over his head when he caught his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were red from crying, and his wet curly hair looked wild and unkempt. The thing that JC noticed the most was how scruffy he was. Normally he stayed pretty clean shaven, but there was probably about a week’s growth on his face.

JC opened the medicine cabinet to get out the shaving cream and a razor because he knew the guys would get on his case for not taking care of himself if he just left it. His hand paused from grabbing the shaving cream can when he saw some gauze sitting on the shelf next to it. It was then that he looked down at his left hand, which was still wrapped in a thick white bandage that was sopping from the shower.

He sighed as his right hand grabbed the gauze instead. Before he could shave, he had to change the dressing on his left hand. It’d been rebandaged at the hospital, and he’d been given even more antibiotics because his stitches had gotten infected from the lake water.

A minute later, a new clean bandage had replaced the saturated one. With his healing hand tended to, JC focused his attention on pulling the shaving cream and a razor from the still open medicine cabinet. It took him a few minutes to go through his usual shaving routine, making sure he got all the hair without nicking his face in the process.

When he finished, JC cupped some water into his hand from the running faucet and splashed it onto his face to get any residual shaving cream off. He patted his face dry with a hand towel that was hanging next to the sink. As he looked up into the mirror, he frowned.

Shaving hadn’t made him look any better. If anything, it made him look worse. His face was pale and his cheeks more sunken than usual. And that just seemed to be highlighted by his gaunt body. The t-shirt hung loosely on him and his jeans settled lower on his hips, showing JC just how much weight he’d really lost over the past couple of months.

He was finally able to see what the guys had been able to all along, which made him more understanding to why they’d gotten on his case so much about not eating. The person staring back at him in the mirror almost wasn’t recognizable. All this demon stuff had turned him into someone he didn’t want to be.

JC let out a frustrated sigh as he slammed the towel down against the counter. The force of it knocked the razor to the floor. He bent down and picked it up. When he straightened, he stared down at the sharp object in his hand.

If he was dead, then he wouldn’t have to live with the person he’d become. The person who willingly lied to friends and put them in unnecessary danger. JC hated the person he’d become. So much that he almost wanted to take the razor and slash his wrist just below the stark white bandage. His right hand tightened around the razor and he heavily sat down on the toilet, tears building in his eyes at the thought of suicide.

There was no certainty that it was over, but killing himself would end it for sure. It didn’t matter how he did it or where because the devil would get his soul regardless. And it would put everything right. He wasn’t supposed to have escaped, and JC knew that he should’ve fought Lance harder because he was doing the right thing.

This was his second chance, and he was going to take it. He blinked and tears fell down his cheeks as he stared at the razor in his hand and his left wrist. JC didn’t want to die, especially this way. His fear of needles extended to sharp objects, and the thought of cutting his wrists made him shudder.

But this was how it’d have to happen since he’d blown his chance at the cabin by letting Lance bring him back. With that thought in mind, JC took a deep breath before he brought the razor down on his wrist. His breath hitched as he pressed down on the soft sensitive skin, tears streaming down his face.

There was a fiery sensation in his wrist, and JC lifted the razor. He stared at his wrist and had to swallow the bile that rose in his throat. It was a small cut, but it burned even as it bled. Biting his lip, JC wondered if he could do this after all.

If he didn’t do it now, then he probably wouldn’t go through with it. And now was the perfect opportunity because it wasn’t like he’d be interrupted by the guys. They’d gone through so much for him. It was time for him to return the favor.

JC looked back down at the razor with his blood on it and his stomach turned again. The small cut was angry red against his pale skin, and he knew that slashing his wrists wouldn’t be a pleasant sight. By the time the guys would find his body he’d probably be dead even as blood would continue to flow from the gashes on his wrists, staining the white linoleum beneath his feet.

Another shudder wracked his body. He didn’t really want them to find him like that because it’d be a pretty traumatic thing to see. JC took another deep breath, trying to psych himself up to do it. He brought the razor closer to his wrist only to pause in hesitation, his fear of sharp objects rearing its head again.

