JC hiked the strap of his duffle bag higher on his shoulder as he stepped off the plane in L.A. Monday afternoon. He smiled at the flight attendants at the door, and tried to ignore the excited whispers coming from the two girls walking behind when they recognized him. He sighed as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. He was tired. He'd spent the weekend drinking and playing around with the guys and seven hours on a plane today-the last three of which were spent trying not to feel too disappointed that Rachel probably wasn't going to be waiting for him when he got to the waiting area.
Am I going to see your beautiful face when I get off the plane this afternoon?
He had sent her the text as he'd been sitting on the plane in Cincinnati waiting for the connecting passengers to board. She hadn't told him if she'd be able to leave work to meet him and he was trying desperately not to get his hopes up. He had closed his eyes and rested his head back on his seat as he thought back to the conversation they'd had late Friday night/early Saturday morning. Things had still been a little awkward and hesitant between them but he'd been able to make her laugh and she'd teased him several times which gave him hope. His phone had then vibrated and he read her message.
I don't know yet. I've been really busy today.
He frowned and sighed as he flipped his phone closed and leaned his forehead against the window he was sitting next to. Her answer hadn't done anything to alleviate the melancholy mood he'd been in the last few days.
Now, as he made his way through LAX, past the security checkpoint, JC pulled his cell phone from his pocket-hoping against hope that she'd sent a message while he'd been in the air saying she'd be here. Nothing. He stuffed it back in his pocket, disappointed. But as he came around a corner and looked around he drew up short. His heart momentarily stopped then began racing. His mouth went dry and his eyes hungrily took in her presence as a huge grin spread across his face. She spotted him a second later and smiled timidly at him-the light in her eyes evident even from where he stood.
She looked incredible! The short sleeve red dress fell to her knees and the matching red heels she was wearing made her legs look amazing. Before he knew it he'd closed the distance between them and, dropping his bag at her feet, wrapped his arms around her-one arm around her shoulders, while the other clutched around her waist-heedless of the people walking around them. She laughed softly in his ear as she wrapped her arms around him as well.
Inhaling deeply JC closed his eyes as her familiar, intoxicating fragrance surrounded him, effectively lifting his spirits. He pulled back and looked deeply into her beautiful eyes. The fear and uncertainty that had been there the last time he'd seen her were gone and he felt hope surge through him. She looked at him curiously, her delicate brows furrowing slightly at his intense stare, but before she could question him he pressed his mouth to hers-capturing her lips in a heated and driven kiss. It had been ten days since he'd seen her. Ten days since he'd kissed her and in his opinion it had been ten days too long.
~~~~~
Rachel melted against JC as he proceeded to kiss her senseless-his arms tightening around her, pulling her closer. Somehow it didn't matter that they were standing in the middle of LAX. It didn't matter that there was still a lot they needed to talk about and figure out in regards to their relationship. All that mattered was the look he'd given her when he'd seen her and the way his mouth was now moving against hers. The smile that had lit up his face moments before had made her breath catch and her knees weak-not to mention the fact that he was once again wearing his glasses which just made him that much more attractive to her.
At last he released her mouth and leaned his forehead against hers. Rachel slowly opened her eyes and looked into his-their breath mingling as they both struggled to breath evenly again. JC continued looking at her making Rachel feel as if he were able to see straight into her soul. Did he know? She wondered. Could he see how much he meant to her?
"Welcome home." She said quietly, a small smile on her lips.
"I didn't think you'd be here." He answered, placing a soft kiss to her lips.
Rachel sighed as he drew back once more, smiling at him. "You want me here," she said with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "I'll be here." He grinned at her-that famous grin of his that made the corners of his eyes crinkle up and Rachel's stomach flip. "Did you check anything?" She asked in reference to his luggage.
"Nope." He shook his head.
"Are you hungry?" She asked.
"Starving." He replied, continuing to hold her gaze. He saw her cheeks redden slightly and smiled. "How about we order in and go back to my place?" He suggested.
"Okay." Rachel replied, slipping her arm under the black jacket he was wearing and around his waist. Damn, he's skinny. She thought as he moved beside her and placed his arm around her shoulders as they walked towards the parking garage. She looked at him and smiled when he looked back at her.
"I'm really glad you came." He said. "I really missed you."
Rachel just smiled and tightened her arm around him. As they approached the elevators she noticed a look of disappointment in his eyes. "What's the matter?" She asked.
"I don't want to let you go, but we're going to be in different cars driving back to the house." He answered honestly as they stepped onto an empty elevator.
Rachel smiled. "No we're not." She replied releasing him and leaning back against the handrail along the back wall of the elevator.
"We're not?" He asked, dropping his bag and moving to stand in front of her, his hands resting on the rail to either side of her.
"Nope." Rachel replied, looking up at him through her lashes. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and fought not to laugh when she heard him groan softly. Guys are so easy! She thought.
"How'd you get here?" He asked, lowering his head and brushing his lips against the sensitive skin below her ear.
Rachel shuddered and closed her eyes. "Cab." She breathed out; surprised she could speak at all as he moved closer and pressed his lips to the corner of her jaw. "I was hoping you'd be glad to see me and take pity on me." Her breath caught as his lips grazed the corner of her mouth. "Jace..." She breathed out, running her hands up his chest and clutching onto his shoulders. "We're in an elevator." She reminded him as he brought both of his hands up and framed her face as he kissed the other side of her mouth. "At the...airport..."
