It’s slightly disconcerting to Charlotte when she steps into Justin’s office Monday morning and is greeted by nothing but silence. Usually music is wafting out his open office door or Felicity is chattering away on the phone.
But not today.
Justin’s door is closed and the sunny reception area is deceiving for the feeling in the air is that of a dreary melancholy. Charlotte shivers as she closes the door softly and Felicity looks away from her computer pulling out her earbuds and giving Charlotte a sober smile.
“Hey,” Charlotte whispers though she’s not really sure why, her eyes flicking to Justin’s closed door. “Is he in?”
Felicity nods, reaching for the phone and Charlotte raises her eyebrows. Usually Fee just leans back in her chair and hollers for him, telling him who’s here but her voice is cool and calm as she speaks softly into the receiver.
“Justin, Charlotte’s here to see you,” she says and then nods, pulling the receiver from her mouth. “What’s it regarding?”
Charlotte’s jaw goes slightly slack, a feeling of hurt washing over her and her fingers curl around the items in her hands. “Um…I just wanted to give him something,” she says softly and Felicity nods.
“Justin…she just wants to give you something,” Felicity says and as she watches Charlotte fiddle with the string on the box she’s holing she adds. “I’m gonna go ahead and send her back.” Felicity hangs up the phone and smiles warmly at Charlotte who eyes the door apprehensively, not entirely sure how to proceed.
“Is he…?” she trails not knowing exactly what she was going to ask.
“He’s been here all weekend,” Felicity breathes and her eyes shine like she’s been waiting to tell this to someone all morning. “Amelia was here when I got in.” Felicity’s cheeks puff with air and she lets it out slowly. “I’ve never heard anyone yell like that. Not even Amelia.”
“Justin yelled at her?” Charlotte asks in disbelief, eyeing his door again and Felicity’s head bobs enthusiastically.
Charlotte had wondered why Amelia had been unusually quiet this morning. She figured that after the weekend’s events her boss would be a monster, unable to be pleased and yelling at the smallest of offenses. Well…Amelia always did that but Charlotte figured it would be more intense given the disaster of Justin’s birthday party. But she was pleasantly surprised to walk into the office this morning and find Kirsten deflecting calls with a cool, “I’m sorry Miss Domineck is in a meeting. May I take a message?” Isabel and Lauren were whispering conspiratorially across their desks but their sentences trailed when their eyes fell on Charlotte, regarding her coolly. Amelia’s office door had been closed and remained so all morning until she breezed out of the office for lunch with nary a goodbye which was strange to Charlotte. So often she had bared the brunt of Amelia’s displeasure with Justin but never before had Charlotte seen Amelia like this.
“I didn’t hear much but I was around long enough to hear him ask her if she loved him at all. Talk about intense. Those two,” she sighs shaking her head. “They are so Ryan and Marissa.”
“Who?” Charlotte asks and Felicity blinks at her.
“The O.C. Hello Charlotte,” she says rolling her eyes as if Charlotte were stupid. “You need to watch more TV.”
“I’ll jump right on that,” Charlotte replies dryly as she reaches for the door handle and takes a deep breath before pushing it open.
The only sound in the room is the hum of the heater and it’s almost eerie in here without the soft warble of the radio in the background. The curtains are wide open, sunlight flooding the room, warming the dark wood floor as if trying to coax the gloom from the air. Charlotte pulls the door closed behind her, her heart beating hard against her ribcage as she takes in the sight of him sitting behind his desk, his head bowed, reading the papers in front of him. His face is covered in two days growth of beard, his hair disheveled and messy. He’s wearing a soft gray t-shirt that looks like it’s been slept in and her heart nearly breaks as he looks up at her, the sadness in his eyes evident through the smile he forces.
“Hey,” he says, the strained joviality in his voice foreign to her but she smiles back nonetheless. If he wants to play this game she’ll play along.
“Hey,” she replies and watches him lean back in his chair, pushing his chest out as he stretches his back, wincing slightly. “Rough night?”
The words slip out before she really processes them and her entire body tenses as he blinks at her. Damn her stupid mouth. But much to her relief he lets out a snort of a laugh, raising his arms above his head.