As JC hesitated, he wondered if he really was doing the right thing. What if it really was over? He’d be killing himself for nothing. If that was the case, would he still go to Hell? JC wasn’t sure, but he didn’t really want to find out either. Going back to Hell and seeing those memories again wasn’t really something he wanted to do.

And it was going to hurt. Not only physically but emotionally too because the last thing JC wanted to do was leave his friends behind. The only reason he was going to do it was because he felt like he had to in order to make sure that it was over. But if it was over then it’d be stupid to.

There was too much uncertainty. It would be one thing if he knew for sure that it wasn’t over, but he didn’t. And he wanted to be one hundred percent sure either way. JC’s grip on the razor slackened as he let out a sob at what he’d almost done.

“Bad answer, bad answer,” Chris mocked from where he was sitting on the chair watching TV. He glanced at Justin. “Can you believe these people? ‘Besides America, name a country that starts with the letter A.’ Asia! Because I’m too stupid to know the difference between a continent and a country,” Chris said in a high-pitched voice, imitating the girl who gave the answer.

“It’s Family Feud,” Justin mumbled into the pillow his head was resting on as he lied on the couch.

Chris frowned as his attempt at making Justin laugh failed. He’d dragged Justin out of JC’s room nearly an hour ago to try to get him to at least relax. It was a new tactic that he thought he’d try since telling Justin to get some sleep didn’t do anything. So instead Chris thought that if they watched some TV and got Justin to relax enough, then he’d fall asleep.

But so far no luck. At least Justin was lying down though, so Chris still had hope that his plan would work. Justin needed sleep. No matter how much he tried to deny it. Chris had no problem forcing it on him, but he wanted Justin to sleep voluntarily. The last thing Chris wanted was to drug him like Lance had done to JC, but if he didn’t get some sleep soon it might come to that.

As the show went to a commercial, Chris let his eyes slide closed. He was exhausted. Last night had done a number on him. There’d been enough on his mind when he’d first gone to bed, but it’d gotten worse after he’d talked to Lance and Justin.

Chris had lied in bed, wrapped up in his thoughts for almost another hour before his phone had sprung to life. He’d jumped and scrambled to answer it before it went to voicemail or woke anyone up. It’d been Joey, which had been concerning considering how late it’d been.

But Joey had denied there was anything wrong when Chris had asked. He’d just wanted to call to check in and hadn’t wanted to do it while Kelly was awake in case she overheard some of it since he hadn’t told her everything. Chris had been curious as to what exactly Joey’d told her.

Joey had told him that he’d explained to her what he could, like JC being sick and his suicide attempt, except that he’d fudged the details on why exactly. Chris wasn’t surprised that Joey hadn’t told Kelly the truth because it was the same situation they’d faced when they’d brought in Derek to talk to JC. No one would believe them. He was just happy that Joey had told her something because it was important that he set things right with her.

Chris had then asked Joey how the rest of the day had gone, and Joey had said that they’d just hung out together as a family and watched some of Brianna’s favorite movies while eating some pizza. It’d been a relief to hear that things were already starting to improve at home for Joey, and that things were getting back to normal. Joey deserved to spend some real time with his family.

But then Joey had asked asking how everyone was doing. Chris had debated on lying to him about the nightmares that JC’d been having because he didn’t want Joey to worry about it and think that he had to come back. He’d ended up telling Joey the truth though because Joey would’ve been pissed if Chris had lied to him, especially since he’d promised to keep him updated.

Justin had been brought up too as Chris relayed what he and Justin had discussed earlier that night to Joey. Concern had been evident in Joey’s voice, but Chris had insisted that he got it all under control. Once Joey had been assured that Chris would call him if something else came up, they’d hung up.

It’d taken Chris another hour to fall asleep after that, so he was totally spent. Just then a loud buzzer could be heard, signaling a wrong answer and jerking Chris out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes and glanced to his right only to let out a quiet sigh of relief when he saw that Justin had finally fallen asleep.