He pulled back and looked at her. "This is your fault." He said, his eyes sparkling mischievously.
"My fault?" She questioned, raising one brow. "How is this my fault?"
"You're the one who decided to wear this damn dress." His hands moved from her face and grabbed her waist, pulling her against him. Rachel grinned as he squeezed her gently. "Do you know what you do to me when you wear red?" He asked. "Do you have any idea?"
"I'm sorry." Rachel smiled and wound her arms around his neck as his arms tightened around her waist.
"Don't be sorry." He insisted. "As far as I'm concerned you can wear red whenever you want but," he pulled back and let his eyes lazily trail down her body then back up. "Damn, girl! You're going to be the death of me." He chuckled, releasing her as the elevator doors finally opened. JC bent and picked up his duffle bag-slinging it over his shoulder again while he grabbed her hand with his.
Rachel couldn't help the huge smile on her face as she walked close to JC and put her free hand up on his bicep as he kept a hold of her hand. He squeezed her fingers as they approached his car and gave her a quick kiss as he held the passenger door for her. As she slid in Rachel watched as his eyes strayed her legs and she smiled.
"See something you like, pop star?" She asked with a smirk. He just smiled and Rachel laughed as he quickly shut her door.
~~~~~
Count to ten. JC told himself as he walked around the backside of his car. Take a deep breath and count to ten. His reaction to seeing Rachel had taken him by surprise. The girl honestly had no idea what she did to him-the way her kisses made him feel-and he was pretty sure she had no idea how badly he wanted her, how hard he was fighting to stay in control. He took one more deep breath before opening the driver's side door and sliding behind the wheel.
Rachel smiled at him and he smiled back. As he left the parking spot and paid the attendant on the way out he reached over and grabbed her hand again. He loved holding her hand. It just felt right-like her hand had been made specifically to fit inside his.
"So, I know it's only about seventy degrees out, but can we put the top down?" Rachel asked.
"Sure." He chuckled, releasing her hand and pushing the button that automatically lowered the top of his Mercedes. "Any special reason?"
"Nope." Rachel smiled. "Just always wanted to."
As they approached a red light before the freeway entrance JC looked over at Rachel and chuckled. Her head was back and her eyes were closed as she was enjoying the sun on her face and the wind in her hair. She must have sensed his staring because she turned and looked at him.
"What?" She questioned. He said nothing, just leaned over and kissed her-long and deep. When the car behind them honked, he pulled away reluctantly and winked at her as he drove forward.
When they finally made it back to his house he pulled into the garage and sighed. It's good to be home. He thought.
"Come on." Rachel said, excitedly as she got out of the car. "I want to show you something."
JC got out of the car and followed her into the house, then downstairs to the basement. She paused once they reached the last step and looked at him expectantly. He smiled as he took in the change the room had undergone. The walls had been painted a dark gold color, except for the far wall with the shelves that had been built in-that had been painted maroon. She'd ordered a large black leather sectional that had been set up facing a flat screen television and entertainment system set up on another wall. The pool table, that originally had been the only piece he'd had down here, was still there but now looked like it actually belonged. He walked over and looked at his collection of Hard Rock Café menus-the glue that held everything together down here and made it all work-that she'd arrange on the shelves.
"This is great!" He exclaimed, walking around the couch and plopping down, running his hands over the soft leather.
"Yeah?" She asked, looking around proudly.
"Yeah. Come here." He said, holding his arm out towards her. Rachel walked towards him and placed her hand in his. He pulled her down beside him on the couch. "This means we're almost done, right?" He asked, lacing his fingers with her as she laid her head on his shoulder.
"Yep." She responded. "We still have to pick a color for the great room upstairs and decide whether we want to paint the bedrooms down here but after that...we're done."
His brow furrowed and the happiness he'd been feeling since seeing Rachel at the airport diminished. "What are you going to do when you're done here?" He asked. She raised her head and looked at him.
"Move on to the next job." She replied matter of factly. He didn't like that idea. He'd gotten used to seeing her several times a week in addition to the time they spent together in the evenings and on weekends. Sure, she was his girlfriend which meant he'd still be able to see her whenever he wanted, but with the house done, she'd now be spending the time she had been spending over here during the day with someone else-their time together would be drastically reduced and he was hesitant about giving that time up to someone else. "Are you still looking for someone to remodel your house in Orlando?" She asked with a grin, her eyes sparkling.
He chuckled. "No. I don't think so." Rachel furrowed her brows in confusion. "I put it up on the market this morning before I left."
"You did?" She asked looking at him in shock. "Why?"
"It was time." He shrugged his shoulders. "I only go out there at the most twice a year. Why do I need a big ole house just for that? I can just stay in a hotel, or Chris and Joey still live there. I can crash at their place."
"Hmmm...well, no worries." She smiled. "I already have another client I started working with on Friday. I guess my boss is impressed with the way I've been handling this project and now that Lucy's wedding is over and done with...it's time to start something new."
"Once Cribs airs, you'll probably get a ton of new clients. Maybe you could even start your own company." He suggested.
Rachel laughed. "I don't think so. It'll take a lot more than just doing your house before I'm taken for a serious designer. Besides," She replied, crossing one leg over the other. His eyes followed the movement and for the first time noticed a long pink scar running along the side of her knee. "I've seen Cribs before. They don't mention who the designer is. No one's going to know it was me."