“Rough weekend,” he replies and she shifts awkwardly, her fingers pressing into the white box she holds. “Felicity fill you in?” he asks, his breath coming out in a sigh as he drops his arms back down, shifting some papers across his desk and Charlotte doesn’t miss the edge in his voice.
“No,” she says slowly, taking a few steps into the office wondering how she is supposed to respond. Did he want her to ask? “She left when she heard the…” she trails and Justin looks up at her again, waiting for her to continue, “yelling.”
Justin chuckles but there’s no humor in it and Charlotte cringes at the sound. “She missed a good show.”
“Justin-”
“Do you have time to sit?” he asks, cutting her off and she stares at him for a beat before nodding, moving to sit in the chair across from him. “How’s your morning been?”
Charlotte eyes him slowly. “Quiet,” she says after a moment and he nods, his face a mask.
She can’t help but feel like she does when she’s with Amelia, that feeling of walking on eggshells of not knowing what would be the wrong thing to say. She watches him for a moment, trying to get a sense of his mood but all she gets is outward pleasantness with a tense undercurrent that prickles her skin.
“She stayed in her office all morning?” Justin asks and Charlotte notices the hardness of his eyes when he refers to her, the little twitch of his shoulder as he shifts in his seat but his face does not change.
“Yes,” Charlotte replies simply and he gives an almost imperceptible nod of his head, looking down at his hands in his lap. “Is…are you…um…”
She trails not really knowing what to say and Justin looks up at her, his eyes dancing slightly as he laughs, the sound bitter even though he tries to mask it.
“Am I okay?” he asks and Charlotte looks down at the objects in her hands. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“You don’t seem okay,” Charlotte says softly, not daring to look up at him and she hears him sigh.
She glances up and finds him leaning back in his chair, his head tipped back, the long column of his neck exposed as he pinches the bridge of his nose. He lets his arms fall, heaving another sigh as his head tips forward again and the façade falls, his eyes tired and wounded, his mouth twitching into a sad smile.
“I told her it was over.”
Charlotte’s breath catches in her throat and the items in her lap nearly tumble to the ground with shock. She stares at him slack jawed, taking in the lines on his forehead, the bags under his eyes. He draws his bottom lip between his teeth and bites down hard as another humorless laugh threatens to escape him, leaning back and swiveling back and forth in his chair.
“I. Told her. That… it was over,” he says it again as if trying to convince himself he’d actually done it and Charlotte just blinks at him, not knowing what to say.
“Justin-”
“After what she had said at the party I thought…I thought…God how could I have gotten this far in?” he looks up at her and he looks utterly baffled. “How could I have let it get this far and her think so less of me?”
“I don’t under-”
“She thinks I’m washed up Charlie,” he says, his voice low and the anger behind his words silences her instantly. “She…she doesn’t think I have what it takes anymore to…she thinks my voice is…that my melodies are…” he can’t even finish, letting out a low growl, shaking his head as if to shake the thoughts from his mind. “I can’t be with someone like that.”
“So you-”
“And then she came here,” Justin says as if not even hearing her, watching his hands smooth along the top of his desk and his voice loses it’s edge, goes soft and almost trembles. “She came here and she started to yell,” he looks up at Charlotte, his eyes wide. “And I yelled back! I asked her how she could be this way? I asked her who the hell she thought she was!” His voice raises and Charlotte cringes slightly but he takes deep breath composing himself before he continues. “and then I asked her if she loved me at all.”
There’s a long pause then and the room is so quiet she can hear him breathing, hear the ragged push and pull of air entering and leaving his lungs along with the hammering of her heart against her ribcage. He’s not looking at her, just watching his hands as they smooth back and forth over the top of his desk and Charlotte is holding the box in her hands so tight she fears she may crush it.
“And she started to cry,” Justin says, his voice a dry rasp, sounding almost on the edge of tears himself and Charlotte’s heart aches, tightening and wringing in her chest. “And… and…I…I just…”
“What?” Charlotte asks finally, the anticipation of his words making her antsy and she can feel the blush creeping up her neck as he ducks his head low, seeming to cringe.