Knowing that Justin was getting some much needed rest put Chris at ease. He gently pushed himself out of the chair so as not wake Justin. Stepping towards the coffee table, Chris reached out to grab the remote to turn off the TV only to pause. If the TV had attributed to Justin falling asleep, then turning it off would probably wake him. So Chris just left it go and walked out of the room.

As he was passing by the kitchen, he glanced out into the backyard. Lance was still sitting out on the patio with his laptop. He’d been out there for a couple hours now, saying that he was going to try to get caught up on reading through some contracts for FreeLance and A Happy Place. It didn’t surprise Chris because Lance had thrown himself into his work last time when he’d tried to take his mind off things. And after finding out what’d been plaguing him last night, Chris couldn’t blame him.

But Chris wasn’t concerned. At least not yet. He’d keep an eye on Lance, but right now it was all right for him to get back into work. It was something that was routine and normal for him, which would help put what’d happened at the cabin behind him. Chris would only pull him aside if he felt that Lance was overworking.

He continued walking down the hall before turning right to climb the stairs. When he reached the top and rounded the corner, he peeked into JC’s room only to find it empty. Chris frowned, wondering where he’d gone because he’d still been sleeping when he’d pulled Justin out of the room. But as he continued down the hall, he noticed that the bathroom door was closed.

Satisfied that he knew where JC was, Chris kept walking only to freeze when he heard sobbing. Immediately he took a few steps back so that he was standing in front of the bathroom door. He listened to JC cry for a second before he knocked the door.

“JC?”

Without waiting for a reply, Chris turned the door knob and stepped into the bathroom. JC was standing awkwardly by the toilet like he’d just stood up with his hands behind his back. Chris moved closer so that he was further into the bathroom.

“Are you OK?” he asked, frowning.

“Yeah,” JC mumbled as he wiped away his tears with his right hand while his left remained behind his back.

Chris eyed JC suspiciously. Something was up. He rationalized that it could be that JC was embarrassed that he’d been caught crying, but Chris had a feeling that it was more than that.

“What’re you hiding?”

“Nothing,” JC said.

Chris’s eyes narrowed and he moved forward to cross the foot that separated them. He was nearly standing directly in front of JC when something clattered to the floor behind him. Craning his neck slightly, Chris’s eyes widened as he saw a bloody razor on the floor.

Bringing his attention back to JC, Chris glared fiercely at him as he roughly grabbed his right arm. He turned it over and looked at the wrist. When he saw that there was no cut, he threw JC’s arm down and firmly grabbed his left.

What Chris saw made his heart stop. He knew that there’d be a cut somewhere because of the bloody razor, but a large part of him hoped that it hadn’t happened. Chris inspected the wound and felt relief wash over him when he realized that it was a shallow cut that’d already begun to clot.

But relief was quickly replaced by fury. His left arm reached out to slam the open medicine cabinet closed. The sheer force caused the door to bounce against the magnet and return to its open position.

Chris couldn’t believe that JC had tried to kill himself. And he probably would’ve done it too if Chris hadn’t walked in on him. After everything that’d happened and what they’d risked to save JC’s life, he was just going to kill himself anyway?

“I can’t…how could you.” Chris couldn’t find the words to describe how angry he was at JC. Finally he settled on yelling, “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t going to do it, Chris,” JC said, taking a step back to put some space between them.

“The hell you weren’t!” Chris shouted, stepping forward. “You cut your freaking wrist!”

“But I changed my mind,” JC insisted.

Chris shook his head. He couldn’t believe that JC was trying to lie to him, especially if he thought he’d really believe it. Thinking about what could’ve happened if he hadn’t walked in got Chris’s blood boiling as his anger intensified.

“God, JC! I could just kill you right now!” Chris exploded, unaware of his poor choice of words.

JC flinched and backed away from him. Chris abruptly turned his back on JC and took a deep breath. He held it as he counted to ten before he let it out. Yelling at JC wasn’t going to do any good. The only way to find out what the hell made him even think about committing suicide was to calmly talk to him.

