I think it’s safe to say that Adam and me are two of the dumbest motherfuckers on the face of the planet. We got lost trying to find the house. And so, as if that’s not bad enough, I’m the one that has the key to the house. Hopefully, no one’s there yet, but I know the likelihood of that is pretty much slim to none because me and Adam had been riding in circles for an hour looking for Prospective Avenue before we realized that we lived on Prospect Street.
"You think they’ll be pissed at us?" I asked him.
"Not me. You’ve got the key, dude."
The second I saw Adam, I knew we’d be like best friends. He reminds me of what I left back home – the guys that love the girls, love the parties and basically just love life. He’s like me… times two.
I shot him a bird and diverted my attention to the cab driver. "Hey, can this thing go any faster?"
He ignored me and started to drive in, what seemed like, slow motion. I sat back in my seat and sighed until I spotted the group of people that I just knew had to be our roommates. "Oh, shit."
Adam’s face was glued to the window they way we used to be, back in the day, when the car was approaching Six Flags and you could see all the rides just calling your name. "Dude, I see a blonde!" he commented. "And a redhead. And this hot-ass black chick. And—"
The cab stopped and I pushed him out of the car. "And get out, man. They’ve been waiting long enough, I’m sure."
The ‘hot-ass black chick,’ who was definitely hot, was the first to speak, before my feet could even touch the ground. "One of y’all better have the fuckin’ key!" she smiled.
"Dude," Adam yelled, "we got fuckin’ LOST!"
"How did you get lost?" the redhead asked.
This Spanish girl in a weird-ass outfit inserted her comment with a facial expression that told me it was gonna be sarcastic. "I don’t care what happened. Just tell me one of you has a key."
I bowed my head in shame and pulled my coat’s hood over my head. I was glad to see everyone smiling, but I’m pretty sure this is the wrong foot to start off on. "I have it," I mumbled.
The hot black chick didn’t even give me time to be nervous when she grabbed my arm by the elbow and pulled me towards the sidewalk where our new house sat. "I’m Alicia," she whispered to me, just before taking my hood off and yelling to everyone else, "Aight, everyone attack!"
All the girls in the house are hot – that’s a given. But then, I saw Alicia and decided that she has to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen…besides my girlfriend.
The group laughed, thankfully easing my discomfort and introduced themselves one-by-one. Adam and I explained our stupid selves and we finally prepared to enter the house. In the end, I actually think it’s kind of cool that we all get to see it together.
"Are y’all sure you don’t wanna stay out in the cold and make snow angels?" Adam joked.
Christina scoffed while the rest of us laughed and Alicia and Adam made sure to hurry me along. Alicia’s boots stomping on the concrete steps as she did a little dance, distracted me, making this whole process slower than it should have been.
"Hurry up!"
"Okay, okay," I smiled. "Y’all ready?"
"Yes!"
"Here goes nothin’."
The lock opened, doorknob turned and as our big white/glass door swung open, we were met with the biggest foyer I’ve ever seen in my life. The dark marble floor was adorned with a huge navy blue rug with the Presidential seal imprinted on it. The very first thing we were met with was an escalator. Yes, there’s an escalator in our fuckin’ house. It didn’t take long before all of us were screaming in excitement, oblivion, and disbelief.
The first thing I recall were Adam and Usher running blindly past me, into the obscurity of the house and the other four girls jumping around. I kind of just took it all in, little by little. I think it was supposed to be a modernized version of the actual White House – at least that’s what I got out of it. Alicia took me by one arm while Britney grabbed hold of the other and we explored every inch of our new digs.
Through the entrance hall, beyond our escalator, there was the living room to the right, which was titled the Diplomatic Reception Room. Next to that, our huge Oval Office sat, where the computer and phone were located. You turn a corner and our State Dining Room, better known as the kitchen, decked out in red, white and blue, was just waiting for us to fuck it up. Ever seen a red refrigerator before? Well we have one, damn it. When I say this house is pimp, I mean it’s pimp.
Our house is fuckin’ crazy, man. I just walked around touching everything to make sure it’s real. It’s. It’s insane!
Finally, we went upstairs, where Usher and Adam had already ripped and ran through everything. Our bedrooms, The Red Room, The Blue Room, and The Green Room were distributed along one big hallway, as well as The President’s Cabinet, serving as our guest room.
