Lance sat quietly in his study, staring with unfocused eyes at the open contract on his computer screen. He’d gone in there nearly two hours ago with every intention of continuing where he’d left off when he’d first reentered the house. It hadn’t exactly worked though because his mind kept drifting to JC.

Every time he tried to read through a contract, he’d never get farther than a few paragraphs before his worry for JC pushed itself to the forefront of his mind. Normally work served as a distraction, but not this time. And Lance decided to stop fighting it. He obviously wasn’t going to get anything else done today, so there was no point in trying.

But to be honest, work seemed so insignificant compared to what’d happened earlier, or in JC’s case, almost happened. And his mind was still reeling from it all. It was hard to wrap his head around the thought that JC was going to kill himself. Even knowing JC wanted help didn’t make what he’d almost done easier to swallow.

That’d definitely been the case with Joey. Lance and Chris had called him shortly after they’d gone downstairs. It was something that’d needed to be done and since Justin and JC had been talking, it’d given them the opportunity to do so.

Chris had done most of the talking with Lance interjecting things here and there. Naturally, Joey had been shocked when they’d told him what JC had tried to do. So much so that it’d gotten uncharacteristically silent on the other end. But it’d been understandable considering all of them had trouble believing it.

Lance had felt bad that Joey had to find out that way because that was definitely something that shouldn’t be told over the phone. But there hadn’t been any other options. Joey had just gone home, and he couldn’t come back without disrupting what he’d started to fix with Kelly.

That was why Chris had made him promise that he would stay home and let them handle it. And to Joey’s credit, he agreed and had kept that promise. So far anyway. But since he couldn’t be there, Joey demanded to know exactly what’d happened.

Chris had explained everything the best he could with Joey interrupting with his own questions. It’d been difficult to explain why exactly JC had tried to commit suicide, especially since it was so complicated. Lance was still kind of confused about it, but it almost made him understand JC better. If Lance was confused, then JC must be feeling ten times more confused.

But Joey had seemed to take it in stride. Probably trying to process everything they were telling him. Except for the mention that they were thinking about putting JC into therapy again. Almost immediately Joey had voiced what a bad idea it was.

Lance had objected, saying that it might be worth a try. But Joey had been very adamant, pointing out that the last session had been nothing short of a disaster. He’d insisted that putting JC into therapy again would only further aggravate him and could possibly push him into trying suicide again.

So they’d talked for a while about what would happen if they did put JC in therapy. Joey had asked him who they would get and what they’d even tell them since the truth was obviously out of the question. Both of which were good points.

They’d discussed bringing Derek back because he’d already been there once before. Chris had objected. Not because he didn’t think they should put JC into therapy, but because he didn’t trust Derek. But in the end, nothing had been decided when they’d hung up with Joey after promising to call him once they figured out what they were doing.

Lance had a long talk with Chris afterwards, picking up where they’d left off on the decision of whether or not to look into therapy. Chris had been just as adamant as Joey with his opinion, only he strongly believed that JC needed professional help. But Lance didn’t agree because while he’d originally thought that therapy might be a good idea, talking to Joey had made him realize that it shouldn’t be their first course of action.

At the time, JC had just tried to kill himself not even a few hours ago. It was too soon to be making such drastic decisions. Lance had explained to Chris that they should wait on therapy and try some other things first. They were going to help JC in any way they could, and therapy would always been an option. But it shouldn’t be their first choice.

Chris had reluctantly agreed, but had immediately wanted to figure out what they were going to do. Lance had understood the need to feel like he was doing something, but not a whole lot could be accomplished while Justin and JC were upstairs. He’d known that they had to be done talking by then and had to be sleeping.

Lance had explained that to Chris and had even suggested that he get some sleep too. Chris had looked exhausted, which wasn’t surprising considering they all had been lacking in the sleep department. There hadn’t been any real acknowledgement from Chris that he’d try to get some sleep when Lance had left for his study.

