Lance sighed as he lifted his glasses to rub at his eyes, barely registering the breeze that swept over him. He’d been outside working for a few hours, and his laptop’s battery was nearly dead. But he felt productive because he’d gotten a decent amount done in the time that he’d been out there.

The only downfall was that he felt more tired now than he had before. It was his own fault for pushing himself to work, but it helped to take his mind off everything that’d happened. And did he need a distraction from that.

Talking to Chris last night had made him feel a little bit better and had lifted the weight off his shoulders. At least temporarily to allow him to get some sleep. It’d been nice to tell someone about what’d happened while he was in JC’s head. But Lance still wanted to talk to JC, and that wasn’t going to happen for a while. If at all.

Chris had said that they were going to give JC his space for now, but that he’d have to talk eventually. But Lance had his doubts. JC knew how to avoid talking to them, and he doubted that a threat from Chris would really do anything.

A balloon popped up in the lower right hand corner of his screen, catching Lance’s attention. It alerted him that his laptop’s battery was reaching a critical point. He sighed again and closed his laptop, knowing that he’d have to return to his office if he wanted to get any more work done. After gathering his papers, he tucked his computer under his arm and stood up.

Lance slid the back door open and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He walked down the hall towards his study. It was then that he heard creaking, and he glanced to his right to see Chris hustling down the stairs.

Frowning, Lance wondered why Chris was moving at a faster than normal pace. Immediately he thought something must be wrong, but he quickly shook that thought from his mind. If something was seriously wrong, Chris would be running down the stairs yelling for him. Still it was strange, but not alarming.

“I need to talk to you,” Chris said as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

“What’s up?” Lance asked, continuing into his study. He could hear footsteps behind him and knew that Chris was following him.

“There’s no easy way to say this,” Chris began.

Lance set his laptop on his desk and plugged the adapter into it. He carried his papers over to the file cabinet and opened it to file the contracts in his hand. Looking over his shoulder briefly at Chris, Lance said, “Whatever it is just say it.”

“JC tried to commit suicide,” Chris said after a brief hesitation.

Lance had been looking for a folder to file the contract in his hand only to stop when Chris’s words hit him. “What?” he asked as he turned, his shocked expression meeting Chris’s serious one.

“No,” Lance said, shaking his head before Chris could say anything. “He wouldn’t do that.”

“I hate to say it, but he did,” Chris replied.

Lance searched Chris’s face for any sign that this was just some cruel joke, but there was nothing. The lines of worry and stress across Chris’s forehead made him look older than he really was. It was then that the seriousness of the situation hit Lance like a ton of bricks.

Never had he imagined that JC would try to commit suicide. Sure, JC had tried it before with the summoning ritual, but that had been when the demons were after them. There was no reason for him to want to commit suicide now, so it was hard for Lance to wrap his head around the fact that JC had tried it.

“Lance? You still with me?”

“Yeah,” Lance said, shaking himself out of his thoughts. His eyes locked with Chris’s. “Is he OK?”

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Chris assured. “He barely broke skin.”

Lance’s eyes widened in disbelief. “He cut himself?”

“On his wrist,” Chris said, nodding.

Lance couldn’t believe that JC had tried to kill himself in that way. Out of all the ways that existed to commit suicide, Lance never would’ve imagined that JC would choose something that he was so squeamish about. Not that he would’ve imagined that JC would even want to commit suicide, especially now that everything was over.

“Where is he now?” Lance asked.

“In his room. Taking a nap,” Chris said.

“You left him alone?”

Lance wasn’t sure if that was the smartest thing to do at the moment, considering what’d almost happened. What could still happen. And that wasn’t something he wanted to worry about. Let alone think about. So he’d feel better if one of them was with him.

“He’s all right.” At Lance’s skeptical look, Chris added, “I cleared out all the medicine and razors. Anything that could possibly be dangerous.”

“You think he’s going to try it again?” Lance asked.

“No. I’m just trying to be on the safe side,” Chris said.

“What happened?”