"Is this from your knee surgery?" He asked, distracted, as he reached his finger out and ran it along the scar.
~~~~~
"Y-yeah." Rachel's breath caught in her throat as JC's finger ran along her scar. His touch sent a tingle down her spine, but also caused her heart to start racing. Why do you have to touch me? She wanted to ask. Kissing. Kissing's fine, but touching...touching leads to memories and memories lead to fear. Just...don't touch me and everything will be fine. She wanted to tell him.
He looked at her, his blue eyes intense and she wondered if he could read her thoughts as he spoke. "Why are you afraid of me?" He asked.
Rachel looked at him, completely taken off guard by his question. "I'm...I'm not afraid of you." She stammered, her heart pounding.
"Yes you are." He said. "You try to hide it, but...your heart races, your breathing quickens and your hands start shaking whenever I get near you."
"Maybe you just fluster me." She said, trying to laugh it off.
"Maybe." He said still looking at her. "But then, how come when I touch you..." Once again he ran his fingertips over her knee. "You get this terrified look in your eyes. It's just me, Rachel." He said quietly. "Why are you afraid of me?"
"I'm not afraid of you." She repeated, taking a deep breath. She knew they needed to talk, but she didn't realize he'd bring it up so soon. She needed a second to gather her thoughts and pray for the words to make him understand. He sat there looking at her, his eyes boring into hers. "I just...I haven't...I haven't had the best experiences when it comes to dating." She told him. "My last serious boyfriend was four years ago and he..." she swallowed feeling the fear and anxiety welling up inside of her again. Her heart began racing and her palms were sweating. Just tell him. Her heart insisted. Her breathing quickened as the panic threatened to overtake her. "He...he left a lot of scars." She chickened out. She couldn't tell him. JC looked at her, compassion shining in the depths of his blue eyes as he raised his hand and cupped her cheek.
"You don't need to be afraid of me, Rachel." He said.
Yes I do. She thought. Whether he knew it or not, JC had the power to hurt her just as deeply as Brian had. The only difference would be in the way he hurt her. While Brian had hurt her physically, JC-if he broke her heart-could crush her emotionally. He leaned forward then and gently placed his lips against hers. She sighed as he pulled back. "Just...be patient with me, JC." She said.
"You got it, Beautiful." He replied, stroking his thumb across her cheek. "What do you want to eat?" He asked, moving the conversation back on to safe ground.
"I'm always up for Chinese." Rachel answered.
"Sounds good to me." He replied with a smile. "I'm starving." He stood and tugged on her hand, pulling her up beside him. Without a word he put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry he hurt you." He said quietly and Rachel felt close to tears. "I can beat him up if you want." He offered, making her laugh. It had been a long time since a boy had offered to beat someone up for her and it just made her like him even more. She tightened her arms around him.
"I don't think it'd be a fair fight." She said leaning back and looking at him.
"So he's a little guy, huh?" He asked. "That's okay."
"Actually, you're the one with the disadvantage." She replied. "I don't think your skinny ass would last very long in that fight." He laughed as he hugged her again. "I really need to fatten you up."
"Good luck." He said with a grin as he released her and they walked back upstairs. "Oh, I forgot." He said as they walked into the kitchen. "What are you doing Friday night?"
"Nothing." Rachel said shrugging. "Why?"
"I've got this premier I have to go to. Will you come with me?" He asked.
"A premier, as in a movie premier?" Rachel asked in shock.
"Yeah." He nodded as he pulled the take out menu from his favorite Chinese restaurant from a drawer.
"I...what do I wear?" Rachel asked, feeling excited and scared at the same time. Going to an event with JC would solidify the fact that they were a couple. There would be photographers and reporters there. There'd be no more hiding the fact that they were together. The entire world would know that she, Rachel Olivia Kline, was JC Chasez's girlfriend.
"Whatever you want." He replied. "It's not a big deal."
"What movie is it?" She asked, trying to be as nonchalant about it as he was being though her inner teenager was dying to jump around and scream. This was a dream come true. When she'd been seventeen, MTV had run some promotional contest with the prize being a date with one of the members of N SYNC. Rachel had sent in multiple entry forms hoping and praying hers would be drawn-it hadn't-and now here she stood; in JC Chasez's kitchen-with JC Chasez-as he asked her to go to a movie premier with him as his girlfriend. It was almost a little more than she could handle.
"Uh...some kind of action movie that Will Smith's in." He answered distractedly as he looked at the menu in his hands.
"Oh, I love Will Smith." Rachel replied.
"So you'll go with me?" He asked, his blue eyes sliding over to look at her.
"Of course." Rachel assured him with a smile.
"Good." He leaned over and kissed her quickly. "Now, what do you want to eat?"
~~~~~~
After driving Rachel back to her apartment Monday night JC returned to his house and crashed. He slept most of the next day as the jet lag and late hours of the weekend finally caught up to him. When he finally woke up around two the next day he stretched and rubbed his eyes. I'm getting too old for this. He thought as he got up and made his way into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later-showered, shaved and dressed-he made his way downstairs, his stomach growling. Grabbing a bowl from the cupboard and a spoon from the drawer he poured himself a bowl of Capn'n Crunch. Turning to the fridge he pulled out the milk Sarah had bought last week. Smelling it to make sure it hadn't gone bad he quickly poured some over the cereal then sat down at the kitchen table.