Chris saw movement out of the corner of his eye through the mirror. JC was trying to sneak past him. Probably to go to his room and avoid the conversation that he had to know was inevitable. But there was no way Chris was going to allow that.

In one smooth motion, Chris reached out to slam the door closed as he spun on his heel to face JC. “You’re not going anywhere. Not until we talk about this.”

JC didn’t say anything, but took a few steps back as Chris passed him. Chris sat himself down on the edge of the bathtub. He watched as JC shifted his weight from foot to foot while his eyes darted around the room, looking at anything but Chris.

Finally Chris had enough and gestured to the toilet that was directly across from him. “Sit down,” Chris said calmly but in a tone that meant business.

JC slowly lowered himself onto the toilet, but continued to look down at the floor. Chris knew that this was the last thing JC wanted to deal with right now, but it was necessary. If he let this go, then he wasn’t a very good friend.

“Why would you want to kill yourself?”

JC sighed. “Chris…”

“No, I’m really asking this time,” Chris said, knowing that JC probably thought he was berating him again.

“Can’t we talk about this later?” JC asked, still avoiding Chris’s gaze.

“No.” Chris shook his head. He remembered back to nearly two months ago when JC had been having nightmares and told them he’d talked to them later. But later always translated to never for JC, and Chris wasn’t going to let him get away with that again. “We’re not leaving this room until you talk to me.”

JC didn’t say anything, and the room lapsed into silence. Chris sat there, waiting for JC to say something. But silence continued to reign over the room and after nearly a minute, Chris’d had enough. He’d given JC some time to get his thoughts together and he’d yet to say anything. They were there to talk, and they were going to whether JC wanted to or not.

“Would you freaking say something?” Chris snapped.

“You shouldn’t expect me to talk when you yell at me like that,” JC said.

Chris sighed and rubbed at his forehead. JC was right, and it was something he’d already known. Yelling wasn’t something JC responded well to, so Chris had to keep his temper in check. That was the only way to find out what was really bothering JC.

“I just want you to talk to me,” Chris said, his voice calm and even.

“Well, I don’t want to talk to you,” JC replied.

“Why not?”

JC raised his eyes to look at him. “Because it’s impossible to talk to you. Your mind is already made up, so you won’t listen to me.”

“That’s not true,” Chris objected, feeling a little hurt. It would be one thing if JC didn’t want to talk period, but hearing that JC felt he couldn’t come to him stung.

“Yes, it is. You won’t understand. You’ll think I’m just being stupid.”

Chris leaned forward a little. “Then make me understand.”

“I can’t make you understand when you don’t want to,” JC said.

“What if I do?” Chris countered.

“You don’t. All you want to do is tell me that I’m wrong and scare me into never doing it again.” JC paused. “Sometimes I feel like you don’t…”

“Feel like what?” Chris asked as JC stopped himself. They were finally starting to get somewhere. JC was going to open up to him, and Chris didn’t want to stop that. “Talk to me. I swear I’ll listen.”

JC sighed and hesitated slightly before he said, “I feel like you guys don’t listen to me anymore.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You guys yell at me whenever I do something wrong because you think I’m doing it on purpose, but I’m not. I know the way I handle things isn’t good, but yelling at me to stop acting like that doesn’t help,” JC explained.

“I know we probably haven’t handled things as well as we should’ve, but it’s not like you come to us to talk either,” Chris pointed out. Over the past month it’d been very rare to see JC outside of his bedroom since he spent so much time keeping to himself.

“Because you don’t listen!” JC exclaimed. “Even now you’re not even…you never try to look at things from my perspective. You just say that I’m wrong and think that I’m over it.”

“We try to look at it from your perspective, but usually the way you see things is jacked,” Chris said.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” JC said, gesturing in front of him with his hand.

“Well, what do you expect us to do?” Chris asked. “If you want to talk, then you should come to us.”