But he’d heard Chris moving around the house. There had even been a few times that he’d seen Chris pass by the doorway. Lance had thought about saying something to him about it, but left it go. Chris hadn’t known what to do with himself because he always needed to be doing something, especially when he felt a plan of action needed to be established.

The house had been completely still for the last half hour though, which led Lance to believe that Chris had finally fallen asleep somewhere. His money was on the couch in the living room because he hadn’t seen Chris pass by his door again to go upstairs. Lance was glad that Chris had managed to stop thinking enough to let himself rest.

Not that he had any room to talk because here he was sitting in his study unable to work because his thoughts were consumed with a way to help JC. But Lance couldn’t help it. Just like he knew Chris and Justin couldn’t either.

He’d taken JC’s plea for help to heart. It seemed like a step in the right direction that he was finally admitting that he needed help. There was no easy way to help JC, but Lance wanted to come up with something. The responsibility weighed Lance down because he didn’t want to do something that could ultimately make JC worse. It was hard to know for sure what could have a negative impact because he didn’t really know what JC’s true feelings were.

That was when Lance remembered the song that was still sitting in Justin’s car. JC always expressed everything he was feeling through music. He never held anything back, so it could help Lance get a good read on just how JC was feeling. The only possible fault was that whatever he felt in the song that he’d left for them might not apply now. But the only way Lance would know that was to listen to it again.

With that thought in mind, he pushed himself out of his chair, groaning as the movement stretched muscles that’d stiffened over the past couple of hours. Lance stepped out into the hall and quietly grabbed Justin’s keys off the small table. He opened the front door and walked over to Justin’s silver Mercedes that was still sitting in the driveway.

A minute later, Lance had the CD in hand as he walked back into his study. He ejected his CD drive and popped the disc in before grabbing a pair of headphones from his desk drawer. The last thing he wanted was to wake anyone up.

Lance slipped the headphones over his ears and pressed play through his music program. Immediately sorrow filled notes came to life before being followed by JC’s voice. Closing his eyes, Lance allowed himself to focus on the song and only the song, looking for something that would give him an indication as to what JC was feeling.

Already Lance could hear so much more than he’d been able to the first time he’d heard it when they’d been racing towards the cabin. He was able to focus more on the lyrics and the emotion that JC poured into them. And it made his heart ache.

The song dripped with depression, desperation, and helplessness. Despite Lance’s worry that it wouldn’t be relevant any more, it still seemed to fit with how JC was probably feeling at that moment. Obviously he had to be depressed and desperate if he’d been willing to kill himself. But there had to be something more to it.

Lance pressed play again as the song ended. It was through his third listen that he realized what he hadn’t noticed before. For as depressing as the song was with talking about giving up, there was a small bit of hope that peeked through.

JC had gone through a lot, but apparently he still believed that things could get better over time. Otherwise he wouldn’t have written it because Lance knew right away that this was a song purely for him and the guys. There was nothing for him to hide, and it didn’t matter if his feelings were contradictory because no one but them would see it and understand what it meant.

And Lance did. He latched onto the hope that was an underlying layer in the song. JC felt so desperate to make sure that it was all over that he could go to any lengths to ensure that. But at the same time, he wanted to believe that time would fix everything.

The song stopped again and this time Lance ejected it. He placed it back in its clear jewel case. It was too depressing to listen to anymore. But he knew more than he had fifteen minutes ago, and it was enough to push him into action.

Lance realized that time was probably what JC would need the most. At least at the moment. And the first step was to get him back to a normal routine, which meant getting him out of Lance’s house and back to his own.

Too much had happened there that it just served as a reminder to all of the horrible things that’d happened over the past month. JC couldn’t get better if there were constant reminders because he would surely let that guilt continue to weigh him down. He needed to be at his own home where he could get back into his normal routine.

But that didn’t mean that he could be alone. That would be a foolish thing to do, especially when JC was feeling so depressed and confused. And no matter how much JC may want their help, there was no way he’d willingly go along with all of them staying at his house with him just to watch over him.

