Virginia Beach, VA

Sometimes she hated being a whiny little girl.  That’s how she felt.  She had been doing ok.  Ever since she had been invited to come to Virginia, she’d been pumped, ready to get away, ready to drink her ass off, meet new people, meet new guys, see old friends.  But the moment she sat down in the plane and buckled her seat belt, she thought about Charlie, thought about how three weeks earlier he had hopped on a plane to Spain, probably had sat beside his cute little ex-girlfriend, probably said silly things in broken, pathetic Spanish to each other.  She looked over and all she saw was a tired looking Timberlake, trying desperately to shift his lanky frame comfortably in his cramped seat.

Luckily the flight wasn’t longer than a couple hours.  James fell asleep and she just stared out the window.  She was happy she was going to see Justin, she hadn’t seen him in a long time, but she wished she were seeing Charlie.  She tried to be mad at him, tried to focus all her emotions from their break up into anger so it would be easier.  But it wasn’t easier.  Instead she felt pitiful for being angry with him.  She was the one who got upset when she heard his girlfriend was going to be there.  She was the one who didn’t trust him being away from her for two months. 

But then she got sad realizing he had been the one to suggest they take a break for the summer.  And he had been the one that when she was so upset about not getting her internship had thrown Spain in her face.

She tried to concentrate on Justin, on seeing him and how much fun they would have.  She even said a silent thank you on the plane, in the midst of thinking about Charlie, that her and Justin were over all their drama, that she had moved on from him.  If not, she knew damn well she would be thinking about Justin.  She’d still have her crush and she’d still want him in that way she wanted him two years before when they were in Hawaii.   Maybe that’s what Charlie was, she thought, a way to get over Justin and to grow up.  But she knew that was a lie and that that wasn’t fair to what she had shared with Charlie.

He was much more than just a way to get over her childhood crush.  They were in love, and her heart was broken.  Sure, there was a connection between her and Justin.  Sure sometimes it was weird because they had had sex, but that was all over now.

It was all over and she was just happy that now she could go spent time with him and her cousin and James and not worry about anything else. 

When Trace met them at the airport she almost cried seeing him there, talking on his cell phone, waiting for them.  But she didn’t.  She kept her emotions in check, knowing it would freak him out.  She was just so overwhelmed and so happy to finally be away from Tennessee and away from all the drama that seemed to be caving in on her life. 

Immediately, being around him, joking around with him, having him video tape her in this really dorky way, fighting with him as he tried to do it while driving, all that silliness put her mind and soul at ease. 

The heaviness that had been hanging in her chest for the past month vanished, and she felt light and free again.

The place Trace was taking them looked very unassuming.  It was just a house.  The driveway wasn’t even paved, just gravel with cars parked haphazardly.  Trace had picked them up at the airport and was now filming their every move as he walked between James and her, swiveling around to film Katie’s front and then to film James’ back. 

“So when did you decide to make movies buzz?”  She smiled at him behind her sunglasses, listening to her sneakers crunch on the gravel.

He swung around, holding the camera a good foot in front of his face.  “When I got this camera.”

She smirked and drawled out, “Smart.”  He laughed and flipped her off. 

“Hey come on,” he said, closing the camera and dropping his hand to let it hang by his side.  He slid in front of James and pulled open a screen door on the side of the house.  “I’ll introduce you to everyone.  Justin might be recording so we might have to wait a minute or two.”

When the door shut behind her they were engulfed into a room that was half kitchen, half lounge, with a sink, fridge and stove, and a couch where the table should have been.  There were a couple people standing up in the kitchen, one drinking a soda, the other a beer and there was a curvy girl, laughing at everything everyone said and washing a plate at the sink.  They all waved hello and Trace introduced them as James shook their hands.  Katie just waved shyly.  She wasn’t necessarily a quiet girl, but around these new people, completely out of her element she figured she’d take a back seat, watch and listen before she started immediately trying to make friends.

There was a pretty girl, dark skin and slender, sitting back on the couch with her legs crossed, fist against her cheek, elbow on the couch and a pout on her face. 

She looked bored with the world.

“What wrong Theresa?” Trace asked.

She turned to him, glared and hissed a, “Fuck off.”

Trace just waved them to follow him down a long hallway and Katie heard him grumble over James’ shoulder, “She’s just pissed ‘cause Justin kicked her out of the house this morning.”

“Is he dating her?”  James asked.

“Hell no!” They all stopped and Katie watched Trace smirk.  He was by a door and his hand was on the knob.  “But she was this past weekend’s thing, and now,” he opened the door wide.  “She’s not.”

The room was lit, but dark in places.  This was the studio and it was huge.  Two recording booths were nestled behind a massive soundboard where a couple of guys were sitting, both of them wore trucker hats tipped barely on the top of their heads.  There were no other girls here, only guys.  She noticed a couple of Justin’s bodyguards resting on a couch tucked in the corner of the room, and she waved at them and they waved and nodded back when they recognized her.  There were other chairs and another smaller couch on her side of the room.  Justin was recording and everyone was silent.  The room was loud and vibrating with the music that was playing.  Everyone seemed to be into it, bobbing their heads and swaying as Justin sang a verse to a song.  She sat down cautiously on the edge of the couch sitting behind where Trace and James were standing.  She was hidden, blocked, and felt a slight protectiveness sitting behind them. But the space between them allowed a window to see Justin.

