After driving around for hours I finally pulled into a driveway. I’m not sure how my mind brought me here but I’m standing here debating on if I wanted to go in or not. I guess I must have been noticed because my mom opened the door a little confused. “Angelina what are you doing here?” She asks me as she steps aside to let me in. I walk in and I know my eyes are burning with tears. “Mom I feel so just ugh!!” I say I walk in the living room and take a seat with my mother right behind me. “Angie what happened? I thought you were supposed to be in Europe for work?” She asked me. I take a deep breath before I say anything. “I was supposed to be there but I made such a crazy mess.”
So I finally tell my mom everything that’s been going on. The whole Toni situation, how Justin told me he loved me and just how I’ve been feeling in general. I’ve never really talked to my mom like this before and it amazes me that I find it so easy to talk to her. After I finally spilled my guts tears are still rolling down my cheeks. My mom doesn’t say anything at first she seems like she is just sitting there absorbing everything.
“Honey I know that you have very deep feelings for Toni you’ve never really gotten over her, but I also know that you were very happy with Justin before you came home and saw Toni. Further more it seems to me like you’re just trying to hold on to something that you had with Toni because you think things can easily go back to the way they were. You can’t hold some girl answering Justin’s phone against him because he is giving you the chance to figure out what you want.
I shake my head because I know that she is right. I can’t be mad at Justin nor can I keep avoiding him because I’m afraid of what may happen between Justin and I. My mom breaks me out of my thoughts. “Angie I think it’s time for you to stop being so afraid and make your way back to work. Hopefully in the process of you being back there you can figure out how you actually feel about Justin because I know that it is stronger than friendship.” She says to me while rocking me back and forth.
After what seemed like hours I finally made my way up to my bedroom for some much needed sleep. I made the decision to go home tomorrow and pack so that I could get back to work and maybe even to a possible relationship.
Justin lay listening to his own voice coming through the bedroom stereo system. Which usually for him is rather odd but today he could relate to the song. Trace made his way into the bedroom and was a little floored by the fact that Justin was listening to himself.
“Ok now you really got me scared cuz you never listen to yourself J.” Trace said taking a seat in one of the chairs in his room.
“Hey there’s a first time for everything right?” Justin asked.
“Dude, are you finally starting to really feel the fact that she may not come?” Trace asked
Justin sat up and faced Trace, he cut the music off and took a deep breath. “I think I really fucked up man.” Was all Justin could say.
Trace looked very confused before going deeper into this conversation. “What do you mean by that?”
Justin went on to explain to Trace what had happened with Angelina calling and the other girl. Things were quite for a moment before Trace said anything.
“I have no idea what to say after that man. I mean I understand your need to want to get Angie off your mind but wow.”
“I know and I’ve probably fucked things up royally. Why did I invite that girl up to my room?” Justin groaned.
Trace laughed. “I thought we established why you did such a stupid thing? It was to get your mind off Angie.”
Justin and Trace talked until it was time to go to the venue and honestly it did help some to get his mind off Angelina at least for a little while. He decided that after the show he would try again to call her and hopefully she would answer the phone this time.
I’ve been over seas before and the only thing I hate about it is the fact that it takes so long to get here. However I finally made it and I know it’s going to take a few days before my body gets use to the time change. I found out from Johnny where we were staying while in Dublin. According to the schedule they made it here a few hours ago and Justin has a meet and greet and then some interviews sound check and then some down time before he goes on stage. Gives me just enough time to check in and get to the venue.
After checking in (thank god Johnny called to let the hotel know I was coming) I nervously made my way to the venue. I step out the taxi and put on my back stage id that Johnny sent me before I left because they change them for each leg of the tour. As I step inside I see Tiny and Mike talking and both smile at me when they see me.
“Well look who’s back!” Tiny says.
I just smile and give both of them a hug. “Well I’m sure there will be a lot of people happy to see you!” Mike said but I know he was mostly talking about Justin.
“So where are they?” I ask
“Um they should just be finishing up sound check.” Tiny said looking at his watch.
I head into the main floor and see Justin on stage singing Gone which is kind of ironic at the moment. The way he’s singing it I can tell he really feels it. Suddenly I feel someone wrap there arms around my neck and kinda squeal.
“OMG I can’t believe you’re back! When did you get here?” Elisha asks me as we hug.
I laugh at her a little bit. “I got in a couple hours ago. I checked in and then came here. How are you?” I ask as we walk further into the main floor.
“I’m good. I’m just so happy that your back.” She says
Suddenly I notice that the music and singing has stopped and it feels like everybody’s eyes are on me. First Trace comes up to me and gives me a big hug. After a few minutes our eyes finally locked. I smiled at him and he smiled in return.
“Hey” I say
“Hey yourself” He smiles at me. “Why didn’t you call and let us know you were coming? Someone could have picked you up.” Justin says
“I called Johnny cause I wanted to surprise everybody.” I say
Oh was all he could say. We stand there in a little bit of an uncomfortable silence until I say something. “Were you finished with sound check?” I ask
“Yea I was just goofing around for a lil while.” He says not meeting my eyes
“Well I better get started on work duties.” I say turning to head towards Trace.