Chris frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I would’ve thought you’d be watching him like a hawk. So what happened when you caught him?” Lance asked.

“We talked,” Chris said simply.

Lance raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t that Chris was incapable of talking because it was actually just the opposite. Chris was wise in ways that the rest of them weren’t, and they’d all had serious conversations with him at one time or another. But, at the same time, he had a temper that was easy to set off when something serious happened, especially to one of them.

“Believe what you want, but we did,” Chris said, seeing Lance’s skepticism. “We talked about a lot of things.”

“Did he tell you why he was going to commit suicide?”

As far as Lance was concerned, getting to the bottom of that was the most important thing at that moment. It was good that JC talked to Chris, but Lance wanted to make sure that the matter at hand was taken care of. JC had a habit of evading their questions, so while he might’ve talked to Chris, he could’ve been leaving some stuff out.

Chris sighed. “It’s complicated.”

“Well, you’re going to have to uncomplicate it because we’re going to have to tell Justin and Joey,” Lance said.

“I don’t think we should tell Justin,” Chris objected.

Lance frowned. JC tried to commit suicide and Chris wanted to hide that from Justin? It was impossible to hide something like this, especially considering that Justin hadn’t really left JC’s side since they’d gotten back.

“Don’t you think he’s going to notice when he goes to take some aspirin and there’s nothing in the bathroom?” Lance countered Chris’s objection.

“It’s just…he’s screwed up enough already.”  There was movement behind Chris where he was standing in the doorway. Lance felt his heart race as he saw that Justin was just behind Chris in the hallway. But before he could warn Chris, Chris finished, “He doesn’t need to know that JC tried to commit suicide.”

“What?”

Chris’s eyes widened in realization before he spun on his heel. Justin was staring at them with his jaw slackened. Lance’s heart continued to beat heavily against his chest. He hadn’t agreed with Chris wanting to keep JC’s suicide attempt from Justin, but he hadn’t wanted Justin finding out like this either. It was too late to do anything about it now though.

“It’s not…I didn’t mean,” Chris stumbled. Probably trying to take back his words. He looked at Justin. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

Lance had to refrain from hitting Chris upside the head. What difference did it make if he wasn’t supposed to hear it? He did, and all that mattered now was talking to him about it. Because if his reaction was any indication, he wasn’t taking it well.

“Justin…” Lance began, reaching out a hand to put on his shoulder. Justin pulled away tersely and his fists clenched as his face clouded over in anger. Before Lance could say anything else, Justin turned and ran up the stairs.

“Shit,” Chris muttered as he took off after him.

Lance was right behind him, matching him step for step. There was no doubt in his mind where Justin was going. That anger would be unleashed on JC, which was something they didn’t need just then. Chris hadn’t said, but Lance was sure that JC was too emotional to take Justin yelling at him.

He’d just reached the landing when Chris grabbed onto Justin’s arm just as Justin yelled JC’s name and was about to walk into his room. Chris pulled Justin away from the door, and Justin struggled against him.

“I could kill him!” Justin yelled as he continued to fight against Chris who was trying to pull him towards his room.

Lance stepped up on the other side of Justin and placed a hand firmly on his back to push him forward. Chris was having trouble keeping his hold on Justin compared to the death grip he’d had on JC’s arm back at the cabin. But Justin was stronger than JC, especially since JC lost so much weight.

Together the two of them managed to get Justin down the hall and into his room. Lance shut the door behind them as Chris shoved Justin onto the bed. He walked over and sat next to Justin on the edge of the bed.

“Just take a deep breath and try to calm down,” Lance said. He wanted Justin calm so he and Chris could try to talk to him about what’d happened.

“Calm down?” Justin repeated incredulously. “JC tried to kill himself and you want me to calm down?”

“Justin, we need to talk about this,” Lance tried again.

Justin sprung up from the bed only to be pushed back down by Chris. He glared at Chris and said, “I don’t want to talk.”

