Chapter Eighteen 

July 2016

Emma was sitting as close to Justin as possible on the couch in her doctor’s office.  They were waiting for the results of the biopsy she had had a few days before.  He had his left arm around her shoulder and was holding her right hand in his, rubbing his thumb across her palm.

“Afternoon,” Emma’s doctor, Dr. Wakefield, walked into her office, carrying the file that held the results.  She sat down in a chair across from the two and opened the file.  “How are you two doing?”

“As good as can be expected,” Emma answered covering Justin’s hand with her left one.  She gave it a squeeze.  Emma didn’t want her to skirt around the issue, but just wanted to know what the results were.

“The cells we pulled out during the biopsy were cancerous.”  Those were not the words they wanted to hear.  “However,” Dr. Wakefield continued, “it’s in a very early stage.  The best course of action and most affective thing to do at this point is to do a lumpectomy in which I’ll remove the cancerous cells and some of the surrounding tissue.”

Dr. Wakefield explained more about the procedure and what they could expect about follow-up treatment, which included six weeks of radiation therapy.  Emma tried her best to ask as many questions as she could, and Justin threw in some of his own.

The plan was to do whatever it would take to get her better.  The car ride home was quiet, both of them lost in their thoughts.

“Come here.”  When they got home, Justin pulled her to him and held her.  They stood outside their front door, arms wrapped around each other, just wanting a moment to themselves before heading in to numerous questions from her parents and the two little boys who would want their attention.

“It could be worse,” Emma said quietly.

“Could it?”  She could hear the pout in his voice.

“You heard what she said.”  She tilted her head to look up at him.  “It’s going to work out.”

“I love you.”  Justin held her tighter and brushed his lips against her forehead.  All the bad things that could happen to her were running through his mind.

“I love you too,” Emma sighed.  She knew she would be okay; they were going to get it taken care of and everything would be back to normal.  “You have to be positive about this, okay?  I can’t do this alone.”

“I’ll be right next to you,” he promised.  Justin sealed that deal with a kiss.  They were wrapped up in each other for a few minutes before Emma sighed and pulled away.

“I need to go in and hug my boys,” Emma stated.  She really did need to see them.

“What I’m not good enough for you?”  Justin grinned.  He was going to do his best to put on his happy face for her as much as he didn’t want to.

“No … you know I need more than just your hugs now.”  Emma teased back and grabbed his hand as she reached for the front door.  She pushed it open and the two headed down the stairs to where her parents and their sons were.

“So, how’d it go?”  Emma’s Mom was the first to speak up.  Emma looked up from the picture Noah had drawn for her and at her Mom.

“Its cancer,” Emma stated not bothering to hesitate.

“Oh, Emma Leigh,” Karen stood from the couch, holding Will.  She wrapped her free arm around Emma.  Emma wrapped her arms around her Mom and son.  “How bad is it?”

“We caught it in the early stage,” Emma sighed.  She felt her father rub her shoulder comfortingly.  “So I have to have a lumpectomy next Friday and then six weeks of radiation therapy.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Karen said sympathetically.  “We’ll be here for you, whatever you guys need.”

“Thanks.” 

“Mama, Mama …” Noah sounded concerned.  “What’s wrong with Mama?”  He turned to Justin as he asked this.

“NJ,” Justin said as he picked up the three-and-a-half year old.  “Mama has to have surgery next week, but it’ll help to make her feel all better.”

“She is sick?” Noah asked, wrinkling his brow.

“Yeah,” Justin answered.  Noah looked upset.  “You know what will make her feel better?”

“What?” He perked up.

“If you give her a big hug,” Justin replied smiling at Emma.  Noah smiled too and leaned toward Emma so he could give her a hug.  Emma happily took him into her arms as he wrapped his arms around her neck.

“Thank you so much NJ.”  Emma squeezed him back.  “That helps a lot.”  She kissed his head, relishing having him in her arms.  “You are almost too heavy for Mama to hold Noah.”  

“No.”  He giggled and shook his head. 

Emma laughed – all she really needed were her two boys and Justin.  Everything was going to be all right, and she was going to see to that because she had to be around for the three of them.

*  *  *

Justin had just brought Emma home from the hospital after her surgery, and he was helping her settle into bed.  The surgery had gone well, and the doctor hadn’t found anymore cancer cells when she had removed the tumor.  Both of them were happy with that news.

“The boys?”  Emma asked sleepily as he helped her to sit on their bed.

“They’re downstairs with your Mom,” Justin answered. 

“Okay,” she nodded.  Emma was still feeling the effects of the anesthesia from her surgery and would be for the rest of the day.  Justin pulled back the covers and helped her lie down.

