“Dawn, I need you!” Liz called from her office.
It had been a long, harrowing day, and I certainly wasn’t in the mood to deal with any of her bullshit. She’s been calling my name since I walked in this morning, citing a crisis involving her biggest, most recent case. I swear, if she spent half the time on her cases that she did bugging me about unnecessary shit like Justin, she’d be a much better lawyer. I pretended to be on the phone and ignored her catcall, knowing that she didn’t really want anything.
“Dawn,” Sharry whispered, “Liz is calling you.”
I haven’t said much of anything to Sharry these days. Hell, half the time, I’m tempted to call her Sheila. “Yeah, I know. I just don’t feel like dealing with her.”
“You better answer her, or then she’s gonna start calling me!”
My thoughts exactly. “So let her bug you for once. Your side of the office is never busy.” Liz’s partner, Julian Troy, tends not to come in on days that end with the letter ‘Y.’
Liz finally retreated from her office to where Sharry and I both sat, ignoring her. “Dawn, didn’t you hear me calling you?”
For the ninetieth fucking time today, of course I did. “No, I must have been on the phone,” I smiled.
“Oh, well if you’re busy, I can just use Sharry. Shar, can you come to my office for a few minutes?”
I smiled in satisfaction when they departed, Sharry sticking her tongue out at me. I wasn’t like I was lying “ I had been on the phone…at some point that day. And I was busy. I had to finish up the piles of paperwork that Justin threw at me a few weeks ago. I don’t know where he gets his nerve, or why I even opted to finish it, but Dawn James doesn't start something that she’s not gonna finish. Usually.
Relieved and exhausted, I piled the work into a stray paper box and headed upstairs to greet Justin with it. When I reached the Getty suite, I was stopped, for once in my life, by the receptionist, Drea. “Hey, Dawn. Justin’s in the middle of an appointment.”
For the first time ever, he’s actually doing something productive? Unbelievable. “Oh, okay. How much longer do you think he’ll be?”
“I’m not sure. He’s interviewing for the new intern position.”
Justin, of all people? Those poor aspiring interns. “Well I just wanted to drop this box off with him, so could you just let him know that I came by and give it to him?”
Drea’s response was interrupted by the ring of the phone in front of her, but she waved me the go-ahead to take the box to his office. I turned the corner just in time to see Justin’s door opening and a short, caramel-colored guy with a baby face shaking Justin’s hand. “Thank you for this opportunity, Mr. Timberlake,” the guy said, genuinely.
Justin pulled off his glasses and smirked at the guy. “You’re welcome, Mr. Usher.”
“It’s Raymond,” he corrected Justin “ Uh, bad idea.
“What?”
“Oh, I was just saying that my last name is Raymond. It’s Usher Raymond.”
Justin rolled his eyes and smiled when he saw me at the end of the hall. “Whatever. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to offer you a job with us this semester, but I’ll see what I can do about a recommendation for the summer.”
I inched down the hall to where the two men stood, amused by the fact that Justin held so much power at such a young age. With a bowed head, the Usher Raymond kid advanced down the hall and presumably out of the suite.
“Usher? What kind of fucked up name is that,” Justin commented, waiting for me to walk into his office before him.
“I know right,” I laughed, plopping down into his big leather swivel chair.
“So what can I do for you?” he asked, sitting on the cluttered surface of his dark cherry wood desk.
“Well I finished the work you gave me.”
“What?”
I picked up the box full of papers and sat it on his lap. “I believe I was supposed to file the tax returns for this case and then invest the dividends for your company after Liz or Julian okayed it.”
“Dawn, you didn’t really have to do that.”
“Of course I did.”
“I gave you this work because I was mad at you. You weren’t even supposed to be able to do it.”
“I’m sure you counted on that”“
“How in God’s name did you finish this? To be able to even calculate the annual income, you needed access to Lexus which you don’t get until you pass the bar.”
I turned from facing him to play with his computer while he looked at me in amazement. “Well it seems that I’m more than just a secretary, doesn’t it?”
He began flipping through pages of the stacks of work in utter disbelief. “DJ, what the fuck are you doing posing as a receptionist?”
“I’m not posing,” I chuckled. “I had aspirations to become a lawyer. But sometimes shit just doesn’t work out the way you plan.”
“What happened?”
“Life happened.”
He kicked his chair so that it turned to make me face him again. “Talk to me. Why aren’t you a lawyer?”
“It’s a long story. I just “ I dunno.”
“You went to Syracuse, right?”
“Yep.”
“Dawn, they have one of the best law schools in New York.”
“Justin, I can’t afford to go there. I can’t go to school and make money, and I really need a job.”
“What about scholarships?”
“What about no?”
“What about, this is obviously what you were meant to do? Why don’t you want to do it?”
“Justin, do me a favor and don’t push this, okay?”
“How about if we make a deal?”
“What is it?” I asked, rolling my eyes.
“I’m gonna make a few calls to see what I can do about getting you some scholarship money”“
“No, Justin, I really don’t have time for anything like that.”