As if our shit wasn’t big enough, there was another layer to the house. Three floors? Three floors! We approached the third floor (no escalator – just regular steps) and Usher directed us to The Vermeil Room, soon to be renamed the game room because I can’t pronounce ‘Vermeil.’ Our bathrooms and the coveted hot tub, sticking with our red, white and blue theme, as well as insanely huge, were both in the East Wing. Then, there was the West Wing – one word: Confessional. Something tells me Christina will be spending a lot of time in there talking shit. Okay, that was mean. I’m sure we’ll all be up there talking shit.
I walked back downstairs to the second floor where our bedrooms were, and stood at the top of the escalator. I’m still in shock, man. How does a country boy from Tennessee get anything like this?
Lindsay ran past me to the balcony above the first floor to scream at everyone. "When do we pick rooms, you guys!"
The other five roommates found their way to, either the foyer to gaze up at us, or the landing of the second floor along with us.
"How about now?" Britney suggested.
"Yo!" Adam called up, "I’m staying with Justin."
I smiled in satisfaction and gave him a short, "Cool," before anyone else could refute it. "What room do you want?"
"I want The Blue Room," Christina inserted.
Lindsay spoke up next. "Me too!"
"We can take The Green Room," Adam shrugged.
I’m glad that Adam spoke up and claimed me as his roommate. I was scared I’d get stuck with Christina and be driven crazy for four months.
Usher and Alicia had already seemingly formed an alliance and resolved to sleep in The Red Room, leaving Britney with the third bed in The Blue Room.
"Well, that was easy," I commented. Too easy. Hopefully, no one’s gonna be switching rooms before the four months are over. "Everyone’s cool, right?" Everyone was decidedly cool and things were looking up. Then again, we’ve been together for all of maybe thirty minutes, so it’s hard to gauge something like that, I guess. But, I like everyone right now, so that’s a plus, right?
::::::::::
Adam and I had been in our bright green room, unpacking the bags that had arrived hours before, and basically talking about how fuckin’ awesome our house was. I was sprawled across my bed and its lime green comforter when Christina, bearing a pink one-piece swimsuit came knocking on our wall. I couldn’t help but chuckle at Adam ogling her bare, tanned skin.
"Hey guys," she said lightly, "we’re doing the hot tub deal, so get your suits and come on upstairs."
"Yes, ma’am," I replied, jokingly saluting her.
She looked at me tersely. "Is that supposed to be a joke? Are you trying to imply that I’m controlling or demanding?"
Uh… "No, I was just kiddin’, baby."
She peered at Adam, who was laughing, and then back at me. "I’m not your baby. Like I said, we’re upstairs."
"Oh, hell, I’m ready for the confessional already," I laughed to Adam.
"Don’t even sweat that shit. It’s hot tub time!"
Again, it occurred to me that Adam was right. We changed and arrived to a hot tub full of three beautiful women, Usher, and another beautiful woman approaching.
Alicia has possibly the most perfect body I’ve ever seen. She. is. hot.
Alicia, in front of one of the cameramen, reached the hot tub behind me while everyone else seemed to be watching either me, or her, in awe. Whatever the reason was, we ignored it and sat down amidst the group before the questioning began.
"Okay, so why don’t we just go in a circle," Britney announced. "Tell us your little story. And don’t hold anything back!"
All of a sudden, six pairs of eyes were turned in my direction and I did what I do best – talk. "Uh, where to start? I’m from Tennessee, as I told y’all – this little town right outside Memphis and um, living with my girlfriend."
"Boo! No girlfriends!" Adam shouted. After the sound of his loud voice, the other roommates, in amusement, began splashing me with warm water.
Lindsay laughed at him and then came back to me. "So what’s your girlfriend’s name?"
"Melissa. We all call her Missy, though."
"Aww, are y’all like, in love?"
"Definitely," I smiled. "We’ve been together since high school."
Missy and me have been together for…about five years now and we decided that what doesn’t kill us will only make us stronger, so while I’m gone, she’s waiting for me. And when I get back, we’re confident that things will remain in tact and I’ll be able to come home with 7 kick ass friends and a new and improved relationship with my beautiful girlfriend.
Alicia rolled her eyes, playfully – I think. "And so, you’re not scared that you’ll come here and something will break you up?"
"Not at all. Our relationship is amazing and I think we’ll be able to withstand just about anything. Hell, we’ll probably get married, or at least be engaged when I come back home."
"I don’t mean to be rude," Christina began, "but don’t you think it’s unfair to plan her future for her? I mean, what if she wants a career and a life outside of marriage with kids. You have to allow a woman to make her own decisions in life."