“Angelina?” Justin calls
I feel a little hurt as I turn around but I don’t want to show it so I put a smile on my face. “Yea?” I ask
“Are you ok?” He asks
I smile a little more. “I’m fine. If you have time we can talk later.” I say as I walk off
Later that night….
I basically forced myself to stay up during my flight and then forced myself to stay up during the show because I didn’t want to take all day trying to get my body use to the time change. But the funny thing right now is that I am so wired at the moment that my body is tired but I’m not sleepy. I guess on a bright note it’s great that we don’t have to be up for anything tomorrow and there is no show.
Just as I get out the shower I here a knock at my door. I wrapped a towel around myself and make my way to the door. For some reason I knew before I even opened the door who it was.
“Hey” I said stepping aside so Justin can come in.
He smirks some. “I would be a smart ass and ask if you were expecting me and that’s why you’re in just a towel.”
I laugh some. “No I was trying to make myself sleepy that’s all.”
Justin takes a seat on the couch. “Can we please talk?” He asks
“Yea, let me just go put on my pj’s” I say
I put some lotion on and threw on my pajamas before I returned to the living room area. I took a seat across from Justin. He takes a deep breath before he begins to speak.
“I really missed you.” He says simply.
“Is that why you called me Angelina when you saw me?” I asked sounding a little bitter.
Justin was silent for a moment before he says anything. “That’s not fair. I didn’t know what to do? You called me and then you heard some other girl answer my phone and then you wouldn’t answer my calls when I tried to call back. I didn’t know where we stood. So yes when I saw you I thought the safe thing to do was to call you by your name.”
He had a point. I would have more than likely called him Justin if I had to call him. This whole thing is very uncomfortable and I can’t just expect for us to go back to the way things were. I don’t know if he’s moved on if he still looks at me that way. I don’t know what’s going through his head.
“I’m sorry Randy.”
He smiles at me. “So does that mean it’s safe to call you Tink?”
“Yea it’s fine. I have to admit I was hurt when you called me by my name earlier.” I say “I missed you too.” I admit.
He looks at me for a moment before he says anything. “So…” He starts off like he’s not sure what to say. So I say the one thing that’s been on my mind for a few days.
“Who was she?” I blurt out.
Justin looks at me really surprised and honestly I was surprised myself by what I let come out. Justin opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out the first few times so I step in.
“I’m sorry, that was way out of line and you don’t owe me any explanation.” I say quickly.
“No it’s fine. I knew this conversation was coming I just didn’t know how to start it or anything.” He says looking at his hands.
We’re quite again for a while I don’t think things were this awkward between us when we first meet. Now we hardly know what to say to each other. Finally Justin decides to take the lead and say something.
“She was just some girl I was using to help me get my mind off you but it didn’t work.” He says “I just missed you and I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I knew you needed some time and I’m sorry.” He finally finishes.
I look up a little confused. “What are you sorry about Randy? You didn’t do anything wrong. We’re not together and it’s not fair to hold it against you. I’ll admit that it did hurt when I heard her answer the phone and it defiantly caught me off guard but after I got over all that I realized it was time to come back and face you instead of moping around.”
“So what about you and Toni?” He asks
“What about Toni?” I ask back.
“Are you guys back together?”
I look at him for a second before I say anything. “No we’re not.” I answer simply.
I’m not sure if it’s relief or what that comes across Justin’s face. But I must admit I want to laugh. “Can we talk about something else that’s not Toni?” I ask
Justin smiles a little. “What would you like to talk about Tink?”
“How about the last serious conversation we had before you left?” I suggest.
I’m sure that I must have thrown Justin for a loop. He defiantly wasn’t expecting that. But I have to admit we need to actually talk about all this. I can’t for sure say that I’m in love with him but I can say that I really do care about him very deeply. So maybe I need to stop holding on to the past and give Justin and I a chance. I guess Justin finally found his voice because he breaks me of my thoughts.
“Are you sure that’s something that you’re ready to talk about?” He asks.
“I’m sure.” I say and just as he is about to say something I hush him. “Justin I don’t want you to think I was trying to blow you off when you said you loved me. I was consumed with guilt and then to have you say those 3 words to me was just sending me over the edge. I can’t honestly say that I feel exactly the same as you, but I care about you very deeply and I do want to see where this goes.” I sigh after all that. “But Justin I am afraid because I’m not sure if I’m really holding on to the past or if I really do still love Toni. So if you’re willing to take this slow with me I’m willing to take that next step with you.” I say.
Justin is quite for a few minutes before he crosses over to where I am sitting and sits next to me. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to give us a chance.” Justin answers
I smile at him and we hug each other. We talked a little longer and at least for tonight we’re going to sleep in our own rooms. Maybe when it’s time for us to go to another city I might change my mind but for now I think it might be good for us.
