It's been about a week since the whole Cameron blow up. We had a rather tense dinner and then we just headed back to the hotel. Justin and I didn't say much to each other for the rest of the night. It was like we were both lost in our own worlds. Needless to say after that night we decided that maybe we should just go ahead and have separate rooms again.

On the flip side of things, Toni and I have been talking on the phone a lot lately. She keeps telling me she misses me and all that sappy stuff. I'm not sure if I believe her, but I listen nonetheless. That's actually who I'm on the phone with now.

"So how much longer before I get to see you?" She asks

"Well that depends." I answer

"On?"

"On if you're coming up to Jersey to see me or if you want to just wait till I get back to New York." I say

"Well I think it maybe better if I wait till you're in New York. I don't know exactly how your people feel about me right now." She laughs.

"Well my sister hates you and my mom is furious with you. So yeah maybe it is better that you wait till I get back to New York." I laugh.

"Damn is it really like that? Your family use to love me!" Toni says

"Use to being the key word in that sentence. You know despite the fact that me and my mom aren't super close she was still hurt by the fact that her daughter was hurting over a broken heart and I cried on more than one night in my sisters bed." I say softly

I hear Toni sigh on the other end of the phone. "Look Angi I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. I never meant to hurt you at all. I just needed to see what I really wanted."

"You don't have to explain anything to me. I already told you what's done is done. I don't want to live in the past anymore. I was just making a statement. Sorry it went there. Lets just drop it ok?" I say

"Yeah that's cool. So what's up with Justin?" She asks

"That's another subject I don't want to talk about with you." I say

"Why not? You two having problems?" She laughs

I roll my eyes even though I know she can't see me. "I don't want to talk about it Toni!" I say again

"I read about what happened in the hotel lobby." She laughs

Having heard enough I pull the phone away from my ear and push end. I sit there for a moment before the phone rings again. I know it's Toni and I just don't get why she still tries to push my buttons. Just for added affect though, so she doesn't try and push the conversation again I don't answer the phone. She calls 2 more times and I still just let it ring. Finally she sends me a text message telling me she's sorry and that's when I call her back.

"Damn ok I won't bring him up anymore." She says when I get her back on the phone.

The rest of the conversation was just random stuff. I looked at the clock in my room and realized I needed to head downstairs so we could get to the venue. I walked out of my room and ran smack dead into Elsiha.

"Hey chick. You been hiding out in your room all day?" She asks me.

"Yea." I smile.

"Is everything ok?" She asks me with concern in her voice.

I take a deep breath before I answer her question. The truth is I don't really know how I feel.  It seems like Justin and I have been walking on eggshells around each other lately and any notion of us dating has defiantly been put on hold.

"I don't know what everything is?" I laugh a little.

Lish rolls her eyes at me and we walk toward the elevator. "You know what I mean, you goof!" She nudges me.

"I guess. I just feel all weird every time I'm around Justin now. I feel like we're right back to when Cam was here and we weren't talking. I don't even go in his dressing room before the shows anymore. It's just so uncomfortable when we are in each others presences." I sigh

"Well if it makes you feel any better Justin really misses you." She says.

"No that doesn't make me feel better, but I miss him too and further more I don't even know where to begin to fix things with us." I say as we are riding down in the elevator.

Elisha starts to rub my back a little. "I'm sure that things will work out fine." She says as the doors open.

We walk to the bus that is waiting to take us to the venue. Once I get on Trace informs me that Justin is in the back and he wants to talk to me. I make my way to the back where Justin's bedroom on the bus is and I notice him writing in a book. I make my presence known and he looks up from his book and smiles a little.

"Hey." He says

"Hey"

He closes his book and pats the space next to him. I slowly make my way over to him and take a seat in the spot he asks. Neither of us says anything at first. He's looking around and I'm looking at my hands. Finally we both speak at the same time and when we realize it we both start to laugh.