Lance sighed and looked over at Chris. It was his turn to try to get through to Justin. They needed Justin to be calm before they could really talk. Seeing him angry like this was strange, especially since it was directed at JC. Justin was normally always compassionate and knew where JC was coming from since he tended to know his thought process from them being friends for so long.

“Look, I know you’re mad and you have every right to be. But—”

“You’re damn right I do!” Justin interrupted Chris. “My best friend was going to leave me. Again!”

“But he didn’t,” Lance assured, placing a hand on Justin’s arm.

Justin shook off the hand. “Yeah, this time. What about next time? What do I have to do to get him to stay?” He glanced up at them. “Why does he want to leave so bad?”

“He doesn’t,” Chris said.

Justin scoffed and said sarcastically, “Yeah, that’s why he tried to off himself.”

“You need to let go of this anger,” Chris said.

“Why?” Justin mumbled.

“Because you were right. He needs our help. He needs your help.” Chris paused. “And you can’t do that if you let your anger consume you.”

“I can’t do it anyway,” Justin said.

Lance frowned. Justin seemed less angry, but something still wasn’t right. It was almost like he felt defeated. But why? It wasn’t like he told JC to attempt suicide. Though, that seemed to be along the lines of what Justin was feeling. Helplessness and guilt.

“Why not?” Lance asked.

“JC doesn’t care about me,” Justin said, his voice taking on an almost monotone quality. “He doesn’t care about any of us.”

“That’s not true, and you know it,” Lance told him. Justin was starting to freak him out. This was a side of him that he’d never seen before, and it just made him realize that he was just as affected by what’d happened at the cabin as JC.

Justin glanced over at him. “I’ve been with him, helping him with his nightmares. But he obviously doesn’t appreciate it.”

“JC didn’t try to commit suicide because of you,” Chris said.

“How do you know?” Justin mumbled around a fingernail that he was biting.

Chris pulled out the desk chair and sat down on it. “Because I talked to him.”

That got Justin’s attention.

“What’d he say?” Justin asked, raising his eyes to meet Chris’s. Lance leaned forward slightly too. Chris hadn’t really talked about what’d been exchanged between him and JC. But it looked like he was about to find out.

“He wants our help,” Chris said.

Justin’s face was a mixture of skepticism and hope. “He does?”

Chris nodded. “That’s what he said.”

“Do you think he’s telling the truth?” Lance asked, thinking back to the past week and all the lies that JC had fed them before taking off.

They had trusted him completely when he said that he didn’t want to die and was going to help, which allowed him to do what he had. It killed Lance that he had to be cautious when trusting his friend now, but they needed to know for sure if JC was serious about wanting help or if it was just another ploy.

“He seemed sincere,” Chris said. There was a slight pause before he added, “But I still took everything out of the bathroom that could be harmful. Just in case.”

“You don’t trust him,” Justin replied.

“Yes, I do. I’m just taking away temptation,” Chris said.

“So why does he want our help?” Lance asked, getting back to what they were originally talking about. “He’s refused he even has a problem any other time. What’s changed?”

Chris sighed and ran a hand through his hair, pulling on the ends slightly. “He’s realized that the way he’s been thinking and acting is wrong. He wants to change, but says he can’t. At least not without help.”

“And his suicide attempt made him realize this?” Lance asked.

“I guess,” Chris said with a shrug. “He’s really confused by it all.”

Justin frowned in confusion. “Confused about what?”

“He’s not exactly sure why he was going to kill himself,” Chris said.

Lance sat up alarmed. “Do you think something’s wrong with him?”

“You mean like physically?” Chris asked.

“There are some illnesses that can cause confusion,” Lance said. He knew it sounded ridiculous, but the thought that JC wasn’t sure why he was going to kill himself scared the hell out of him. Usually if you were going to commit suicide, you were sure of the reason. And it was more than alarming that JC wasn’t.

Chris shook his head. “I don’t think he’s sick. There’s just so much going on his head that it’s probably too much for him to sort out.”

“That still doesn’t really make any sense,” Lance said.

“I told you it was complicated,” Chris replied, his lips twitching upward slightly.