“I’m going to get you some water and crackers so you can take your pain medication,” he said.  “Can you stay awake that long?” 

“Just wake me up,” she smiled and settled on her side that had not been operated on.

“I will.”  Justin sighed.  “I love you Emmy.”  He pushed her hair out of her face and leaned over to kiss her forehead.

“I love you too.”

“I’ll be right back.”  He stood up straight.

“I’ll be right here,” Emma replied as she closed her eyes.  She was asleep before Justin even left the room. 

“Daddy where’s Mama?”  Noah asked when he saw Justin descending on the stairs.  The little boy hadn’t seen her since the previous night because they had left before he and Will were up for the day.

“She’s upstairs sleeping NJ,” Justin answered as he made his way toward the kitchen.

“I can go see her.”  Noah ran over to the steps and started to make his way up.  

“Not right now.”  Justin went back over to the stairs and grabbed Noah by the waist pulling him off of the stairs.

“Daddy!”  He yelled and tried to wiggle his way out from his Dad’s grasp.

“NJ come and color with Grandma,” Karen took Noah from Justin’s arms.  NJ reluctantly wrapped his arms around her neck.  “Do you want to color a picture for Mama?”

“No.”  The little boy pouted and buried his head in her neck.  “I want to see Mama.”

“I know.”  She rubbed his back.

Justin gave his mother-in-law an apologetic smile, and then turned to get a glass of water and crackers so Emma could take her medication.  He headed back up to their room and sat down on the bed next to her setting the glass down as well.

“Emmy …” Justin rubbed his hand up and down her arm.  She shifted and rolled over a little.  Her eyes opened.  “Hey,” he smiled, “I got your water and crackers.  Do you want help sitting up?”  Emma shook her head “no” and sat up slowly. 

He tore open the package of crackers and handed her a couple. 

“What are the boys doing?”  She nibbled on one of the crackers.

“Your Mom’s playing with them.  Noah wants to come up.”  Justin reached for the bottle of pills sitting on her nightstand and opened it up.  He handed her one of the tablets and then the water.

“They can come up,” she said after taking the pill.

“You need to rest Em.”

“I know … I just want to see them though.”  Emma sighed. 

“Just rest for a while and then I’ll bring them up,” he compromised.  Emma nodded.  He rubbed her knee.  “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” she answered.  “I am glad the whole thing went well … so we just have six weeks of radiation and then I’ll be done with it.”

“Hopefully forever,” Justin smiled softly.

Emma nodded in agreement.  She ate a couple more crackers and lay down again.

“Can you lay with me for a while?”

“Sure.”  He made his way to the other side of the bed and moved carefully as he got closer to her.

“Just you know … watch the hand.”  Emma teased as Justin settled behind her.  He put his arm around her and nuzzled his nose in her neck.  “Thanks.”

“Always …” Justin sighed into her hair. 

“I like it when you hold me.”

“I like it too.”  She could feel his smile.

“You know what I miss?”

“What’s that?”

“Concerts.”

Justin chuckled.  “It hasn’t been that long.”

“Yeah it has.”  Emma sighed and closed her eyes.  She fell asleep.

*  *  *

“What game did you pick out?” Justin asked Noah as the little boy walked back into his and Emma’s bedroom.  He was carrying a board game.

The family had taken up playing board games on days when Emma had her radiation therapy, because it was something they could do even as Emma was resting.

“This.”  Noah held up Chutes and Ladders.

“Good choice,” Emma said.  She shifted so she was sitting up against the headboard. 

Justin took the board game from Noah’s hands, and the little boy pulled himself up onto their bed.  He crawled over to Emma and settled against her side.

“Mama, you gonna play too?” Noah asked.

“Of course.”  She yawned and rubbed his back.  Will’s cries could be heard over the baby monitor.  “Help Daddy set it up, I’m going to go get Will.”  Emma pushed herself off of the bed and walked out of the room.

Justin pulled the lid off of the box, and he and Noah set the game up.  Emma came back in, carrying Will and sat down on the bed.

“Will no play,” Noah said.

“NJ …” Justin sighed sitting on the bed, folding his legs underneath him.  His eyes met Emma’s, and she smirked.  Noah had not been getting enough attention, with her having treatments, and Will not even being a year old.

“You can go first Noah,” Emma said picking up her cardboard game piece and sticking it in its little stand.  Noah picked up the spinner and flicked his finger to get the arrow to spin.  “What’s it say?”