“And I…” he sighs, his head falling back as his eyes close in shame. “And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do that to her.”
Charlotte’s mouth falls open and the small glimmer of hope snuffs itself out and a deep pain rips through her chest. It was right there, so close. He was right there and he fell back in and she’s never felt that he was farther away from her than he is right now. She wants to reach across the desk and strangle him, shake him until he understands. She wants to yell and rant but she just sits there, holding the items in her hands, fearing that any movement at all will cause her to send them sailing at his head.
“You understand right?” he asks looking at her, his blue eyes pleading. “You get why I can’t leave her right?”
There’s a desperation in his voice and he senses it, feels it as the words leave his lips. He needs her to understand. He needs her to understand because he barely understands himself. Her face is blank, whether from the shock of him saying he’d actually tried to leave Amelia or from him saying he caved he’s not sure. She’s looking at him so unbelievingly and he feels there’s so much going on in her head that he can’t read her.
“I don’t…” she trails and then she looks down at the white box in her lap, her fingers curled tightly around the edges and he sees the clear beveled edges of CD cases underneath it. What are those for? “I don’t quite understand. I’m sorry.”
His brows knit and he sighs, looking down at the desk so it shocks him when he hears the edge in Charlotte’s voice.
“I don’t understand how you can continue to let her hurt you.” She says and he looks up, finding her eyes ablaze with anger. “I don’t understand how you can just sit there and take it Justin!” her voice is soft but her words are loud, they echo in his head, bouncing off the walls of his skull and he doesn’t understand it either. He wishes he did. Charlotte’s face softens as do her eyes as she continues. “Do you think you don’t deserve better?”
Her voice is barely above a whisper, her heart thudding hard in her chest and everything she wants to say is right on the tip of her tongue but the desperation in his eyes keeps it at bay.
“You didn’t see her this morning Charlie,” he says as he shakes his head. “You didn’t see how upset she was.”
“And how was this any different from before?” Charlotte spats and Justin’s eyes widen at the venom in her voice and he watches her duck her head, her cheeks pinkening at her outburst. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my-”
“I made a commitment, Charlotte,” he says with a sigh and Charlotte cringes at the use of her full name and the defeated look on his face. “I asked her to marry me and she said yes and I love her,” he sighs shrugging his shoulders. “I love her and sometimes you don’t always understand why you love someone but I do. And she loves me. I thought for a while she didn’t,” he pauses swallowing hard as if the words physically hurt him to say them. “But she really does.” he says and she looks up eyeing him skeptically even though he can tell she’s trying not to judge. “You didn’t see her face, Charlie. It’s different this time. I swear it’s different.”
She bites her lip forcing back her questions and admonitions. It’s his life. As much as she wishes she were a bigger part of it she’s not. She’s just an assistant, not even his and if he wants to spend his life under Amelia’s thumb it’s none of her business. But she can’t help the little fissure that has worked it’s way across her heart that aches for him every time he gives her that smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“What do you have there?” He nods his head at the contents in her lap and she looks down, finally uncurling her fingers from the box.
“Oh just something for your birthday,” she says and her heart flutters as his face lights up.
“For me?” he asks genuinely excited as he eyes the white box and the cases beneath it. “What CDs did you get me?”
Charlotte’s eyes widen as she looks down and sees the bottom edges of the cases poking out from under the box. She blushes deeply, trying to situate the box more firmly over them.
“Oh actually these are mine,” she says and he chuckles a little at her embarrassment as she tucks her dark hair behind her ear. “I just kind of…um…”
She trails biting her lip slightly, finally seeming to give in and slipping the cases out from under the box, the sound of plastic rubbing against plastic echoing in his brain and he’s brought back to the earlier days of his career when he would sit and sign CDs for hours, and the sound of the cases rubbing together would be deafening, the girls in the lines juggling multiple discs from hand to hand in anticipation.
“I just…I wanted you to sign these,” she says, her voice small as she holds them out to him and his face registers slight shock, his hands trembling as he reaches for them.