“I can’t just come to you.”

Chris frowned. “Why not?”

“Because it’s hard for me. I need you guys to come to me and be supportive,” JC said. “All I need is a push.”

Chris silently regarded JC. He seemed earnest with what he’d said. Thinking back to how they’d been dealing with JC and his problems, Chris knew JC had a point. He and the guys hadn’t tried really talking with JC, but there’d been so much going on that there hadn’t really been time. But now that it was over, it was time to finally have a serious conversation with JC and get him back to normal.

“All right.” Chris took a deep breath and let it out, his posture relaxing a bit. “We’re going to talk now, and I mean really talk.” He paused for a second before asking again, “Why would you want to kill yourself? After everything we’ve been through.”

“I just…I can’t handle it anymore,” JC said, quietly.

“Handle what?”

“You know what.”

Chris nodded. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Everything, all right?” JC replied exasperated. “Everything that’s happened…it’s too much to handle.”

“Why?” Chris asked.

“Because I can’t stop thinking about what could’ve happened.”

“You can’t dwell on that, JC.”

“I can’t help it. I try not to think about it, but somehow my thoughts always return to it. It consumes me and leaves me feeling depressed.”

“What do you think about?” Chris asked.

JC stared at him in disbelief. “I just told you.” He shook his head. “I knew you wouldn’t listen to me.”

“I am listening, JC,” Chris assured. “But I want to know specifically what you’re thinking about.”

“Why? What difference would it make?”

“I’m trying to help you. If I know what you’ve been thinking about I can—”

“Tell me that I’m wrong?” JC interrupted.

“Understand what you’re going through,” Chris corrected.

JC sighed. “I think about how you guys could’ve died, and I couldn’t do a thing to stop it. It was just like the nightmares I used to have. I keep seeing you die in my head, over and over.”

“But we didn’t,” Chris objected gently.

“Yeah, but we’re not any better off than we were before.”

“Of course we are! How can you say that?”

“None of you guys are sleeping really, and Justin’s injured again. Lance’ll probably throw himself into his work, and who knows if Joey’ll ever work things out with Kelly.”

“What about you?” Chris asked.

JC frowned. “What about me?”

“You’re not any better off than the rest of us. Your left hand’s still infected, you’ve lost a ton of weight, and you’re having nightmares again.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” JC asked.

“You’re upset about what’s happened to us. I get that. But what’s your reason for committing suicide that is just for you?” Chris paused. “What are your nightmares about?”

“Everything.”

“Like what?” Chris asked.

JC hesitated slightly before saying, “I’ve dreamt about you guys dying, all of the demon attacks, people reacting to our deaths…just everything.”

“But that all has to do with other people,” Chris pointed out. It wasn’t surprising because JC always seemed to obsess over what could’ve happened. But for him to do something as extreme as trying to commit suicide, he should have some personal reason that was just for him and no one else.

“What do you want from me, Chris?” JC asked, sighing wearily.

“I want you to think about yourself for a change,” Chris said.

“I have.”

Chris shook his head. “No, you haven’t. You’ve been thinking about what happened to us. What could’ve happened to us.” He locked eyes with JC. “Tell me one bad thing that’s happened to you, JC.”

“Well…” JC paused before reluctantly admitting, “The devil tried to kill me.”

“Exactly. Tried to, but didn’t. The devil failed, JC. You survived. We all survived, and that’s all that really matters. You know why?”

“No,” JC said quietly.

“Because as long as we’re alive, there’s no doubt in my mind that we can handle everything else,” Chris told him, repeating the words he’d said to Lance the night before. He still believed in what he’d said and stood by it.

“That’s a lot. I mean, you guys—”

“You shouldn’t worry about us, JC,” Chris interrupted. “You should worry about you.”

“I’ve made my peace with the devil trying to kill me. But you guys…it’s all the other stuff that hurts me.”

“Why does it hurt you?” Chris already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear what JC would say. If he would tell the truth, or make up some reason.