“Four!” Noah said he grabbed his game piece.  “1 … 2 … 3 … 4.”  He set the piece down and handed the spinner to Justin.  “Go Daddy.”

Justin took his turn and ended up landed on a “slide” that took him down two rows.  When he handed the spinner to Emma, Will reached for it and tried to put it in his mouth. 

“No, no Will.”  Emma pulled it from him.  “You can have this.”  She handed him a stuffed animal that was sitting on her nightstand, and then spun the arrow.

They played a few rounds of Chutes and Ladders, before Justin headed downstairs to make dinner.  Noah and Emma put the game away, and then she rested back against the headboard, with Will sitting on her knees.  She was clapping his hands together, and he was getting a kick out of it.

“Mama?”  Noah crawled over to her and stuck his head under her arm so he could rest against her.

“Yes baby?” Emma asked letting go of Will’s hand so she could put her hand on his tummy.  NJ’s head was on her lap, looking up at her.

“Are you better yet?” 

“I’m almost better,” she answered.  Will leaned forward, and she helped him stand up, leaning against her.

“I happy.”  Noah smiled and rolled over.  He pushed himself up onto his knees and wrapped his arm around her neck, watching out for Will.

“I’m happy too,” Emma kissed his cheek and wrapped her arm around him.  “Because I have you and Daddy and Will.”  The latter squealed when she said his name, and she kissed his head.  “All my boys.”  Emma tickled Noah’s side and he giggled.

“I go by Daddy,” Noah stated and wiggled his way out of Emma’s embrace. 

“Okay.”  Emma nodded.  “Put your game away first.”  Noah slid off of the bed, and Emma handed him the board game.  “Thank you NJ.  Can you come and get me and Will when dinner is ready?”

“Yeah,” he smiled gripping the box in his hands.  Noah turned and walked out of the room. 

Emma shimmied down so she was laying flat on the bed with Will sitting on her stomach.  The little boy was chewing on the ear of the stuffed dog he had in his hand.

“Is that yummy?” She asked making a face.  Will dropped the puppy and made a babbling noise, before leaning over and crawling up her body.  He put his hand in her mouth.  Emma pulled his fingers out of her mouth and kissed the palm of his hand. 

“Silly-Willy …” Emma continued to make noises that always got a reaction out of him.  Will giggled and “talked” back to her for a while before snuggling against her again.  She wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes, resting her chin against the top of his head.  “My little one …” she sighed.

“Mama! Mama its dinnertime!”  NJ said loudly.  He startled Emma out of her sleep.

“Thanks NJ,” Emma sighed.  She wiped the sleep out of her eyes and checked on Will, who was still lying on her stomach with his eyes wide open.  Emma sat up, holding onto Will so he wouldn’t fall backwards.  “What’d Daddy make for dinner?”

She was still for a moment to catch her bearings and then she stood up.

“Spaghetti,” he answered and reached for her free hand.

“Yummy.”  Emma adjusted Will so he was on her side and let Noah lead her downstairs.

*  *  *

August 2016

“What’re you doing out here?”  Emma asked Justin.  She stepped out onto the balcony overlooking the lake.  It was dark out, and Justin was leaning against the railing staring off into the distance.

“Just thinking,” Justin answered.  She moved to stand next to him, and he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to his side.  Emma leaned against him.

“What about?”  She looked up at him.

“Tomorrow.”

Emma had finished her radiation treatments the previous week, but she had to go back for her final test results to make sure the cancer was gone.

“You know it’s going to be all right.”  Emma put her hand on his back and rubbed it.

“What if it’s not though?”  Justin sounded scared.  He looked down at her.  “I’m trying my hardest to be positive and hopeful, but I still can’t help but think about all the ‘what ifs’.” 

Emma placed her other arm around him and squeezed between him and the railing, so that she could give him a real hug.  Both of his arms wrapped around her. 

“Remember what I read you the other day?”  She asked him. 

“Yeah …” he sighed.

“Therefore do not worry, saying ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’  For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.  But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

“So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own.  Today’s trouble is enough for today.”  She had it memorized.

“Emmy,” Justin grinned.  “It always amazes me that you remember each word exactly how it was.”  She could feel him laugh quietly while she rested her head on his chest.  Emma gave him another squeeze.

“It’s what I do,” Emma stated. 

“I know.”  He kissed the top of her head, “and I’m glad that you do.”

They were quiet for a moment before Emma spoke up, “Just remember we’ve got the best kids in the world, we’ve got each other, and most importantly we’ve got God.  That’s all we need.”

She lifted her head so she could look at him.  Justin nodded before crushing his lips against hers.  They had to keep their faith strong.