“What’s he confused about?” Justin asked after a few seconds, pulling them back into it.

“Well…” Chris hesitated, looking at Justin before continuing, “For one, he’s not sure if it’s over.”

Lance’s frown deepened. “Why not?”

“He says that he can’t get rid of this feeling that there’s something watching him. Something that wants to hurt us,” Chris said.

“Did you tell him that’s not possible?” Lance asked.

“He knows it’s not rational. That’s why he’s asking for our help,” Chris said. “He even said he’d do therapy again if he had to.”

Lance raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Really?”

Therapy hadn’t gone well last time. For any of them, but especially JC. So he must really be serious about wanting help if he was willing to put up with therapy. That gave Lance hope that maybe JC wasn’t as far gone as he’d thought.

Chris opened his mouth to answer Lance when there was a knock on the door. The three of them exchanged uncomfortable glances. There was only one person that could be, and it was the very person they were talking about.

A few more awkward seconds passed before Justin got to his feet and opened the door. JC was standing there looking a little timid and unsure, but obviously there for a reason.

“Can I talk to you?” JC asked Justin.

“Sure,” Justin agreed.

JC stepped back into the hall and motioned for Justin to follow him. Justin stepped forward and glanced over his shoulder at Lance and Chris. But then he was gone as he headed towards JC’s room.

Justin walked in the room just as JC lowered himself to sit on the edge of his unmade bed. He sat down next to him and stared at the wall, much like JC was doing. They sat in silence, but Justin was OK with that. JC might’ve sought him out, but his mind was probably racing with what he should say first.

Finally JC said, “You’re mad at me.”

Justin turned his head to frown at JC in confusion. JC caught this and added, “You weren’t exactly whispering, you know.”

Justin looked away from JC and turned his gaze to the plush carpet beneath his feet. At the time, he’d been so caught up in his anger that he just wanted to yell at JC. And he probably would have too if Lance and Chris hadn’t stopped him. But it didn’t surprise him that JC had heard him and brought it up. JC couldn’t stand to have anyone mad at him.

“I was mad,” Justin said. He glanced briefly at JC before looking back down at the carpet. “When I found out that you tried to kill yourself…I just couldn’t believe you would do that. I mean, I knew you’ve been having problems, but I didn’t ever think it’d get so bad that you’d want to commit suicide.”

“Justin…” JC started, but Justin didn’t let him finish. He didn’t want it to sound like he was blaming JC because he wasn’t.

“But I realized it wasn’t your fault. Chris told us that you’re confused and want our help.” Justin paused briefly. Thinking back to when JC had tried to summon the demon, Justin remembered that Chris had been livid. Even though he hadn’t said it a word, it was all in his face. But there wasn’t anything like that this time. “Chris isn’t mad at you, and if he’s not, then I shouldn’t be either.”

“If it’s not my fault, then whose is it?” JC asked quietly, staring down at his clasped hands as his forearms rested on his knees.

“No one’s,” Justin said. “Why does blame have to be placed on someone every time something happens? Sometimes bad things just happen.”

“You think it’s your fault,” JC replied.

Justin shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do. You’re blaming yourself for everything. Not just the suicide attempt,” JC said.

“No, I’m not,” Justin repeated.

JC continued as if he hadn’t heard him, “Me collapsing onstage, passing out in the bathroom, tearing up my notebook…you blame yourself for all of it.”

“You’re wrong, JC,” Justin insisted. “I don’t feel guilty.”

“Don’t deny it. I mean, look who you’re talking to. I know the signs.”

Justin frowned. “Signs?”

“You want to rip your heart out of your chest because the guilt just eats away at you,” JC said. “And you try to spin it a thousand different ways, but the only one that makes sense to you is the one that puts you at fault. It’s irrational, and it’s stupid. But in some twisted way it makes you feel better. It makes you feel like you’re in control. Like you can change something.

“You can’t sleep because your thoughts won’t let you, and you can’t eat ‘cause everything makes you sick. Even if you’re exhausted or starving, and it’s frustrating.”