“You can go part-time. Plenty of people do it, and these are people with families and shit. It’ll be a breeze for you.”
Yeah, a breeze. “Justin, I’m begging you not to push me into this.”
“No, we’re not arguing about this. What the fuck is the problem? You pay nothing, you get to law school. Mission accomplished.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It is,” he smiled. “Now get up and get out. I have another appointment in about five minutes.”
“I guess I have no choice.”
“Goddamn right you don’t have a choice. Tomorrow, I’m gonna see who I can talk to at SUNY about getting you some money, and then you can come over tomorrow night and we’ll do some mock interviews and shit “ get you prepared.”
“Prepared?”
“Yes, Dawn, you have to meet people when you’re asking them for handouts,” he laughed.
Slowly, I rose from the chair and made my way to the door, wanting to argue with him, but knowing that there was really no use in trying. “Justin, why are you doing this?”
“Because I can,” he said boastfully, not looking up from his computer.
“You just want some ass, don’t you?”
“Well yeah, but that’s not why I’m doing this.”
I suppose there are worse things in the world. “I’m going home.”
“I’ll call you when I get in.”
In a sing-song voice, I bid him good night and trudged downstairs to be on my way home.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Who would’ve thought of it?
That I might feel like this
Some kind of wonderful, there’s nothing quite comparable
Tomorrow somehow became today, and all of a sudden, I was trudging through the lobby of Justin’s apartment building once again, bearing food and a giddy grin that just won’t go away. I reached the third floor to find him waiting for me in front of his apartment door. I swear to God, the man looks better every damn time I see him. Yes, I just saw him at work, but he managed to get cuter in the past hour.
As I playfully pushed past him to walk into his place, I noticed the extra curl in his hair and his overbearing Polo scent, and I concluded that he’d just taken a shower. “You can wipe that grin off your face,” I told him, setting the pizza box on his kitchen counter and taking off my jacket. “This pizza is mine.”
“Go on somewhere,” he laughed, pushing me into the wall where the oven was located. “You know you’re not allowed in here unless you bring me food.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just pimp the shit outta me, man.”
“You and everyone else that works on 101 Wall Street.”
“No shit,” I replied, fiddling with the oven buttons. “Okay, help me out with this thing.”
“Damn, girl, you can’t even turn on an oven? I feel sorry for whoever has to marry you.”
“Just shut up and turn on the goddamn oven.”
As he heated up our pepperoni Sicilian, I made my way to the living room where he’d situated a number of ‘How To’ books on the coffee table. Along with them, there were several applications for financial aid and other non-academic scholarships. I scanned the papers while he hustled and bustled through the kitchen.
“You should look through those scholarship requirements and see what you’re eligible for,” he yelled back to me. “They have some interesting shit in there.”
The thing about it is it’s all so innocent
I wasn’t looking for it
Came knockin’ at my door
I picked up one of the sheets whose title caught my eye. “They have scholarships for women over five-foot-seven?” I commented in amusement, walking back to the kitchen.
“Apparently they have ‘em for damn near anything. They give them out if you have a scar on your left hand “ we just gotta find them.”
“Well shit, I could give myself a scar.”
“Exactly,” he smiled, passing me a paper plate. “Oh, I didn’t know how many slices you wanted, so I just heated the whole thing.”
“That’s such a You thing to do,” I chuckled, waiting for him to serve me.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I just find it funny that you’d rather do shit yourself than to ask a simple question.”
I’m tryin’ to do things right but I’m about to lose the fight
“Here’s a question “ why are you sitting there holding that plate out like my name is Geoffrey?”
Ha, he took it old school to the Fresh Prince. “Boy, you better gimme a slice of pizza.”
“Last time I checked, your legs weren’t broken.”
“What you doin’ checkin’ my legs?”
“Well as long as those bitches are, they’re kind of hard to miss,” he winked, finally handing me that coveted piece of the pie. “You’re lucky I’m in a good mood today.”
“Yeah, I’m surprised too. This has to be the first time you’ve been in a good mood since… ever.”
‘Cause spending time with you
Well it feels so good, and that’s the truth
“You just make me wanna be a better man, I guess.”
No, don’t say shit like that! “What movie is that from?”
“That is from a movie, isn’t it?”
We took our plates and root beer bottles to the living room and sat down on the hardwood floor. “That’s what I just said.”
“Well who cares. We have some work to do.”
“You know, I think I’m okay with my interviewing skills.”
“How can you be so sure?” he asked, devouring his first slice of pizza.
“Well talking to you everyday is like being on the damn witness stand.”
“Yeah, I guess. As long as you know to speak in whole sentences and tone down the swearing, you should be all right.”
“Shut up,” I smiled, kicking his sock-covered foot. “I’m not as dumb as I look.”
“You don’t look dumb. You are dumb.”
I was about two seconds from throwing my pizza crust at him when he smiled and made it all better. I swear “ it never fails. “I bet you wouldn’t get away with half the shit you say if you didn’t have that face.”
“Well I have it, so get over it.”
And everyday with you
I swear it brings me closer to my only reservation
It’s you, my sweet temptation, baby
“All right, so we’re skipping the interview bullshit, so stop talking and find me some scholarships.”