He looks down at them blinkingly, staring at himself at age twenty-two and then at twenty-five and he can’t help but feel he’s holding his life in his hands. These songs, these twenty or so tracks catalog his hopes, his fears, his heartbreaks and his courage. He’s not the same person that put out these records all those years ago and his throat constricts when he realizes he’ll never be that person again. He had thought maybe…just maybe… but the past weekend’s events proved to him that it could never be done. No, he is stuck in this life, for better or for worse.
“I bought them yesterday,” Charlotte says breaking his train of thought and he looks up, a small smile pulling at his lips. “I’ve been listening to them non-stop ever since. I…I really like them.”
“Really?” he asks, his heart warming slightly and he’d almost forgotten how good it felt to have someone tell him they liked his music. “What was your favorite track?”
“Oh gosh,” she says, letting her breath out in a rush and he smiles at the contemplative look on her face as she leans back in her chair. “I don’t know. I don’t think I can pick.”
“Come on,” he says, grinning, flipping the cases over and looking at the track listing along the back even though he’d never be able to forget them. “One from each.”
Charlotte bites her bottom lip in thought and he feels a strange pull in his stomach, his mouth going slightly dry as he watches her chew on it slowly. His mind wanders, as do his eyes, trailing down the long column of her neck, over the small bumps of her breasts under her sweater. Her compass necklace shimmers in the sunlight like a beacon and he can’t help but imagine the contrast of the cool metal against the warmth of her skin. He can feel a stirring in his groin and he immediately looks at his hands. Sex isn’t something he’s been getting a lot of lately. He’d been hoping that after his party-
His mind snaps away from that train of thought and his body jerks slightly from the effort to pull his mind away. But it only succeeds in turning to the way Charlotte is letting her lip slide slowly free from her teeth unthinkingly and he glances away trying to think of something as non-sexual as possible. Like state capitols. Tennessee…Nashville.
“I think I like ‘Nothin’ Else’ from the first one aaaaaaand,” Charlotte trails and his eyes are drawn to her again as she takes another deep breath and lets it out in a sigh, Justin’s stomach tightening as he watches her chest heave. New York…Albany. “SexyBack on the second one.”
Justin’s mind jars and he narrows his eyes at her for a moment, taking in the smoothness of her face, expressionless and aloof. He rolls his eyes. “SexyBack is not your favorite you liar,” he teases and she gives him a cheeky grin.
“Okay you’re right I was kidding,” Charlotte says with a sigh, happy that the conversation has taken a lighter tone. “It’s ‘Pose’” Charlotte says and Justin narrows his eyes at her playfully.
He takes in the small triumphant smile pulling at her lips and sighs, marveling at how she is able get him out of his own head and just enjoy the little moments. How she could make him feel good, just good. He shakes his head, pulling open his desk drawer and plucks out a Sharpie, pulling the CD booklet out from one of the cases. He eyes her as he uncaps the marker and presses it to the front of the booklet.
“To Charlie,” he dictates as he writes, ignoring the playful roll of her eyes at the nickname. “The biggest smart ass I know.’ Little heart. Justin.”
“You actually wrote ‘Little heart’?” Charlotte asks, craning her neck and leaning forward to try and get a better look at what he was writing. He looks up then, fully prepared to say something snarky but his eyes are drawn down her neck again and how had he never noticed how smooth her skin was, the gentle slope of her neck to her shoulder. Delaware…Dover.
“No I drew one,” he replies back, clearing his throat as he slides the booklet back in the case and nudges it out of the way reaching for the other. “Now for this one. How do you spell Lie-y McLie-face?”
“Oh,” Charlotte says leaning towards him. “That would be J-u-s-t-i-n,” she spells and he laughs before signing with a flourish, the sound bringing a smile to her face.
“Here,” he says, handing them back to her and he fights the shiver as his fingers brush over hers. Florida…Tallahassee.