“Because you guys are my friends. I don’t like to see you hurt,” JC said.

“And the fact that you feel guilty about what’s happened has nothing to do with it?” Chris asked.

“No.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

JC sighed. “You don’t understand, Chris. It’s always been my responsibility to look after you guys, so if one of you gets hurt then I wasn’t doing my job.”

“That’s not your job,” Chris protested, frowning. “You are many things, JC. Singer, dancer, songwriter, musician. But you are not a bodyguard. You don’t have to look after us.”

“I want to.”

“Well, I don’t. Not if it means you’re going to make yourself feel guilty if something happens that’s out of your control,” Chris said.

“What do you want me to say? That I don’t care about what happens to you guys?” JC didn’t wait for an answer before he continued, “Well, I can’t. I care about you guys too much.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to stop being you,” Chris assured. “I just want you to say that you’re not to blame for what happened.”

“But I am,” JC objected.

“JC…”

“No, listen. None of you guys would even have been involved in this if it wasn’t for me.”

“If it wasn’t for your mom,” Chris corrected. “She’s the one who started all this, remember? You were just an innocent bystander who got screwed over.”

“Doesn’t make me feel any better,” JC mumbled.

“Well, it should. You’re placing all this unnecessary blame on yourself when you should be placing it on her.”

JC groaned. “Don’t start this again.”

“I just don’t want you to blame yourself. None of what happened is your fault,” Chris insisted.

“You’ve told me this a thousand times.”

“Well, you don’t listen,” Chris replied.

“Yes, I do. I just can’t help how I feel,” JC said. “Do you want me to lie? To say what you want to hear? I could tell you I don’t feel guilty, but it wouldn’t be true.”

“You have no reason to though.”

JC sighed and ran a hand through his now damp curls. “Look, I know it’s not my fault. At least not directly. I know that it’s irrational. But none of that changes how I feel.”

“Is that guilt enough to make you commit suicide?” Chris asked. It’d always been common knowledge that JC had felt guilty, and that it was just part of his nature. But hearing that JC knew what he was feeling was wrong and couldn’t help it was new. And more than a little disconcerting because guilt shouldn’t be the main reason he tried to commit suicide.

“I didn’t go through with it. I changed my mind,” JC reminded.

Chris leaned forward. “Why? What made you stop yourself?”

“I just…I couldn’t go through with it. I knew it was going to hurt and I didn’t want to cause myself that much pain.”

“And yet you do it all the time,” Chris said.

JC shifted and averted his eyes. “That’s not the same.”

“Yes, it is,” Chris insisted. “The only difference is that now you’re causing yourself unnecessary pain with no regard to how it’ll affect us.”

“I thought I was doing it for you,” JC said, quietly.

“Thought?” Chris repeated. “You don’t know?”

JC shook his head slowly. “I just…I don’t know anymore. I’m so confused.”

“Well, I can tell you that killing yourself would’ve been selfish. I mean, how could you possibly commit suicide for us?”

Suddenly Justin’s words came rushing back to Chris. He’d been watching JC to make sure he didn’t sneak off to the cabin to end things. But what if suicide was his way of ending things? To make sure that it was over?

“Justin was right,” Chris mumbled to himself as he rubbed his jaw.

JC looked up at him, confusion evident on his face. “What?”

“You don’t think it’s over.” Chris met JC’s confused gaze. “Do you?”

“I don’t know,” JC admitted softly, his eyes filling with tears.

Chris stared at him in disbelief. “How can you not know? It’s over. You survived the three attempts on your life, so the devil’s gone. End of story.”

“How do you know?” JC asked. “How do you know it’s over?”

Chris shrugged. “I just know.”

“I can’t just know. I need proof.”

“We’re alive, JC. That should be proof enough. We never would’ve been able to leave the cabin if it hadn’t been over,” Chris said.

“I know it’s stupid to think that it might not be over, but I can’t help it,” JC replied, a tear falling down his cheek. “I want to accept that it’s over, but I don’t know how.”