“I knew you really wanted this,” he said, shifting the scattered papers on the coffee table. “I don’t even know why you tried to argue with me.”
“I still don’t know where I’m gonna find the time to do this, Justin. I have to work.”
“You don’t have to work,” he quipped.
“Are you kidding me? How do you think I’m gonna live if I don’t work.”
“Hey, maybe some handsome, generous Bostonian is willing to help you out.”
My heart is calling
I’m falling for you
“Hey, maybe so. You know someone like that or somethin’?”
“You know, you’re not even close to funny.”
“Yeah, I’m just fuckin’ hilarious,” I cackled, almost spitting out my root beer.
“I guess you are,” he admitted.
“So are you really willing to help me out if I go to law school?”
“I’m sitting here, aren’t I?”
Who could imagine it?
I’d find my happiness in someone I barely know
When I like to take it slow
“When the hell did you become so cool?” I smiled.
“When I entered the world.”
“That must have been right before you woke up, huh?”
“Shut the fuck up and start filling out those applications.”
“Well there are like a hundred pages here. Which ones are we doing?”
“You make everything so difficult,” he stated, sliding the papers out of my reach to his side of the table. He positioned the first application in front of him and began to write. “What’s your middle name?” he suddenly asked.
“How about if I fill it out myself?”
“Stop being stupid. I’m not gonna laugh.”
“No, I think it’s really best if I do this myself.”
“I’m gonna find it out when you write it anyway. Just say it.”
But you’re so different, boy you’re breakin’ all my rules
“It’s Lydia. Now can I have the goddamn paper?”
“No, Lydia. I’m calling the shots here.”
I rolled my eyes and stared at him as he intently filled out my scholarship applications. “You’re an asshole, you know.”
“I’m aware. What’s your social?”
“Justin.”
“Dawn.”
“119. 38. 2093,” I answered sharply. “Please let me do this.”
“What is the big deal? Get off your power trip and let me finish.”
“You know, as much as I like you, I really hate you right now,” I laughed.
What is it in your smile that makes me feel the way that I do?
He grinned absently and continued down the sheet of paper. “You’ve never been married before have you?”
“What? Why would you say that?”
“Because I don’t wanna put the wrong thing under Marital Status.”
“Oh. Um, yeah whatever,” I answered, quickly rising from the floor. I wandered into the kitchen to clear my plate before escaping to the outside terrace that overlooked the city of New York. The chill of the night was beginning to make itself abundantly clear and I regretted not bringing a jacket with me, but I’d suddenly felt the need to get away from the wrath of all those damned questions. I sighed and took in the scenery of the city.
“You know,” I suddenly heard behind me, “if you’re gonna run away, you should at least be smart enough to bring proper attire.” He closed his balcony door and draped one of his shirts over my shoulders.
“Thanks.” I let my arms accept the shirt’s sleeves and eventually began to rub my arms in hopes of warming myself up. “It’s colder than I expected.”
“Well we don’t exactly live in California,” he chuckled. Totally unexpected, he enveloped my waist in his embrace and nuzzled his face into the crevice between my neck and shoulder.
I smiled to myself at his soft, endearing touch, just before a tear left my eye to slide down my cheek. We’ve never had a moment like this. There used to be a time when he wouldn’t even let my hand grace his shoulder. “I guess you’re right,” I finally replied.
I’m tryin’ to live my life, and I’m tryin’ to live it right
If I desire you, well it ain’t because I’m tryin’ to
“Dawn, what’s wrong with you?” he asked, pulling away from me.
“Nothing,” I lied. “I just “ I wish some moments could last forever.”
“You know what I do?”
“What?”
He turned to his right, repositioning me along with him and he stared into the sky towards the Empire State Building. “This sounds corny as fuck, and I don’t tell anyone shit like this, so brace yourself…”
“I’m braced.”
“Well, sometimes, I come out here and look to the Empire State Building and start making wishes. I don’t know why. I guess it just seems like something big enough to make my dreams come true.”
My God. Of all the things he could’ve said, I never would’ve expected that to come out. “That’s beautiful.”
“Well, whatever is bothering you right now “ and I hope you don’t think I’m stupid enough to believe that it’s nothing “ I just want you to believe that you can wish it away.”
“Justin”“
“Don’t argue, Dawn. Just do it.”
I’ve given it consideration
And it all adds up to you
I won’t deny this heart is calling for you, baby
I’ve given it a lot of thought
And it all adds up on you, my sweet temptation
God knows I’m falling for you
After another tear made its presence known, I closed my eyes and envisioned the red, white and blue of New York’s most famous building. I stood there, freezing my ass off, determined not to cry, and tried to wish away my problems. I imagined Justin’s curious, innocent face behind me, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I pondered the catastrophe that I was pulling myself into and perpetuating as the seconds passed. God. I’ve never wanted anything in my life more than I want this. I just “ I wish I weren’t married.
Lyrics: "My Heart Is Calling" - Whitney Houston (Preacher's Wife Soundtrack)
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