JC paused and glanced at Justin before continuing. “I know how you’re feeling. I feel it too. But what I want to know is why?”

“Why what?” Justin asked, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. Sometimes it was hard to follow JC when he rambled.

“Why do you think it’s your fault?”

Justin sighed. There was no point in trying to deny it anymore because JC was right. He did blame himself. It’d been something that had been building for a while, but just really started to get to him recently. The past month or so had been so crazy, and they hadn’t had any time to really deal with anything. Now he felt like he was getting hit with it all at once.

“I let it happen. After what happened in the woods with the others…I knew you were upset and hurting. I swore I’d be there for you.” Justin looked at JC. “I wasn’t going to let you self-destruct because I knew you’d be heading in that direction if you didn’t deal with what happened.”

Justin paused and hung his head. “I did everything I could to help you, and you collapsed anyway. You did exactly what I thought you might do.”

Justin let out another sigh. He hated thinking about that night. It’d scared the hell out of him to see JC like that. But it’d just been a precursor of things to come because things had gotten worse. A lot worse.

“I thought you’d be OK. You stopped having nightmares, and everything seemed to be getting back to normal.” Justin shook his head. “But then all this stuff with my visions started. I was scared and going to you seemed like the best thing to do.”

“You can always come to me,” JC said.

“I know,” Justin agreed. “But I think the more you tried to help, the more I regressed to when we were kids and I thought you were superhuman or something because you could fix anything. I think I wanted to go back to a time where things were easier and more comfortable.”

Justin stopped to get his thoughts in order. It seemed that he was like JC in that he had a tendency to ramble too, and his thoughts got all jumbled. He wasn’t sure exactly where he was going with this; it just seemed to pour out of him. But JC didn’t say a word like he understood and was giving Justin time. And he probably did.

Collected, Justin continued. “You know when I stopped thinking you were perfect?”

“No,” JC said softly, shaking his head.

“It was in the middle of the lawsuit. Despite everyone saying that we’d lose everything, I wasn’t afraid because I knew you’d fix it. But then when you got sick in the courthouse bathroom after the first day of the trial I realized you were terrified and all the stress was getting to you.

“And over the past month, I’ve lost sight of that. I went back to seeing you as indestructible.” Justin glanced at JC. “You needed help, and I couldn’t see it. I wanted you to be OK, so I thought you were OK. I only saw what I wanted to see.” He shrugged. “That’s where I went wrong.”

As Justin watched JC struggle to come up with something say out of the corner of his eye, he realized that this conversation hadn’t gone like he’d wanted at all.

“And we’re talking about me again. This is supposed to be about you,” Justin told JC.

“It doesn’t have to be,” JC replied.

“But JC—”

“It can be about both of us,” JC said. “And I’m not going to talk you out of feeling guilty because it won’t do anything. Not if you truly believe it’s your fault.”

JC paused briefly. “But I want you to know that I don’t blame you. I take full responsibility for the things I’ve done, and I know it’s my fault things are like this.”

“I don’t want you to blame yourself,” Justin said.

“Then we’re at a stalemate because we both blame ourselves and there’s nothing neither one of us can say to convince us otherwise. So maybe we should just drop it,” JC replied.

Justin shook his head. “I don’t want to drop it. Not if this blame you put on yourself made you want to commit suicide.”

“I’m not talking about the demons. These are things that I did, so I am responsible.”

“It wasn’t your fault. You were just pushed into it—”

“By you?” JC interrupted. “You think you pushed me to be a bastard?”

Justin blinked in surprise. “You’re not a bast—”

“I did all that because I was…er…am screwed up,” JC said, his voice filled with sadness. “I’m confused and terrified. And the things I think about scare me sometimes because I don’t know where they come from.”

“You need to talk to us when you feel like that,” Justin replied.

“It’s hard for me, but…” JC paused. “I’ll try. I’ll try to talk to you guys more.”

“You have to be honest with me when you do though. And I don’t want you to try to be strong for me. You have to tell me how you really feel and stop lying to me.”