That was why Lance was going to stay with him. If they all stayed with him, JC would probably just feel like he was being smothered. And that certainly wouldn’t help him get back into a normal routine because while they did spend a lot of time together, they weren’t used to living together under one roof. They hadn’t done that since they’d first formed the group and left for Europe.

Knowing that it would be better if he had a real reason to stay with JC, Lance picked up his phone and dialed his real estate agent. He was going to sell his house. If he had nowhere to live, he could easily use it as an excuse to crash at JC’s house because JC would never deny any of them a place to stay if they needed it.

The phone rang several times before a familiar female voice answered. He told her that he wanted to put his house on the market by the end of the week. His plan was to set up a storage space for him to keep his furniture at until he found a new place to live. She could do her walkthrough to appraise the house on Thursday to give him enough time to get all of his smaller things moved over to JC’s place and the rest of the guys to go home.

There was no objection from her, but she did want to know why he was suddenly selling his house. Lance told her that it was because he wanted to move closer to the city. His house wasn’t exactly in the country, but it was far enough away from the city that it made it a pain to drive into town. It was something that had always kind of bothered him, but he’d never had a reason to move once he’d settled. Until now anyway because he didn’t want to live in a place where a bunch of horrible things happened. It made him shudder just thinking about how much had happened in his house, and he just wanted out.

Once he hung up with her, Lance immediately set about making the arrangements that he’d mentioned. His first call was to a local storage place that was about ten miles away. It’d only taken him a matter of minutes to secure a container.

With that taken care of, he moved onto calling a U-Haul to move all of his stuff over to JC’s. He also hired a group of movers to transport all of his furniture from there to the storage container. His furniture was heavy, and it was something that was best left to the professionals. The last thing any of them needed was to throw their backs out or break a foot while trying to move his furniture.

Nearly twenty minutes had passed by the time he’d first picked up the phone to when he finished making all of his calls. Lance sat back in his chair with a sigh. He was glad that there was some kind of plan, and it was one that the guys wouldn’t object to.

Lance just hoped it would work as well as he pictured. It was going to be hard. There was no doubt about that, but Lance figured this arrangement would make everything easier on JC. Getting back to normal included not being hounded by all of them. So instead, he’d only get hounded by Lance, and that would be only if it was really necessary.

The whole objective was to get JC back to normal, but to not leave him alone either. Lance would be there if JC needed to talk and make sure that he was eating and sleeping again. He wouldn’t push, but at the same time, he would have no problem saying something to JC if he did start to relapse and neglect his health again.

At the very least the next month or so would be a struggle. But Lance was confident that it would all be worth it in the end. JC was going to get better even if his plan didn’t exactly come through, but Lance had faith that it would. Or at least start to help JC heal.

“What are you working on?”

Lance jumped in surprise and spun his chair to face the door. JC was standing in the doorway with his hair tousled and his clothes disheveled. He stifled a yawn and blinked blearily at Lance. It was obvious he’d just woken up.

“You scared the hell outta me,” Lance said.

JC gave him a small smile. “Sorry.”

“I guess I just got used to the quiet,” Lance said. He hesitated slightly before he asked, “Are you and Justin OK?”

“Yeah. We talked things out, so we’re good now,” JC replied and Lance nodded. It honestly didn’t surprise him. He figured they’d work things out.

“So what are you working on?” JC repeated and gestured to the screen behind Lance, breaking the brief silence that’d fallen over the room.

Lance turned slightly and saw that he still had his contract up on his screen. He turned his attention back to JC. “Nothing.” At JC’s raised eyebrow he amended, “Well, I was reading over a contract, but I decided to take a break.”

JC just nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets. Lance watched him and noticed that he didn’t seem to know what to do with himself. He wasn’t sure if JC had come to see him for a reason, or if he just wanted to see what Lance was doing. But since JC was there, he might as well start setting his plan to help JC into motion.

“Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you,” Lance said.

JC looked up at him, his face curious. “What?”

“What do you think about me selling my house?” Lance asked, staring at JC, waiting for his reaction.

JC frowned. “You’re moving?”

“Yeah.” Lance shrugged and nodded. “It’s about time I think.”

“Why?” JC asked.

“I want to move closer to the city. I feel kind of isolated out here,” Lance said.

JC crossed his arms. “And the fact that a bunch of horrible things happened here has nothing to do with it?”

“Guilty,” Lance admitted. He honestly wasn’t surprised that JC had picked up on it because he knew when one of them wasn’t being completely truthful. “But I really have been thinking about selling my house.”

“Well, you don’t need my approval,” JC said.

“No, but I do need a place to stay.” Lance paused briefly. “Would it be all right if I stayed with you?”

There was barely any hesitation before JC said, “Yeah.”

“You sure? I don’t want to put you out. It’d just be until I can find a new house,” Lance said.

“You know you’re always welcome at my house,” JC told him with a knowing look.

JC wasn’t fooled for a second. That much was obvious. He must know that Lance was using the excuse of selling his house to stay with him so he could keep an eye on him. But he wasn’t objecting to it like Lance thought he might. It was almost as if JC wanted one of them there.

“Well, thanks,” Lance said. “I’ve got a U-Haul set up for tomorrow morning. Is that all right?”

JC shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, I haven’t been home in a while, but it’s not like I left it a mess. I’m not Justin.”

“Thank God for that,” Lance said and chuckled. He smiled at JC. The slight smile in return made Lance feel that maybe they’d be OK after all. It wasn’t much, but the jab at Justin was something that was normal for them. There would still be a lot of work to do before JC was one hundred percent better, but it felt like they were already off to a decent start.

The room lapsed into a fairly comfortable silence. Lance wasn’t sure exactly what to say now. He hadn’t expected JC to come walking into his study. But glancing at JC, it looked like he didn’t know what to say either. It seemed like he wanted to say something, though. Why else would he still be standing in the doorway?

JC’s eyes lowered from Lance’s to the desk behind him. They widened in shock and nervousness. Lance turned to follow his gaze and saw that he was staring at the jewel case that held the CD labeled ‘Dear Goodbye.’

“You listened to it?” JC asked with an anxious look.

“Yeah, we all did,” Lance said.

JC frowned. “When?”

“On the way to the cabin.”

“Oh,” JC said quietly. He shifted uncomfortably in the doorway and his eyes wandered around the room. They never once met Lance’s own green ones. Lance had to put JC at ease before he bolted out the door.

“It’s a beautiful song,” Lance told him. He was going to stay away from talking about the actual content of the song unless JC brought it up. Because it was obvious that he was uncomfortable with the idea of them having heard the song. And there would be enough time over the next month or so for them to talk that Lance didn’t feel he had to push.

JC finally met Lance’s gaze in surprise. “What?”

“I’ve never heard anything like that before,” Lance repeated.

“You’re not mad?” JC asked, eyeing him warily.

“I can’t be mad if that’s how you really feel. I may not like it, but I know that’s not going to change why you wrote it.”

And Lance truly believed that, especially after listening to the song more. There were such heavy feelings in the song that it wasn’t likely JC would’ve changed. But that was something that he’d work on with JC to change later. Right now he was focused on putting JC at ease.

Lance paused. “But I meant what I said about it being really beautiful. I didn’t know you could write that like.”

JC shook his head sadly. “I’m a fraud.”

“What are you talking about? You’re one of the most talented people I know,” Lance said, frowning. He wasn’t exactly sure where this was coming from, but he didn’t like it. JC didn’t need something else to make him feel worse.

“But I don’t work for it. I never have,” JC replied.

“That’s not true. No one works harder than you.”

