“So tell me about your first day Booboo” I said as I cleaned up the kitchen, “Did you make any new friends?”
“Mmmhumm” she smiled as she sat down at the table, “Jenny is my favorite. She’s nice. And I have a boyfriend”
“What?”
“Yeah. His name is Corbyn and he’s my boyfriend”
“OK” I got nervous for a second and then realized that to five year olds a boyfriend is just a boy in class that you never talk to. It makes me nervous even thinking about her dating, she’s not dating until she’s married, “How do you like your teacher?”
“She’s nice. She’s pretty”
“Yeah” I smiled, “Good. Anything else fun happen? Do you have any homework?”
“No” she laughed, “Oh that’s right you do”
“What? Why do I have homework?”
“Cause she said that Mommy’s have to fill out this paper and I have to bring it back”
“Ok, I guess I can do that” I laughed as she handed me a paper with emergency contact information.
I heard the door open and then Vanessa scream “KYLE!!!!!” she jumped off the chair and ran to the door
“Ms. Nessa” Kyle smiled as he grabbed her in his arms and twirled her around then threw her on the couch, “Hey Mommy” he said as he kissed my cheek and placed a bag of food on the table
“Thanks for dinner” I said as I took it out of the bags
“No problemo, come on Nessa let’s eat” he called out to her in the other room
Vanessa ran into the kitchen, “Wash your hands” she ran out, “And walk” I grabbed some plates from the cabinet
“Justin was looking for you again” I really think that Kyle is just so in love with him that since he can’t have him he’s going to just make up stories so maybe I can go on one date with Justin and all his dreams will come true through me.
“Do you make this stuff up?”
“No” he laughed, “He said, and this is a direct quote here, where did she go?”
“Good to know” I laughed, “Booboo what is taking you so long?”
She came back and smiled as she sat down next to Kyle, “I think you should hook up with him”
“I’m glad” I said sarcastically as I put a piece of chicken on Vanessa’s plate
“You need to get laid” I felt my mouth drop, please tell me he did not just say that in front of my daughter
“What does laid mean?” Vanessa asked and I could feel myself tremble, why would he say that?
“It means she’s tired, she needs to lay down,” Kyle answered with a chuckle
“Oh me too. I need to get laid” Kyle laughed but I felt my stomach turning
“No Nessa. Don’t ever say that again. Go to your room”
“But I didn’t even do anything. I didn’t even eat yet”
“Here take it with you and go into the living room” I handed her the plate,
“Careful ok? Mommy needs to talk to Kyle”
“Can I watch Sponge Bob?”
“Sure sweetie, go ahead” I said as I grabbed a plate for myself, “Why would
you ever say that in front of my daughter?”
“She already forgot about it”
“Seriously Kyle, you’re not stupid”
“Face the facts sweetie, you need to get laid”
“I do not” I said as I took a bite, “We don’t need to be talking about this”
“When’s the last time you got laid?”
“A long time ago”
“When’s the last time you had a boyfriend?”
“Kyle…”
“When’s the last time you even went out?”
“Ok, last week we went out”
“Chuck E. Cheeses does not count”
“Look Kyle, I can’t just go out, you know that”
“Yes you can. Have someone watch her”
“Like…”
“You’re old enough to watch yourself, aren’t you Nessa?”
“Yeah, I am. Mommy please? Can I?”
“Booboo you would be scared to death if I left you alone”
“No suh”
“Don’t talk to me like that. No suh is not a word”
“Doesn’t she have any friends?” he said it right there, as if she wasn’t sitting down right next to him, “Don’t you have any friends? No well I’m here and if I watch her who will you go out with” he’s such an asshole sometimes. I rolled my eyes and he laughed and then looked over at Vanessa, “Aren’t you supposed to be in your room?”
She took a deep breath and walked back into the other room, “No, Booboo you can come back, get your plate” I looked at Kyle, “We are not talking about this anymore”
“Ohh a threat” he laughed
“Booboo tell Kyle about your first day”
“I made lots of friends and I have a boyfriend”
“Aww the five year old has a boyfriend but Mommy doesn’t”
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