What? "I didn’t say she couldn’t have a life outside of marriage. That’s just a tentative plan for the future. She can do whatever she wants."
"Yes, you say that, but you’re sitting here plotting out her destiny. Men always do it. They think they hold the upper hand and can do whatever the hell they want with their girlfriends and wives. It’s not fair to Melissa that you take her for granted that way."
Christina is… a bitch. She’s too opinionated and basically, I just don’t like her.
I rolled my eyes at Christina’s blanket accusations and changed the subject. "So, who’s next?"
"I’ll go," Adam volunteered. "My story is that I just got out of a seven-year relationship and I just wanna have fun, dude. I had to get out of Kansas, I had to get away from the same shit and so here I am."
"Seven years?" Britney asked.
"Yup."
"Seven years?"
"It just got boring, man. The only option left was to get married or break up and I wasn’t in the marriage kind of mood. I can’t be tied down like that."
"I know that’s right," Usher interjected. "I just gotta be free, girl" he added, snapping his fingers in a circle.
Usher is gay. Very gay. He dresses like people in Hollywood and calls everyone Girl. And so, I’ve never even met a gay person before, much less lived with one, so I think that this is gonna be something totally weird for me. But so far, he seems like a cool guy – even if he does sound like he’s on helium.
"I think I missed where you were from," Adam replied.
"Vegas, baby! I was a bartender there before I left, but when I go back out west, I’m gonna be a dancer, girl."
Alicia and I looked on in enjoyment while Britney continued to question him. "So are you going to do a Vegas nights showgirl kind of thing? Or…?"
"Oh, no, honey. I’m moving to LA to be a dancer with Beyoncè!"
"That’s awesome," Lindsay beamed.
"Wait a minute. What’s Beyoncè?" I asked.
Usher looked at me in shock, like I’d just told him he was straight or something. "Oh, please tell me you’re kidding."
"What? What’d I say?"
"Beyoncè is only the most perfect person in the whole entire world. She’s like, a God!"
"Yeah, man, she’s dating Jay-Z," Adam inserted, as if that was supposed to help me.
"Who?"
"Oh, Lord," Alicia laughed. "We’ll have to teach you about hip-hop before you leave."
So, from what I gather, Beyoncè is some kind of person. And Jay-Z is, too, I guess. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard of him, but not her. Lucky me, Usher is gonna tell me ALL about Beyoncè, or Bey, as he calls her, one of these days.
Usher nodded in content agreement. "Okay, enough bullshit. We know the status of the Abercrombie models over here. Which of you girls is attached?"
Britney, Christina and Lindsay indicated that they were very single, while Alicia had another story to tell. "Aight, well I’ve been with my boyfriend, Jeff, for about 2 years now, but I’m like Adam. It’s getting boring."
"Uh-oh," Britney smiled. "Boyfriend drama!"
"No, nothin’ like that. I just – I need to really explore my options and see if there’s anything else out there before I come back to him and say, you know, ‘This is what I want.’" In other words, he has the title of ‘The Boyfriend,’ but that’s about it.
Usher gave her the thumbs up and stared back at me. "So it seems that everyone’s essentially single except Justin, huh?"
"I guess so," I shrugged. "So girls, if you’re drunk and horny, stay out of my room," I laughed.
"Hey, I ain’t makin’ any promises," Alicia chuckled.
"No, don’t stay out of our room! Just stay on my side of it since Justin is the boring one," Adam joked. "Which reminds me – how many of y’all are down for hookups?"
Alicia was the first to affirm her willingness to hook up with a roommate. "Hell, I would like to request a hookup at least twice a month, okay!" We laughed in unison. You can’t help but laugh at her. She’s funny as hell, man.
"Girl, you ain’t said nothin’ but a word," Usher agreed, laughing enthusiastically.
Adam, Lindsay, and Britney also concurred that hooking up in the house was definitely a possibility, while Christina was dead set against it. It’d be funny if she became the one person in the house that was fucking everyone.
I can already see that this house is gonna be full of sex, sex, sex. Everyone is ready to hook up with someone. Adam is just out of a long-term thing and that always means rebound sex. The girls are hot. Sounds like a recipe for trouble…
On the next Real World :: Justin and Alicia get closer. : The girls in the house have a day out that just might end in disaster if Christina doesn’t learn to shut her mouth. ::
Author's Chapter Notes:
From Justin's point of view.
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