“You’re wrong,” JC denied, his voice taking on a monotone quality. He looked over at Lance. “You once told me that some people have to actually try to be successful, and that I wasn’t one of those people.”

Lance’s frown deepened in confusion before realization hit him. JC was talking about that time at the dance studio that he’d seen while he was in JC’s head. It’d hurt him at the time to see how horribly he’d treated JC when he took his frustration out on him. But seeing the effects of it and that JC believed the things he’d said made it hurt even worse.

“So you’re saying that just because you don’t struggle as much as some people that you aren’t as talented as them?” Lance asked.

“It makes sense. You had to work at your talent, and I’ve done nothing to deserve what I’ve got,” JC said.

“Are you saying that Justin doesn’t deserve what he’s got?”

JC’s eyes widened. “What? No, of course not.”

“Then how can you say that you don’t deserve the recognition you’ve gotten from your fame if Justin does? Justin’s naturally talented at everything, especially music,” Lance said.

“That’s not the same,” JC replied.

“How?”

“Because Justin’s talent didn’t come from a devil!” JC exclaimed as he threw his hands up in the air, clearly growing frustrated with the conversation.

Lance crossed his arms over his chest. “Neither did yours.”

“Yes, it did,” JC insisted. “I’m nothing but a fraud. A talentless fraud.”

“JC, you didn’t make a deal with a devil. You’re not held accountable for what your mom did.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean that my talent is my own. I’ve had an unfair advantage,” JC said.

“You have not,” Lance objected. “You got your talent from your mother just like any other kid. The deal didn’t directly involve you, so stop thinking you have some artificial talent because it’s real.”

“But—” JC started to protest, but Lance cut him off.

“Obviously you don’t agree, but I want you to know that you are talented. You may think it’s tainted, but to write a song like Dear Goodbye and sing it with as much emotion as you did…it has to be pure. And that’s not something you could get from something so evil.”

JC didn’t say anything, but the lines on his face seemed to relax a little. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. Lance wasn’t sure if JC actually believed what he’d said, but at least he was willing to go with it. For the moment anyway.

Lance knew a major reason JC had a hard time believing that he was naturally talented was because of what the devil had said to him back at the cabin. It’d gone on about how talentless JC was, and JC took it to heart, believing every word it’d said. But hopefully what Lance had said would sink in eventually.

JC was silent and Lance watched him carefully. He wondered what JC was thinking about at that moment. If he really did believe him, or if he was just going along with it because he didn’t want to fight with Lance about it anymore.

But Lance could know what he was thinking. Their connection provided him with a channel into JC’s mind, but he didn’t want to go there. He’d always prided himself on managing to respect JC’s privacy with that one exception where he’d gone into his mind to find out what his nightmares were about.

At first their connection had seemed like a good thing. And it was…to a certain extent. The downfall to it was that it’d caused a rift between him and JC. Lance wasn’t sure when exactly JC had turned against their connection, but he wanted things to go back to normal.

“I wish you’d told me that you hated our connection,” Lance said.

“I never said I hated it,” JC replied.

“That’s not what you told Joey.”

“I just…It just gets annoying sometimes.” JC saw Lance frown and added, “You’re just always there even if you’re not saying anything. I’m never really alone.”

Lance rubbed at his head before letting his hand fall to his lap. “Why didn’t you just tell me that before?”

“What good would it have done? It’s not like you can make it go away.”

“No,” Lance agreed. “But it’s probably not going to just disappear. We have to figure out how to live with it without pissing each other off.”

“I don’t know if we can,” JC said quietly.

“We did before,” Lance pointed out.

JC shook his head. “It was different then. We were still learning about it and getting used to it.”

“So what are you suggesting we do? Just ignore it?”

“Sure.” JC shrugged. “Why not?”

“Because that’s not going to solve anything,” Lance said.

“What are you talking about? If we don’t use it, then we don’t have to worry about it anymore,” JC replied.