He looked really good.  She hadn’t seen him since February or so when her and Charlie went to their Memphis show. He was tanned and he had let his hair grow out a bit.  He sang with his eyes closed, passionately hitting a high note and she smiled.  He sounded good, too.  It was good to see him, to watch him, to just sit there and listen to him sing.  It hit her immediately, something she hadn’t really realized even when she had talked to him on the phone a couple times: she missed him.  She missed him a lot.

She hoped that the next 10 days he wouldn’t be too busy to goof off with her.  And part of her hoped they could talk.  She needed to talk to someone about Charlie, about what she was going through.  He had been through it.  And he looked good, seemed like he was having a great time. 

Suddenly his eyes opened, he stopped singing and said “HEY!” loudly.  The music cut off, and everyone turned and stared at them.  Katie was glad she was hiding out.  She watched Justin slip off his headphones and come out of the small room.

“The infamous twin!” One of the guys at the booth turned around, but remained slouched in his chair.  He stuck out a hand to shake with James.  “How you doin’ man…”

“And this is my buzz Katie,” Trace said, stepping aside.  Katie just waved and looked up as Justin and James were hugging each other and smiling.

“Buzz?” the guy looking at them asked.  He looked familiar and had a voice she had heard before.

“Cousin…” Trace said.

“And buddy put together.”  Katie smirked, realizing that the guy talking to her was one of the guys from that N.E.R.D CD James had in his car.

“Now you’re making me sound lame, Katie,” Trace said, walking past her but not before ruffling her hair.

“You’re the one that made the name up,” she yelled at him as he went over to talk with James and the other guy by the panel. She quickly fixed her hair.

“When I was fucking eight years old,” he yelled back and then stuck out his tongue.

She smiled at him but then her view was blocked and she was staring up at Justin who was just looking down at her.  Closer, she could tell his eyes looked tired and red.

“Hey…” His voice was scratchy too, a stark contrast to the clear singing she had just heard.

“You alright?” she asked.

“Yeah, flight ok?”

She shrugged and tried to brush off the fact that it felt awkward.  Why was it awkward? “Pretty good.”

Awkward was something that hadn’t been apart of their relationship for a long time.  They had moved on, moved way on from when they were stupid teenagers. 

“Damn,” she jumped a little and stopped staring at him when another guy came into view.  It was the same guy she recognized earlier.   “Why didn’t you bring more girls with you!  You told us the thing was hot, but if all the girls from Memphis are like this—shit yall, go back and get some more!”  The guy laughed and patted Justin on the back.

“Hey,” Justin said, and everyone in the room seemed to listen to him.  “Let’s break and start back in an hour or so, alright?”  Everyone nodded and before she could do anything, he had left the room quietly.

She looked around and James was now leaning over a chair, listening to some other dude talk about buttons on the panel.  Trace was on his phone and she was just left there. 

And that guy was still staring at her.  He had his arms crossed and when she glanced at him he was staring right at her. “Go…” he said, only widening his eyes.

“What?”

“Follow,” he nodded to the door where Justin had exited. “He’s been waiting for you all damn day!”

Her eyes widen in shock at the words.  He had been waiting for her?  Of course he had, they were friends, she was coming with his brother, you always get excited and wait for visits from friends and family.  But something about the way this man was telling her to follow him, there was just something else there and she started to really wonder what Justin had said about her.

Apparently he had called her “hot.”  She rolled her eyes.  He was really a loser sometimes.

Knowing him, he was probably showing off to his friends, bragging about how all his female friends are hotter than fire. 

But the longer she stared at this man the more uncomfortable she felt and soon she was pushing herself off the couch and meekly leaving out the door she came in, back down the hallway.  No one was there any more.  When they arrived the place was littered with people, now, oddly enough, it was like everyone vanished.

She found him in the kitchen, opening and shutting cabinets, cursing under his breath and mumbling about cereal.  She stood there in the doorway and stared at his back as he said, "Shit...where’s the fucking shit?"

She smiled when he slammed a cabinet and put his hands on his hips, "Dammit where the fuck…”

"Justin," she said softly.

He turned with a loud, “Huh?" and stared back at her with an opened mouth and hazy eyes.   She bit her lip to keep from laughing and pointing to the counter near where he was standing.  A box of Frosted Cheerios was sitting next to a box of Cheez-its and an opened bag of chips. 

“Oh...” He paused when his eyes locked onto the box as if his brain was taking a while to compute what to do now that he found his cereal.  Finally he reached out, grabbed the box and said, “thanks" before stuffing his hand down the box and pulling out small handfuls of cereal.