"Jace?" He heard Sarah call out.
"In the kitchen." He replied taking another bite and smiling as Sarah walked in. "Long time no see." He said as she approached him. She said nothing, just tossed a couple pieces of paper across the table to him. "What's this?" He asked.
"Marcus wasn't very happy this morning." Sarah said as he looked at the pictures she'd given him. The first few were of Rachel coming and going from his house, then a picture of her and Justin dancing at the club on her birthday, then one of them kissing in his car just yesterday. The last one was of him and the guys at Chris' party over the weekend. "He wants to know exactly what is going on with you and Rachel and what, if anything, is going on with you and the guys."
"Am I not allowed to have a girlfriend?" JC asked, putting the pictures down and returning to his cereal. "It's not like I'm still in the group and trying to keep up an image. Besides, I thought he'd be happy. I'm finally putting an end to the gay rumors."
"I don't think it's so much Rachel that has him concerned as it is the other guys." Sarah replied. "Are you guys planning something?"
"It was a Halloween party!" He exclaimed in frustration.
"He told me there is already a lot of speculation going around about a possible reunion." Sarah said.
"Let me get this straight." JC said, forgetting about his cereal and leaning back in his chair. "I'm not allowed to have a girlfriend and now I'm not allowed to hang out with my best friends? I'm an adult. I can do whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want."
"Calm down." Sarah sighed. "I'm just relaying what he told me this morning. Don't kill the messenger."
"I'm not a kid and I'm not in the group anymore and even if I was Marcus can't tell me who I can date and who I can spend my time with. Tell him to turn his energy towards helping me get this damn album out instead of worrying about what I did over the weekend." JC said standing and taking his bowl to the sink.
"He's your manager, Jace, you tell him." Sarah said calmly, folding her arms across her chest. "It's his job to keep track of what's being said about you and try to clean up anything that needs to be cleaned up, remember?"
"Nothing needs to be cleaned up." He said, walking out of the kitchen and making his way downstairs. As he walked towards the studio he stopped and looked at the plaques covering the wall. He'd grown used to seeing them everyday but for some reason they caught his eye today. Maybe it was the fact that he'd put his house in Orlando up for sale, or the fact that being with the guys this weekend had made him realize a few things. Whatever the reason, he stood looking at the evidence of what he'd accomplished in his life an odd feeling of depression washing over him. He knew he should feel proud-hell, he'd achieved a level of success that millions of people only dreamed of-why didn't he feel that sense of accomplishment anymore?
His phone vibrated and he pulled it from his pocket as he turned and continued down the hall.
I am sitting in the most boring staff meeting of my life! I'm going to die!
He smiled as he read Rachel's text and typed a reply as he sat down at the keyboard.
Don't die. I'm not going to be able to get anyone else to go with me on Friday and I don't want to go alone.
She quickly responded, making his sour mood of moments before disappear.
Then you better distract me so I don't die.
"Distract you?" He mused out loud. "Careful, sweetheart." He ginned, feeling mischievous. I know just how I'd like to distract you. Opening a blank message his fingers typed out a response.
What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing! Apples don't talk!
Setting his phone over on the table adjacent to the keyboard he grabbed the headphones that were plugged in to the instrument and looped them around his neck, waiting to see if and how she would respond. His phone was silent for a few minutes and he put the headphones over his ears, figuring she'd respond when her meeting was done. He started playing the song he'd begun writing a few weeks ago, but stopped after only playing a few measures. Something wasn't right. He played around with the keyboard for a few minutes, finally figuring out what the problem was.
Grabbing his phone he went back upstairs and made his way to the front room and sat down at the keys of the baby grand Rachel had insisted on buying. Placing his fingers on the keys he rolled out the first chord. Much better. He thought. This wasn't a song that could be digitized and played on an electric keyboard. This was a song that required the rich, full sound of a real piano to help convey the emotion behind what he was trying to say. He played the first measure then stopped as his cell phone began ringing. He smiled when he saw Rachel's name flash across the screen and answered the call.
"Hey." He said.
"I would just like you to know that you got me in trouble in my meeting today." She said.
"Me?" He asked innocently. "How did I get you in trouble?"
"Hmmm, I wonder." She replied sarcastically. "Mr. What did the apple say to the banana."
He laughed. "It was a good joke."
"Yes, it was." Rachel answered, finally laughing herself. "So good in fact that I laughed out loud. Right in the middle of a staff meeting!"
"You shouldn't have told me to distract you then." He said.
"Note taken." She replied, with a chuckle.
"I'm sorry I got you in trouble." He said sincerely.
"It's okay. I didn't really get in trouble. My manager sure gave me the evil eye though. Thanks for making me laugh. It was what I needed."
"Your welcome." He replied, smiling.
They talked for a few more minutes then hung up when her work phone started ringing. "I'll call you later." She promised and he hung up. Putting his phone back in his pocket JC once again began playing. As his fingers continued to play the music he'd written JC began to softly sing the words he'd written.
I need to tell you what I know.
Without you my life is just a show.
Too many things have come and gone...
He stopped. It still needed a lot of work but it was a start.
~~~~~~
JC unbuttoned his vest as he poured himself a glass of wine then walked downstairs, Saturday evening. Turning on the flat screen he sunk down on the couch and took a sip.