“I didn’t lie. I tried to make you feel safe.” JC paused. “Like, if I’m not scared, you won’t be scared. Like I did with your visions.”

“You were scared about my visions?” Justin asked.

“I guess it worked then, huh?” JC said, offering a small smile.

“JC.”

Justin didn’t appreciate JC’s attempt at humor. No matter how small it was. All he wanted was a straight answer.

“Of course I was scared,” JC admitted. “I watched you pass out so much that I started to get used to it, which freaked me out. I didn’t want to get used to it, but there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it either. And knowing that you had to see all those horrible things happen twice and how terrified you were…it scared the hell out of me. I had no idea how to help you, and I knew that you had to feel powerless to stop them.”

“I don’t feel that way anymore,” Justin said.

JC frowned in confusion. “Why not?”

“Because I have hope they can be stopped,” Justin told him. JC’s brow furrowed and Justin added, “My last vision didn’t come true. We lived.”

JC nodded slowly. “That’s good.”

“I don’t want you to hide your fear from me,” Justin said, trying to get them back on track. He wanted to get across to JC that it was OK to show his fear. That he didn’t have to be strong all the time. “I know now that you’re not superhuman. You have to talk to us.”

“I will,” JC replied.

“You better.”

Silence fell over the room for a few seconds before JC said, “I’ll try. I’ll really try.” He looked over at Justin. “But you have to do me a favor.”

“What’s that?” Justin asked.

“I want you to get some sleep,” JC said.

Justin sighed. “JC…”

“I told you. I know what it’s like. You want to be here to keep anything from happening.” JC locked eyes with him. “But Justin, please don’t be like me.”

“I spent so much of my life trying to be just like you,” Justin said, a hint of sadness in his voice. It’d started when he first met JC on MMC, but it’d carried on over the years. He’d only stopped right after the lawsuit when he was being hit with so many different things like his public relationship with Britney. But he never stopped looking up to JC.

JC laughed lightly. “Yeah, you stole my jeans and my catch phrases. But don’t steal this.”

“There’s something different though,” Justin said. “I’m not doing the same thing you did.”

“What do you mean?” JC asked.

“All those times you checked on us, you were never afraid that one of us was going to take off in the middle of the night,” Justin explained.

JC’s eyes widened in surprise. “You think I’m gonna leave?”

“I knew you would probably doubt that it’s over, so I had to make sure that you’re not going to sneak out again.”

“You know, I don’t have to go to the cabin. The devil would still get my soul no matter how I die,” JC pointed out.

“Man, I don’t want to hear that,” Justin complained, raising his hands. Then he sighed and let them drop to his lap. “And that’s beside the point.”

“I’m not going to leave,” JC said seriously, turning his head to meet Justin’s gaze.

Justin shook his head. “Don’t make promises that you don’t intend to keep.”

JC was silent for a moment before he said, “Fine. I won’t promise you. I’ll prove it to you.”

“It’s not going to be easy,” Justin warned. “But I’m not gonna let you give up. You will get better.”

Justin was determined. This was his chance to make things right and pay JC back for always taking care of him. And he meant what he said to JC. They would get him through this and get things back to normal.

“You should get some sleep,” Justin said, rising from the bed.

JC looked up at him. “You too.”

Justin nodded. He wasn’t going to fight JC on it because he felt more at ease with him. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to continue to be watchful, but maybe it didn’t have to be as excessive. JC was honest with him, and Justin had to start trusting him again.

As he moved towards the door, Justin noticed JC’s Leo necklace lying on his dresser. He picked it up and looked back at JC, who was watching him.

“You think you’ll ever wear it again?” Justin asked.

“It was for protection. I don’t really need that anymore, do I?” JC replied.

“You never needed protection,” Justin said. “You were always safe with us.”

JC offered Justin a smile, and Justin returned it. He stepped out of the room feeling better than he had in a long time, despite the fact that his body was exhausted. Based on what they’d talked about, Justin had no doubt that JC was going to get better.