She just stared at him as he crunched continuously on the cereal, staring off into space and bobbing his head as he crunched.

"So, do I get a hug or a hand shake or a hello?"

 "All three if you want," he said simply, crunching and crunching rhythmically.  Then he stopped, swallowed, sat the box on the counter and smiled at her.  "Come ‘ere girl."

She smiled back at him and pushed herself off from where she as leaning against the doorframe.  She walked straight into his opened arms.  Warmth, always so much warmth when they hugged.  It was like coming home.  It was strange to her, being away from Memphis was her prime reason for coming here, but now with Justin by her side she felt like she was back there.  It was different, it was weird, but she liked it.  She wasn’t running away from it.  He hugged her tight and made silly little “mmm” noises like he was on a Campbell’s Soup commercial. 

She just smiled as he rocked with her a little.

"I'm glad you came.”  He pulled back, looking down at her with a million smiles.  “We're gonna have a blast."

The one thing that didn’t seem home-like to her, was the smell coming from his t-shirt.  She knew he smoked sometimes, but she had never smelled it on him and never been around him while he was high.  Clearly, he was.  "You smell like weed." she crinkled her nose up at him.

He leaned in and whispered,  "Shh, don’t tell." And then laughed loudly, she could feel it vibrating from his chest.   “You ain’t gonna smoke with me neither, huh?”

“Nope.”

He pouted. “You’ll be drinkin’ though, right?”

She narrowed her eyes and said, “Depends.”

“Don’t worry.”  He read her like a book and rolled his eyes at her, still holding her in his arms when he said,  “I have more than beer and whisky.  I even got you some pineapple juice when we went to the store the other day.  I will admit, that shit’s good with rum.  Fuck, I was chugging it the other day.”

She closed her eyes with a slow blink, feeling lazy all of a sudden. “We’ll have a good time.”

“Shit Katie,” he said, biting his lip as he brought his head down and pressed his cheek into the top of her hair.  “I haven’t seen you in forever.  I’m so fucking glad you’re here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he paused and she wondered what he was going to say next.  He didn’t pull away, but said softly, “I heard about Charlie.”

She smiled only for a moment before squeezing him, “I heard about Britney.”

“Whatever. That was months ago.”  Then, he pulled away, every part of him, and she felt cold just standing there in front of him as he crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged.  He looked away at the floor and stared off into space for a moment before snapping his eyes back at her,   “James ain’t being weird, right?”

“About what?” she asked cautiously.  It dawned on her that he was talking about them. “About….”

“Yeah,” he widened his eyes and then rolled them. “Both us single.  You know how he gets.”

“Actually no,” she said thinking hard about James and his strange mood the past day.  When he and his mom came to pick her up that morning, he seemed really relaxed and refreshed.  Not her normal closed-off, grumpy James.  After Lynn kissed them both and told them to have a good time, he turned to her, stuck his tongue out and said something goofy about “party time.”  She hadn’t questioned it, knowing if she did he was likely to get in his grumpy mood quickly.  They sat in the airport terminal and he talked to her animatedly about all the people Justin had told him they would meet.  She just listened and flipped through her magazine.  It was strange, and she wondered what had happened.  And then in the car ride to the studio, he called some girl on the phone.  Katie could tell by the way he laughed and talked low that it was a girl. 

“He’s been pretty cool.  I think he’s got a girlfriend.”  Justin’s eyes widened again and Katie laughed and shrugged.  She knew she was wrong, he hadn’t sad anything yet, but he had been a little more at ease than her normal James. “I don’t know, he’s just been weirdly happy and called this girl when we landed.   I didn’t want to pry cause you know how he is…”

“I gota cha.” He nodded, and then sighed.  The smile he gave her was one she cherished.  It was that happy, boyish smile that she felt was only for her.  It was a smile with laughter in the corners in his eyes and mischief hidden by the way one side of his mouth pulled higher than the other.   “Well damn, this is gonna be a fun week then.”

She just smiled back at him, seeing that the Justin she used to know seemed to appear right in front of her.  The Justin from when they were kids was there.  The Justin she had gotten to know over the past few years was pretty much gone, but she could tell something was off with him, because that laughter in his eyes wasn’t as intense as it used to be, and the smile he gave her now, though very genuine, was hiding something behind it. 

She wondered if he could read the heartache on her face, behind her smile, as much as she could read his.  She didn’t want to ask about Britney, because she didn’t want him asking about Charlie.  If he wanted to talk, he knew she was there and she knew if she needed to talk to him she could and she knew he would listen.

“Alright come on, we gotta do a tour and shit,” he said, breaking her thoughts and grabbing her hand, holding it tight.  He tugged her behind him and through the hallway that she had walked down several times now.  He turned and smirked at her over his shoulder,  “Please no flash photography, and no touching of the valuable artifacts.  All questions may be asked at the end of the tour.” 

She laughed and he smiled, and even though that heartache was there, happiness was there, too and something in her felt fluttery and heavy, knowing that that happiness he had was because she was there.