"...The stars were out for the L.A. premier of Will Smith's new movie last night among which were Tom Cruise, Shia LaBeof, Cameron Diaz and former N SYNC member JC Chasez-who showed up with rumored girlfriend, Rachel Kline. Jann Carl was there with our cameras and caught up with the stars on the red carpet to get their reaction to the movie and get the scoop on a few rumors."
He picked up the remote, intent on changing the channel when they showed the clip of him and Rachel at the premier last night. He sat, arm lowering, watching her, as the Entertainment Tonight reporter talked to him. She had been absolutely stunning-standing beside him in her sleeveless brown and cream patterned dress last night. All he'd wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss her, really kiss her, but he couldn't--not without causing a scene and really embarrassing her. So, he'd had to content himself with holding her hand possessively all evening and stealing a few kisses during the movie.
"How was the movie?" Jann asked, stopping them on the carpet. "Did you guys like it?"
"It was great." JC answered with a smile. "Will's a pro, he doesn't disappoint."
"What do you think of the rumors about Justin and Jessica breaking up?"
"You know, I just saw Justin last week--"
"That's right, N SYNC was back together for one night, huh?" Jann smiled.
"Yeah." JC chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I saw all the guys last week."
"Any truth to the rumors? Are you guys getting back together?"
"No." JC shook his head. "Not right now. It was just a Halloween party."
"So Jessica and Justin are okay?"
"Yeah. I mean...it's tough, you know, being in a relationship when you're a celebrity." He looked over at Rachel then back to the reporter. "But I don't have any concerns about those two. They've got a pretty solid relationship as far as I can tell."
JC smiled as he recalled the way Rachel had clung to him the entire night. With other girls he'd dated in the past if they'd held onto him like that it had been because they were staking their claim on him publicly, but not Rachel. He could see the excitement in her eyes as they'd arrived and mingled with the other celebrities that had been at the premier, but along with the excitement were equal amounts of nervousness and uncertainty. She hadn't let go of his hand all evening, silently seeking his support, and it had made him feel like he was on cloud nine. To know a girl needed him-not his money, not the fame that came along with being his girlfriend, and not the connection to other celebrities that he had-was a very empowering feeling.
"Speaking of relationships, are you two...?" The reporter asked with an interested smile.
JC looked at Rachel again before answering then turned back to the cameras with a smile on his face. "Yeah."
"Congratulations." She offered.
"Thanks." JC said, as he and Rachel continued on.
"There you go." The reporter said. "You heard it here first ladies: one more heartthrob and former member of N SYNC is officially off the market."
JC clicked off the television and took another sip of his wine-the silence of his house was deafening and he wished Rachel were there. They'd spent the day together as he tagged along while she went furniture shopping for her new clients but he'd had to leave her at her apartment an hour ago because of a bachelorette party she was going to for one of the girls she worked with.
As he sat in his quiet house, slowly swirling the wine in his glass the melancholy he'd been pushing away since returning from Orlando returned. With nothing else to occupy his mind, thoughts and feelings he'd been trying to ignore for awhile threatened to overwhelm him. Putting his house up for sale had affected him more than he'd planned on. It was the last piece of his past that he'd been holding on to and it felt weird knowing he'd no longer have it. Selling the house was a sign that he'd accepted that the past was gone and it was time to move on to the future, but as he sat there, slowly draining the wine in his glass JC wondered what that future was going to be like.
He got up as he emptied his glass and walked over to the bar in the corner. Grabbing a bottle of tequila he poured himself a shot, hissing as the alcohol burned on its way down. He'd more or less given up on his solo career and he was still bitter about it. I'm just as good as Justin. He thought. Pouring another shot, he threw that one back as well. I was just as popular as he was, why didn't people like my album? He'd worked hard on the first album, and had released it with high expectations only to be shot down. So, he'd started working on his second album, hoping that people would give him a second chance but here he was four years later and the album was still sitting on the shelf. He'd cut ties with Jive last year hoping that a new label would help him where they had failed to. He wanted to be angry at the label executives, but really couldn't. From a producer's point of view he understood where they were coming from-when you were on the same label as Justin Timberlake how do you compete? But the musician in him didn't understand. Why? He thought. Why does Justin get all of the spotlight? Justin has always gotten the spotlight. When is it my turn?
As he went to pour a third shot his eye caught the two Billboard Music Awards sitting on the other end of the bar that the group had won back in 1998-when they'd finally made it big over here in the states and they'd started their climb to the top. He walked over to them and picked one up, his anger increasing.
"I'll never have this again." He said bitterly. He set it back down then turned and threw his glass across the room. It hit the far wall and shattered, leaving a hole and rattled the framed platinum album plaques hanging nearby. Walking unsteadily towards the pictures JC took the one for No Strings Attached-arguably the group's best album-off the wall and looked at it for a second. What happened? He wondered. How come they'd never gotten back together? They always said they'd do another, but it had been seven years! It wouldn't have bothered him so much if his own album had done better. I'm done. He thought. It's over. He let the picture fall to the ground and made his way back to the bar. He'd worked so damn hard to be in this business and what had it gotten him? A few pictures to hang on his wall; a bunch of trophies taking up space in his house; memories that constantly tormented him with how his life used to be and how it would never be the same again.