Charlotte grins, taking the CDs back from him and examining his untidy scrawl. She’d seen his signature a million times, seen the goofy post-its he left for himself and Felicity all over the office. “Fee – The coffee pot doesn’t make hot chocolate. – J.T.” “Note to Self: Take your Ginko so you don’t need to write notes to yourself.” “Charlie – I saw that – J” But nothing quite compares to seeing the little message written over his name encased behind the plastic window. She understands that the man in front of her is the same person that sings these tracks that she’s growing to love. She knows this, she’s heard him sing but there’s something in her that can’t really wrap her head around it. He’s just Justin to her. The idea of him being a platinum selling artist seems so foreign yet not at the same time. She needs to stop before she gives herself a headache. Again.
“So what’s with the sudden interest in my music?” he asks and Charlotte’s head snaps up, his words breaking her train of thought.
If she was honest she’d say that she’d lain awake in her bed after the party, watching the city lights dance in through her window playing patterns across her dress that hung on the back of her closet door as she remembered the sound of his voice. She’d tell him that she’d listened to “Roxanne” a few times on Sunday morning before becoming disgusted with Sting’s vocals and braved the bitter chill to trek the four blocks over to Broadway to buy his CDs. She’d listened to every song sitting cross-legged in front of her stereo and marveled at the sound of his voice, the little inflections and the tone and how she could hear his smile or feel his pain reverberate though the speakers.
“I just…saw it in the store,” she lies briskly and Justin chuckles.
“You know you get this pained look on your face when you lie,” he says, his voice slightly teasing and she sighs, leaning back in her chair. He could always see right through her.
“You…you put on a good show…the other night….” she starts, her eyes trained on her lap as she fingers the hem of her skirt slowly and she can practically feel him tense.
“Yeah…” he says trailing and then coughing out a humorless laugh. “I really fucked up that one huh?”
Charlotte chances a look up at him and finds his face pensive again, the light behind his eyes snuffed out by a melancholy that seems to suck all the air from the room. Seeing him so deeply unhappy is disconcerting, his usual buoyancy snuffed out and the sadness permeates everything.
“I actually thought it was brilliant,” she says and she smiles as she watches the blush crawl up his neck.
“I know a few people who weren’t pleased,” Justin says and Charlotte waves a hand dismissively.
“She’ll get over it,” Charlotte breezes and they both avoid each other’s eyes so as not to see the knowing look that contradicts her statement.
“I dunno…” he trails and Charlotte sighs.
“It’s fine Justin,” she urges and she steels herself for what she’s going to say next. “She showed up this morning. She’s here. She wants to make it work. If she didn’t then she wouldn’t have come. So stop beating yourself up.” He looks up at her and a sad smile twitches at his lips but his eyes have lost their luster. Charlotte sighs. “You know being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect,” she says and his eyes narrow at her slightly, questioning and she lifts an eyebrow in response, proving to him that she isn’t the only one who can be easily read. “Being happy is just deciding to say ‘screw you’ and live your life despite everything that gets messed up along the way. So be happy!” She pauses, watching him look down at his desk and nod. “Because life sucks and you’re doing just fine.”
He chuckles, looking up at her again finally and he blinks slowly, giving her a slight dip of his head which she returns. They’re quiet for a moment, just looking at each other and that sense of waiting is back, his eyes traveling over the soft slant of her nose, the fullness of her lips as she takes in the stubble on his cheek and the soft pinkness of his mouth. The pull towards him is so strong she feels she’s drowning in it and he’s thankful for the desk between them because he doesn’t know what he would do if it wasn’t there. Visions of clothes falling to the floor and hands against burning flesh sear through his mind and he forces his gaze down. AtlantaGeorgiaSacrementoCaliforniaCarsonCityNevada
“So my birthday present was me signing CDs for you,” he finally says, his voice thin as he tries to push them into neutral territory. “How thoughtful.”
Charlotte lets out a nervous chuckle, thankful for the distraction. “Actually no,” she says reaching out and placing the small white box on his desk. “And it’s not exactly a present. Just…something for your birthday.” She nudges the box towards him.
He eyes her suspiciously as he pulls the box toward him and pulls out the small folds on the sides. He opens the box and is assailed with the scent of sugar and cream, the small cupcake sitting inside exuding the heady aroma and he smiles. He reaches in plucking it out and examining it. Chocolate cake with blue and white butter cream frosting swirled on top. His favorite.