“But I don’t want to just stop.” Lance sighed. “Look, JC, I know you’re afraid that I’m going to invade your privacy again. But I couldn’t even if I want to. I mean, you block me anytime I try to talk to you.” He paused slightly. “And maybe that was our problem.”

JC tilted his head. “What?”

“We shouldn’t use our connection to talk,” Lance said.

JC’s forehead crinkled even further in confusion. “So we are going to ignore it?”

“No.” Lance shook his head. “I’m saying that all of our problems started when I tried talking to you about you. It was something I tried to do to get you to talk to me, especially when the guys were in the room. So I think from now on we should actually talk to each other if we have something to say.”

“What if I don’t want to talk? You could just go into my mind anyway,” JC pointed out.

“I wouldn’t do that, JC, and you know it.”

“And yet you have.” JC narrowed his eyes. “Or don’t you remember?”

“Of course I remember!” Lance exclaimed. “You won’t let me forget it, and I feel just horrible about it.”

“Then you shouldn’t have done it,” JC said.

“I was trying to be one step ahead of you,” Lance told him.

JC blinked in confusion. “What?”

“You scare the hell out of me, JC. I never know what you’re going to do, especially when you’re upset,” Lance explained. “I wanted to know what your nightmares were about because I wanted to try to anticipate what you were going to do.”

“That still didn’t give you any right to go through my mind,” JC said.

“Well, I wasn’t the only one. You did it too,” Lance replied.

“Because you guys were keeping secrets from me!” JC paused briefly. “It’s one thing when I’m keeping secrets from you guys, but it’s a completely different thing when you four are keeping a secret from me. You alienated me.”

“I’m sorry, but you weren’t the only one alienated. You made me feel like I did something wrong because every time I tried to talk to you, you would push me away.”

JC sighed again. “I’m sorry about that, but I hate when you ambush me like that.”

“I know, and that’s why I’m saying that we won’t use our connection to talk about serious stuff anymore. We’ll go to each other if we have something to say,” Lance said.

“So then what are we going to use it for?” JC asked.

“The little stuff. You know, like when one of us forgets something or whatever. But all serious conversations we’re actually going to sit down and talk about.” Lance paused. “That should probably extend to the guys too. It’d be kind of rude to talk about them behind their backs.”

“Well, it’s not like they’d know.”

“JC!” Lance pretended to scold. He could see the corners of his mouth twitching upward and knew that he was kidding.

JC offered him an innocent smile. “What?”

There was a slight pause before Lance asked, “So are you all right with that? Just using our connection for small stuff, I mean.”

“Yeah.” JC offered him a genuine smile. One that he hadn’t seen in a long time.

Lance smiled back at JC. He hadn’t been sure what they were going to talk about when JC had first appeared in the doorway, but he was glad they’d talked. It seemed as if they were already moving in the right direction.

A minute passed in silence and Lance realized that JC was still standing awkwardly in the doorway. He was fidgeting like he’d done earlier, which further increased Lance’s belief that JC wanted to say something. Lance was about to ask him what he wanted to say, but that was when JC finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Lance knew immediately that JC was talking about his suicide attempt. It’d been something that they’d avoided talking about. And it made sense why it’d taken JC so long to say it because it was obvious that it took a lot for him to work himself up to admit he was sorry.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Lance replied, and he meant it. From what he’d heard from Chris and through the song, JC couldn’t help it.

JC stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds before he turned to leave. He’d gotten one foot into the hallway when Lance called him back.

“JC.”

JC took a step backwards and turned to look at Lance. “Yeah?”

“You know we care about you, right?”

There was a brief moment of hesitation before JC nodded, saying, “Yeah, of course.”

Lance offered him a small smile and JC weakly returned it before finally stepping into the hall. As Lance listened to JC’s retreating footsteps, he let out a heavy sigh. The hesitation seemed to contradict JC’s agreement, and it left Lance with an uncertainty that his plan might not work. One thing that was certain was that JC’s recovery was going to be a long hard road.