~~~~~~
Rachel was startled awake by the ringing of her cell phone and reached blindly for it on the nightstand. She'd been out late with some of the girls from work for Charlotte's bachelorette party and her head hurt-a combination of the music from the club they'd gone to and the alcohol she'd consumed.
"Hello?" She answered groggily, not bothering to look at the screen to see who was calling.
"Hey." A deep, sexy voice came over the line. Rachel rubbed her hand over her face and looked over at the clock. 2:15.
"Who is this?" She asked, yawning.
"Josh." He answered.
"Who?"
"It's Josh." He repeated. Rachel struggled to wake up.
"Do I know a Josh?" She asked. "Wait." She concentrated for a moment. "JC?" She asked, her mind suddenly recognizing his voice.
"Yeah." He answered.
She yawned again as he remained quiet. "What's going on?" She asked. "Why are you calling me at two o'clock in the morning?"
"Is that what time it is?" He asked.
"Yes." She answered slowly. "Did you need something?"
"Yeah." He answered. "You."
"Me?" She questioned. "Why do you need me in the middle of the night?"
"Do you really need me to answer that question?"
Rachel narrowed her eyes as she noticed the slur in his voice. "How much have you had to drink tonight?" She asked.
"Drink?"
"You sound like you're drunk."
"I'm not drunk, baby."
Rachel cringed at the pet name. She'd always hated it and she'd told him that. Hearing that name coming from JC really rubbed her the wrong way. Apparently whatever he'd had to drink was affecting his memory.
"Don't call me baby." She stated firmly.
"Sorry. I forgot." They were both quiet for a few seconds. "Please come over." He asked the quiet pleading tone in his voice almost more than she could resist.
"No." Rachel answered, rolling over and pulling her blankets up.
"Why not?" He whined.
"Because I have a headache." She responded becoming irritated. "I had a few drinks tonight and I don't think it's a good idea for me to come over there when you have obviously had a lot to drink as well. Who knows what could happen."
"I can think of a few things that might happen." He said, the suggestive tone of his voice made it obvious as to what he was referring.
"Exactly." Rachel chuckled. "That's why I shouldn't come over. Just go to bed, Jace. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll call--"
"I might kill myself." He interrupted her.
"No you won't." Rachel responded.
"You don't know that. I'm drunk. There's no knowing what I could do in this state." She heard a loud noise in the background and suddenly became concerned. "Please?" He asked again. "I want to see you."
She sighed. "Fine." She relented. "Give me twenty minutes. Just don't...do anything stupid until I get there, okay?" She asked. JC remained quiet but she could still hear him breathing on the other end. "Okay?" She repeated, a little more firmly this time.
"Yeah." He answered quietly.
"Alright." She said. "I'm coming."
"Okay." He replied. Rachel flipped her phone closed, but sat looking at it for a few seconds before she got up and pulled a pair of black sweat pants over the shorts she'd been sleeping in. What the hell? She thought. He'd been fine a few hours ago. Why the sudden and drastic change? She grabbed her grey hoodie, zipping it as she slipped on a pair of flip flops and grabbed her car keys. Praying she wasn't making a huge mistake she left her apartment and headed across town to JC's house.
Twenty minutes later-as promised-Rachel pulled up to his gate. Rolling down the window of her car she quickly punched in the gate code and made her way up the driveway. Coming to a stop Rachel stepped out of her car and walked up to the front door. She knocked a couple times but when he didn't answer she inserted the key he'd given her and let herself in.
"Jace?" She called out, shutting and locking the front door behind her. She stood still and listened. He could be anywhere. She mused. "Jace?" She called out again, a little louder this time. She began walking back towards the great room, quickly scanning each room she passed, as she continued to call his name. As she came around the corner of the hall Rachel saw the lights on downstairs and, walking down to the basement she stopped, her heart aching at the scene she found.
JC sat on the floor with his back against the wall, his arms resting on his raised knees, his head bowed. An empty glass bottle lay beside him, tipped on its side on the carpet, while a half empty glass of something sat on the small table beside the couch. Her eyes took in the room, miscellaneous pictures and awards were thrown around haphazardly. Rachel's eyes noticed a good sized hole in the wall beside him and she wondered if whatever had caused the hole had been the noise she'd heard over the phone.
"Jace?" She said softly, taking the final step and walking towards him. He didn't answer. "Josh?" She asked using his real name in hopes it would get his attention. It did. He slowly raised his head and looked up at her, the emptiness in his blue eyes making her want to cry. She'd never seen him look like this and it scared her. What had happened? What had made the sparkle completely leave his eyes? What had brought this on?
Rachel slowly picked up the empty bottle on the floor, noticing some broken glass on the floor beside him as well, and took it and the glass on the table to the wet bar in the corner. She turned her back on him and leaned against the counter as she swallowed and blinked back her tears. She hadn't been prepared to walk into this scene and if she was going to be of any help to him she needed to get her emotions under control. He didn't need to see her tears. I was obvious he was dealing with his own pain right now. He needed her to be strong; to be the one he could lean on. She took a few deep breaths.
"Rachel?"
She jumped as he called out. He sounded as if he were unsure if he'd really seen her or if she had just been a figment of his inebriated imagination.