“Now…” Charlotte says and he looks up, finding her standing and digging into her pocket. “I have a candle here – just one - ” she holds her hands up in front of her, a single tiny blue and white candle in one hand and a little Bic lighter in the other. “Just so you can get your wish. But if you don’t want it I’ll put it away.”
Justin laughs, the sound bubbling from his throat and he can’t really stop it, amused by the caution in her voice and the innocence on her face. He grins widely at her, heaving a sigh.
“Well I guess I can handle one,” he says grudgingly but can’t keep a straight face. “But only so I can get my wish.” He points at her and she holds her hands up a little higher, smiling at his antics.
She steps closer and he moves the box out of the way, setting the little cupcake on his desk as she leans over to push the candle into the icing. His eyes are drawn down her chest, her necklace hanging like a pendulum from her neck and her sweater falls just slightly away from her body giving him a little peak of her bra, black satin standing out against the creamy whiteness of the top of her breasts. JunoAlaskaKansasCityMissouriLansingMichiganBatonRougeLouisiannaHarrisburgPennsylvania
“Okay,” she says standing back and he shakes his head hard looking down and finding the candle glowing bright, a single flame flickering before his eyes. “Make a wish.”
He looks up at her, her dark hair cascading down her shoulders, green eyes dancing excitedly in the candlelight. A smile is pulled across her face, the dimple in her right cheek revealing itself as she holds her hands clasped against her chest, the silver of her compass pendant glinting in the light. He looks back down at the cupcake in front of him and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and then releasing it out in a rush, the flame snuffing out and Charlotte claps for him enthusiastically, causing him to laugh.
“Happy Birthday, J,” she says softly as she watches him peel the wrapping off the bottom of his cupcakes and she laughs as he swallows the entire thing in two bites.
“F’anks ‘harlie,” he says around the mound of cake in his mouth and she giggles at the little smudge of blue icing on the corner of his mouth.
“You have…icing,” she giggles, gesturing to her own mouth and he reaches up, wiping at the corner of his mouth with his hand but it’s the wrong side. “No it’s there…” she points and he wipes again but misses. “No you missed…here.”
Before she can even think she’s leaning across his desk her hand reaching out and his eyes flutter closed as her fingers brush his cheek. Her hand trembles slightly as her thumb smudges against his bottom lip, swiping away the excess icing and his eyes open to find her frozen that way, her hand presses against his face and he wants nothing more than to grab her wrist and pull her down to him. But before he has another moment to think on it she’s back away from him, peddling backwards and putting as much space between them as possible.
“Um…thanks for signing my CDs,” she says, snatching them from off the chair and turning towards the door. “I gotta get back. I’m sure I’ll see you later.”
She rattles all of this quickly as she rushes to the door and Justin can only watch as she fumbles with the office door.
“Charlie,” he says as she finally gets it open and she stops, her hand still on the knob as she turns back towards him and he can’t help but smile. “Thank you….not just for the cupcake just…” his breath steels as she gives him a soft smile. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” she smiles, biting her lip before turning away and he watches her until she slips out the outer office door.
He sighs looking down at the crumbs on his desk, the little candle sitting discarded next to the wax wrapping and he can still smell the sulfer from the lighter just slightly, the smoke of the snuffed candle still lingering in the air. He fingers the candle, replaying the exchange over and over again in his mind wondering what it all meant. The CDs and the cupcake and the way she touched his face, the sheer intimacy of it. He shakes his head. He’s just in a vulnerable place right now and Charlotte just happens to be around…and she listens to him…and she makes him laugh…and she has that dimple when she smiles. He shakes his head again. He is engaged and they are going to make it work. For better or worse he is with Amelia and after this morning that is abundantly clear.
But none of that changed the fact that when he’d closed his eyes, he had wished for Charlotte.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry this one took longer than expected. Last week was Midterms *headdesk* Yay for not planning ahead lol Happy reading!!
Story Tags: fiancej desksex affair love hottubsex