“You have to trust me when I tell you that it’s over. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“I know.” JC sniffled as more tears started to fall. “I just don’t how to get rid of this feeling I have.”

Chris’s frown deepened. “What feeling?”

“That there’s something watching me. Trying to kill me. Trying to kill you guys.” JC lifted his hand to wipe away some tears even as they continued to make their way down his face. “I’ve just gotten so used to it.”

Chris sighed. He had no idea that some of JC’s problems ran so deep. But he should’ve expected it because JC had fought them a lot last time on whether or not it was over. Seeing how upset it made him now made it easier to understand why he’d been having such a hard time with it all.

“JC…”

“I know it’s stupid, and I’m probably wrong. But I can’t change that. I’ve always been like this…protective, paranoid, guilty…but I don’t know how to change.” JC looked up at Chris, giving up on wiping away the steady stream of tears and said brokenly, “I need help.”

Chris was on his feet in an instant. He closed the gap between them and gently pulled JC to his feet. JC didn’t fight him and wrapped his arms around Chris as he pulled him in for a hug.

“We’ll figure something out. You’re not going to go through this alone,” Chris said.

JC’s chest heaved as he cried, and Chris rubbed his back soothingly. Chris hated seeing JC upset. This wasn’t as bad as last time had been, but it was still hard to see JC like this. But then Chris suddenly remembered that shortly after JC had cried to him that he didn’t want to die, JC had taken off.

Gently he pulled away from JC and eyed him warily. “Can I trust you?” Chris asked.

JC sniffed as he looked at him in surprise. “Of course.”

“We’ve been through this before,” Chris reminded. “The night before you took off. You had me believing that you didn’t want to die, but then you left anyway. So you obviously just told me what I wanted to hear. Is that what you’re doing now?”

“No,” JC protested. “I want your help.”

“I don’t know if I can trust you. I mean, you knew exactly what to say and do to get us off your back,” Chris said. “You manipulated us into believing what you wanted us to believe, especially Justin. He was so happy to have you being so cooperative, and you used that against him.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Yes, you did. Otherwise you wouldn’t have done it. You knew exactly what you were doing. But we’re not going to fall for it anymore.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” JC said.

Chris let out a frustrated sigh. “JC…”

“I can’t help it,” JC repeated. “I don’t like what’s happened to me and the person I’ve become. I hate myself for what I’ve done. I hate myself so much I just want to…”

“Commit suicide?” Chris finished for him.

JC shook his head. “I don’t even know why I wanted to anymore. I don’t know what’s going on in my head, and I’m just so confused and scared. I want it all to go away.

“I’ll even do therapy if I have to,” JC added desperately. “I just want it all to go away.”

“Want what to go away?”

“All these feelings. I want to stop feeling responsible for everyone and everything. I want to stop feeling guilty. I want the nightmares to go away.” JC locked eyes with Chris. “I want to know for certain that the demons are gone.”

Chris searched JC’s eyes for any hint that he was lying, but all he found was sincerity and desperation. JC wanted help, and Chris wasn’t going to turn that down. It was a huge improvement from where they had been.

“All right,” Chris said. “I believe you. The guys and I’ll help you, but you have to listen to us.”

“I will,” JC said, and Chris could tell he meant it. He looked closer at JC and saw that his shoulders were hunched. His face was haggard and pale. No doubt everything that’d happened had taken its toll.

“You look exhausted,” Chris told him. “Maybe you should lie down and try to take a nap.”

“OK,” JC agreed easily. Chris nodded and gently steered JC out of the bathroom. They walked down the hall before entering JC’s bedroom.

Without a word, JC slid underneath the covers and lied down. Chris watched as JC’s eyes drooped sleepily. It amazed him that JC was already so close to sleep, but he wasn’t going to fight it. JC needed sleep, and it was refreshing that he actually was trying to take care of himself instead of ignoring it like he’d done before. With that in mind, Chris left him alone to sleep, closing the door softly behind him.