Rachel sniffed and wiped away the few tears that had escaped. "I'm here." She said, walking towards him and kneeling down beside him. He looked at her and she couldn't resist the urge to run her fingers through his hair. He looked like a little boy sitting there and all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and tell him everything would be okay. He closed his eyes and leaned into her hand as she lowered it to his cheek, her thumb brushing over the scruff that was there. "What happened?" She asked quietly.
"I think I ruined the wall." He said opening his eyes and pointing at the damage he'd done.
"Yeah, I saw that." She said with a sad smile. "Tony's not going to be very happy about having to come back out here." He nodded in resignation and leaned his head back against the wall. Rachel removed her hand from his face and stood, placing her hands on her hips and looking down at him.
"Where are you going?" He asked, his brows furrowing.
"Nowhere." She answered, smiling at him.
"Come back down here then." He held his hand up to her.
"Why don't you come up here?" She asked, pulling at his proffered hand.
After a few unsuccessful tries she finally managed to help him to his feet. Hooking JC's arm around her shoulders Rachel grunted softly as she attempted to help him balance. She had miscalculated just how much he weighed as he slumped against her and was surprised. For being so skinny he was deceptively heavy. Maybe he could beat up Brian. She thought wryly.
"Come on, Tiger." She said quietly. As she tried to get him to move in a somewhat straight line as they made their way towards the stairs Rachel decided that of all the sides she'd seen of JC over the past couple months, "drunk JC" was by far her least favorite.
JC chuckled when they made it up the stairs to the main level and he swayed slightly. Rachel placed one hand on his stomach and kept her other arm around his back, gripping his waist and trying to keep him upright as they walked towards the stairs leading to the second floor. Once more they began climbing the stairs, taking them slowly one at a time. Her breath caught and her heart jumped as he suddenly turned his head and began nuzzling her neck. Rachel found herself praying for strength. There was just enough alcohol still left in her system to make this a very dangerous situation.
"Jace..." She breathed out, cursing the tingling sensation that consumed her. He chuckled again, his laugh low and rough in her ear. "Come on." She said, repositioning herself beneath his arm. "Help me out here."
Somehow they finished the trek up the stairs and down the hallway. Rachel opened the door to his room and guided him over to the bed. She helped him sit on the edge of the mattress and looked at him. He looked so lost and sad. Again, all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and tell him everything was going to be okay. But, she didn't know if everything would be okay. She didn't know what had prompted this drinking binge. She turned to retrieve a blanket from the closet.
Rachel was only able to take one step, however, before his hands came out and caught her hips. Her heart leapt into her throat, and her breathing became ragged as he pulled her slowly back towards the bed. Her eyes closed as the back of her knees hit the edge of the mattress. She had to get out of there. She knew the limits of her restraint and didn't want to tempt fate tonight. JC was dangerous enough sober, but when he was drunk and his inhibitions gone he could prove to be her undoing. She'd managed to say no to one drunk invitation from him, but knew she wouldn't be able to say no again.
JC's hands moved around and flattened out against her stomach. He's drunk. He's drunk. He's drunk. She had to remind herself of that fact as she felt him stand behind her. He's drunk. She repeated. He's...He's... She stopped breathing as his lips made contact with the side of her neck and she knew she was lost. Her head lolled back, resting against his shoulder. As his left hand came up, his fingers gently caressing her throat, his other arm remained around her-his hand splayed out against her stomach, keeping her pinned against him. His sinful mouth placed several slow, warm kisses on her neck, and across her shoulder.
"Jace..." She breathed, not wanting him to stop but knowing he wouldn't remember any of this in the morning and she would regret it. She tried to escape his grasp. "Let me go." Rachel placed her hands on the arm he had around her.
"Do you know how beautiful you are?" He asked his voice pretty much the sexiest thing Rachel had ever heard. She felt her knees weaken and cursed her stupid female hormones for responding to him as his lips traveled up her neck. "Do you know what you do to me? The way you walk, the way you laugh, the way smile. Everything about you turns me on. I want you." He whispered, his mouth brushing against the sweet spot behind her ear.
"You're drunk." She responded, her entire body breaking out in tingles and goose bumps as he chuckled in her ear, his warm breath hitting the sensitive skin there.
"I'm not that drunk." He said. Rachel allowed him to turn her in his arms.
"Yes, you are." She replied. "I don't think--" His lips cut her off and she momentarily forgot the reasons why she was trying to resist him. Her eyes closed reflexively as he bent his head and touched his lips to hers and as she tilted her head-allowing him to deepen the kiss-she wound her arms around his neck. She tasted the alcohol on his tongue and found it exciting.
What started out as a simple kiss soon intensified and Rachel found herself being turned and lowered to the bed. Her head was screaming at her that this was a bad idea, but as JC's mouth released hers, his lips traveling along her jaw and down her neck, Rachel pushed aside the angel sitting on her shoulder. His hands found hers-their fingers entwining as he raised her arms above her head. Rachel groaned as one of his hands slowly trailed down along her arm and came to a stop at the front of her sweatshirt. He raised his head then-his eyes connecting with hers-as he slowly lowered the zipper.
Rachel thought her heart was going to stop as he opened and pushed aside the sides of her sweatshirt, his hands gripping her waist. Her arms automatically went around his neck, her fingers becoming lost in his dark hair. As he once more bent his head and began placing hot kisses along her neck, Rachel closed her eyes and prayed for the strength to stop this. She knew neither of them were ready for this-her least of all. She was surprised that she'd been able to let him get this far without freaking out, but as one of his hands slipped beneath the hem of her tank top-his warm fingers gliding across her skin-she froze and common sense returned.