"You first." Justin says

"What's going on with us?" I ask looking a bit confused.

Justin sighs and looks up at me. "I really wish I knew. We were doing well and then it seems like Cam came in and everything just changed between us. Do you feel threatened by her or something?" He asks

‘I'm not threatened by her. I guess I just wonder if you're actually over her. I mean there was a lot of.... I guess sexual tension between us before I was even introduced to her. Further more you know we flirted like crazy when we started to get to know each other. I'm not saying that your intentions were to start a relationship with me, I'm just saying that I think things are awkward because maybe we both feel guilty for the way Cam is reacting." I say

We're quiet and it's then that I realize that's what's been eating away at me all this time. I feel guilty for Cam and Justin's break up. I mean not that I actually went in and did anything intentionally. It's just that I'm a big reason why they broke up and I feel bad about that because I know that even with the insecurities she had she loved Justin very much.

"I didn't love her the way she loved me." Justin says after a long moment of silence.

"What?" I ask looking at him as if he has spoken another langue.

"I didn't love her the way she loved me. I guess I do feel kinda bad but not for the reasons you think." He admits.

"Well what is it that you're feeling bad about?" I ask

Just as Justin is about to answer me the bus comes to a stop. We were so wrapped up in talking that we didn't realize we had made it to the venue already. 

"Yo J we gotta get inside we're a little late and you still have a meet and greet to do plus sound check." Trace shouts from the front.

"You better get going." I say.

"I wanna finish this." He says

"I know. We'll finish it later. Maybe after the show we can talk." I say getting up and walking to the front.

I knew that he was going to try and have this conversation with me before he went on stage if he could mange it. However I didn't know that I really wanted that to happen. I'm not sure why but I just had this feeling it was going to be one of those conversations that you really don't want interrupted so you don't want to have anything to do when you have it. So I made myself very unavailable to Mr. Timberlake.

I went back to the hotel before the show was even over. I told Elisha about what happened on the bus. I let her know that I needed sometime alone before I really sat down and finished this serious ass conversation with Justin. While I was getting comfortable my cell rang. I was very hesitant about getting it because I thought it might be Justin. I knew he would be a little disappointed by the fact that I left before the show was even over. To my slight relief I found that it was Toni.

I laughed before I picked up the phone. "What's up?" I answer

"I know your mom didn't teach you to answer the phone like that." She says.

"Well I knew it was you so you feel you still need to get a hello?" I ask

"Yup cause I'm special." She says

I roll my eyes. "Yeah whatever Toni. Like I said what's up?"

"How was work?" She laughs.

I roll my eyes again. "I hope you're not going to do a repeat of earlier and get hung up on." I say.

"No. I'm serious. I was wondering how everything went. You rushed me off the phone I thought you were late." She said.

"Nah everything was cool." I say lying down on the bed.

"I just wanted to check on you. I'm not sure why. I mean I talked to you earlier." She says sarcastically.

"You just love to hear my voice that's why you called again." I laugh.

"Yeah whatever. I don't like you enough for that." She laughs

"That's funny cause not to long ago you were asking me for a second chance." I challenge.

"Oh way to kick me in the balls!" Toni laughs

"Hmm you wearing some tonight?" I say

"You know what? I'm getting off the phone with you." She says

"You can't take the heat now?" I ask.

"Oh I can take it. I'm still getting ready to go, D and I are going out tonight." She says

"Nothing good can come of that." I reply

"What's that suppose to mean?" Toni asks

"You and D are trouble when you get together." I say honestly.

"I think I'm offended by that statement." Toni says

"You shouldn't be. Just make sure you all don't pick up any psycho chicks." I say

Toni laughs. "I'll make sure of that." She says before we get off the phone.

I turn over and plug up my phone and then lay back down and try to relax. Although I highly doubt that it will happen. All I can think about is talking to Justin. I don't know what it is exactly that I'm so worried about. I guess I won't find out until he actually gets here and we talk.