"Stop." She insisted but either he was too drunk or too impassioned-probably both-to hear her. "Jace." She removed her arms from around him. "Jace, stop."
"Say my name." He said leaning towards her.
"Please don't make me be the bad guy." She insisted, ignoring his request though the look in his eyes made her stomach flip and goose bumps engulf her. "We're both going to regret it in the morning. Besides, what--"
"Say my name." He repeated, kissing her softly. "I love how you say my name." He said as he spoke against her lips.
Rachel sighed. "Joshua." She breathed and he closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. "Stop this." She said.
"I want you." He said, once more looking into her eyes. "I've wanted you since the first night we met."
"You're drunk and depressed, Jace. I don't think it's a good idea for me to be here right now."
"You can't tell me you haven't thought about this." He said, once more lowering his head and placing his mouth against her neck. No. She thought. I've tried very hard not to think about this.
"Jace, stop." Rachel placed her hands on his shoulders and somehow managed to wiggle out from beneath him. Quickly standing she fumbled with the zipper of her sweatshirt as she moved away from the bed. "I'm going now." She said turning, but once more his arms stopped her.
"You told me you regretted walking away from me a year ago." He said, whispering behind her ear and Rachel fought the desire to give in to him. "Don't walk away from me tonight. Don't make the same mistake again." She dropped her arms as he kissed her ear causing her to shudder. Damn you, JC Chasez! She thought. Why are you doing this to me? "You can't tell me this isn't what you've always wanted." He continued, turning her in his arms. "I know you." He said, his eyes holding hers as he pushed the sweatshirt off her shoulders until is fell off her and landed on the floor. He raised one hand and brushed his fingertips across her cheek before cupping her face and kissing her softly. Rachel melted against him. She couldn't fight him any longer. "I know you." He repeated, pulling back slightly. "You told me yourself you've been in love with me since you were fifteen. Well, here's your chance babe."
Rachel opened her eyes and looked at him in surprise. Was he really going to use the information she'd given him against her? "Is this what you're like when you're drunk?" She asked feeling hurt as reality crashed in around her.
"What?" He questioned.
"A seductive manipulator?" She answered, stepping out of his arms. They stood there looking at each other for a moment, disappointment filling her at his careless words and callous attitude. "I'm leaving." She said finally turning to leave. "Call me when you sober up tomorrow."
"Other fans haven't walked away." He said, his words sending an arrow through her heart. She turned and looked at him, her jaw slack. He stood there looking at her smugly. How many other fans? She wanted to ask, but couldn't-the shock stealing her breath. He stepped towards her.
"Is that all I am to you?" She asked, blinking rapidly against the tears forming. "A fan?" She was hurt. Yes she was a fan-and he knew it-but she had worked so hard to keep that fact out of the equation while getting to know him. She'd been careful about everything she'd said, everything she'd done, but apparently it hadn't done any good. He was throwing it back in her face as if it meant nothing, as if that was all she'd ever be to him-a fan. Megan was right. She thought bitterly. Alcohol really does loosen the tongue and let the truth come out.
"I'll pay you." He offered. If she'd been shocked before she was stunned now. Her chest felt tight. She couldn't breathe. She stood there looking at him, feeling her dreams shattering one by one. "Oh wait." He chuckled. "I'm already paying you. I want to make sure I'm getting my money's worth."
She gasped and before she thought about it she drew her hand back and slapped him-hard-the sound of her hand against his cheek reverberating in the quiet room. JC shook his head as he stared at her, surprise registering in his eyes. Rachel's hand stung, but his words had cut even deeper. She stood looking at him for a moment as hot tears began to fall. "Damn you, JC Chasez!" She swore then turned and fled the room.
"Rachel, wait." He called out, suddenly sounding sober but she ignored him. Quickly descending the stairs she unlocked and yanked open the front door. She slammed it behind her and ran around to her car. His words echoing in her head. I knew it. She thought. I knew it was too good to be true. I knew he'd break my heart. How could she have so completely misread him? She'd begun to believe the fairytale happening around her. How could she have been so stupid as to think that he really cared about her? She'd been a fool. Once again she'd given her heart and trusted someone when she should have known better.
Rachel sobbed as she got in her car and quickly left; the hurt and disappointment threatening to suffocate her. The man she'd idolized since she was fifteen, had become her friend and whom she'd fallen in love with had just reduced their relationship to the cheapest level possible. In a matter of minutes he'd taken something beautiful and made it dirty-reducing her to nothing more than a prostitute. It wasn't about compassion, it wasn't about friendship, and it certainly wasn't about love. He had gone and made it purely about sex. Up until five minutes ago there had been nothing better in Rachel's world than JC Chasez but now her dreams and heart were shattered. Rachel's hands shook as she drove, her tears still falling. I should have known. She thought. I should have known.
Pulling off to the side of the road when she couldn't see, Rachel turned off her car and grabbed her phone from where she'd put it in the glove box when she'd gotten to JC's house. Sobbing she dialed the only number she knew by heart.
"Someone better be dead." Megan grumbled when she answered. "Rachel?" Megan questioned at the sound of Rachel's sobbing. "Rachel, what's wrong?"
"I hate him."
